Inlaw vent

What would you think if your in-laws sent a box of dirty, used toys for Chanukah gifts? No I am not kidding... These toys are flithy and disgusting. I have no problem getting hand me downs. But if you give hand me downs you don't give them as gifts, right? And you clean them before giving them right?!?!?!? I'm just appalled... The plush toys have stains and crusty spots all over them and the plastic toys are covered in I don't know what. My girls are preemies and I have no idea where these toys came from and I'm trying desparately not to get them sick. They just don't get the whole preemie thing. They even tried wrapping some of this stuff up with plastic and ribbon to make it look new. They did send 2 $100 gift cards and they should have just stopped at that. I want to tell them how upset I am about this. What would you do?

 

I think I'd be upset about that too. I always try to make sure that if I give things away, they're clean and in very good condition (no holes, stains or tears). We've been in the position where we couldn't really afford a lot of new stuff and I always think of how I would have felt if people had given us things in bad condition.

My granddad has a really bad habit of giving us stuff that he's picked up off the side of the road. I think that's because he lived through the Great Depression and WWII. That probably has quite a bit to do with it. I know his feelings would be really hurt if I ever voiced how I really felt, so I just smile, say thank you and either throw it out or find another use (ie: old toys going in the toybox outside) for it.

They were nice and sent 2 $100 gift cards. I would thank them for the clothing and the gift cards and leave it at that. Maybe next time you see them, if you haven't already, you could explain to them how easily your girls can get sick or pick up germs from their environment.

I'm sorry your feelings are hurt, mine would be too. :hug99:

 

UGH. What are people thinking???

The gift cards are really nice and generous, on the other hand. I'd probably get rid of all the disgusting stuff, then thank them politely for everything, with special emphasis on the gift cards and whatever you get with them ("the babies are just loving the exersaucer we got with your gift card!"). If they ever notice that the yucky used stuff is nowhere in sight, you could gently explain the germ issue. But chances are it'll never come up.

 

I have a friend like this, and I feel the same way. I in no way mind hand-me-downs. I love hand-me-downs. Heck, I buy most of my own clothes gently used. I would never, however, give something yucky as a gift, and I would only ever give a used item as a gift if I already knew the person did not mind getting used gifts (like a used book, for example). In this case I would have made them gift cards the gifts, and said, "I thought maybe there would be something in here your children might enjoy, too," and just given it as a "grab bag."

 

My inlaws did this for the girls last year for Christmas. All hand me downs. I was pretty bummed by it.

 

Well at least they sent you gift cards. I know if it were me I wouldn't say anything about the dirty toys, I would just throw them away.

 

My grandma used to do this to me, I would get a box of garage sale finds. Eventually it got to where I would open it up, peek through it to see of there was anything worth donating, then throw the box out. It was usually pretty stinky.

Even at a very young age I understood that I wasn't the favored grandchild.

 

So sorry - the gift cards were generous, and i agree w/pp's; you don't need to say anything (unless they ask about a specific toy and you can tell them that your pedi told you not to let them have any previously owned toys because of the risk of htem getting sick). And just toss the rest (I have a particular fetish about used plush toys; hard plastic I can wash and disinfect, but plush - i know my girls put EVERYthing in their mouths and other babies do as well!

Perhaps they are elderly and didn't notice that the stuff was not clean? Or maybe their glasses were fogged from latke-making? LOL!

 

I think a lot of older people do this! They seem to lose the filter that helps them determine the difference between gently used and disgusting. We've been given gifts like that before. I would chuck the stuff, and thank them for the gift cards.

Reyna

 

Gee, thanks! I would just thank them nicely for the gift cards and "stuff" and say "we will really be able to get the babies some things they really need with those gift cards, they are the perfect gift." That way they won't ever feel obligated to use their judgement when buying something for them. Then I would get off the phone and laugh my butt off over the nasty garage sale gems they sent. They just don't know any better, when their kids were young they didn't have all the cool things that our kids have today. To them a toy is a toy.

I'm sorry you were hurt by that though, try not to take it personally.

 

I would just throw them in the garbage and politely say "we'll make good use of the gift cards thank you" without mentioning the other gifts, hopefully they'll get the hint.. oh my goodness must have been quite a shock to get that package ewe!!

 

I think I'd toss the stuffed toys, unless they can be washed. And I'd scrub down the plastic ones. I'd keep only the items that scrubbed up well and are fun to play with. Then I'd send a thank-you card for the gift certificates and never mention the old, dirty toys again. Hopefully they're just a couple of eccentic oldsters with strange taste in gifts...or the toys were your husbands when he was little?

 

QUOTE(PgTimesTwo @ Dec 8 2007, 07:51 PM) [snapback]526222[/snapback]
Well at least they sent you gift cards. I know if it were me I wouldn't say anything about the dirty toys, I would just throw them away.


that's what I was thinking too.

it is true that some older people do that - I think it is because of the way they were brought up and things they have been through - a lot of older people grew up without a whole lot of extras - and on top of that they lived through tough financial times. I think they find things either around the house or at sales (even rummage or otherwise)
my grandmother used to do that - she would even give us things that she found on clearance I mean pieces of toys that you had to have the bigger piece for the toy to work -or like boxes of the cake mix for the easy bake oven and we have no easy bake oven!(at the time I only had boys!) she even gave us many used things that I have no idea where she got them
- she ment so well but YUK!! I would thank her and just throw the toys away and she never knew! at least they did send the cards - my grandmother bless her sweet life would just send the toys!

 

QUOTE(Buttercup1 @ Dec 8 2007, 06:20 PM) [snapback]526159[/snapback]
. I want to tell them how upset I am about this. What would you do?



Send a thank you for the VERY generous gift cards. IF it comes up at a later date tell them that while you appreciate the thought of the hand-me-downs you had to donate what was clean to charity and toss the dirty stuff due to illness potential. I guess I would try to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that they were trying to be nice...even though it was a dumb thing to give. Some people just don't know, especially older generations.

Just my .2cents.

 

I agree with the others ... thank your in-laws for the nice gift cards, throw away the yucky stuff, and go about your business. I don't think you'll feel better if you give them a piece of your mind. Better to just drop it and not cause an argument.

My DD has experienced the same thing since her boys were born. When the babies were about a month old, my SIL sent my DD a huge box of clothes which we thought was so wonderful ... until we saw what was in the box! Gross! I think DD salvaged one or two outfits out of the bunch, most things were horribly stained and ragged. DD was hurt by it but I reminded her that when her aunt was out buying these things at garage sales or going through stuff in her attic, wherever she found them, she was thinking of DD's boys and how they probably needed the clothes. DD just sent a sweet thank you note, dumped the box, and hasn't mentioned it again.

Also, DD's BF's father is a packrat and can't pass up anything on the side of the road or in a dumpster. He's constantly dragging junk to their house for the babies. You should see the awful highchair he found for them, disgusting! But it's the thought that counts, and that man will probably never realize that the highchair isn't in their home. He was just trying to help out. Yes, it seems weird to me, something I'd never do, but everyone's idea of "helping" is different!