I'm on a Mother and MIL rant tonight!!! (really long!!)

My mother first:
We live about 1/2 a mile from the inlaws and about 30 miles from my folks. My parents both work and rarely see the babies during the week. Kris's mom doesn't work and his dad is home by 3:30 everyday, and they think they have to see the babies at least, and let me emphasize AT LEAST, every other day, which is annoying as ****, but that was one reason we had children so young...so they could experience the joys of having their grandparents. My mom gets SO jealous of the inlaws, and I understand her frustrations, but it is ridiculous...she can be so childish about it. She thinks that every weekend I am suppose to pack up and come stay with them. The babies don't nap or sleep consistently when we are there and it ends up being a nightmare. When she calls and the inlaws are over for a visit, I'm almost afraid to tell her we have company. It is ridiculous b/c Kris's folks and mine are at totally different stages in life. I still have two sisters living at home, my parents are still in their early 40's (as I was conceived young) and so it is harder to cater to them all the time b/c they have super busy lives. I do try to visit them almost every weekend, but I have things that I want to do to and I don't want to use every weekend to visit, especially considering that it is like pulling teeth to get her to come see us!

Now to my MIL:
She visits WAY too much But she tries SO hard and it is SO annoying. She is diabetic and overweight, my FIL is overweight, my BIL is overweight, and my DH is overweight, but still, she insists on baking every sweet known to man and trying to force it onto us. I tell her almost weekly not to send any sweets home to us b/c Kris is trying to lose weight. The other day I asked her to pick up some pedialite, a frozen pizza, and some ravioli so Kris could survive while I was taking care of the girls. She comes in with those items, plus chips and little debbie cakes, hamburger meat???, hot pockets, the list goes on. She acts like I'm starving the family or something. I know her intentions were good, I KNOW, but does she have to send the sweets over after I ask and ask her not to.

I just needed to vent...if you are going to tell me I'm overreacting, I don't really want to hear it...I'm tired, coming off a long stomach virus infested weekend, and just needed to vent...I love the inlaws and my parents, so just hear me complain without telling me how mean I'm being. I already know I am

 

My mother first:
We live about 1/2 a mile from the inlaws and about 30 miles from my folks. My parents both work and rarely see the babies during the week. Kris's mom doesn't work and his dad is home by 3:30 everyday, and they think they have to see the babies at least, and let me emphasize AT LEAST, every other day, which is annoying as ****, but that was one reason we had children so young...so they could experience the joys of having their grandparents. My mom gets SO jealous of the inlaws, and I understand her frustrations, but it is ridiculous...she can be so childish about it. She thinks that every weekend I am suppose to pack up and come stay with them. The babies don't nap or sleep consistently when we are there and it ends up being a nightmare. When she calls and the inlaws are over for a visit, I'm almost afraid to tell her we have company. It is ridiculous b/c Kris's folks and mine are at totally different stages in life. I still have two sisters living at home, my parents are still in their early 40's (as I was conceived young) and so it is harder to cater to them all the time b/c they have super busy lives. I do try to visit them almost every weekend, but I have things that I want to do to and I don't want to use every weekend to visit, especially considering that it is like pulling teeth to get her to come see us!

Now to my MIL:
She visits WAY too much But she tries SO hard and it is SO annoying. She is diabetic and overweight, my FIL is overweight, my BIL is overweight, and my DH is overweight, but still, she insists on baking every sweet known to man and trying to force it onto us. I tell her almost weekly not to send any sweets home to us b/c Kris is trying to lose weight. The other day I asked her to pick up some pedialite, a frozen pizza, and some ravioli so Kris could survive while I was taking care of the girls. She comes in with those items, plus chips and little debbie cakes, hamburger meat???, hot pockets, the list goes on. She acts like I'm starving the family or something. I know her intentions were good, I KNOW, but does she have to send the sweets over after I ask and ask her not to.

I just needed to vent...if you are going to tell me I'm overreacting, I don't really want to hear it...I'm tired, coming off a long stomach virus infested weekend, and just needed to vent...I love the inlaws and my parents, so just hear me complain without telling me how mean I'm being. I already know I am

 

I don't think you are mean at all. You live close enough to your parents that you shouldn't have to pack up and stay with them on weekends. If they want to see the babies then you should schedule some time every weekend that works for both of you but still lets you maintain your normal schedule and let's you focus on your family(DH & the babies). Your parents should understand that you need your own time and space to do stuff. As for you MIL, it's your house and you and your DH need to decide what you will and will not allow. That said, I think your DH should be the one to tell his Mom not to bring stuff over that isn't healthy and how often to visit, after all she is his mother.

Sorry you are having such a rough time. I hope things improve and you feel better.

 

Hang in there. I feel your pain. We too get some jealousy issues between the grandparents. Neither one of them is satisfied that they get to see the kids at LEAST once a week if not more.

I agree with Trish, that your DH needs to be the one to lay down the law. But until then, pinch yourself at how blessed you are to have so many people involved in your babies' lives!!!

 

Stomach virus is no fun & added tension is no good either. While I wish we had family closer for "back up"..... most of the time I'm glad they are all across the country.
If it makes you feel better, we have jealousy issues between our parents and the all live 1300+ miles away!!

