I'm back and full of questions and a rant or two!

Hello all of you twin parents! I haven't been on here in months and I just felt the need to reconnect. I've been busy trying to go back to school and also just had a hysterectomy. I'm 7 weeks out and feeling much better, although I have many moments of despair knowing that I will never be able to have another child. My girls are almost 10 months old now and doing fabulous! I never would have made it through the first 6 months without all of you, and now that they are 10 months old, it seems like such a blur.

So, for rant number 1. As some of you may remember, I have had some problems with DH since the birth of our daughters. For the first 6 months I was pretty much on my own with them 24/7. It was really tough and even though he is a little more help now, I have a lot of resentment towards him for those early months. Especially since so many of my friends and family members have recently had babies and I see how much help all of those dads are. There is still a very big part of my that wants to leave and never look back. But I know he loves his daughters even though he doesn't have much to do with them and I know it would kill him. It's just that we barely speak to each other and when we do, it's usually an argument over something. It doesn't help that between the stress of my recent surgery, trying to go to school, and trying to take care of the girls with not a lot of help, I have little to no down time and have become a little depressed. This crappy winter weather doesn't help either! And don't even get me started on my IL's!

So if anyone has any good advice, I'm all ears!

On to the girls. They really are doing well. My biggest issues right now are the complete lack of schedule and feeding. Up until they were almost 9 months old we had a very strict schedule. But with the addition of more solids and teething, our days have become pretty unpredictable. They used to get up at 6am, have a bottle, nap at 8, bottle at 10, nap at 12, bottle at 2, nap, and bottle then bed at 6pm. Now they wake up anywhere between 4am and 6am so the morning bottle can vary at times and I think that they are trying to go to only 2 naps a day, but I don't know. Some days they still need 3 but their napping has become so sporadic. Sometimes I can only get 2 30min naps a day and some days they'll take a couple of 2 hour naps. The complete lack of schedule is driving me nuts and I don't know how to fix it.

The feeding thing is another issue. They have never taken as much formula as they were supposed to. They are taking 4 bottles a day, an 8 ounce in the morning and night and 2 6 ounces during the day. Some days they will eat all of them and some days they may only take a couple ounces out of each. I have been feeding them 3 meals a day of solids also. A mixture of "real" food and jarred baby food. They can feed themselves any kind of finger food. Sometimes we do snacks if they seem hungry. I just can't figure out the right time to feed them solids. I don't know if I should do the solid immediately after a bottle or wait an hour or 2. Or, if they should have a solid meal first in the morning before the bottle. I feel like formula should still be the biggest part of their diet, but they are starting to get away from eating as much of their bottles. Here is an example of what one of our days looks like:

5am - wake up
5:30 or 6am - 8oz bottle
7am - solid, usually they split a 6ounce jar of oatmeal
8am - nap, anywhere from a half hour to an hour and a half
10am - 6oz bottle
11am - solid, either something I'm eating or they split a 6oz jar of food and 4oz jar of fruit
12pm - nap
2pm - 6oz bottle, possibly a nap around 3 if they haven't napped well
4:30pm - dinner, usually they eat whatever we are having for dinner
6pm - 8oz bottle
6:30 or 7pm - bed

I've tried pushing their bedtime back but they are so crabby it's not worth it. I just don't know if I'm going about the feedings the right way. My dd2 is nearly 2lbs lighter than her sister and does not put weight on easily. Plus she is SO crabby. They are both crawling and pulling up on things and she follows me around fussing all day.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated! TIA!

 

Aw, I am so sorry you're going through a rough spot. I'll try to offer any advice I can.

Honestly, I feel you. Not this exact issue, but just harboring a grudge towards something that I feel my husband falls short at. But you know what? That's our issue to get over. If he sucked the first six months, or even still, you can only control yourself. I'd say talk to him about ways that he can help you (and they may only be little things) and then give the rest up. You'll both be happier if you don't dwell on the past.

