If you have a dominant twin

We are starting to have serious issues between our twins. Kate is dominant, and she just runs roughshod over Max. She has been doing this for quite a while - every toy he picks up she goes and takes from him, steals his dummies right from his mouth, and often even physically dominates him (grabbing him by the clothes and dragging him down, pulling hair etc.) even though she is much smaller. Max just takes it - sometimes he brushes it off but mostly it makes him cry. I have been trying not to get too involved - I thought that it would be better if they figure it out between themselves, and I didn't want to seem to be showing favouritism to Max. However, it seems that I am getting involved more often simply because it is getting on my nerves - I am tired of the ongoing whinging and crying that accompanies the daily drama.
Has anyone dealt with this, and if so, what did you do? FTR - we don't do physical violence, so I am not interested in solutions that involve smacking, tapping, popping etc.
TIA

 

oh we have been there for some time now. my DS takes everything away from DD. even if he doesn't want it he takes it and runs. i tried to let them deal with it together but she cries all the time he does it. when he does i take it away from him and tell him no we don't take things from people. now he looks right at me before he takes it and still does it. the pulling hair and pulling him down i told him we don't hurt people like that. and everytime he did she of course cried. well he doesn't do that now i also would say be nice to your sister. he still takes the toys from her but i see when she really wants something she fights back for it. but usually gives up if he is persistent. i don't use violence on them either i don't believe in that. i pick him up and direct him elsewhere though. i sit inbetween them also when this happends. the other day DD took something from her and i said no to her also and gave it back to him. it goes on and on and on. i do hope this passes soon. sorry i don't have any real good advice for you i hope someone has something better just wanted to say i am there with you :hug99:

 

We have the same problem with Lily and Jack. Lily takes everything from him and he is very passive and lets her. I am sort of glad he does not get too mad as he is 4+lbs bigger than her. She gets very mad when I try to intervene and holds the item with a death grip and screams. I am trying to not get too involved as I have noticed Jack starting to look to me for help everytime it happens. I also find that it is really really getting on my nerves. I also do not use any type of physical reprimands and only try to redirect, get her another toy, or encourage a trade. I have found recently that if I ask her to "give" something to him she will not comply but if I ask her to "share" it she is more willing to act accordingly. In the meantime my plan is only to be very very verbally encouraging if any type of sharing is going on. If I give them something I automatically say I am "sharing" and I always say "great sharing" over and over again after it happens. If we are with other friends' children and they are just playing with one of our toys I will dramatically point out that we are sharing with that person.

It is very aggravating and I am hoping it is a stage. Lily is very dramatic about pretty much everything and I just think that she really thinks things are hers and I remind myself constantly that she does not really know what she is doing and she is not trying to be devious or hurtful, it is just all that she is capable of emotionally right now.

Wish I could help, just wanted to say we are there too.

 

time outs. My Max isn't exactly more dominant, he just like to play with everything his sister has. She is getting smart by letting him have it, going to play with something else then when he is done she goes back to the orignal toy. If he is being a bit rough and trying to snatch it if she really doesn't want to let go, I put him in time out. I say, that's not how we play. He gets 2 mins.

 

QUOTE
It is very aggravating and I am hoping it is a stage. Lily is very dramatic about pretty much everything and I just think that she really thinks things are hers and I remind myself constantly that she does not really know what she is doing and she is not trying to be devious or hurtful, it is just all that she is capable of emotionally right now.


That is IT - exactly! Kate is also so dramatic - she has tantrums already. But it does get so mentally exhausting, doesn't it?

 

We are still going through this too at 20 months. They are just starting to simmer down a bit and either play alone or at least be near each other without stealing what the other one has. It is a phase and the pp is right about it that they have no idea that the toy isnt theirs. They are totally egocentric and have no understanding of anyone else's feelings. It will pass at some point, right?