If you didn't see what happened

Say I'm in the kitchen and suddenly there's wailing in the living room and Amy's going "Sarah hit me!"

Do I even try to untangle what happened (keeping in mind that Sarah doesn't really talk, so it would all be Amy's side of the story), or do I just comfort them both (briefly) and tell them to walk away from each other for a minute?

ETA: I guess "pretend you didn't hear anything" isn't right -- what I really mean is, Do you act as though they are equally at fault.

 

I do with my older two because there have been times that they will say the other one hit them because the other one made them mad about something and they want them to get in trouble.

 

Despite being the oldest, I was the runt in my family and used 'mental prowess' over my siblings since I had no physical prowess. I used to taunt my siblings until they lashed out at me physically and then tattle on them (making faces at them while they got punished). I pulled crap like this all the time. It was quite effective. :blush:

From a parent's perspective, I'm not sure there is a 'correct' way to handle it (unless of course you KNOW who the instigator was). Will be interested to see others' input.

 

I tend to just ignore it if I didn't see what happened. I will comfort someone who is crying, but not try to enforce any discipline. My boys occasionally bite each other and there is a lot of "He bite!!!" and sobbing, but I've seen sometimes (by peeking around corners ) that it's not always true. I think they figured out if they yell, "He bite!!" I will come in there and give the other kid a time out. However, if I feel a wet spot on someone's shirt and then pull up a sleeve and find a bite mark, I will give a time out. Evidence speaks for itself!

Michelle

 

I try to find out what happened. They really do not know to "lie" so to speak at this point. I will ask what happened. Which will usually be the so and so pushed/hit what have you. THen it is okay, that was not very nice, but, what happened before that? Sometimes it is nothing, other times there was something else that happened. Then we talk about it. But, if I did not really see it I do not punish. usually, both are unhappy about something. We talk about it, other ways to handle it and move on. They do not always understand. But it sets up ways to discuss things-I think

 

When they were that age, I didn't try to get to the bottom of it because like the pp said, they don't really lie at that age. So if one said the other hit, then it was usually accurate. I would just settle the situation, encourage apologizing, and move on.

Now the kids are way better at communicating what happened. It makes it a lot easier.