If someone pregnant with twins asked you what the first few months/year was *really* like...

Title basically says it all....

I'm trying to start up a playgroup/mom's group in our neighborhood and I put a little blurb in our community paper - and a mom who is pregnant with twins responded and said she'd love to participate. I was thrilled to hear from a mom of twins - I can't wait to connect with someone IRL who has twins - and who lives right by me - but I'm wondering if she happens to ask me what the first few months are like, or heck, the first year - how do I answer honestly without making it sound very overwhelming? I don't want to make it sound all warm and fuzzy - b/c as we all know - it is hard and each month does get easier, but new challenges also arise as the babies get older. I don't want to make it sound like it is awful - but it absolutely ISN'T! I've loved every minute, but I've also cried more in the past 10 months than at any other point in my life! :rotflmbo:

So, what would you say? How would you explain it in a way that would illustrate that it is both the most amazing thing in the world and quite possibly, one of the most challenging "jobs" she'll ever have?

Thanks!

 

I would probably be as honest as I could without making it sound too horrific and refer them to TS to read all of the experiences.

 

It's easy! Anyone who doubts me can borrow my almost 4 year old... who is making me nuts. :rotflmbo:

 

QUOTE(mama23boys @ Nov 18 2008, 11:18 AM) [snapback]1075235[/snapback]
Title basically says it all....

I'm trying to start up a playgroup/mom's group in our neighborhood and I put a little blurb in our community paper - and a mom who is pregnant with twins responded and said she'd love to participate. I was thrilled to hear from a mom of twins - I can't wait to connect with someone IRL who has twins - and who lives right by me - but I'm wondering if she happens to ask me what the first few months are like, or heck, the first year - how do I answer honestly without making it sound very overwhelming? I don't want to make it sound all warm and fuzzy - b/c as we all know - it is hard and each month does get easier, but new challenges also arise as the babies get older. I don't want to make it sound like it is awful - but it absolutely ISN'T! I've loved every minute, but I've also cried more in the past 10 months than at any other point in my life! :rotflmbo:

So, what would you say? How would you explain it in a way that would illustrate that it is both the most amazing thing in the world and quite possibly, one of the most challenging "jobs" she'll ever have?

Thanks!


Just like that. “There are moments of such amazing beauty and love they take your breath away and make you know in your very bones THIS is what you were meant to do. Feeding your babies, watching your babies sleep, seeing their smiles, hearing their belly laughs, watching them play with each other, see their pride when they learn a new skill. Then there are days when things are so very hard your soul weeps and you will question every single decision you have made up until this point – especially the one to bear children. Both babies screaming in hunger, both babies sick and utterly miserable at the same time, 3 - 4 straight months of broken sleep, but those days pass. It all passes - the good, the bad and the downright ugly. Try to find the joy/good in that moment and cling to it because it’s fleeting. Nothing is forever not the good stages or the bad ones. Remember you are the only mommy you’re babies will know. They won’t know if you’re not doing it perfectly. Sometimes good enough is just that.”

Christy

 

Well... It really depends on the babies, your expectations, and how used to having your life turn upside down you are. I'm almost 9 months in and yes, there have been hard days, but overall it hasn't been too bad. As far as I'm concerned, having my first puppy was still way worse (and that dog is still the most stressful part of my life, hands down).

 

True story:
I was pregnant with the twins (about 5 months) and saw a woman with twins with a great stroller. I went over and asked her the name of it and if she liked it etc. Well, boy did I regret talking to her. She proceeded to unload her personal life on me. SHe told me that having twins was miserable and I shouldn't do it (like I had a choice at that point ). Twins are so hard that her dh left her when they were about 3 months old. He couldn't take it. Her babies were about 8 months old and she said it only keeps getting harder. They never sleep and she is just miserable. She said my husband was going to leave me very soon. (She actually said this!).

I felt so bad for her but I got out of there as quickly as I could.

SO, that said, I do tell the truth but I also don't do it harshly. yes, twins are very hard. XXX Is what is hard, but it is worth it. I don't think it would be fair to set up sugar coatred expectations for someone. That is n ot honest or fair. But don't forget to mention the good things too.

