I'm feeling PPD-ish, help :(

Most of this is tied to my whole "Ainsley won't nap" saga, which appears to have no end it sight. Ainsley not napping, or even staying quiet for a brief period, is making me agitated, angry, sad, and overall making me feel like a horrible mother. They nap separately because when I've tried it together, it doesn't work, and I don't want to ruin Bea's good naps. So, now I switched them around so Ainsley is in the PNP downstairs and Bea in the nursery upstairs. I had to do this because Ainsley's crying and screaming is so loud, and DH works from home (office right next to their room) and it was making it impossible for him to work during that hour.

Anyway, so now Ainsley just screams for an hour. Sometimes afterwards she will fall asleep on me. Well today when I got her, she was very wound up and I could not calm her down. She kept throwing her binky and blanket and then wanted it back. Took her socks off and wanted them back on. Kept trying to pull her shirt off. She kept getting off of me, going away and then sobbing in the middle of the floor. I was getting so aggrivated, I could feel the anger in me and it was scary. I have never felt like that before. I cry every day because of this whole situation. On top of that, Bea was being a pill this morning, but at least she naps for 2.5 hrs and I get some relief. I felt like saying "I quit, I don't care if we lose money, I'm getting a job and putting them in daycare." If they were in daycare, would it really matter so much that Ainsley doesn't nap? Would I be so aggrivated and looking forward to bedtime?

I feel like I should be enjoying this stage, and overall, I do. They are super cute most of the time, and doing and saying new things every day. But then there are days like today. Having a 12 hour job so to speak and getting no break is killing me. I need a real, honest to god break from them. DH ends up having to work every weekend, my only "breaks" are an hour here and there to do housework.

Anyway, thanks for listening.

 

It's always hardest for me when they aren't sleeping well. I feel much like you described. Do you feel like moods are better and things go more smoothly if you get out of the house during the day? I have found this winter that if we weren't able to get out of the house for more than 2 or 3 days in a row, they started melting down - whiney, restless, not napping well, not eating well, etc. But if I could get them out, things would start to fall back into place a little.

I hope something improves soon. If you are feeling PPD'ish, like you said, I would definitely talk to your Dr. I often feel like mine waxes and wanes based on their behaviors/moods.

 

I'm sorry Kelly! I understand how you're feeling. Mine have had stretches with no naps and it is exhausting. DH can't understand why it makes me feel so crazy (it really does!). I can't relax at all, even if they're in their cribs, not screaming but not sleeping. He can just tune it out, I can't! Does Ainsley sleep well at night? Is there any reason to think something is making her not sleep like an ear infection or something like that? Could you talk to your pedi and see if he/she has any suggestions. It's really hard to believe at 19 months that she doesn't still **need** a nap. I think you're doing the right thing by continuing to put her in her bed and trying to get her to nap. Since DH is in the house and they are both in their cribs (even though Ainsley is not napping) could you leave the house even just to go on a walk or sit outside where you can't hear her scream and read a book? Maybe if you could get away from the screaming it would be better. Maybe Ainsley would nap if she knew you weren't there to pick her up? I really hope it gets better soon, I really do sympathize with you!

 

Kelly, I am so sorry this is such a stressful time for you. I totally sympathize with being the only parent on duty most of the time. While my 2 nap decently, Ryan throws horrible tantrums and can often be cranky all day (like today). By the end of the day I feel horrible and like a bad mom. I think Melissa gave you some great tips. Take the time she is in her crib and maybe get a shower or take a quick trip in the car. Sometimes I find that 5 min of a break is really helpful, even if it's while I am doing a chore. Hang in there.

 

I am soo sorry! I know that is frustrating! I went through a very crabby period with Henry and I thought I needed to up my meds! I understand how you feel! Did she ever struggle with reflux? Could this be bugging her?

 

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. One of ours is like that too but we did the screaming thing at night until we figured out he had a tummy issue. It's frusterating beyond belief. When my kids cry I feel desperate, I don't know how else to describe it. I panic. I started taking lexapro several months ago (after a SEVERE SEVERE bout with PPD for nearly a year) and felt better within 24 hours. I can actually think clearly and cope with crying and fits.
You do need a break too, and so do I. So many of us are guilt of that!
Hang in there, it will get better.
J

 

Kelly, I'm sorry you're feeling so miserable! Is there any way DH can avoid working weekends? It sounds like you would feel so much better if you could just get a break. It really isn't reasonable to expect one parent to be on duty ALL the time, especially with toddler twins.

 

Maybe you're already trying this, but here's my suggestion:

Treat nap time like bedtime, in that there is a routine to settle down. Walk in the stroller - regardless of weather. Buying bunting, rain cover, etc. Or books. Or puzzles. Or short video. Or whatever calms her down. I think the transition at nap time can be hard for some children.

We are going through night wakings with Jacob - actually 5:00am wake-ups - and I have gone batty. I can't function at work because I'm so tired.

 

We do pretty much the same things for nap that we do for bed, minus the milk and pj's/bath. We usually watch a DVD(Baby Einstein or Signing Time) and then I say "good night" to the toys and the things on the DVD, and have them say good night to each other. I don't know, maybe it would help if we went through the exact same things?

Ainsley has been doing this for nearly two months now. I don't think it's illness or teething. She is fine for bedtime, except maybe once-twice a week she will cry for 30 min at bedtime or wake at night. It's progressed from napping for 45-30 min and then the screaming and crying to screaming and crying immediately. She acts like she is being dropped into hot lava when I put her down. I have done most of the suggestions I've gotten. However, I am unwilling to do anything that I do not want to continue/become a habit at bedtime (like rocking to sleep, etc). I've BTDT with her. She had mild reflux but it went away around 4-5 months. Their 18 month appt (overdue!) is next week, so I will talk to the doctor about this.

Anyway, about the depression and how I'm feeling. Yes, if we have a good day where everyone behaves and is happy, I do feel much better. Getting stuck in the house does wear on them and me.

DH's working on the weekends should be coming to an end in a couple weeks. He has several projects with deadlines all at the same time, then he had a computer crash, so he's got tons of work. Hoping he can take some time off soon!

 

Hmmm. OK, this goes against all the rules, but here's what I did with my excruciatingly bad napper. Jamie would always sleep less time than Nicole anyway, and I was ready to lose it over the nap fight. Soooo I started keeping Jamie up to have some special time with mommy. We would go to my room and dim the lights draw the blinds and read a story. Then I would lay down with her and sing to her and she would yawn and eventually fall asleep. It usually only took 10 minutes and then I would get an hour nap out of her without the crying/whining etc. I worried that Nicole would catch on and resent the extra attention Jamie was getting, but she always loved her naps and was ready to go down so it never became an issue. I know they are supposed to nap on their own, but when it gets this disruptive, I don't see the harm in changing things up. I know how horrible this can make your days. This really worked for us because it also made me enjoy nap-time instead of dreading it. Good luck with finding a solution.