I want to put DD in dance, but I'm worried it is unfair to DS.

Here's the scoop. I loved dance as a girl and DD talks about being a ballerina all the time. I would love to sign her up for dance. There is a studio nearby that is dirt cheap and they have a summer session. It is $45 for the summer session and only $75 for the year. Most of the others charge $45/month. I REALLY want to sign her up.

So, I started looking at T-ball for DS to give him something, too. But, most places don't start them until age 4 or 5 (they are 3 until Sept). The one place I found that starts at 3 costs $75! If I wanted to put him in T-ball and then something else come fall, it would cost a fortune! Plus, there is the ever-present problem of him not being potty trained. <_< They have to be potty trained before they can play. So, it looks like T-ball is out.

But, I still want to put DD in dance. I know it isn't fair, though. She already gets to go to class at church without him because he isn't potty trained. I just don't know if I can give her one more thing he can't have. But, I thought maybe it wouldn't be so bad if he and I went and did something special (go to the park, get ice cream, etc) while DD was in class. That way he would get something special, too.

I'm just so torn! I hate mommy-guilt! What would you do?

 

Would you consider putting him in dance as well? What about looking into gymnastics or Karate for him?

 

I think that would be totally fine. Just because she takes a class doesn't mean he has to. (It would of course also be fine for him to take dance. ) If there isn't anything available that he'd be interested in, I'm sure he would also love just to spend one-on-one time with you.

My DDs just started taking ballet on Saturday mornings and there are tons of parents hanging out around the rec center with other children in tow -- they don't necessarily think that because one child is taking a class, the other one has to. I think moms of twins have a tendency to think everything should be equal at all times, but it just isn't and doesn't have to be, as long as it comes out more or less equal in the end.

 

I was going to suggest gymnastics as well. Most places have a preschool class that starts at 3.

 

I'd also say, but them both into dance, or see if a Tae Kwan Do place near you would take him (many start that at 3).

I have two girls, but they were in a class called "Early Notes" at a music/dance studio, it had tumbling, movement, and music all mixed in and completly appropriate for either sex.

 

My girls took gymnastics rather than dance, but there were boys in the same class. I'd probably just put DS in dance unless he really didn't want to (simpler schedule). It's exercise, it increases coordination, and women love a man who can dance.

 

Re: the schedule, one thing to keep in mind is how long the class actually is. Our ballet class is 45 minutes. Some parents do work out (since the class is at the rec center) or run off to get coffee or something, but for the most part we just hang out in the hallway. Also, you're technically supposed to be there in case of emergency or if your child has to go potty. So it's not really enough time to actually do anything (such as going to the park, like you mentioned). It would be easier overall to just have them both in the same class.

 

My DD and DS both take ballet together. While DS is the only boy in the class, he's not old enough yet for him to think anything of it. He can also use all the help he can get developing some coordination. There are a couple of boys we see there in the classes for older kids as well.

Have you asked your DS if he wants to take dance? If you're just assuming he won't, you might find out for sure and encourage him to try. At that age they mostly do things like skip across the room, walk in a line, play with a parachute . . . nothing girly or about it really. It's actually a great class for getting them to learn how to follow directions.

The parents at our class mostly hang around in the hallway also - not enough time to go anywhere. And the siblings in tow usually are not happy about it, so your DS would probably be happier in class.

Good luck figuring it out.

Rachel

 

Why not let him do dance too?

 

Thanks for the ideas, ladies. As for DS taking dance, that won't be happening. DH would never allow it and I don't find a reason to argue with him since I'm not too comfortable with it, either. Call me sexist if you must. I did mention both of them taking gymnastics, but DH wouldn't go for that, either.

I hadn't thought of Karate or Tae Kwan Do, though. I'll have to look into that. Can anyone tell me more about Tae Kwan Do? What is the difference between that and Karate?

