I'm Scared!

things are getting close for me now. This will be my first delivery. no word yet on whether it will be vaginal or c section. I am terrified of both. i am terified of bringin home two little babies. I know people do it everyday, but wow, life is never going to be the same! On one hand I am ready to feel the freedom of not being pregnant. Be free of the discomfort and whatnot....but on the other hand, what if I am not a good mother, and can't hack it thru the delivery. Will me and my DH survive the first few months. Will it make us or break us? I'm scared of post partum too. As you can tell I have some anxiety issues. Anyone else in my boat?

 

I think you are feeling the normal anxiety that everyone feels before birth. The twins were 4 and 5 for me, and I still had it! As far as the PPD, try not to stress about it, it may not happen! The fact that you are worrying about being a good mom, tells me that you are going to be a great one! Congrats on making it this far, you are doing great!

 

I think I had this exact conversation in my own head last night. I am so done being pregnant but I know that not being pregnant means having two babies at home. I am most scared about me and DH being able to survive this. We have the best relationship and I just don't want to lose that! I love the thought of having my little ones home with me and then I start thinking about being in our little apartment in the hot summer with two babies, never seeing DH because he is working and going to school. It sounds terrible because I start feeling like my life is over. These are my firsts so I have no idea if that maternal bond will kick in. Talk about anxiety. I just try and bring myself back to right here and right now, and know that all I have to do is make it through today and tomorrow will take care of itself. Sorry for the vent I think your post stirred up some serious fears for me too!! Thanks for listening

 

Well, I can't ease any of your fears, but I can tell you that you are certainly not alone! I think the same exact thoughts every single day, especially the closer and closer I get to my scheduled c-section, less than 3 weeks away!

But one thing I agree with that a pp said, if you worry about being a good parent, that already makes you one. It won't be easy, but I think parenthood will be the most rewarding journey of our lives!

Thankfully we have places like this site to vent, and to read about all the other parents that have made it!

good luck!

 

I worry, too! I worry mostly that my older daughter will feel neglected...she's such a happy child, and I hate that our attention will be so divided once the babies are here. I've even been anxious to the point of regretting getting PG again (we did IUI) -- some days I don't want anything to change!

I worry about the delivery -- my first one wasn't so easy, even though it was vaginal. But I am also petrified of having a c-section.

I go in for a cervix check today -- I am scared to death that things won't look good, and that I'll be put on bedrest. I wouldn't mind so much if I didn't have a kiddo already -- but it will be a struggle to care for a 3-year-old while on bedrest...

And of course, I worry about the babies coming early, and about the NICU...

I worry that my DH doesn't realize how MUCH work it will be to take care of twins. We have a great relationship, and he's a great guy. BUT, our daughter was a really easy baby, and I nursed her at night without ever waking him (and she slept through really early) -- so he has no idea what sleepless nights with a newborn are like.

Anyhow. It does seem like a twin pregnancy is just fraught with non-stop worry! But, I also know that I will fall in love with these babies soon after they're here, and I won't be able to imagine life any other way -- or want it any other way, at that. I can assure you that the same will happen for you...

 

When I was so nervous about going through delivery, my mom told me to take a look around, "how many babies do you see?" Every one of their mothers was scared. But they went through delivery and somehow they all made it. Not to make light of your fears, it is scary, but the people taking care of you will have been there many times before and they will help you. You will be ok and will come through it with flying colors. There's no "right way" to get through delivery. The end outcome is what you're looking for.

When you bring your babies home, it can be kind of overwhelming, but very soon, you will fall into a rhythm. You'll learn your babies. You have the support of your pediatrician's office. Call them with any questions you have and don't be concerned about "bothering" them. They are there to help you raise healthy babies. And you'll get LOTS of other advice, I'm sure!! You're going to be a great mom!

The fact that you already are aware that the first few months can be tough on your marriage puts you way ahead of the game. By keeping in mind that your husband is feeling scared and overwhelmed too...you guys can stay in touch and remember that the first few months are just that...a few months, a very short time span and then things settle down. It will always be different, but try not to lose sight of the marriage while you're being parents. Date nights are great!
Also, you always read about those of us who had problems, but I don't think we've given enough credit to those dads who love being dads, work hard, step up to the plate, and are so incredibly supportive of their wives. My guess is there's a lot more of them than the other kind.
Come here often. It's an awesome source of support. Let us know when they get here!

 

You are definitely not alone! I'm scared too! I keep going back & forth between being scared & excited. But I can tell you from experience--I've been scared every time I've been pregnant but we somehow got thru each delivery & have 4 healthy children. Each delivery was completely different. My first was a c-section & the rest were vaginal. Then, surprise! pregnant with twins. You will be fine--you will get thru the delivery & you will be in love with your babies after they are here. (although I'm sure you're in love already!) Just have an open mind about your delivery--fear of the unknown is usually worse than the actual experience.
I can also tell you that time flies with kids--not that I have my twins yet--but they grow up so so fast it's unbelievable.
Right now my biggest fear is figuring out how to care for twins & my four others--especially my 2 year old. Hang in there!

