I'm feeling down lately!

Discussion in 'The Toddler Years(1-3)' started by Sullyirishtwins, Jul 3, 2008.

  1. Sullyirishtwins

    Sullyirishtwins Well-Known Member

    Hi Ladies,

    My close friend (not best friend) but we live about 15 minutes from each other. She and I were trying to get pregnant at the same time about 5 years ago. It took a little bit longer for her to finally get pregnant at 'my' fertility DR instead of her old DR. I was the one to recommend them through my DR. They are now pregnant with twins' boys. I am really excited and they finally will have a family of their own.

    I did expressed in the past IF she should get pregnant I would like to host one. She knows I am a get-go from doing wonderful parties in the past. She also attend my baby shower. She brought us a really nice 2 high chairs (no more than $100 dollars) since I didn't go to a high-end brand. Now I am seeing her registery list is a bit more pricey that they really need.

    After having my twins' I have experienced errors and trials of what we should have 'registery' for our needs. I only offer her 2 of the things about the highchairs and strollers. I told her to eliminate the double stroller and just get the snap n' go because her babies are Fall like mine are too. With next Spring her boys will be able to sit in a SBS stroller which will save her the sanity of double stroller. I also advice her NOT to get those 2 bulky high chairs and go with the latest booster seats that are becoming more popular. Unfortunately, she's not listening but I totally respect her.

    I feel like I am let down because she is not asking for any advice since she knows I am an organizer for my twins' group and have no experienced with twins in her family. I wanted to help her to save $$$ toward to something they would be better off.

    Not too long ago, I have asked her husband about hosting just 6 girlfriends of hers for a book shower (no baby gifts). He tried to pursue her to let me do one for her because I know she'll be happy but she declined and prefer 1 big shower (she doesn't have tons of friends like I have).

    My husband says stay out of it and let them learn their lesson. I am more quiet now since because I know I need to respect her wish but how can you go registery for something without any helpful ideas with a friend who already have twins'. If she was to get pregnant with twins' before me I would have her help me. I just find that a bit strange or is this common with friends' with twins?

    D, w/Rianna and Justin
     
  2. seamusnicholas

    seamusnicholas Well-Known Member

    Try not to let this upset you. I can tell you are a good friend. :hug99:

    Personally, when I registered, I went with my sister who has singletons and her advice was really all I needed. I do agree that the snap -n-go tip is a good one. But this may be something she wants to do on her own. I would not take it personally.

    Also, I am a highchair person myself. I know there are a ton of people who love the booster. I think that is a personal preference.

    I would also want just one shower. You may suggest to her or whoever is hosting her one big shower to have the guests bring a book rather then a card to go along with the gift.
     
  3. caba

    caba Banned

    I would try not to be upset. Honestly, I have 2 high chairs and love them! I hate those ones that strap to the chairs ... and I have a double stroller now, but used a snap and go when they were in the infant seats. For me, I asked for the moon on my registry, and then figured we would see what we got, and if need be, return the more "unnecessary" stuff to get the necessary stuff ... so maybe that is what she is doing. The thing is, what works for one twin mom doesn't always work for another. I got advice (a lot of it contradicting) from people with twins and one with triplets. Some were right, some were wrong FOR ME.

    So I wouldn't feel bad. Let her make her decisions, and just let her know that if she needs advice about anything to just ask. And leave it at that.

    As for the shower, I dont know. Maybe she doesn't know that many people, she figures she would rather have one shower with everyone there.

    That's just my take. Try not to let your feelings be hurt. More important that the all the registry stuff, she's going to need your advice when the twins arrive!
     
  4. marcy874

    marcy874 Well-Known Member

    I'd try not to take it too personally, I'm sure she does value your advice, but she still has her own "ideas and plans" for how to do things as well. Any advice you give her is just that, advice. Its for her to decide what of it she wants to take or not take. And as a PP said, what works for some, may not work for all.