 

QUOTE(Stacy A. @ Mar 6 2009, 11:26 AM) [snapback]1216904[/snapback]
Thanks for the ideas, ladies. As for DS taking dance, that won't be happening. DH would never allow it and I don't find a reason to argue with him since I'm not too comfortable with it, either. Call me sexist if you must. I did mention both of them taking gymnastics, but DH wouldn't go for that, either.

I hadn't thought of Karate or Tae Kwan Do, though. I'll have to look into that. Can anyone tell me more about Tae Kwan Do? What is the difference between that and Karate?


TKD has a lot more kicking than karate. If DS1 were home he could really fill you in. He has taken all kinds of different martial arts classes. And you know what? He takes gymnastics, too. He started last summer because he wanted to learn to do a back handspring. He said that learning a different way of moving through his hips really helped some of his spinning kicks. I took TKD in college and I really enjoyed it. (Not on the level of DS1, who has actual talent, of course.)

Here is DS1 training at the heavy bag in our garage, and here he is training at gymnastics. You can see he could hardly be more masculine, if that might help your DH with the idea of gymnastics.

eta: spelling

 

QUOTE(rubyturquoise @ Mar 6 2009, 12:38 PM) [snapback]1216921[/snapback]
TKD has a lot more kicking than karate. If DS1 were home he could really fill you in. He has taken all kinds of different martial arts classes. And you know what? He takes gymnastics, too. He started last summer because he wanted to learn to do a back handspring. He said that learning a different way of moving through his hips really helped some of his spinning kicks. I took TKD in college and I really enjoyed it. (Not on the level of DS1, who has actual talent, of course.)

Here is DS1 training at the heavy bag in our garage, and here he is training at gymnastics. You can see he could hardly be more masculine, if that might help your DH with the idea of gymnastics.

eta: spelling

Thanks, Ruby. Those pics are amazing! He must be very talented.

I've tried telling DH that professional football players take ballet, but he just said that if DS becomes a pro football player, then he can take dance. I never even thought he'd have a problem with gymnastics, but I was wrong. You should have seen his face when I mentioned how cute it would be if they took ballroom together! :lol:

Oh, well. It certainly isn't something worth arguing about. Especially since DS hasn't shown any desire. When DD starts dancing, he just runs around "shooting" her with his "web" and saying, "I'm going to get you Green Goblin." Now, if they offered Spiderman classes...

 

I have thought this very same thing. I am DYING to get DD into a dance class, but don't know what I'd do with Alex in the meantime. I think I would like to sign him up for gymnastics if the same school offered it. I remember being in ballet classes at the Y when I was little, and my younger brother took gymnastics and loved it. All I know is, Alex would just DIE if he found out they had a trampoline, he would LOVE it! Sadly, my DH feels pretty much the same as yours I think. I might be able to sway him on the gymnastics class though, we'll see when the time comes.

I would say to sign her up! That is a fantastic price for dance classes. Hard to pass up in my opinion!

 

I say sign her up. My DD does dance and DS does nothing currently. He will start some classes through our city soon- karate and a sports class. I asked him if he wanted to do dance and he said no. I am not a believer in making everything equal between the kids. To me it only sets them up for disappointment in the future when life is really not equal and fair. My DS has been fine with her taking dance and never had a meltdown over it. Probably the fact that they are boy/girl makes it a little be easier too.

 

Last fall I signed Andrew up for karate and Catherine for ballet. Andrew took karate for about 2 months and just wasn't really enjoying it (too strict), so we dropped that. He asked if he could take dance with Catherine and I said it was fine. I was taking her anyway and he wanted to do it. My DH wasn't thrilled about the idea (which is why he was taking karate at first), but he's fine with it now. Andrew wears black pants and a white t-shirt to class and is the only boy in the class, but doesn't seem to mind at all. He just likes being with Catherine! HERE is a video of them rehearsing for their recital if you want to watch. They are dancing to music from Kung Fu panda and the teacher is going to coreograph a special part just for Andrew where all the girls dance around him while he does some sort of little Kung Fu thing. I think it will be really cute I've decided not to care if people think it's girly. When he says he doesn't want to be in it anymore, he won't be.