 

I just have to say it is THE greatest that will ever happen to you. Yes - you will be exhausted! Yes, you probably will get in fights with your DH! Yes, you will be mad at him but just remember he is a man and doesn't know much! Yes, you will cry, worry, stress, wonder...
BUT...IT IS THE GREATEST THING IN THE WORLD! I feel honored and blessed each day to have them. (Even on those days when I want my old life back and want to run away!!)

CONGRATS!

jen

 

I think the best piece of advice I could give someone about birth/post partum...is just be open to the possibility of any type of experience....the women who usually get plunged into ppd (as I did a bit myself) are those who have this set idea in their heads on how things are going to be, either with the birth or with their babies or even with nursing, and then when things don't turn out that way they get really disapointed...it's a set up for disaster considering the severe hormone adjustment your body will already be going through. Just have an open mind....tell yourself...c/s are okay...epidurals are okay...episiotimies are okay.... pain is okay and so are pain relievers... just so long as the babies and mommy come out healthy in the end... no matter what birth experience you have you will more than likely fall into the 99% category of women who have some pain during and after the birth experience... I've done it both ways and let me tell you it hurts no matter which way the baby comes out. Make sure you trust your doctors judgement and if you have a goal in mind of doing a vaginal delivery then give it your best shot but don't judge your mommyhood on the basis of delivery....or nursing for that matter.

As far as how things will go afterwards...just live one day at a time... have comfort food on hand(I found that a wegman's muffin and a cup of milk every morning did wonders for helping me face yet another eternal day...seriously! I would feel so much happier after my muffin! worry about the weight later! )...don't try to make any impressive strides in keeping a clean house or getting into shape...just focus on the daily goals of keeping you and your children fed and clean...that's it (and whether that feeding is bf or bottle it really doesn't matter, you've met the goal!)...Evaluate the end of your day with whether or not these two goals have been met...if they have then you have been successful for that day. As things progress make goals to get to...if you can't see surviving past six weeks, then mark that six weeks on your calendar and make a goal of just getting there... then 10 weeks... by 15 weeks or so things will be getting much, much better... you might wind up being one of the lucky ones whose kids sleep six hours from around 3 weeks or so...but most of us fall into the 3 month or more category.... so set 3 months as a goal for starting to get sleep in greater chunks than 2-3 hours at a time.... And remember, until you are getting 6-8 hours of sleep at night your only goal during the day should be feed the kids and yourself, keep them clean and sleep when they sleep...that's it. Getting the house somewhat cleaned once a month will be adequate...you aren't going to fall apart if your house is a little dirty. I hope things go really well for you and exceed your expectations.... Trust me, it is better to go into things a little concerned about things, like you are, then to blissfully walk into the pg/birth experience with no thought of anything possibly going differently than expected, as I did on my first birth experience.... I had some severe blues for about six months...and honestly I really believe it came from not having a realistic outlook on how things would be... If someone would have come and slapped me upside the head and told me, "hey listen, things might not work out exactly the way you hoped..." I think I would have done a lot better.

 

IVFmommy2b;
I am an IVF mommy to be too! Sometimes I am mad at myself that I panic and get scared this much! Especially after suffering so much to have my babies!
But you are right, i think our lives will never be the same again! We have 2 more reasons to live.
I believe your feelings are normal, if yours are not, mine are not either!


quote:
Originally posted by IVFmommy2b:
things are getting close for me now. This will be my first delivery. no word yet on whether it will be vaginal or c section. I am terrified of both. i am terified of bringin home two little babies. I know people do it everyday, but wow, life is never going to be the same! On one hand I am ready to feel the freedom of not being pregnant. Be free of the discomfort and whatnot....but on the other hand, what if I am not a good mother, and can't hack it thru the delivery. Will me and my DH survive the first few months. Will it make us or break us? I'm scared of post partum too. As you can tell I have some anxiety issues. Anyone else in my boat?

 

Though I have many of the same fears about the twins on the way and how we will handle it all, I keep remembering that old phrase... "This too shall pass." And it does. I think I need to print that out and hang it all over my house. With my daughter we were so worried about each stage. I felt overwhelmed. I can't imagine two babies yet I know in the end it will be fine. I think sometimes these feelings are magnified for people who have had TTC issues. I myself had to have multiple IUIs for each of my PG. The focus is so much on "getting PG" that when it happens you take a step back and realize you don't know what to do now!

C-section concerns... Well, I had a c-section with my daughter unexpectedly and am going for a repeat C-section with the twins. It's scary, yes. But listen to the doctors and nurses, take your pain medications and you can get through. Once again, "This too shall pass." There was one point about 48 hours after surgery that I never thought I'd sit up without pain again. Well, this passes and every day things get a little easier. I'll have that in mind this time in the hospital - hopefully.

You are not alone. It's a wonderful, overwhelming, scary, miraculous thing to become a parent. Emotional roller coaster! I remember the first time I saw my daughter sleeping on my husband's chest and the look on his face as he gazed at her. At long last he was a father... Completely worth it all!

Good luck and keep us posted!