IL vent!

I have been on this site daily since my b/g twins were born however have not posted until now. I have to vent and please tell me if I am being unreasonable.
We were at my inlaws today (we don't have the best relationship) as my SIL is in town with her kids. From the moment we arrived and removed the babies (10 months) from their carseats they sat them down and began a 15 minute photoshoot, then the entire time we were there MIL, SIL and her daughter had the camera in their faces. Then all the kids crowded around my DD with SIL and myself sitting right there and DD got scared and started to cry just as I was about to pick her up SIL grab her and held her as DD was crying. Rude or is it just me. Last but not least, every time I was holding one of the babies she had the other, she would give the one she was holding to MIL and then take the other from me. Never asked just grab them out of my arms. I am at the point I don"t want to see them unless they can have a little respect and acknowledge that I am their mother!! Any thoughts.

Sorry just needed to vent!

 

I can understand if they are excited about the babies, but still strange behavior...to just keep grabbing them from you and taking charge. I get annoyed with family sometimes too, but I couldn't imagine them doing that. They at least make me feel like since I am their mother, I know what is best for them and am able to comfort them best. Sorry you had to deal with it. I know it's so hard when you want to say something, but can't, or you're just so blown away at the moment you can't even think of what to say until later.

 

Vent away, that's what we are here for :hug99: Maybe they thought they were being helpful since you have TWO babies and they thought you needed an extra set of arms to comfort DD ardon:

 

Feel free to vent, we all need to do it!
I am guessing that they thought they were being helpful, or perhaps they just really wanted to spend some time with the babies since they haven't seen them much? But, you know them best, so perhaps they were being a bit pushy and overbearing. Are they the type that you can talk to about this issue, or do you even see them enough to have to address it? Perhaps you can grin and bear it if it is only occasional visits. Having said that I would find it strange for someone (even if it was family) to pick up my crying baby - most people run away if the baby is crying!
hope things get better soon!

 

Vent away! I agree with the previous posters, they must have thought they were trying to help.

Maybe you were offended because of the history of your relationship with them, something that we don't know about from your post. For me, because of my history with my in-laws, if I brought the twins to my ILs house and they were held the entire time we were there I would be thrilled. But like I said, that's because of my history with my IL's. My IL's always ignore my twins.

So maybe you have a past history with them not acknowledging your role as a wife or mother or something? I don't know I could be totally wrong! But maybe you are reading more into their behavior than they actually meant. IL's are so annoying, I don't think anyone gets along with IL's!!

 

My MIL is the same way! If anyone is holding a baby, including me, she snatches them away without even asking. I thought maybe I was being weird about it until my niece came over one day and said "this is the first time I've gotten to hold Gia without Grandma snatching her away from me. She does it every time." So now I know I'm not the only one annoyed. It's like she thinks if one of them is crying she is the ONLY one who can soothe the baby....wrong. My MIL is so annoying, but I'm trying to see things through her eyes, (it's so hard though), but I think deep down she doesn't mean anything by the things she does. :love0028:

 

Thanks everyone for the replies, it is nice to get another perspective on the situation. My history with my IL is exactly what one of you posted, they have never acknowledge my role as a wife, mother etc. When they call or need something or want to know what the babies are doing it is always directed at my DH. I don't mind that, however it is when we are together that I get very annoyed with what I feel is offensive behavior. I also am more on the defensive side when I am with them than I would be in any other situation. Thank you all again for the advice/perspectives!

 

I agree, it's just a twisted way of helping. This happens to me everywhere I go actually- church, family, etc-- I always remind them- when I'm at home I handle the two of them allll by myself just fine, and I even take care of my toddler, too. I really wonder what they think happens when were by ourselves.

anyway- it sounds more well-meaning than conniving but, that said, it's okay to speak up and let them know where the boundaries are-- my standby is to start talking to the babies (ignore them, speak to the baby) "that's right, grandma shouldn't have grabbed you up like that when you wanted mommy" it's a bit passive-agressive, but if they're behaving that way it might just be a language they understand.

good luck for the future visits.

ALWAYS allowed to vent!! we have all been there!

 

My MIL is the same way. She resents my presence in my Dh and children's lives and usually tries to pretend I don't exist. She spent 3 weeks with us and was constantly taking a baby from me, disrupting my nursing schedule, their nap schedule and asking my Dh (who works at home) for bottles, etc. It was very difficult to deal with. But at the end of the day, these are my children and my husband and all her bad behavior does is ensure she won't get much time with them on the next visit. I hope your Dh is supportive -- it makes these annoying IL problems a little easier. It sucks to have a relationship like this but at least know that you are not alone