 

OMG Melissa that is adorable! Your kids are beautiful.

DD and DS did dance last summer. DD loved it and DS liked it. But they both decided they would rather do gymnastics and we have been doing that since Sept. It is awesome, and it has really helped DS with his large motor skills and his attention to instructions. I can't understand why anyone would not want their kid to be doing something active! As for karate I was told by several instructors that 5 is the best age to start, any younger they don't 'get' it, in other words, they learn how to really hurt someone but can't figure out why they should have to control it. I don't know about TKD...

Ruby- your son is very handsome!! I bet you have girls beating down your door.

 

I would put her in. You probably would if they were different ages.

Katherine is in ballet and Philip comes with us each week to watch. Doesn't bother him at all

 

QUOTE(kma13 @ Mar 6 2009, 09:12 PM) [snapback]1217610[/snapback]
OMG Melissa that is adorable! Your kids are beautiful.


:FIFblush: Thanks Kellie!

 

I would put her in. If he shows interest then I'd talk to dh. My girls are in tap/ballet and really like it. My xh would be mad even though they are girls but then he's not paying cs either

 

DD is in ballet and DS isn't. He just waits with me. It's 40 min. and that's that. I bring some toys (will be bringing the Leapster) and he'll have to suffer. T-ball is a different day and she wants to do it WITH him. T-ball around here is VERY PARENT DRIVEN!!! :crazy: I personally don't enjoy it, but they do! What am I going to do!!!

Martin WON'T do ballet

 

I plan on signing BOTH of my BOYS up for dance when they're two. I don't think it's a female "sport" at all. Never have. I CANNOT WAIT to sign them up. They love to dance and LOVE music!

 

It's actually really surprising the cultural change in the last half-century. During WWII and before dancing was a primary date activity for adults. Men who couldn't dance were at a disadvantage. A man couldn't be considered a gentleman if he couldn't dance. All actors take ballroom, because movies set in the past often have dance scenes because it was such a big social activity. It's amazing how in 50 years we go from dancing being a skill everyone needed to have to dancing being "too girly." I took a free ballroom lesson once and dancing with a man who actually knows how to dance is really inspiring and made even a klutz like me feel graceful.

 

Interesting too how "too girly" automatically becomes off-limits for boys, when the opposite is true for girls. It's cool for girls to do "tomboy" things like sports and learning to use tools, but boys doing "girly" things like dance gives people the willies. I can't help thinking that the attitude underlying these perceptions is just good old misogyny: "masculine" activities are ok for everyone, because men are superior, and who wouldn't want to aspire to that?; boys must be kept from "feminine" activities (dance, cooking, baby dolls, etc) at all costs because any hint of femininity makes a man inferior. Or boys are kept from "feminine" stuff because of the (implicit or explicit) false assumption that it will make them gay - again, as if doing something "feminine" would automatically make you less than a normal man (since those afraid of "turning their kids gay" most often do consider gays inferior to straights, even if they won't admit it).

It's sad to see women buying into an attitude that tells them they aren't worth much.

 

QUOTE(fuchsiagroan @ Mar 8 2009, 10:40 AM) [snapback]1218831[/snapback]
Interesting too how "too girly" automatically becomes off-limits for boys, when the opposite is true for girls. It's cool for girls to do "tomboy" things like sports and learning to use tools, but boys doing "girly" things like dance gives people the willies. I can't help thinking that the attitude underlying these perceptions is just good old misogyny: "masculine" activities are ok for everyone, because men are superior, and who wouldn't want to aspire to that?; boys must be kept from "feminine" activities (dance, cooking, baby dolls, etc) at all costs because any hint of femininity makes a man inferior. Or boys are kept from "feminine" stuff because of the (implicit or explicit) false assumption that it will make them gay - again, as if doing something "feminine" would automatically make you less than a normal man (since those afraid of "turning their kids gay" most often do consider gays inferior to straights, even if they won't admit it).