I think they're about ready for two naps a day. I think this ties in to the eating issue, too. Our experience was this:

6:00 wake-up, first bottles (6oz)
8/8:30-9/9:30 nap
10:00 solids, bottle (4-6oz)
2:00 solids, bottle (4-6oz)
3:30/4:00-5/5:30 nap
6:00 solids, bottle (4-6oz)
8:00 "loaded" bottle (4-6oz with rice cereal)

Some days the girls needed a "cat nap" at another point in the day, but we tried to keep that one to 30 minutes. They stuck pretty well to this schedule.

Also, at 9mos they still get most of their nutrients from their bottles, so I would focus on getting formula in them and treating solids as practice or the lighter part of the meal.

I hope you're feeling better since your hysterectomy. Major surgery is so hard. Are you getting some help now? I'd definitely demand some assistance until you're back to normal. Don't wear yourself out.

:hug: I posted a long one back.

 

Like the pp, I would say to try for two naps. Our boys made that switch around 8 months. It was hard for a bit, but they adjusted to it. Our schedule was basically like this at that age (although around 10.5 months, we dropped to three bottles and added a snack):
6:30am - bottles
8am - breakfast
(nap around 9am)
10:30am - bottle
12:30pm - lunch
(nap around 1:30pm)
2:30pm - bottle (or after nap if they miraculously slept more than 45 min.)
5pm - dinner
7pm - bottle and bed

I'm wondering if the root of your inconsistent schedule might be the variation in the first bottle. Our boys are early risers, too. Until the last month or so, they were up many, many mornings around 5am. However, no matter what time they woke up, their first bottle was always around 6:30am. That way I knew we could have a consistent daily schedule. Unless they were screaming bloody murder, I would not get them out of their cribs until at least 6am (now I won't get them out until 6:30am at least).

As far as milk vs. solids, our pedi said at 9 months they should be getting 16-24 oz. of formula approximately a day. They may be starting to naturally cut themselves back a bit - our boys starting doing that around 10-11 months, especially Gabriel (the smaller of our two by 2 lbs.). I also remember we had a VERY rough period of whining and crying during that same time - any chance your LO's are teething? Teething can also really impact their eating.

I wish I could give you some advice about your DH. That must be so hard. :hug: Have you considered counseling?

Hang in there!!

 

I wish I had some advice for you but I don't. I just wanted to say I understand how you feel in regards to being resentful towards your husband. My DH works a lot and I mean A LOT. The majority of it's necessary because he is the only one earning a paycheck. Some of it though is him wanting to work. He picks up hours. It makes me SO mad. But I have decided to let it go. He knows how I feel and chooses to ignore my feelings. He would rather work than spend time with his family. Okay whatever. He's the one that's going to wake up in twenty years and look at his kids and think dang I really missed a lot!

 

I can understand about holding resentment!
DH and I spend most nights apart and therefore I do the 'nightshift' by myself. It can be so tiring, and just once I would like to go to bed and STAY in bed all night like he gets to. Funnily enough, he wonders why I never feel like being 'close' :gah: .
I also resent the lack of help I get from both sets of grandparents. (ie: virtually none!)

I can relate to the routine vs. solids situation too! :grouphug:

We switched to 2 sleeps around a month ago and it eventually settled into a pattern.
Buuuuuuuuuuuuut if one thing goes wrong, it can all go wrong.
(I also resent being a virtual prisioner to the routine :laughing: . EG: today instead of going home after school drop off, I decided to stay out and catch up with friends for a coffee. The girls would normally have a rest but off I went. Now they were really well behaved but by the time they did get to nap, the routine had flown out the window. I can hear one now! I'm going to have to either streeeeeeeeeetch them out or try and sneak in a quick nap later.......sigh )

Sorry not much actual advice but at least its good to come where others actually have a clue as to what it really like!

 

Thanks for the advice! I have been trying to work them down to 2 naps and it works most days, but not always. They have been sick the past couple of days and I think that is why they may have needed that extra little nap. I'm sorry to hear that others have to deal with not having any help, but it's nice to know I'm not alone. So thank you all for the replies.