 

QUOTE(MamaD @ Nov 18 2008, 11:30 AM) [snapback]1075251[/snapback]
It's easy! Anyone who doubts me can borrow my almost 4 year old... who is making me nuts. :rotflmbo:



Im with you on this one. My oldest is almost 4 and he is a bigger handful than my twins..Isnt that sad :umm: Some days I wonder if im going to have any hair left by the end of the day...

 

I'd just tell her that there are hard parts, but those parts are different for everyone. Some people love that newborn stage. I hated it! I was so glad when they were finally not baby blobs anymore!

And also tell her about TS!

 

i think what you explained in your original post is perfect! it is a mix of hard times & beautiful times. but i also think there's only so much you can really understand before hand - i think the biggest help will come AFTER she's had her babies & has a million specific questions that you'll be able to help answer (or if you don't have the answer, you can refer her to TS!).

 

I think as long as you tell the good stuff with the bad it's a net postive experience!

First Year Postives (I need a refresher): When they start to babble at each other; the funny memories of trying to feed two at once, bathe two at once, etc; the cute matching outfits and accessories; (there must be more, help!);

and...the feeling of superiority you will have for the rest of your life for having dealt with two newborns at once

 

i would say that it's been the happiest time of my life..... yes, a bit challenging at times--but more fulfulling, and more tears of happiness than any time in my life.

and, i love challanges. so for me, there's nothing i could say that would scare someone. on the contrary, having only one at a time seems kind of boring at this point.

, jl

 

I would probably say it has been the best experience of my life, but also the most physically and mentally exhausting. I would also say that I'd do it all again in a heartbeat.

 

QUOTE(aandja79 @ Nov 18 2008, 02:32 PM) [snapback]1075696[/snapback]
I would probably say it has been the best experience of my life, but also the most physically and mentally exhausting. I would also say that I'd do it all again in a heartbeat.


I have to agree with this! I would just be honest with her, it's stressful but the rewards are great! I would not trade my twins for the world

 

QUOTE(mama23boys @ Nov 18 2008, 05:18 PM) [snapback]1075235[/snapback]
it is both the most amazing thing in the world and quite possibly, one of the most challenging "jobs" she'll ever have?

Thanks!


You have your answer right there! :ibiggrin:

 

QUOTE(marieber @ Nov 18 2008, 08:43 PM) [snapback]1075578[/snapback]
...the feeling of superiority you will have for the rest of your life for having dealt with two newborns at once


and I love this too!!!!

 

If they ask me about my own personal experience, I am honest but also let them know (as so many others have said here) that having any child is a blessing. I also offer up indirect 'advice' like: "I wish I arranged more help", "I wish I had not felt so glued to breastfeeding", "I wish my home was better prepared by 24 weeks in my pregnancy sine I ended up on bedrest", etc.

One of the things that has always miffed me about other moms is those moms who try to act like they are perfect and have no challenges, and then these "perfect" moms seem to delight in the hardships of other moms. So I've always tried to be honest and real but also encouraging by saying, "It is hard, and you're not the only one who feels that way." That's how I'd want folks to talk to me. . . Let me be excited about twins, but give me solid, "indirect" advice.

 

I think I would be honest and say that it's not easy - but neither is anything worthwhile. Being a mom of twins is the most difficult job you'll ever have but also the most rewarding.

 

QUOTE(Flutterbymama @ Nov 18 2008, 10:41 AM) [snapback]1075273[/snapback]
Just like that. “There are moments of such amazing beauty and love they take your breath away and make you know in your very bones THIS is what you were meant to do. Feeding your babies, watching your babies sleep, seeing their smiles, hearing their belly laughs, watching them play with each other, see their pride when they learn a new skill. Then there are days when things are so very hard your soul weeps and you will question every single decision you have made up until this point – especially the one to bear children. Both babies screaming in hunger, both babies sick and utterly miserable at the same time, 3 - 4 straight months of broken sleep, but those days pass. It all passes - the good, the bad and the downright ugly. Try to find the joy/good in that moment and cling to it because it’s fleeting. Nothing is forever not the good stages or the bad ones. Remember you are the only mommy you’re babies will know. They won’t know if you’re not doing it perfectly. Sometimes good enough is just that.”