 

I don't blame you!!! I realize you said your mom has a busy life, but so do you with twin infants. I would not be packing my babies up to take anywere at 1. I did it for 1 weekend and it was he**. 1/2 hour is not so far that she can't stop in once in awhile.

I would go crazy if my MIL had to be over that much. I cringe when she comes once a week and she isn't bad but I like my space. That is bad about that sweets too since you specifically asked her not to bring them.

I feel your frustrations, it does get better as the kids get older and busier. Then they have to check with you to see if you are going to be home or out with the kids.

 

My ILs live 30 miles away and come over once a week to see the kids . That is plenty for me. They see the girls grow & the girls get to know them, but it doesn't infringe on OUR time as a family. DH only sees the girls a few evenings a week since he works late and then weekends are usually booked up with errands and such- so that way the Ils get an afternoon/evening and then DH and I get a weekend day to jsut play and be a family. Occasionally we do get together 2x times or so for projects or larger gatherings (B-days, etc).

Generally, the girls and I are pretty busy during the week and I like it that way. Talk to her or have your DH talk to her.

We,too, have the too many sweets at the house and she brings them for DH! I think she still thinks of him as her little boy....that is not too bad. Sometimes he takes stuff to work to pass around (gets it out of our house!)



KC

 

Thanks for understanding guys. Alot of the reason I tolerate the inlaws visiting so much is b/c I do ask them to watch the girls a good bit. If I need to run to the grocery store, or just need to catch up on some laundry, or whatever, then they usually will take them. I guess I would just feel bad if I said you can't come to our house but twice a week, but hey, wanna keep the girls today?

 

Your mother may have a very, very busy life. BUT, people who do not have young twins, DO NOT KNOW THE MEANING OF BUSY LIFE!!!!!! There is just no comparison. I would lay down the law with both of them.

Mom - At this point in our lives, it is just too difficult to pick up and travel with TWO, 2 I said TWO, 2 2 2 2 2 2 2, young children. For right now, and frankly for the years to come, for the most part, you will just have to come visit us on the weekens.

MIL - DH and I are trying to adjust to our lives with two, 2, TWO, 2 2 2 2 small children. We really appreciate your help and the fact that you are and want to be so involved with them, BUT, here is how I really need your help...... Maybe set a certain day (one) where they come over and help with the kids while you take a nap or bath or whatever. I would also let her know that while you are not trying to be a total nazi about what food everybody in the house eats, you are really trying your best at this crucial time in the development of healthy eating habits of your toddlers to limit their exposure to and intake of sugary foods. You would really appreciate her help in not bringing treats other than, real fruit - fruit snacks, oranges, etc. Give her a couple of examples of things that show her that you don't mind them having a treat once in awhile, but......

You are not being mean. You really just have to let them know how you feel and what you need. NOTHING wrong with that.

P.S. Is DH better? Did you and the twins manage to not get the ick?

 

quote:
Originally posted by Devon:

P.S. Is DH better? Did you and the twins manage to not get the ick?


He is better, we all are better, but we all ended up with the ick Thanks for asking.

 

LOL Devon!

I grew up in a family that "overimbibed" with the food. I still think Grandma thinks 5 entrees aren't enough for a luncheon visit! (we all try to stop at different times so she wn't cook!)

Anyway, it took me a long time to figure this out, and observing a cousin do something similar.

Did you know? You don't have to eat what she brings? You can give it to a neighbor, donate it to a church, or homeless shelter. You can give it to a sick friend, or whatever. (man the guilt that comes with doing it the first time! LOL) If she finds out and complains about it, you can simply say that you didn't want or need it, which you had mentioned. You are trying to keep calories to a limit and those things aren't helpful.

As for the visiting, I can't help. My inlaws are 4 hours away and my parents are 8 hours away. I'd love to have a bit of help sometimes, and no I wouldn't want my MIL over that much! LOL

 

My mother HAS to come over every day, or she acts like she is going to die. Yes, it is helpful for the most part and I am grateful for the help, but it does get to be a bit much. She also overdoes it on the food at times, and I have had to out and out tell her No. When they were almost a year old, it was constant with the "when will you let them have juice?" Well, they don't NEED it. The only juice they have is prune when constipated. They eat tons of fruit, so it's not like they are lacking in Vitamin C. She's always trying to feed us, like we're starving to death. Every once in a while I do have to tell her to back off, or we're having a family day today, sorry we just don't have time for a visit.

As far as your parents, maybe you can set something up where they come over to visit one weekend (not the whole weekend, but a few hours one day) and you do the same the next.

 

My MIL and FIL are deceased I never knew them- they died in their early 50s. My mom lives 1 1/2 hours away and we somehow manage to see them almost every weekend- meaning she is here or we are there- but it is never every weekend there and we don't stay overnight- because to me- it is still close enough to come home. I couldn't imagine packing up all their stuff every weekend. You've got a life girl! Live it! I do think it is unreasonable for your mom to think you are going to come and stay every weekend. Aren't adults childish when it comes to sharing babies??

 

I don't think you are mean! You have every right to vent and this is the best place!!!