I'm so TIRED of hearing how tiny my babies are

My twins were born at 37 weeks at 5.11 and 6.5 lbs. They've been growing well ever since, and I'm pleased as punch at how well they're doing, but I am SO SICK of other people telling me how tiny they are. There are two ways to say it... when people say, "oh, they are so precious and tiny"---I don't mind. But when they say, "oh my gosh they are so SMALL, how much do they weigh? were they early? blah blah blah with that tone of, "is something wrong with them?" ---I just want to SCREAM! I know they don't mean it offensively, but it makes me feel like I'm not doing something right. I have worked so hard to BF them both exclusively around the clock, and it just makes me feel like it's my fault. I know that's irrational, but it's my crazy mother instinct. Just today a lady came up to me with her infant son and asked me how old they were. I said 2 1/2 months, and she said, "mine is too! they are SO small...look how big my son is compared to them! How long did they have to stay in the hospital??" I said, "they came home with me." Then she called her friend over to look at the babies and said all over again how tiny they were and how big her son was... I started tearing up and had to seriously fight back tears. Am I the only one who is crazy sensitive about this? I felt like punching that lady! I know people don't mean it in a hurtful way, but I wish they were sensitive enough to realize how it might feel to hear that.

Reyna

 

Yes, it gets OLD very quick. I find I am defensive as it seems to be reflecting on how much milk I make and how much they are nursing. It irritates me. I try no to give nasty replies but most days I say that they are NOT small for their age because they're not. Or I simply reply their doctor is not concerned!

 

:hug99:

 

I think people just assume they are going to be small becoz they are "twins" and then make that comment. It used to really annoy me too,


amanda

 

I hear ya!

It is especially nerve racking when you hear it from a singleton mom who carried full term and had a 8 pounder like my SIL's. They always let me know how small mine were compared to their children.

:hug99:

 

Ya know, on the flip side, I have a close friend whose baby was just born 3 weeks ago at 39 weeks. She was 9 lbs. 4 oz. at birth, and at that time my twins were 2 months and weighed about the same as her 1 day old! When we go places together, people make comments about how our babies must be the exact same age, but when we explain that mine are just about 3 months and hers is only 3 weeks, the comments start about how small mine are and how big her baby is. I'm starting to feel bad, I'm sure she's sick and tired of hearing how gigantic and blobby her baby is; I know that would make me feel horrible. I was in the habit of pointing out to strangers how our babies weighed the same even though there's a 2 month age gap, but now I think I need to keep my mouth shut b/c I'm sure it's hurtful to my friend.

So the long and short of it is, people with "big" babies probably get comments too, and I'm sure they're sick of 'em as well. It's just one of those aspects of motherhood where we must grit our teeth and smile, b/c people I'm sure harmless in their idle comments. :hug99:

 

Yep - mommies with big babies get it too. My twins were both 7 lbs. 3 oz. when they were born and have been big babies all along. I either get the wide eyed (judgemental) look when I tell them how young they are or I get "oh my, they're healthy (read: fat) babies aren't they?" I do grit my teeth a lot.

 

my ds is 22lbs & dd is 18lbs- i get the comment "he is sooo much bigger than she is!" all the time- like i'm feeding him & starving her. yes, it does get very irritating! :angry:

 

my singleton was 9 lbs, and I never felt the same reaction to people saying he was large. It seems completely different to me than someone saying they're so tiny.

 

I'm right there with you! It feels like a judgment against me as a mother although I'm sure no one is really thinking anything like that. the other thing that bothers me is when we're around a bunch of people and if one of them cries, everyone automatically assumes they are hungry.

 

I get the opposite..Holy cow what do you feed that kid!! My one ds is about 25 lbs and my other ds is about 20lbs as if I don't feed that one...I sometime get paranoid as if I'm overfeeding or he's going to be obese when he's older (we'd have to have his DNA checked if that happens..my DH and I were picked on for being so thin when we were younger)...so now I just try and blow it off and not worry about it. If it wasn't there weight it would be something else.

