I'm starting to dread bedtime...

I used to enjoy bedtime for the boys but now it seems like such a process, takes forever, and often is full of tears. And...it seems like we are getting to bed later and later. Here's what tonight looked like which is how pretty much every night looks like:

6:00 - 7:00 Dinner
7:00 - 7:30 Clean up from dinner, boys play with Dad
7:45 - 8:15 Bath
8:15 - 8:45 Watch 1/2 hour of TV and then brush teeth

I'm ok up until here but now is when the boys try to drag out bedtime.....and drag me along with them.

Right now after we brush teeth Dad and I put each one in their cribs, Dad says goodnight and leaves. I then give them each a few books to read (for about 5-10 minutes), then I turn out the light which often results in crying "don't turn out light!". I take one out of their cribs to hold and we tell one of the two stories I tell them every night out loud. Then I hold the other child and tell the other story. We then say our prayers and I try to tell them goodnight. Then they start to cry, throw out their animals, yell "rub my back", etc, etc, etc. This whole process after brushing teeth can take almost 30-45 minutes some nights! And I usually have to just walk out with one of them yelling "mamma I need you" which just kills me to hear!

Please help! I know I have created this bedtime monster myself but I don't know how to get it back on track! Can you please share some advice and how you handle bedtime. Do you bedtime by yourself? What is your routine?

Thanks for reading!

 

I got into a similar looooong bedtime routine with our oldest DS - so much so that he wanted (expected) me to hang out in his room until he fell asleep (which usually resulted in me falling asleep, too!). With the younger two, I've tried to be much more direct and to the point with our bedtime routine. Every single night it looks like this:

5:30 dinner w/milk

6:15 bath/pjs on

6:30 play

6:50 head upstairs (DH and I both go up)

7:00 both little guys sit in my lap drinking water while I read 3 stories, then I put one in his crib while I sing our nightly "goodnight song" and rock him, then brush his teeth and put him in his crib to look at books. I get the other one out of his crib, rock and sing him the "goodnight song", brush his teeth and put him in his crib. Then I read their *favorite* book (Charlie Chick) outloud while they stand in their cribs and laugh. Then I hug, kiss, and lay one down. Repeat with the other. Count 1, 2, 3 and turn out the lights and say Good Night!

I'm usually back downstairs between 7:20 and 7:30. I don't know how much faster that is that what you are doing, but I do find it to be very helpful to stick to the same routine each night so they know what to expect and know that even if they ask, things aren't going to be much different.

Good luck! :hug:

 

A few things come to mind
1. They may be getting over tired thus making the whole process more difficult for all, shoot for an earlier bedtime.

2. I would take out the watching TV, may get them more awake/alert and harder to settle down.

3. Decide your routine and stick to it. We do bath, PJ's, brush teeth, read story, sing song, lay them down and walk away. My DD will sometimes turn on serious drama, why I don't know since I don't pick her back up, usually lasts 3 seconds if she can't see me! Once PJ's are on, it is about 10 minutes to me being back downstairs.
Maybe: bath 7:30-7:50, PJ's and teeth 7:50-8:00, read 8:00-8:10, put them in bed and both you and DH leave together and enjoy your evening!!!

When I do bedtime by myself it is the same routine, actually a bit easier since the try to work DH since he is a softie.

 

I think they're going to bed too late and they're overtired (agree with Nancy). Mine eat dinner at 5.30 pm, bath at 6 pm, watch TV / eat fruit until 6.30 pm, then brush teeth and read book and in bed by 7 pm (at the latest). They don't nap anymore, so they really need to be in bed by 7 pm. My oldest goes 7.30 pm at the very latest.

I've done it by myself until we moved to HK (my oldest 4 1/4 and the twins 20 months) but now I have a helper so she helps too. But when I do it alone, still do the same. If no time for TV, we got straight for brushing teeth and book.

I would definitely start earlier. One of our major drawbacks is that my husband doesn't see the kids during the week (he leaves 6.30 am and gets back 8.30 pm), but for the kids' health I cannot keep them up ... it would be way too much for them. They're my priority, and dh agrees. We have happy and well rested children, that's all that matters.

 

One of mine has recently turned on the drama, but our routine has not changed since they were about 10-11 mos old (other than times)!

We are usually done with dinner by 5-5:30 & they each get a half sippy of milk to enjoy while playing in the living room (on bath night, they typically go to the bath right after dinner & THEN to the living room with milk--in the summer, we'd go out & play for a bit before bath). When bedtime nears, they get to pick a tv show to watch to start to settle down (I know someone stated that tv can stimulate them, but it settles mine). Around 7pm, they go potty & we get pjs/diapers on (this is where my 1 starts freaking out). Then we brush teeth & move into their bedroom. They each pick 1 book & we all climb up into the glider together. I read each book, we say prayers, & then we finish with the same book we have read since they were babies (we call it the "Nigh-night book"). Daddy scoops up Conner, I scoop up Aiden & we give a hug/kiss to whomever we're holding. Then we hug/kiss the other one & then they hug/kiss each other (now that they're getting heavier, we're starting to do this on the floor more vs picking them up). Each goes into their crib, gets covered up, sound machine & humdifier get turned on, & lights go out. We say "Goodnight, sweet dreams, love you" outloud, they repeat it, & the door is closed. They rarely cry, but they will talk/sing after we close the door. If they're still making noise by 8pm, we go in & tell them it's bedtime again. Usually they settle after that.

