I'm so upset....

How do you working moms do it?????? My girls are 6 months old and I've known all along that I would probably have to go back to work (financially I just don't think I have a choice). How in the world do you get through it??? I am interviewing now and at the same time trying to find someone to watch the girls. It absolutely pains my heart (literally) knowing that I will not be with them during most of their waking hours. I will be lucky to get 2 hours with them a day! I know so many of you brave women have BTDT stories, I really need to hear them!!!!!

Normally I'm really positive and always find the good side of things, but I am really struggling with this. :cry:

 

I'm sorry i don't have any words of wisdom for you but just wanted to send a Big :hug: your way! I can feel your pain as the thought of leaving my girls breaks my heart and it's not for a while yet.
Hopefully someone will come along and lift give you the plus side, i'll be eagerly watching this topic too. x

 

I had to go back to work when my boys were 5 weeks old. I had been on bedrest for almost 12 weeks in the hospital, so I had no time left and had no choice. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

I know in my heart that I am *not* cut out to be a SAHM; I respect mothers who stay home immensely because I know I couldn't do it! Work is almost like a vacation some days, because at least I can take breaks. There are no breaks when you care for your children full time.

That being said, I do feel tremendously guilty that my boys spend most of their waking hours with a stranger. Okay, we have a great nanny who really cares for them so it's not exactly a stranger, but it's just not the same. To offset this feeling I try to spend really quality time with Nate and Jack when I'm with them. Sure, it's tough; my husband and I have been out exactly once since they were born. But I feel like it's more important to be with them than have an evening out. (That being said, we are going out to the Star Trek premier on Thursday! )

I don't think anything will completely eradicate my guilt, but it has gotten easier. I know that I am a much better mother when I'm not stressed out. I genuinely enjoy most of the moments that we are together. I know my boys are much better off living in a nice house with the power bills paid!! There's no way we could afford to give the boys a good life on just one salary (my husband and I make close to the same amount).

I have tried to arrange the boys' schedule to maximize our time together. We spend almost 2 hours together in the morning after they wake up, and they spend 3 hours with my husband or I in the evening before bed. My husband and I stagger our work schedules as well so we don't have to leave them with the nanny quite as many hours. It also helps if your caregiver sends you cell phone pictures of the kids; my nanny does this and it makes me feel like I'm a part of their day.

They are only 9 months old, so they haven't started to get upset when I walk out the door, and this helps. They smile and wave at me! I'm not looking forward to the day when they start crying....but I will cross that bridge when I come to it, and we'll get through it.

You are doing what you have to do to be a good parent. It's not easy, but you can do this and you will find joy in the times that you spend together. Each moment becomes more precious.

 

Always remember: going to work is how you care for your babies.

 

Thanks for all your responses, I'm feeling better already! How do you deal with only seeing them for a couple of hours a day? Do they forget who you are?!?!

 

if you're like me you'll grapple with the decision every day. you'll know you made the right decision but you'll wrestle with it anyway. you'll have your down days and you'll have your up days. and you'll do everything you can to make sure that work gets the least of you and your babies get the most. you'll find compromises you wouldn't have thought of before you had babies. it will take time and it will take some ups and downs but you will find balance.

 

There's no way they forget who you are!! When I come home every evening the boys get the biggest grins on their faces as if to say "Mama's home"! And if I try to run upstairs to change out of my work clothes, they yell about it.

I'm the one who wakes them up in the mornings with a smile, and I'm the one who puts them down at night with a kiss. If they wake in the middle of the night (rare, thank goodness), then I'm the one who goes in and comforts them. I'm the one who makes their solid foods and feeds them. Plus I'm certainly the only one who can breastfeed them! :lol:

Plus, we spend all weekend with them; playing, taking them to the bookstore, walks, and generally loving on them.

There are some things a caregiver can't do, and the most important one is be their mother.

 

I just take it one day at a time. I have been contemplating trying to stay home with the kids, but am scared to. It seems like I am running all day and don't get a lot of quality time with the kids. (Not what you want to hear though!)

You just have to be super organized. I get everything ready for the morning the night before and make sure I get the nightly bottles in the dishwasher and start it before work.


Off your topic, how do your dogs like the babies? We have 1 fila mastiff. I can't imaging having 3 of them!

 

Big ((((hugs)))) to you!

I think the first thing is to find someone you trust! That helped me alot. The other thing that helps, is seeing my boys light up when they see our daycare person, they love her!

Our daycare person is also very receptive to the way I (MEEEEE) want things done. I'm a bit of a control freak.

