independent playing time

I noticed on the board that some of the Moms have said that their little ones play well independently....well I'm wondering how to teach this with my little ones because they want me 24/7 (which i think is normal) and they cry when I leave the room CONSTANTLY. I can never get anything done around the house --- it's even hard to prepare meals because they are hanging on the gates that block our kitchen screaming like little animals.
CUTE ANIMALS OF COURSE

Any suggestions?

 

I think it depends of the kids and whether they had some independent play time growing up too... Mine play pretty well on their own in the morning before breakfast and usually between 3-4.30pm... but they've been used to it since 5 months. Yes, sometimes they cry when I leave the room, but they stop after one minute as long as they don't see me. I rotate toys a lot though so they always have something 'new' to play with. Otherwise really I'm with them most of the time but they don't need me to pay attention to them the whole time.

So not much advice here! But things need to get done... see if they calm down if they don't see you after a couple minutes.

 

What I did to teach mine to trust that I'll be back was to tell them I'd be right back and leave for a couple of minutes and then kept on making it a little longer. :good: They did cry for a few seconds but it stopped and they continued to play. It's hard to be there 24/7 plus things need to get done and independent play is important.

 

Mine will cry for a minute or two and then will go back to playing. When I leave and come back I don't make a big deal out of it.

Their latest thing is when they are upstairs and I'm in the kitchen, they will throw their toys over the gate down the stairs to get my attention.

 

I find at certain parts of the day they might be more willing to play independently -- say the mornings. Other times at the ages yours are now, I would be in and out of the room say every 5- 10 mins, just doing all I had to do, and I either made them dizzy or they gave up whinning. Most of it is just time, the older they get the better they are. Sometimes it is just great to get out of the house alone, or with one. I keep the T.v. off until I need to do something and then put on a video I have so I know I get 20 mins. It keeps the T.v. to a minimum.....

 

My two are used to playing independently from a very early age. I was also a huge believer of CIO though too. I do not jump or run to them for every little cry or sound. That said if I gave them an activity to do I expected them to do it w/o me and I didn't give in to crying if they were upset because I left them for a moment. I started at an early age on this and they got used to mommy always come back after a little bit. At this point if my kids are left playing on their own for me to clean up lunch or whatever especially after I just paid them a bunch of attention then I expect them to be able to handle playing without me for a while. Ok so yes once in a while they cry a little if I put them in their large penned in area to go do some chores but I take a quick peek to make sure they are safe and I ignore the crying and do what I need to do and they always finally figure out that crying like that gets them nowhere and go back to playing. I'm sure it also depends on your kids too. We have a ton of toys and they are very happy to sit/stand/run for hours on end playing with them and always have been since they were born.

At the point you are at. Maybe set up a safe play area and start by playing there with them for awhile. Give them enough attention until they are bored by you and then leave for a while. Have plenty of interesting things for them to play with or maybe take out something different for when you want them to play without you. If you give in to the crying every time the crying will continue every time you try to leave them because they will then know that if they cry you will come back.

I agree though with the previous posters it really depends on the time of day to get good independent playtime. If you have a tough time with right before dinnertime I can definitely see why then..because they are hungry! My kids are going to hang on the gate too just before lunch or cry then. One thing I sometimes do is serve them some fruit or a little cereal on their coffee table or I lower one highchair a ton for them to have a snack on they can reach. I usually prepare lunch while my kids are still sleeping including my own so I just have to pull it out. While my kids nap in the afternoon I do the same for prepping dinner.

Our independent playtimes are after lunch and after dinner for an hour or 2. They are busy little beavers then and usually are too busy to worry what mommy is doing while I do a few chores or just sits and supervises. My two spend most of their day playing with each other or alone. We don't do tv here at all so I would never use video as a babysitter/tamer. Sometimes if I still need to get something done and they have reached their limit I will give them sippies and cereal or another snack on the coffee table (my kids are pretty neat and I have dogs to clean up if not).

I hope this helps a little.

 

My two are used to having independent playtime after breakfast and dinner. What I did, especially when they were going through the clingy phase was to narrate what I was doing. Our house is small enough that they can even hear me from the bathroom. I would tell them, "Mommy is in the bathroom, I can hear you and I will be right down." Same thing in the kitchen, "Mommy is right here, I can hear you.. and see you" and peek out at the them. Eventually once they realized I really was not trekking off to Tibet and never coming back, they played together better and are pretty decent about giving me time to get some things done.

 

My boys play pretty well on their own at certain times of the day. They do great in the mornings since they are used to me having to get ready for work, so on the weekends I use that time to throw in some laundry and get breakfast ready. After breakfast they are in a pretty good mood and can play for 5-10 minutes without me being in the room. The middle of the day is the hardest right now because they are still transistioning between 1 nap and 2 so they are either cranky becasue they are tired and refused to nap or they are so re-energized from sleeping that they are bouncing off the walls until they crash for their afternoon nap. Once they are up again in the afternoon they will play better for me to get things done. Like a pp our house is small and I always tell them what I am doing. If I can I try to let them "help" me. Especially with things like folding clothes or putting them away.

 

what she said!

gl, jl

 

I posted the same thing at almost that age. IIRC, around 15 months (plus a few months on either side) was the worst time for separation anxiety. Plus, since I'm a WOHM, I think they felt even more anxious to spend time with me when I was home. I know they played independently at daycare all the time, but at home, they were constantly whining and crying for me.

I found that if I could stay out of the room for at least a minute or two, sometimes they would quit crying and just play. But sometimes they'd just escalate. We had never been very good about having them play independently (DH or I were nearly always in the room with them) as babies, and I think we were paying the price.

But to some degree it's also a normal developmental stage. There's nothing that says babies & young toddlers should be comfortable being alone (or away from mom/dad). Some are, some aren't, and I would imagine that "aren't" is in the majority.

It made me feel a little better at that age just to know that it was normal and they'd get better as they got older (which they did). It was still very frustrating to know that if I so much as went to the bathroom, they would wail, but at least it helped me to feel like there wasn't necessarily anything I could do differently.

 

Mine will play independently for a good portion of the day. However, their playing is all around the house. They have free reign because we live in a one story and everything is pretty well baby proof. So when I'm cleaning or doing laundry, they normally follow me into whatever room I'm in and find something to do in there. We have toys in 4 rooms in the house. So there is always something to get into. But they prefer to follow me around all day or their older sister will tolerate them at times and let them play with her. As long as they aren't crying for me, I'm fine with the constant following around.