 

I agree with a PP that I think there are basic assumptions/judgements people make when they see twins these days...not to minimize how any of us feel about comments made about our children because we are moms who have feelings and want to feel like we are doing the best for our babies. But, I dont think people understand how it makes you feel and how stupid they look. For instance, I am in the mall and someone asks if they are twins--hello...side by side stroller, look pretty similar, and wearing matching outfits. Insert fake smile here.

And I know the list goes on and on!


Rachel

 

You are describing my life. When I go out with my babies, people ask if they're 3 months old. Everyone says how tiny they are, or asks if they're small for their age. It really bothers me, because I know that people aren't trying to be rude. It just makes me worried for my babies because I know that they are small for their age. People also comment that they were probably small at birth and, inevitably both my twins were heavier than their babies at birth. Then it's like, yeah, I'm great at growing babies, I just suck at feeding them (I'm breastfeeding, plus pumping at night to supplement during the day). I'm a pretty laid back mom (my husband told me he wouldn't have any more kids with me unless I seriously chilled out), I just wish that my babies would get up to the 10th or 15th percentile for my own sanity!

 

ME TOO!!!! The boys were 4 lbs and 3.9 lbs when born at 34 weeks, and were 10 lbs and 9 lbs a 7 weeks - so growing great, i thought. But I STILL got (and get) the "small" comments. Drives me nuts!!!!!!!!! And makes me think I'm doing something wrong : (

 

I had the opposite. The boys will be 5 months thursday but when they were 4 months and 11lbs ppl would tell me they were big??? I was like no they arent, they are at the lower end of the chart. It shut 'em up LOL

I say now they are around 14lbs so I dont remember if thats good for the age or not lol

Hang in there Reyna, ppl just dont think before they talk. Give them a come back like "If you say so" and walk away.

 

Well i get it all the time as at 14 months my dd weighs 17 lb 9 and my ds weighs 24 lb 10. No one belives they are twins when i tell them as their is a 7lb weight difference betwen them. So im right there with you. Try not to let it bother you too much. Big :hug99: to you x

 

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I feel so much judgement. Like I am starving my kids! I work my butt off breastfeeding and I HATE when people start telling me how small they are and how they should eat more, eat solids blah blah blah. I think my girls are absolutley perfect. Hitting all their milestones, the pediatrician is thrilled with their progress, they are happy and healthy girls. I know that's all that matters but it is so frustrating.

BTW I think those percentages at the doctors office are a bunch of crap! I don't even tell people what percentage they are in because of the looks I get!!

My girls are 4 1/2 months and are a little over 12 lbs a piece.

 

QUOTE(mpleonard @ Jul 10 2007, 10:00 PM) [snapback]325083[/snapback]
Yep - mommies with big babies get it too. My twins were both 7 lbs. 3 oz. when they were born and have been big babies all along. I either get the wide eyed (judgemental) look when I tell them how young they are or I get "oh my, they're healthy (read: fat) babies aren't they?" I do grit my teeth a lot.


Same here. My oldest was 9lbs2oz (and still 95% for everthing). My twins were born big and are still top of the charts (my girl 90% for weight; 75% for height and my boy 90% for height; 75% for weight) ... All my kids look chubby and very well fed ...

 

my 14 mo old DD is 17 lbs and 29 in tall and people ask me all the time if she's 6 mo old or I get comments about how she must be an "early walker" since she's walking right on schedule (and has been since she was a year old)...

 

Yes, it gets old but you have to realize that most people don't understand because most of them probably more often see average size newborns, etc. In other words, forgive their ignorance, they know not what they say.

