In denial about pregnancy

When I first found out I was pregnant I was in complete denial. It was unplanned and my life wasn't really going so great and I think I just couldn't cope with it. I thought, when I get bigger and start showing it will be real. When I see the baby on an ultrasound it will be real. But here I am almost 5 months along and I still feel like I am in denial. It actually makes me sad because I wish I could connect with this baby but I cannot. With my twins I was so happy, excited, everything was awesome to me (despite the fact I had major complications.) But I had no problem connecting with them. This experience is so different. I don't know if it is because of personal circumstance (baby being unplanned, me and DH having major relationship problems, my health being very bad, etc.) or what. But most of the time I still feel like it has not hit me. I have been putting off buying baby things...I really don't want to do it and I don't know why. We found out the sex (boy) and for some reason I still cannot call him "he" I still refer to it as "it" or "the baby". I cannot pick a name at all. I pretty much hate everything so I just avoid dealing with it. I have had 4 ultrasounds so far and have felt disconnected at every one. I honestly felt like I was looking at someone else's child on the screen. With my girls it was an awesome experience everytime, very humbling and made me very emotional. This time I am like a rock, no emotion whatsoever. I started feeling the baby kick several weeks ago and now I feel it quite strongly all the time, and still, nothing. It's like I think to myself "Oh, it's just gas, my stomach is upset, etc." even though of course I know that isn't true. I feel terrible about it all and keep wondering if the baby is going to be born and I am going to be completely unattached and ambivilent. I don't think it's really normal, how I feel. I don't know how to make it seem real and to start connecting with this baby. I don't want the baby growing up feeling unloved and unwanted, I don't know what to do about how I feel.

 

I wish i had some advice for you but I dont. All I can do is offer (((HUGS))) and lots of them. I dont think that its not normal. Some people dont connect with the baby till after they are born and for some it takes even longer. have you mentioned it to you ob? When my SIL had my nephew she was not really connected with him. She had PPD and was treated and now things are fine. Shes pg again and they are going to start treating her before the delivery. Do you think it could be depression?

 

Nicole, given all that you are going through I tend to agree with Nikki. Chat with your doc about it and maybe ask your doc if and when s/he'd recommend a professional to talk to. :hug:

 

Hugs and support! I agree that once he is born you may feel a lot different and connect with him, but it is definitely worth mentioning to your doctor. The same hormones that cause PPD can cause depression during pregnancy as well. Also, it may help to find a counselor to help you work through your feelings, given what you said about your relationship right now. A baby adds stress and usually more fighting, so working through the issues before he's here might be the best thing. Good luck. We're always here for you.

 

I thought I wrote this post. I was in major crisis in both relationship and life in general. I'm 5 months along (baby #4)and honestly not connected with the baby inside. truth is i'm not sure i want to..

I self-diagnosed with depression (also talked to OB and they referred me to Psychologist but i'm too busy to go).. even if it is indeed depression, the pregnancy will complicate the treating plan.

I was digging a hole inside and it's getting deeper and deeper. Finally it peeked about a month ago. At some point (don't remember when), i forced myself to look back up and start doing things little by little: doing laundry, organize twins' closet and moving furniture, you name it.

Little by little, i started feeling better and stronger. to this day, i still have ups and downs, but i feel i have better control over things. i'm still not connected with the baby, but at least i feel better about myself and that is the first thing i can do.

i hope my experience helps.