Inlaw vent!

Ok, I'll try not to make this too long. Let me start off by giving you the 411 on my SIL. She has 3 kids. Tyler 8, Lauren 6, Ashley 22 mos. She does not discipline on a consistant basis. And Tyler runs the show basically. When Ashley was a baby, she would let Lauren (4 at the time) carry her all over, change her, play w/her in her room w/door closed, etc.. CRAZY STUFF!!! But anywho, that was her child, & not my business.

So she has let the kids hold/carry my girls across tile floors like it was no big deal. I've had to stay on them like glue! There have been intstances over the past 6 mos that have made my head spin. But lets focus on this weekend. We went to Hilton Head Sat morning. Stopped at the groc store before check in. It is pouring the rain, the floors are wet in areas. Tyler says at least 10 times "Me want to hold baby!" (Don't get me started on the babytalk!) I explain very nicely 10 or more times that he could NOT hold the girls until we arrived at the condo b/c of the slick floors & etc... As we are checking out, I realize we forgot bread, I go to get it, when I return my FIL & MIL just got there to meet us. And who has Kaylee??? TYLER, and he's prancing around w/her bobbing. I just go over & get her. He said Grandpa said it was ok. I relpy, well, Grandpa didn't know I said it wasn't ok.
It rained all weekend. Forcing us to stay inside. :angry: Sat evening went pretty smooth. Sunday, I thought I would give the kids another chance. SO they wanted to play in their room w/the girls. I told them that was fine, but the door had to stay open. My MIL said she would stay in there. But she can't sit still long. It wasn't 5 min, she walked into the kitchen. I didn't say anything, I just walked back there. She immediately follows me. The door was closed!!! I opened it, Lauren immediately said Tyler was trying to put Kaylee in the dresser drawer! I got a little short with Tyler & explained why he could NOT do that! He said he was playing a cop & he was going to put her in jail!!! I just took the girls back to the living room & told the kids they lost their priveledge to play with them w/out supervision. When I told SIL what happened, she defended Tyler & said he wouldn't really do that. SO is she saying they lied to me??? REALLY! Then later that day he held Kaylee again in the living room where we were. THen he started to take her down the hall again. I had to yell at him 3 times before he would answer me or turn around. I had to get onto him again. SIL just sat there. I had told the kids that they could not carry the girls from room to room as well, b/c the hallway was outside & where it had rained, the walkway was soaked. So as we are leaving, I think the twins are w/grandparents where I left them, right! NO, I open the door to go to the other room before we load up & the kids are carrying the twins w/MIL behind them. SHe had heard me say all weekend that this was NOT OK!!! THen she quickly says, I told them that as long as they were careful & I was behind them it would be ok! They are so GOOD w/the twins!!! I wanted to say, are you crazy??? Have you not been here all weekend??? Wake the ****UP!


Am I crazy?? Or is this crazy behavior??? DH just agrees w/me, but does nothing. He is afraid of pissing SIL off. So I can't leave the twins alone w/them ever. It makes life a little challenging at times. Any suggestions???

Jessica

 

I'd be upset, too!!!! Its ridiculous that you can't get the respect you deserve. It doesn't matter what the reasons, if you say they can't hold them, then that should be that. Its like our inlaws want to MAKE us be witches to them, isn't it? DH's has some cousins that are the same way...at our 4th of July gathering Kris's little cousin was begging to take on of the girls on the pier with him...NO WAY!!!!!!!!!!! I feel your pain, and I'd like to offer you advice, but since I'm facing a similar situation that I can't get resolved either, then I'm only good for sympathy

 

Jess, ouch, scary cousins! :blink: I think you are doing the right thing keeping them away from her, by staying with them all the time. Eventually they will be able to defend themselves! :spiteful: I wish I could give you better advice, but I have my own problems with inlaws. Feel free to vent about them anytime though. I'm here to listen. :hug99:

 

Sounds like you're right, you just can't leave them with your inlaws. You were kind enough not to blow a gasket and scream like I would have, so they just aren't very respectful. I think you'll just have to protect your kids and not let SIL supervise; what a pain! Sorry it wasn't a fun weekend :hug99:

 

Sounds like a tricky situation. This is easier said than done but... I usually tell people privately when they "chap my hide". I don't let them get away with it. I would probably wait until a "not mad" time and mention it to MIL that you thought you had made it clear that the nephews and nieces weren't allowed to hold the babies etc. I usually blame myself to try to diffuse the situation. For instance, "I know I am a overprotective first time mother, but I really would appreciate you respecting my funny rules so that I don't have to exclude ourselves from your company..." I try to say something before I am completely angered so that the blow up doen not have to happen. It really works for me. I am well liked but everyone knows I will kindly confront anytime.

I have to chastise my nanny all of the time. I cuss her out behind her back to my husband and then regain my composure and kindly ask her to follow my simple, written instructions for feeding, nap times etc. I have actually fired her so that she would realize I am not making false threats. (She came back a few days later, repentant of her ways but I was willing to lose her.)

Also, I understand about inlaws. My MIL insists on buying blue outfits for my baby girls. ALL OF THE TIME. She is almost a perfect mother in law except for her snickering about pink or any of my baby "rules". (I am funny but don't you have to be to stay sane as a mother of twins?)

Good luck. Complain anytime.

 

You are not crazy!
I would ABSOLUTELY say something to the in-laws. That would not fly at all with me!

 

My kids are just a couple of weeks younger than yours and I would NOT be letting any children hold them. Call me paranoid, but it's just not safe enough for me. I might let them hold a baby in their lap if they were sitting, supervised, on the sofa.

You're not being crazy. You need boundaries with kids.

 

Wow! You are all SO nice! I would have taken the WRONG road, probably yelled at both the MIL and the cousins, and caused a big family fight! My in-laws live out of the country right now, and the cousins are older (the youngest being 12), so I (hopefully!) won't have issues like this! I have a friend with younger kids, and if they want to hold the babies I have them sit on the couch while I hover over them. (I'm not usually TOO overprotective, I just have a fear of young kids and dogs around my babies!)
Good luck with the inlaws... I'm sorry they are like that, and even sorrier I don't have some good advice for you! If I were you, I would not let the babies out of sight with them until they are old enough to defend themselves! Or at least tell you when they are put in a drawer!
Helen

 

There used to be a great inlaws forum on the web called motherinlawstories.com or mother-in-lawstories.com. Look for it, it was great when I was having inlaw problems.


QUOTE(kuchar @ Sep 5 2007, 01:36 PM) [snapback]393718[/snapback]
Wow! You are all SO nice! I would have taken the WRONG road, probably yelled at both the MIL and the cousins, and caused a big family fight! My in-laws live out of the country right now, and the cousins are older (the youngest being 12), so I (hopefully!) won't have issues like this! I have a friend with younger kids, and if they want to hold the babies I have them sit on the couch while I hover over them. (I'm not usually TOO overprotective, I just have a fear of young kids and dogs around my babies!)
Good luck with the inlaws... I'm sorry they are like that, and even sorrier I don't have some good advice for you! If I were you, I would not let the babies out of sight with them until they are old enough to defend themselves! Or at least tell you when they are put in a drawer!
Helen

 

My inlaws think I'm nuts, but I don't let my babies alone with any of their cousins. And definitely no walking around with them, unless they're 13+!