    I think the best thing to remember is no matter what you tell her now, she's not going to be able to totally grasp everything you're saying until she has her babies. Then, I'm sure she will REALLY appreciate having someone around that has BTDT. I definitely wouldn't sweat the small stuff about what equipment she wants/needs. That will be small beans in the end. What she'll really need is support once the babies get here.
     
  5. Babies4Susan

    Babies4Susan Well-Known Member

    I wouldn't let it upset you. We all have our own ideas on what we want/need for our kids. I read on here all about the snap 'n go, but I decided I'd rather go with a Duoglider travel system and it served me very well. I'm glad I got it. And I personally liked my high chairs too. So what works for some may not work for all.

    I know I didn't want all the fuss of 3 baby showers, I was happy when it ended up being just one big one. I'd maybe do the books instead of cards at the shower, that's a fun idea.
     
  6. Sullyirishtwins

    Sullyirishtwins Well-Known Member

    Thanks! I did have a high chair after all from her. But her kitchen is twice smaller than mine which is why I offer up to her about it. Unfortunately, I am staying out of it. Who knows she'll come around after her twins' are born? She did asked a lot when she found out she was expecting twins' about the pregnancy situation and maternity leave. Her shower is coming up on July 27th and will do the book instead of card.

    D, w/Rianna and Justin
     
  7. witmuch

    witmuch Well-Known Member

    I wouldn't let it bother you too much. When my husband and I found out that we were having twins, we were floored. We didn't know what to say or what to do, let alone what we would need, since we had to literally start from scratch with everything that we would need.

    I researched everything that I could on twins, what to get, and what we would need. I didn't know anyone with twins peronally, but i knew a few people that are twins. So, I never really got the chance to listen to the advice from twin parents. In the end I took what I remembered from my first 3 kids and doubled it (not with all things). But in the end I am glad that I chose what I chose.

    We have a DuoGlider which is a snap-N-go and double stroller. I use this all the time and will continue for a while. I would never go without it!

    I have two high chairs as well. I tried the portable ones, the ones that fit into the dish washer, and the ones that strap to the chairs but I hate those with a passion. I will not ever change the highchairs--just my opinion.

    We were also given everything we needed by our church for free, except two outfits that I bought and diapers. I wanted to do everything on my own know matter what and I am glad that I made that choice. If your friend is wanting to do things on her own then be there for her when she needs you and answer questions when she is in need of answers. There will be a time when you will be the number one person that she can turn to.

    I pray that things go well!
    Meshell
     
  8. MichelleL

    MichelleL Well-Known Member

    I wouldn't let it bother you. Some people just don't like advice.
     
  9. Britten

    Britten Well-Known Member

    When we found out we were having twins DH insisted that we needed advice from other twin moms. He wanted to invite another twin mom with us when we went to register - then SHE decided to invite another twin mom too. That would've been 4 adults and 4 kids under 2 going to BRU to pick out MY baby stuff! :huh: I was sooooo dreading the trip that I finally just canceled it and convinced DH that we would be fine on our own. And we were.

    Personally I hated the snap n go and the booster seats....and I love my regular highchairs!

    During the pregnancy and early infant days I got so much unsolicited advice it made me nuts! I know people mean well and I'm sure you do too...but some people just want to figure it out on their own. Yes, it might mean money wasted for her - but she might not value a dollar the same as you do. Your heart is most certainly in the right place, but I would let her come to you if she would like your advice and guidance.
     
  10. Ericka B

    Ericka B Well-Known Member

    I wouldn't take it personally but I do understand how you feel. We are special as twin mommies and I like to think I know what I'm talking about when it comes to twins. However before I had my boys I wanted EVERYTHING for them and so that's what I registered for :lol: . I figured if people didn't want to spend the money they could get what they wanted (and several did) and I would buy whatever I wanted and didn't get. There are so many things that I got so little use out of but I don't think anyone could have told me not to get those things ( I probably wouldn't have listened). I know there are a lot of moms on here even that love certain products that other moms have no use for and the other way around. Not to mention so many of the things you never use after their first year. I would just offer your advice if she asks and try and let her do her thing. She'll have to figure out what works for her.
     
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