The tears & tantrums that Aiden has recently started is driving me bonkers. It ALWAYS starts when we tell him to go potty before bed. We warn him bedtime is coming & sometimes he even starts crying when we warn him! Usually it's because he doesn't go "first", but anything can set him off. I miss our old bedtime routine...the one without tears ! He at least always settles by books...if he didn't, I don't know how I'd handle it!

Our routine doesn't change if it's just one parent...we just do hugs/kisses on the floor with 1 parent. It takes a few mins longer, but since I work 3 nights a week & my DH works late occasionally, the boys are used to the 1 parent routine, too!

Hope your bedtime routine gets smoothed out for you quickly! I agree with others in that if we start ours any later than 7:15, it's horrendous b/c the boys are too tired. Overtired kiddos are not fun to put to bed!

ETA Forgot about bath!

 

I'd definitely start earlier and cut out the TV. Ditto pp that it's probably too stimulating. Even adults who have trouble falling asleep are usually advised to cut out all electronics (TV, computer, cell, etc) for 1-2 hrs before bed! The bright light from TV might cue their brains the wrong way, let alone the stimulation of what they're watching.

I'd try dimming the lights and chilling out. Maybe make more time for reading and singing songs (in a dim room) before bed. Before chill out time you could also try to get them to have some really active time - encourage running around like maniacs! You could try a little warm milk right before bed (before brushing teeth, of course).

And the tough part is that you'll probably also have to grit your teeth and be consistent. Decide how many stories they'll get, how many "one last hug/kiss/whatever" they're going to get, and stick with it. You can prepare them for the new routine by telling them about it a number of times during the day. But there will probably be some screaming and tantrums until they get used to the new boundaries. The usual - consistency, consistency, consistency, and :headbang: as you go nuts with them! :hug: But once you get past it, life will be much saner.

 

Our routine goes like this:

5:30 dinner
6-6:30 play
6:30-6:45 bath
7 - go in, read stories (usually 3) after one book is done, I give it to the girl who's bed I'm sitting on. Then switch to other daughters bed, read another story, give her that book.
Give them kisses, sing 'Twinkle Twinkle', tuck them in (they LOVE snug as a bug!) and then I'll walk to the door, blow kisses and say goodnite. We turn their lights out as soon as we go in, as their nightlight is bright enough for us to read by. We also turn on a CD of sleepy music EVERY night, and put the one song on repeat so it plays throughout the night. I can be back in the living room by 7:30, or I can wait till after 8 before I leave their room, but that usually depends on ME and how long I want to stay talking, reading and singing to them. I'll stay longer if I feel like I didn't get enough 'baby' time that day!

My son's routine is pretty much the same, only he still takes his bottle. I haven't started reading him goodnite stories yet, so I just sing to him, or if DH puts him to bed, he just sits in the room with the CD playing.

DD USED to get us by making us stay in their room till she fell asleep, and that could take FOREVER. The final straw for me was when I was 8 months pregnant and ended up staying in their room on the floor (SO not comfortable) for TWO hours one night. After that, I made her CIO. After about 3 days she was fine with the above routine that we implemented (had to CIO first with NO routine, then start the new routine)

 

I agree w/ pp's- consistency is key. Also, what time are they napping in the afternoon? If mine sleep too long in the afternoon, bedtime is a bear and much later than I want. My girls take naps a couple times a week now, but I never let them sleep past 3:30pm.

Here is our bedtime routine (90% of the time I do bedtime alone):

6:30- dinner
6:50ish- play in living room/put on shows for me/dance to music while I clean up dinner and start their bath.
7ish- bath and PJs
7:20ish- out to the den to clean up toys while I heat up their milk sippies
7:30- in my bed for two bedtime stories ("Two stories for two girls!"). I read to them while they drink their milk. After milk and stories we brush teeth.
7:45-8ish- We go into their room, I tuck them each in, turn on their ladybug nightlight, and say goodnight.

On nap days this is sometimes pushed back about a half hour so they are in bed by 8:30. GL finding and sticking with a routine that works for you.

 

My bedtime ritual became a complicated nightmare too because I didn't want to "cut something out" or ever say no to something they wanted to add because I didn't want to get somebody crying. It takes so much longer for them to fall asleep when they have been crying and we have usually had such a nice evening together, I hate for that to be the last thing of the day.

Then I figured out that they were completely manipulating me to postpone bedtime. Holy Crow are they good! And that's when I got hard-assed and drew the line. I cut stuff out of the routine. I kept to one routine and they couldn't add anything else. If they wanted to add something else, I made them cut something out.

Mommy has to put her foot down.

 

Our bedtime ritual got longer and more complicated for a few months (songs, books, call backs, cuddles, big kiss, little kiss, call back etc etc). It drove me nuts. And then the girls dropped their nap. I was dreading it. But WOW how wonderfully do they go to bed now! They always asleep by 7.30, and usually before. Often they fall asleep as I read to them (just the first part of the routine).
Hope you find some solution.

