i'm new here and i have A LOT of questions!

hey all. a friend of mine told me about this site. I'm 31 weeks pregnant with twins. One boy, one girl. It was COMPLETELY unexpected, as we JUST had our daughter in October of 09, and we were pregnant again by december. It is SO hard. My DH works 2nd shift and i have a 9 month old now that i have to take care of with twins inside me. I find it so hard to carry her, or play with her on the floor or chase her around cause she's learning to walk. Not to mention how to clean my house on a regular basis. When to find time to take a shower. Or make time for myself. I have a family that is CONSTANTLY fighting and my DH family is also constantly fighting. DH's little sister *24 years old* lives with us. Has for about 2 and a half years. When i was pregnant with my daughter last year, she did nothing to help me out whatsoever. She wouldnt help clean the house or make dinners or anything, and she lived with us for free. Now i'm pregnant again, granted NOT her fault, but she again refuses to help out in her brothers house that she lives in for free and without working at all. She disappeared a month ago to go to her mothers who lives 5 minutes away, following a night of me FORCING her to do dishes and make dinner because i was contracting and my blood pressure was threw the roof. She left the next day and she has only been home once to get more clothes. I want her to move out and my DH wont do it. He's finally starting to see what she is doing to this house and me and most importantly to us. She supposedly left to drive her sister who lives at her mothers house, back and forth to work because she LET her car get repossessed and has no vehicle. both myself and DH are pissed because back in december she was supposed to be taking DH back and forth to work because he was working 3rd shift and had to be in at 3am. It was below freezing, snowing, and late, and we didnt want to have to take our 2 month old out in the cold. So she said she would help out. And then disappear for a week. So we had to take our 2 month old out in the cold anyway. Whats upsetting is that we had to threaten to kick her out to get her to help out. but she dropped everything to help her other sister. She completely walked out on the people struggling beyond belief to keep a roof over her head, but she dropped everything for her other sister who isn't doing SQUAT with her life. Sorry to vent like this to you guys who dont even know me. But i'm so beyond stressed and i dont know how to calm down. I have dishes and laundry that are backing up. The babies room isn't even started. My shower is being thrown by someone who doesnt give a crap about me, its all about her being the grandma, and inviting people I DONT EVEN KNOW, but not my family! my DH is NEVER around because he works, which i'm not complaining about, because he is keeping our roof over our heads solo right now. I have a 12 year old son, who doesnt do a damn thing to help out in the house. There are nights i cry all night because i'm so stressed out and wanting just 10 minutes to myself to take a shower without having to worry about anything. but i can't. i hardly have time to pee when i have to. i'm so super stressed out and it just hurts. I'm contracting ALL the time. I'm in pain ALL the time. I have no help. and i am seriously losing my mind. Again i'm so sorry to lay this on all of you who have never talked to me before. but i dont know what else to do. I dont know how to do it all. I'm not supermom and i can't magically turn into supermom. I'm supposed to be taking care of myself but i can't. I can't even rest without hurting anymore. I dont sleep at night because of the babies, or because my 9 month old gets up. My and DH who have never had an argument in 7 years are fighting all the time. I'm just stressed and need some words of encouragment!!!!

 

wow, I'm sorry you have such a full plate right now. Congrats on your pregnancy, but you need to set some boundaries for other people in order to take care of yourself. I think you need to toss out the SIL. She's 24 and should know better. She is no longer a child - there is no excuse and you are not her mommy. Put your foot down and throw her out. You sound terribly stressed and you have your own children to take care of. Your priorities have to be your children and youself (and DH). Life is too short to take care of people who treat you like crap and disrespect you and your home.

I hope you can get some rest and try to relax. You sound dangerously stressed and it's too early for those babies to come out! Please take care of YOU.

 

Wow. Yes, you need to minimize right now. Get the loaf out, sleep train the 9 month old and get some support. Do you have a church that you attend? I bet you could get some help there. How about a cleaning service 2xs a month- just to get at the bathrooms and floors?

You've got to take care of you right now. Find a safe spot for the baby, let her practice walking on cushy floors, and REST. Use her 1st nap to work on your house, 2nd to sleep yourself.

I hope it gets better for you soon!

 

:welcome: to Twinstuff! You sure have a lot going on right now. :hug:

 

I agree w/ pp that you need to toss the SIL out to the curb. She is not helping the situation at all. And than after doing that, take a deep breath! :youcandoit:
I also agree w/ reaching out to your community for help. Look at churches, mom groups, anywhere for some extra help and much needed rest. Take it one day at a time and what you don't get to today, you can try to do tomorrow. Hang in there!!! You're doing such a great job! :hug: :hug: :hug:

 

I am so sorry, I agree with the nap comment. Use the first one to get something done with out a baby in the way and then sleep the other one. Naps are a necessity. Also find a church or moms groups to help you out. You can't do it by your self. I am struggling with being pregnant with twins and my other twins are almost 3. It must be so hard with a 9 month old. you can see if there is a twin's group near you. They usually give a mentor to new twin moms who can give great advice and be there for support. Also don't expect your house to be perfect. Set some reasonable goals and don't try to do everything.