It's sad to see women buying into an attitude that tells them they aren't worth much.

That is certainly not why I feel the way I do. I also wouldn't be happy with my little girl wrestling. I may be "old fashioned" or you may even think that I am sexist. But, I don't think that equal necessary means there aren't roles better suited to one gender or the other on a larger scale as well as small. I simply wanted insight on whether it would be wrong to do something with one that I didn't do with another, not whether my choice to not put DS in dance was wrong.

 

Stacy, I didn't mean that personally about you. I would end up putting mine in the class because I don't have a car every day and putting them in different classes wouldn't be an option for me. This thread just got me thinking in a different direction about how dance used to be required--I think they even taught it in public schools to some extent--and now it's sort of looked down on. I don't actually personally know any men who can dance (well, since my grandfather died--he could dance).

This led me to all sorts of related thoughts like if we could bring back dancing instead of eating out and a movie as a leisure activity, would we all be in good shape? Sometimes I think maybe after the kids are grown I would like to take ballroom with DH.

This was just a line of thought that was sparked by your thread and not directed at whether you should put your son in dance or not. I have seen lots of other threads where people have mentioned that their DHs in particular do not like the idea of a boy taking dance, which made me think about how it used to be really different. Older novels will have dialogue where the female characters assess a male character's dancing skills, and impugn his character if he can't dance.

I probably shouldn't have taken this thread OT like that, sorry.

 

If you can't find another activity at the same time that works for your DS, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Just because they're twins, they can't both have exactly the same number of classes or activities at the same time, you know? Especially if it's something that your DS isn't interested in, I doubt he's old enough to think that it's not fair that he doesn't also have a comparable class/activity to his sister.

I know it's different, but Kevan gets to do a lot that Karina doesn't because he needs the therapy -- for instance, we'll probably do swimming with him a lot earlier than with her, because he needs it to help develop strength, etc.

I do take them both to a music class, but if one is sick or cranky or whatever, I just take one...

 

QUOTE(rubyturquoise @ Mar 8 2009, 11:45 AM) [snapback]1218898[/snapback]
Stacy, I didn't mean that personally about you. I would end up putting mine in the class because I don't have a car every day and putting them in different classes wouldn't be an option for me. This thread just got me thinking in a different direction about how dance used to be required--I think they even taught it in public schools to some extent--and now it's sort of looked down on. I don't actually personally know any men who can dance (well, since my grandfather died--he could dance).

This led me to all sorts of related thoughts like if we could bring back dancing instead of eating out and a movie as a leisure activity, would we all be in good shape? Sometimes I think maybe after the kids are grown I would like to take ballroom with DH.

This was just a line of thought that was sparked by your thread and not directed at whether you should put your son in dance or not. I have seen lots of other threads where people have mentioned that their DHs in particular do not like the idea of a boy taking dance, which made me think about how it used to be really different. Older novels will have dialogue where the female characters assess a male character's dancing skills, and impugn his character if he can't dance.

I probably shouldn't have taken this thread OT like that, sorry.

I actually agree with you. I was simply put off by the idea expressed by someone else that I was indirectly teaching my DD that she was not as good as a boy because I wouldn't put DS in dance.

I sincerely wish that social dancing was more of a part of our culture. DH and I have even wanted to take ballroom lessons in the past, but we can't afford them. His objection to putting the kids in ballroom was more that it weirds him out whenever he sees the Houghs dance together in Dancing With the Stars. He doesn't like watching siblings dancing "sexy" together. I get that. He does also worry about him being made fun of. But, I don't think he would object to ballroom if DS decided he wanted to do it when he was older.

 

My 12 year old nephew is in dance. He loves it! One of his favorite things is that because he is the only boy, he gets the male lead in every recital!