 

We recently changed up our bedtime routine. We also recently transitioned to toddler beds. Going to bed was getting longer and longer.
Our routine use to be:
6pm dinner
6:30-7pm play
7pm bath
7:30-8pm 1/2 hour TV time while drinking a sippie of milk
8pm brush teeth, read story, lights out

We thought maybe the TV was overstimulating them. So we have moved it up in the schedule. Now they watch it right after dinner. After bath, they now listen to a relaxtion CD while drinking their milk.

We have only been doing the "new" routine for 2 nights now..BUT...I can't say that it has made any difference. Maybe we need to cut out TV all together in the evening. :unknw: Although we have been doing this routine for a while now (since they were 12 months old or so). So, it just seems odd that it has just started causing problems. I can't really blame it on the TV. The bedtime troubles started after the transition. :headbang: Let me know if you find something that works.

 

Tonight seemed to go a little bit better. One thing I did different today was try to put them down for their nap earlier. Lately even our naptime is getting later and later - like 2:00 or 2:30. Today I tried to have them down around 1:30 and I still had to wake them up at 5:00! They have always been good nappers but I'm wondering if this is affecting bedtime. Dinner here is usually not until about 6:00 because of when my husband gets home from work - so that means bathtime usually isn't until around 7:30 p.m.

What I really need is a new routine once we are in their room after brushing our teeth. Their room is small so we don't have room for a chair. I was wondering about getting a couple of bean bags that I could pull in their room at bedtime so that we could sit together and read books. Right now I just hand them each a couple of books to read in their cribs but then they just keep asking for different books repeatedly. "No, I want that one, No, the dog one" and on and on. Plus, they are getting heavy and by the end of the day my back just can't take holding them for very long.

I know we'll get through this transition time. I've noticed that it seems like you have to change up your routine every so often and they will certainly let you know when it is time. Funny how that is!

Anyways....thank you all for all of your wonderful advice and support. You all are the best! I'll keep you updated!

 

My guys are all early risers..it does not matter what time they go to sleep they all still wake up around 6-630 so I figure the earlier to bed the more sleep they get. So what we do is:
4-430 dinner
545- 600 bath
6 tv/ snack
615 at the latest for my 15 mo old- book and bed
630 books, sing songs to 3 yo

Now for us, one of us stays in the room until they fall asleep or until they are quite close to falling asleep otherwise Aiden will pop up and either wake Noah (Noah falls asleep quickly) or if they are both not asleep they will get out of bed and begin to play.
We've been trying to get them to go to bed without us in the room but it's more stress than what its worth.

There are nights where I do the routine myself and it's not a problem at all.

 

It might be worth trying to wake them earlier - maybe 2 hours max. Very occasionally we'd let ours nap for 3 hours and it really affected their night time routine - they just weren't tired enough to let go without a fuss.

Just an idea, but it's one we do here. We don't bathe the kids every single night (they get a quick rinse the next morning if no bath the night before) but the bath is always before supper nowadays. So they eat in PJs, but then all they need afterwards is a toothbrush, pee and that's it. It might speed things up a bit for you guys.

I find it helps my kids to wind down to read to them whilst we are all snuggling up - for a long while we had a thin mattress propped against a wall in their room that I would put on the floor come bedtime so that we could all read together. Oh and nowadays they each get to choose one book each. No more no matter what the fuss.

Good luck!

 

Glad to hear you had a better night. I think you are smart in adjusting the nap schedule. I can't let mine sleep past 3:30. They go down between 12:30 and 1pm. If they sleep any later than 3:30 than we really have trouble at bedtime.

 

We just did an overhaul to our bedtime routine about a month ago. We ended up cutting a video out of it and substituted that with quiet play with dim lights in the living room. We also ended up moving it about 30 minutes earlier so they are in bed at 8:00 rather than 8:30. Those two changes helped a lot.

5:30 Dinner
6:00-7:00 Playtime with daddy. We try to do really active play here, chasing each other around the house, playing hide and seek, wrestling, etc. We're trying to wear them out!
7:00 Bath
7:30 Quiet playtime in living room with PJs on and a sippy of milk. Quiet play is mostly puzzles and books.
7:50 Toothbrushing in the living room. DD goes potty and gets a diaper on.
8:00 In their rooms, one of us rocks DS for 5 minutes and then puts him in bed, covers him with his blankie and says nite nite. The other holds DD while sitting in the chair in her room and sings a few songs. Then puts her in bed, covers her up and says nite nite. We're both out of their rooms by 8:10. (They have their own rooms.)

When I have to do solo bedtime, I will resort to putting a video on for DD while I rock DS in his room. DD is the easier/better sleeper so it's not as bad for her to go down 10 minutes later than usual.

I think limiting the nap is a great idea. 1:30-5:00 is a really long nap! I'd die and think I'd gone to heaven if either of my kids ever napped that long! We usually have nap from 1:30-3:00, in bed a little after 8:00pm, wakeup around 7:00am.