 

Whenever my FIL was around and people would ask how much the girls weighed at birth he would chime in "6 lbs 9 oz and 6 lbs 2 oz. Almost the size of a normal baby!" A normal baby? They were normal babies!
And further more I think that considering my slim build (I only weighed 115 lbs pre-pregnancy and I'm 5'6") I had big babies at 36-1/2 weeks. I have family that had full term babies that weighed less than my twins at birth. Even my OB commented on them being big when we were in the delivery room...he said " They're out, they're both girls, and they're big!".
I know he wasn't trying to be a jerk and I was probably hormonal but it was offensive. He's been a great PawPaw and loves them dearly, but people don't realize that some things they say are offensive. It makes us feel like we aren't doing something right as a mother.
:hug99: Try to not feel so bad....I know the attention with twins in public is crazy and while I would like to tell you it gets better I would be lying to you. Just learn to revel in the good comments and shrug off the bad and move on.

 

Quick question.... do you breastfeed? The reason I ask is because I get some flack about breastfeeding and that our babies are either too big or too small or whatever. People don't really know what they're saying so I just let it go in one ear out the other. I honestly and truly try not to internalize what people say. We know and our pediatrician knows they are fine and healthy and that's all that matters. When I get too many questions about what they eat or how much they nurse, I keep the answers pretty vague and they just finally stop asking.

 

I still get that said about my smaller twin, Matthew. He is 31 months old and weighs 28 lbs wet. He is still wearing 18 month clothing and is thin as a rail. It used to really bother me when people would make comments about how much smaller he is than his identical twin brother, but now I just use it as a great way to start a conversation about twins, TTTS, and how they are each their own individual. I think people say these things because they really don't know what else to say. I remember one woman asking me how old my twins were and when I told her they were 3 months, she made a comment about how BIG they were. They weren't even 5 lbs! Just ignore the stupid comments -- you are doing great and your babies are just fine!

 

Mine were 5 8 and 6 1 and my singleton was 4 11. They were all 2 - 3 weeks early. I just make a joke about it like 'I really do feed them' or I really do share my food with them'. I also say, 'know...I make small babies' or 'They are on the lowere side of the chart for weight but they are healthy' I usually say it before someone else does especially if they are sitting beside a chunky, top of the chart baby.

 

I get tired of it too!!! they always say well since they are twins they must have been small at birth? and they think my girls are 2 or 3 months old! they were 6.9 and 6.8 at birth and they are 6 months old!!

 

QUOTE(Twinnylou @ Jul 11 2007, 10:19 AM) [snapback]325729[/snapback]
Well i get it all the time as at 14 months my dd weighs 17 lb 9 and my ds weighs 24 lb 10. No one belives they are twins when i tell them as their is a 7lb weight difference betwen them. So im right there with you. Try not to let it bother you too much. Big :hug99: to you x


Mine are 17 and 21 at 14 months and I get it all the time. He's SO much bigger than her. She's SO petite/tiny/dainty/delicate. I talked to my pedi about it. She's a mom of g/g identicals. She said that having twins will always yield an automatic comparison session with people and there is little you can do to avoid it. People just want to compare and contrast. Still sucks.

 

I get it all the time; it doesn't bother me. I just tell the truth: "Yup, they're tiny and Perfect!"
I can understand your feelings, though. My mom gets really upset about it. Her neighbor has twins and I guess is alway comparing, comparing, comparing. The way I see it, they can wear their clothes longer! LOL.
:hug99:

 

I love throwing percentiles at people.

I think most go through a little math anxiety and stop in their tracks to fugure out what I mean when I say 9oth percentile or 95 percentile. hehehehehe

And I say it with a proud smile like It' my kids SAT score or his projected salary potential.LOL

Most people dont know what to say after I tell Matthew's percentile for height and weight. I leave out Amy's cause they are usually still working on Matthew's "score."

It's sad but maybe I like thinking people are dense rather than mean.

HTH you the next time someone ever says anything.....you could make up a percentile , ya know. Or jsut say we think they are perfect and look them straight in the eye until they avert their eyes.