If you don't do CIO - What do YOU mean by CRY?

I let my first DD CIO and have wondered if I made a mistake ever since. So here I am with twins, and am working on not letting these two CIO, and always being comforting with them. They are doing REALLY well, but I have questions:

I don't want to let them cry. I stand at thier cribs and give them binkies over and over, and sing to them and pat their rears a lot. But I find that ANY tiny peap out of them before going to sleep and I am afraid I have been too neglegent with them. I want them to feel loved and comforted at all times, but a little grunting and "talking" has to be OK, doesn't it? Where do you draw the line? Is it always the same? Is 30 seconds of real crying awful?

What are you all doing?

 

For me, personally, crying is when there are tears and they are breathing fast, if that makes sense. Mine only fuss, and I am okay with that. As for the talking, I think that is great. They too need some "alone" time and if they are content in their cribs, let them be for a bit. What I did was when they made any peeps or grunts, I didn't go in, sometimes they were just moving around. We all make noise while sleeping, so it seems they should to. I don't go in to them unless they are crying. I don't think a minute or two of crying is bad. I, personally, couldn't do CIO but you know your children best and your family needs. If you felt bad about letting your dd CIO then maybe that isn't the path you take. I did fussing it out, they really just needed a few minutes to let it out and then they went to sleep. Sorry to ramble now, but it's late! Good luck!

 

They have to fuss a little bit ... they are trying to get comfortable and put themselves to sleep. A little fussing and crying is normal, and you have to let it happen so they learn.

I would say, CIO is more like letting them cry for an undetermined amount of time until they eventually stop. I never did this ... I did what you do, only I allowed for some crying, some fussing. If it got out of hand, like where the baby was so upset I knew she wouldn't be able to calm herself down, then I knew I had to go in there. Sometimes, I would look at the clock and say, ok, I'll give her 10 minutes, and if she doesn't stop, I'll go in. For naps, I would put them down in their cribs, and then go take a shower. Usually by the end of my shower which is usually 10 minutes, they are quiet.

It helps to give them something to distract them, like a special toy they are interested in, then leave. I think standing there patting backs, putting in pacis, etc only prolonged it and made it worse.

 

We don't do CIO but they do fuss. They scream and yell which is different from crying. I let them fuss and when there are real tears and real crying they get picked up. You can tell by their eyes when they are really upset and when they are just whining and boy do I have WHINERS lol

 

I kinda split the difference - at nap/bed time I rock for a few minutes (although mine don't want to cuddle anymore), then lay them down and give DD her binky - I then leave the room and give them 10 minutes...my son DOES cry but if he doesn't settle by approximately 7-8 minutes I know he's not going to and is not ready to sleep yet...DD generally doesn't cry but will stand up and fling her binky out of the crib...if she does cry I give her the same 10 minute time limit...

I find that when they are tired (and I know it) that 10 minutes of "crying" is their way of unwinding and blowing off that steam they need to settle down and fall asleep...

if they make noises in the middle of the night I let them go unless they are crying - and I can tell the difference between crying out in their sleep and a prolonged cry that they are in need of attention...

DD will babble in her crib in the morning and I leave her go until I hear her getting upset because sometimes she will just fall back to sleep...

 

I do CIO with tears and everything if necessary. Honestly, I love my kids (of course) but I am not the Attachment Parenting type of mom at all. Usually they go straight to sleep, sometimes they cry for 5-10 minutes. Sometimes they wake up after 30-40 minutes, I have them cry for 15 minutes, and they'll sleep another hour. I don't really have a fixed amount of time. It depends on the moment, the type of crying, whether it's because they're still tired or they could possibly be hungry, etc. Even if you are not the CIO type of person, I honestly think there is nothing wrong with 5-10 minutes of crying. It won't hurt them. Even if I want to, I can't always handle and please 3 under 3 at the same time, so in my opinion crying is inevitable sometimes. Again, I am not the person to pick my child up at the first peep, because I know with 3 kids I won't be able to keep that up in the long run.

Just my 2 cents.

 

If it's at bedtime, for me crying is when I can hear them through the door. I don't know how we got so lucky, but we have 2 really good sleepers. I don't like to let them cry, either, and don't necessarily do CIO.....but, I don't always go to them for every little cry. I didn't really read books on it, just went by how they're acting, if that makes sense. I started paying more attention to how I put myself to sleep, and realized my babies do the same things I do! We roll around, we toss & turn a little, we kick our feet....till we find just the right comfortable spot & then fall asleep. That kinda helped me in putting them to bed. Also, many times what I'll do is put them to bed/nap and then go out of the room, but stand behind the door with it cracked just a little. That way, I can see them but they can't see me. So if they're fussing, I can still see & make sure they're ok, but they get more used to me not being right there.

 

We don't do CIO. Sometimes Bree fussy for at the most 10 mins. To me fussing is kind of like if they could talk they would be complaining and grumbling. It's moaning and groaning. I've never had them screaming before. If they are I go in and try the rub bum thing. If they keep trying to get up then I take them up. If they are okay with the rubbing or patting of the bum then I do that for a few minutes till I think they are gone. I sometimes add monotone humming that way when I stop rubbing they still hear my humming as a slowly walk to the door. Zack has even started to'sing' himself to sleep. If all else fails I pick them up and check things diapers, clothing, give medicine or/and rub gums with teething stuff (after all I don't know when they are in pain). Then if I still can't get them down I rock or nurse while watching tv in the dark with mute on so the baby isn't stimulated and eventually they pass out.

I've learned to not run in right away when I hear a noise because they could just be resettling. Just today I went in and Zack was grunting in a sound sleep so I crept back out.

With my singleton, we never let her cry. We learned how to read her and always answered her needs even before she 'asked'. It is alot harder with two. I find when they are both awake lots of times Someone has to cry while I am busy with the other. Very rarely are they both up at the same time at nap or bedtime so I have a chance to answer their needs then.

Really you have to do what works for your family and feels right to you.

Good Luck.

 

I felt like you did about a month or so ago. I did not want my boys to feel neglected or like they were abandoned; to the point I was up 6-8 times a night. The ladies here encouraged me with CIO and I have gotten over a little crying. Crying now to me at night that warrants my attention is when the cry itself has anxiety to it....a little whining or fussing, moaning, groaning does not get me to come to the nursery now. I will say the fact that we have cameras on the cribs and all I have to do is turn on the TV when I hear anything that worries me does make me feel like I have "control" over the situation and that I am checking on them without actually having to go to them unless it is necessary.

I have let them go through tears because they have not gotten their way with me coming in but, I have found that it is only for a minute or two and they go back to sleep ( This was only the first few nights). Now they may only fuss some. However, if they are teething, sick or have not eaten well then I will go to them so soothe, give teething tablets or even a bottle if they did not eat a good dinner due to the teething.

We also put them to bed every night by giving them their nighttime bottle and they fall asleep in our arms. My Noah usually sleeps through the night with maybe only CIO 1-2 times for only a minute or two. My Jacob has gone through the night but he does average CIO 1-3 times a night but, once again, only for a minute or two.

It has been successful for us and the boys are still thrilled to see us in the morning with smiles and love. So, I do not think it has caused harm. They have to begin to realize sooner or later that they can not always get what they want the minute they want it.

Sorry to ramble.....hope this helped.

 

I don't/didn't do CIO. I do let them fuss and complain. When it escalates into real crying that's when I go in, give the binky back, and stroke the forhead. If that doesn't calm them, I pick them up and soothe them..