Also what has helped is my job is very flexible, I've been taking a day off during the week to help with the tranisiton.
I was convinced they would not remember me...but they have proven me wrong...they get so excited to see me...

When I get home, I spend the majority of my time with them...and by their 7pm bedtime I am pooped, and happy for them to go to bed.

It's still tough sometimes, but it does get easier. The other night I got home late so I didn't spend that much time with them, and around 9pm, I was pacing and couldn't sleep, realized I just missed them...so I went and picked up the one that I knew wouldn't really 'wake up' and cuddled him for 20min and that made me feel soooo much better!

I love what "Philldonnia" says...I carry the insurance and we really need me to work, and that's how I'm helping to take care of my family.

It is hard, but I know friends who have toddlers who love their daycare, and their mommies more!

Good luck with the job search aswell! It's alot of work arranging all of this at once!!

Remember to take care of YOU!

oops, also wanted to add,,,that in the beginning, if I couldn't be with them due to work, I'd write them little letters, and that would make me feel better, so that when they got older, they would know how much i loved them...

reb

 

I know how you feel! I was a stay at home mom with my first two boys and am now teacher with these two. I dreaded going back and i cried the first few weeks. BUt I know that I have to financially provide for my family. I want to be able to give them everything in the world and in order to do that I have to work. I am fortunate that I am a year round teacher so I am off with them three months of the year and can come home around 4 every day. Also my mother in law watches them at a reduced rate. It does get easier but it will always be the most difficult choice you will make. Just know that they love you and do know who you are. At first I felt they didnt know me but when they see me now they smile so big! It helps to have someone you really trust so be sure to interview people really well and trust your instincts. good luck

you will find a routine too that works after a while. the part i hated was that i was home and then I would feed, bath them and then it was time for them to go to bed. i missed them so much but weeks go by fast and countdown to the weekends when you can smooch smooch smooch them!

 

QUOTE(rebecca_lynn78 @ May 5 2009, 10:24 AM) [snapback]1301131[/snapback]
I just take it one day at a time. I have been contemplating trying to stay home with the kids, but am scared to. It seems like I am running all day and don't get a lot of quality time with the kids. (Not what you want to hear though!)

You just have to be super organized. I get everything ready for the morning the night before and make sure I get the nightly bottles in the dishwasher and start it before work.
Off your topic, how do your dogs like the babies? We have 1 fila mastiff. I can't imaging having 3 of them!

i agree! get organized and get everything ready the night before really helps.I load up the car at night so all I have to do is put them in thier carseats and go! oh and dont forget your own stuff! i have forgotton many a lunches!

 

You'll be fine! The beginning is the toughest because of the transition ... i've been working full time since my two were 8 months old. They LOVE their daycare, they love spending time with their friends ... they know that mommy and daddy go to work and they go to "school" every day and get to play with their friends, play outside, have music class, do crafts, etc. There is no way they would be doing all these fun things if they were home with me ... there was a clown last week, a petting zoo was set up, etc. They are having a blast, and Mommy is doing pretty well too.

I get home pretty early, around 430pm ... so we get a decent amount of time when them in the evening ... and then weekends are non-stop. They never forget us, they know exactly who is Mommy and who is Daddy, and we are their favorite people in the world!

I know it's hard. I cried my eyes out the day before I went back to work. And then once a few days went by, I realized that it was actually kinda great for all of us. And they are so used to being in their daycare, that they don't ever cry about going there. Sometimes they get annoyed when we pick them up if they are in the middle of doing something super fun. They say "No Mommy, later Mommy!" ... cracks me up.

Trust me, you will all be just fine! I promise!

 

QUOTE(rebecca_lynn78 @ May 5 2009, 11:24 AM) [snapback]1301131[/snapback]
Off your topic, how do your dogs like the babies? We have 1 fila mastiff. I can't imaging having 3 of them!


Very cool Rebecca!!! My dogs LOVE my girls!!! They lick them (the dogs lick the girls, not the other way around! ) and anytime they make a noise, my females instantly check on them to make sure they are ok- it's just precious! You'll have to post pictures of your fila mastiff, I'll try to find (or take!) pictures of mine and post them.

Ok, girls, I SOOOO appreciate all of your responses and can tell that you all are supermoms and have adjusted really well! Kudos to you!!! I am actually now thinking of staying home and babysitting kids instead of working outside the home, am I crazy?! (I just posted a thread asking other moms who have in home child care that same question!!!) I have been trying to find childcare and it's so hard to come by here (we've had some child care centers that have closed recently). My SIL actually suggested the idea and it's really growing on me. We'll see.......