I'm sick and awake with the babies and my DH is asleep and snoring!

well, it's 6:12 in the morning and i've been up since 1:45 with crying babies, a throat infection (me), and a new gas well that just went up across the street that's making all kinds of loud obnoxious noises. my husband is snoring with one of the babies in our bed (something we had decided not to do) and the other baby is fussing/crying, so i just fed him. i told my DH that i needed his help tonight b/c i wasn't feeling well and didn't want to get the babies sick, needed to get some rest, etc. and he said ok. but now he's sound asleep!

so i'm on the living room sofa typing this and beneath my feet is a massacred pillow that my lab ate before i got home last night....the stuffing is like snow all over the freakin' floor and DH hasn't lifted a finger to clean it up! i know it's not his responsibility to clean up all of the messes, but i'm sick!!!

he says let the babies CIO and then he goes and picks one up and puts him in our bed (something that works to put him back to sleep, but we're trying to get them to sleep in their cribs)! i'm a sleep deprived lunatic right now....i know i'm rambling....

next weekend is my first night back playing with my band after 4 months off...we have gigs just about every weekend. i need to practice my fiddle and mandolin this weekend but my DH seems resentful that i'm not spending 100% of the time being a mom...i went to rehearsal this past week and he didn't say anything mean, but he let me know that he disapproves. i would much rather be sleeping than going to rehearsal or night-time gigs, but this is my band and i need to re-commit to being a part of it the best i can...and the music is a great outlet for me. my DH chose to work until 11pm on tuesday and claimed that it was totally different than me going to rehearsal (6 - 9pm on monday and my mom was here watching the kids). i know that i need some time to myself and that it will actually make me a better mother, but it's infinitely hard to explain that to him.

so i really think he's punishing me by being asleep! he won't flat out tell me not to be in the band anymore, but he'll let me suffer through a throat infection and no sleep as pay back! he says that we decided to have children so it's irresponsible for us to ask people to watch them and go do other things....that's funny b/c when i have to go buy formula and groceries, he's all for that time away, but just not when i actually get to have fun and relax.

i'm sure i'm overreacting somewhat, but i had to get it out...

 

Vent away!! It does make us feel better! This morning my DH (who has been away for 10 days and spent 2hrs with the kids last night) will be going for a 2 hour run while we sit around the house waiting for him to get back. Tomorrow it's a 4 hr bike ride. He gets a lot of "him time" and I don't get any...not ever. TS is my "me time". That ripped pillow on the floor would have sent me over the edge and to be sick on top of it all! Does your DH get time to himself? Maybe if he had a hobby he'd be more understanding of the band. I think it's silly that he doesn't want other people to watch the kids. Wow, my post is very discombobbled! Sorry. My DH is upstairs snoring too! So I'm feeling your pain! I hope you feel better soon and have fun playing all your gigs!

 

This is the best place to vent to! I hope you enjoy your time with the band, all Moms need their time to themselves for their sanity! I think if I wasn't feeling well, the next time I would wake DH and say "one of the babies is crying, you need to get them." I have done that to my DH. Hang in there, Momma!

 

:grouphug: I hope you feel better soon. I'm sure you have, but talk to your dh and tell him what you need.

 

Ooo. Men.
It's sounds like he's being very passive aggressive about the band and you getting time for yourself. I've often thought that passive/aggressive is SO much worse than just being nasty. I'm sorry he's being a poophead! (And tell him 3 months is too young for CIO-we ALL say so! )

In a seperate thought, I am so consumingly desperately jealous of your musical abilities. That is so cool! Owen took Suzuki violin for three years and got quite good, til my XH (his Dad) started teasing him about it and made him want to quit. Boo. you should do a YouTube video of yourself and/or the whole band so we can see you play!

 

I don't think you are overreacting at all. I am so sorry that you are sick and not getting any help from him. You most definitely need your time to do stuff for yourself. You are absolutely right that it will make you a better mommy. I agree, it sounds like its time to sit down with your DH and have a talk. :hug:

 

Vent away! That´s what we´re here for! Men are a totally different kettle of fish to us. Just a hint of a cold and they are in bed wailing for attention. Us, however, plod on whilst being ill, tired and having that at the same time. Im sorry your DH isnt being supportive. I would suggest talking to him about it and letting him know how you feel. Ive had similar issues with my DH and I let him know it! I hope you get better real soon. That is no fun being ill, sleep deprived AND looking after 3-month old twins all at the same time. :hug:

 

so sorry you are feeling bad and all... I hope you feel better soon and can enjoy your time away!! I remember when the babies were really young that I had a little note pad by my nightstand to track what time I was feeding them in the middle of the night and then keeping track of the "sleep" I got... then had a column for my DHs sleep... ah too funny! Now that I'm not in the thick of it I laugh about it... but while you are going through it is very real. I wish you well!