Christy



You said this both beautifully and perfectly..."What she said!!"

 

I haven't read all the replies...but here is some of the advice i give all new moms:

**You are going to get a lot of advice, people will have a lot of opinions, but for the first few months, there is really nothing you can do wrong. Don't make yourself crazy, just do what you can and be kind to yourself**

I would also be honest and say it's going to be hard, but you will survive. Take any help that is offered and sleep whenever you can.

 

QUOTE(MamaD @ Nov 18 2008, 10:30 AM) [snapback]1075251[/snapback]
It's easy! Anyone who doubts me can borrow my almost 4 year old... who is making me nuts. :rotflmbo:


I'm with you!! Whenever anyone asks the question what's the hardest part of having twins, I say it's having a 3 year old!!
But seriously, I would be honest with this expectant mom- it's the hardest thing you'll ever love doing!

 

when people ask me if it gets "easier" I usually respond by saying it gets "different"...

I don't think life is easier now at 2.5 then it was as newborns - the challenges are just different

 

I have not read all the other replies, but I would be honest. I usually say "Get all the help you can. You will never regret it." Maybe I'm brutal, but if I gloss it over, once the babies are there, they will either think they are helpless because THEY are having a hard time, or they will be angry with me.

JMHO

 

There's been some great advice!

I would have to say..hmmm...I do think it is the absolute greatest job in the world-to be a mom to twins. I wouldn't change it for anything! Did I cry in those first few months? Sure! But those tears have now been switched with laughter-and lots of it. It's just amazing to be a mom of twins. There are challenges that we will face, but no matter what-you will survive, the twins will survive, and they won't remember a thing from those first few months(nor will you!).

Also-I think not to have great expectations helps as well. I went into this as a first time mom-not knowing much in terms of raising my OWN child(ren). I think if you have high expectations of the mother you want to be, you might set yourself up for failure. You need to go with the flow.

And most of all-ENJOY IT. Because you will blink-and they won't be babies anymore. It's such a magical journey. Not easy necessarily...but magical...and well worth the ride!

 

QUOTE(Flutterbymama @ Nov 18 2008, 10:41 AM) [snapback]1075273[/snapback]
Just like that. “There are moments of such amazing beauty and love they take your breath away and make you know in your very bones THIS is what you were meant to do. Feeding your babies, watching your babies sleep, seeing their smiles, hearing their belly laughs, watching them play with each other, see their pride when they learn a new skill. Then there are days when things are so very hard your soul weeps and you will question every single decision you have made up until this point – especially the one to bear children. Both babies screaming in hunger, both babies sick and utterly miserable at the same time, 3 - 4 straight months of broken sleep, but those days pass. It all passes - the good, the bad and the downright ugly. Try to find the joy/good in that moment and cling to it because it’s fleeting. Nothing is forever not the good stages or the bad ones. Remember you are the only mommy you’re babies will know. They won’t know if you’re not doing it perfectly. Sometimes good enough is just that.”

Christy



Very well said. I definitely agree with going with the flow as well. I think that applies to any new parent.

 

Very interesting question. I have had people ask me what it is like, and I give a more practical answer than an emotional one, as I am a very practical person. I tell them that the first few months FOR US (which I always say) was very challenging and easily the hardest thing we have ever done, the lack of sleep is hard to deal with. So as a result i tell them to get as much help as they can lined up, if they never need it they can always cancel it, but it is very hard to be without help and really need it.
I always qualify my answers by saying that FOR US it was like this or that, and that all babies are different so their experience may be different. But, expect it to be hard, but it does get easier as they get older and you all get more sleep and the crying lessons. I also say how cool it is to see the babies interact now and see them play together.
I always tell them about my online community of support and tell them that this was what helped me get thro the hard times.

 

Thanks Everyone!!!

You all gave some great advice! Being a mommy to twins is amazing - but it has its challenges - and I just don't want to gloss over the challenges b/c she'll think there is something wrong with her when her babies arrive and she is overwhelmed. I also don't want to gloss over how absolutely amazing it is - b/c it truly is!

She is coming over to my house today - so I'll have to share TS with her!!

And to all of the PPs who have 3-4 year olds - me too - and it is quite an interesting age! Adorable one minute and driving you up the wall the next!

 

Every family has it's own experience.

I have a good friend who had twins when her daughter was 2 - I was so worried for her! I couldn't imagine going through what we went through AND having a toddler in the house. She was nervous too, as she had visited us when ours were 6 months old (and had serious reflux and eating issues).

Well, her twins were the easiest babies on the planet. She said the two of them combined were much easier to take care of than her DD had been. They were full term, no health issues, easy going, good sleepers, etc.

It was so incredibly different from our experience that I realize you can't possibly tell someone "what it's like to have twins", you can only tell what your personal experience was.

When people do ask me about the early days, my general answer is "I really can't remember, it's all a blur", which is mostly true.

Rachel

 

I always tell people it is much harder than I ever imagined but way better than I ever dreamed.

 

QUOTE(lilmsm @ Nov 19 2008, 06:06 PM) [snapback]1077765[/snapback]
I always tell people it is much harder than I ever imagined but way better than I ever dreamed.


That's a very nice, simple way to convey exactly what it is like! I think I'll "borrow" this for future questions - thanks!

 

I should add that I often say "Twins are four times the work and four times the joy!"

 

I always tell people that it's not as bad as they will hear. The first two weeks are agonizingly horrible. The first month is really hard. The first two months are hard. We turned a corner around 6 weeks when they started sleeping consistently between bottles and we've been fine honestly ever since. It was not for us nearly as bad as it seems to be for others. So that is what I would tell them, and then if they had it rougher, I'd be there for them at that time.

 

QUOTE(marieber @ Nov 18 2008, 01:43 PM) [snapback]1075578[/snapback]
and...the feeling of superiority you will have for the rest of your life for having dealt with two newborns at once


I love that feeling of superiority! I may not be the best mother in the world, but I have two beautiful, happy, healthy babies. Go me! I scoff at those with one baby. Weaklings who don't know how easy they have it!

 

I have ran across several people that are pregnant with twins and I assure them that it is not as bad as people say. I was terrified, and mainly because of people telling me how difficult it would be. I am very structured and organized and I think that has helped, but so far we have had the time of our lives!!! It has been the biggest blessing!

 

It all passes - the good, the bad and the downright ugly. Try to find the joy/good in that moment and cling to it because it’s fleeting. Nothing is forever not the good stages or the bad ones. Remember you are the only mommy you’re babies will know. They won’t know if you’re not doing it perfectly. Sometimes good enough is just that.”

Christy
[/quote]

As a mom who has 2 kids, when I found out it was twins I panicked (and still do sometimes :blush: ). How on earth could I do twins? I was one of "those" that said shoot me if I get pregnant with twins. My time is quickly coming, they will be here soon and I am overwhelmed with emotions. I go from complete fear to great joy. And in my pregnant hormone stage, your post made me cry (just a little ). If I had to hear anything, being the pregnant women with twins, this is what I would want to hear.

 

I would have to tell them, "It's a lot of work more times than not, but it's so rewarding it's completely worth it. It's the greatest feeling in the world, walking over to the crib with both of your little ones looking up and smiling at you. Nothing can describe the feeling you get. The best thing you can do is take it one day, one hour and one moment or situation at a time." That's what I usually tell people when they ask... "How do you do it?" And I agree with original poster... it doesn't get easier, just different. But they bring such a huge amount of joy, laughter, and fun to your life, the frustration, exhaustion and nerve wracking moments fade pretty quickly. As much as I hate my babies getting bigger, I look forward to the day when they both come running up to me with a huge smile, saying "Momma!" :wub: