I think I am hopeless

I'm kinda new here, but I've been reading for awhile and always see good advice and tips and feel so upbeat and motivated after reading some of the forums. But right now I just feel hopeless. There is alot of info in here and it looks like a mess because I am just having so many problems, and feel like a mess.
My girls are 11 weeks old, so obviously they are not STTN. And it's not getting better, it's getting worse. I was talking to a family friend who had twins and she said she fed on cue rather than what I am doing, which is every 4 hours. She said feeding on cue helped them STTN because she never woke a sleeping baby to eat. What I am having a hard time with, is that feeding on cue is such a mystery to me. I JUST DON'T KNOW WHEN MY BABIES ARE HUNGRY. I read on here all the time, about when you know the babies are hungry, i.e. rooting, crying, eating clothes, etc... Yes, they do that, but if I pick them up, they stop crying. If I put in a paci, they stop rooting. And they would fall asleep after that. Soooo, I never have to feed them?!
And I cannot tell any differences between their cries. "Listen for their 'hungry cries'" doesn't make sense to me. All their cries sound the same to me. Another reason cues mystify me, is because even after they eat, they still cry and they still root. I offer them more and they won't take it.
So most would say, "well, if the 4 hour schedule is working for you, then do it". But it's not working that great for us either. This is an example of how our days have been going: (keep in mind there is no schedule whatsoever, so all of the times, etc... are approximate)
7 am - Evie wakes up, I feed her, she will only eat 3 of the 6 ounces of formula, fall alseep, won't take anymore no matter how much I try to wake her. Put her down, wake up Kadence. Same thing, she'll only eat 3 of the 6 ounces, fall alseep, etc... Meanwhile, Evie is fussing and crying while I am trying to feed her sister. She doesn't want more food and she wont burp. Sometimes she burps, but still cries anyway.
9 am - they both sleep for a little while
11 am - One of them starts fussing, so I'll do the feeding routine, but they won't eat that much again. They fall alseep while eating, I'll put them down and in a few minutes, one of them or both of them are usually awake. If it's Evie, she will cry most of the time she is awake. If it's Kadence, she will sit quietly, but start to fuss about 3 hours after she eats, which makes me think she's getting hungry.
Blah blah blah
They start to eat more towards the evenings. This is how it went last night - at 9pm, Evie ate and fussed and cried until 12 am. Kadence ate at 10pm and was wide awake and fussy UNTIL 4 AM!! So it was a bad night.
So basically, bottom LINES are, I don't feel like I am doing anything right, I don't feel like I am a good mother because I can't tell when my kids are hungry, I don't feel like anything we are doing is helping them or "training" them to sleep at night. I just feel like they are miserable and that I am miserable.
I know they are still very young and that things will probably get better, but right now it just doesn't feel like that because we don't seem to be doing anything to help anything.
Sorry if I sound very negative, it's just been a bad night/day so far and I am at my wits end.
Any advice, tips, sympathy, etc... is welcome!!

 

You are an awesome mom! Babies are such a mystery, and you will figure out what they want in time. I don't know how much help I can be, but for starters- you aren't alone. Most new moms feel inadequate in some ways. It is sleep deprivation, hormones, etc. Having even one new baby is overwhelming. But two.... forget about it!

My babies eat every three hours, and I think they would freak out if I ever tried to go any longer. They were very fussy and gassy until we switched to a lactose free formula. During that time I was upset b/c I couldn't figure out what they wanted. Then I realized their little tummies were hurting. We noticed an improvement within hours.

Ours began sleeping much longer stretches when we began swaddling them in miracle blankets. It helped them to calm down and let sleep happen, if that makes any sense.

Goodluck and try not to be so hard on yourself! We've all been there, Lisa

 

You are doing an amazing job! :hug99: The first three months were pretty hellish for us too. The things that got us through was the eat/play/sleep routine. Don't worry about schedules yet. Just follow that routine and it will work itself out. Also the happiest baby on the block book really helped out. Hang in there it will get better!

 

Hang in there!!
I never fed my girls on cue I needed that schedule in the beginning to keep me sane as I was on my own except when my husband was home from work.
I fed my girls every three hours back then except for the evening when they tended to cluster feed. I am told cluster feeding is normal, but to me it was extremely fustrating as it felt like all we ever did was feed them.
They would eat at 6, 9, 12, 3, 6, 8, 10,1, 3:30 or so occasionally they skipped that one and made it to 6am.
It wasn't until my girls were three months that they started to take 4ozs
Around the end of 3 months they started going to bed at 8 or 9 and only getting up twice a night
Now at almost 5 months they either sttn or get up once.

Do you have a swing? It helped me to combat those fussy days I would put one in the swing while feeding the other or put them both in their swings while making bottles etc.

Good luck

 

You are at a very tough age right now, in a couple more months they will have more a schedule/routine and you will be doing better. You are tired so that is why you are feeling the way you do about yourself. You are doing a fine job so dont doubt yourself. Two babies is seriously the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and when they were two months old I think I posted this same thing...
I started following the sleep eat play routine in a 3 hour time period. I did not follow it strictly but it helped me keep track of what I was doing and when they needed to eat and sleep. Feed them when they wake up, try to entertain for about an hour or more (including diaper change and toys, singing, swings, bouncy whatever)...then start getting them ready for a nap-quiet time, rocking, swaddling etc. Then start the process over again.
I started feeding mine at the same time, waking them up at the same time so that I wasnt dealing with feeding one while the other needed a nap etc. Plus, I would get a small break while they both slept. It doesnt happen with out a little effort and sometimes it doesnt work out at all but it is worth it if you can get them on the same schedule.
Right now just do whatever it takes to get by, very soon (I know, not soon enough) things will start to fall in to place.
Hang in there!

 

I had mine on a 3 hour schedule. Maybe you can try that and see if it helps. I was about crazy too around 11 weeks. It will slowly but surely get better. Your doing a great job, don't doubt yourself.

 

Hi,

I just wanted to offer some :hug99: ! I agree with all the PP. You are at a very difficult stage right now. It will get better!

I fed on a 3 hour schedule. It just really helped me - especially at night. I couldn't handle both babies waking up hungry at the same time. So like clockwork, I would get one up, feed them and then wake the other. My motto back then was "do whatever it takes" - so try the swing, try the swaddle, try their bouncy chairs...keep trying - you are doing a great job!

 

:hug99: You are doing a great job! You are in the thick of it right now. If you can get out of the house for a bit while someone watches the babies, it will really do wonders for your outlook. Hang in there. It really does get better over time :hug99: .

 

:hug99: to you Heather. I am so, so sorry that you are having such a rough time right now. Having newborn twins is difficult let alone twins that are 8 weeks early. Mine were born at 32 weeks and the hardest part besides the not STTN was that they were so hard to get on a schedule. Once they came home from the NICU they were on an every 3 hour feeding schedule. We could keep that on a GOOD day but definitely not at night. They were eating at least every 2 hours at night if not 1.5 hours for the first 2 months. It gradually got better but I dont think we were doing 4 hours until like 6 months or so. So, maybe they just need their feeding schedule adjusted a bit to be a bit happier.

Maybe they dont like their formula?? It could be upsetting their bellies? How about colic? How about reflux--do you they arch their backs or scream while taking a bottle, are they gassy, grunty, spitting up?? Just throwing out some ideas here. :umm:

Can you feed them together? At that age we were or just about started feeding them in a Boppy side by side. That way you can catch a break between feedings instead of doing them around the clock. When I was doing one at a time I would hold the one and feed him and use my foot to move the bouncy up and down or put one in the swing to make them happier. How about getting some help? Do you have family or friends that can come over and do some feedings so you can take a shower and relax?

Try and get out of the house. Take a walk, go to the mall, etc. You will feel better!! Hang in there. You are in survival mode and you are not hopeless and we have all been there. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

 

First of all let me say that there is nothing wrong with feeling overwhelmed! Sleep deprivation is a form of torture, we have all been there! :hug99: Also, there is nothing wrong with feeding on a schedule and not cue-feeding, if that is what you are comfortable with. There are plenty of us that fed our newborns on a 3 or 4 hour schedule who have happy and healthy babies who STTN! Do what you feel comfortable with! I have always fed mine on a schedule!

Maybe you could try feeding every 3 hours, and really try to get them to go the 3 hours. So if the first feeding they only take 3 ounces, try to get them to wait til it's been 3 hours and then offer another full bottle and maybe then they will be hungry enough to take the whole thing. That's what we had to do when my girls were very young. When they get a little bit older they can dictate the schedule more. They are learning right now and so are you, it really does get better very quickly as they grow.

If they are crying a whole lot maybe their tummies are hurting? If you are FF have you told the doctor about all the fussing to see if s/he can give you any advice like possibly switching their formula?

Hang in there, the first 3 months are really tough!

 

You have some great suggestions already. I was going to type pretty much what Rachel did, so instead of that, I am just going to tell you that you are FAR from hopeless. Twinfants can be really tough, and you are right in some of the worst time right now. Do what you need to do to get through this, and I promise, it does get better. Really better. Hang on in there, and come and vent to us whenever you need to, or just check in to give us an update. :hug99: :hug99:

 

Can you do some shifts at night with DH so that you can get a good stretch of sleep. At that age, it was all that kept me sane. Have you tried switching formulas? Have you tried gas drops?

We fed every three hours for the first four months and then we went to a feed on demand type of schedule with some structure (first bottle of the day, last bottle of the day). I don't think it has as much to do with the amount they drink at each feeding, but more the overall amount they drink in a day. Have you tracked that?

Do you SHUSH? I swear it was a lifesaver for us and it REALLY worked. Even now if they get upset we start SHUSHING and they calm down. Swinging was the thing for my DD and vibrating seat was the thing for my DS. Mine slept in bouncies and swings until they were almost six months old.

You do need a break and you need sleep. It will get better in time, but for now you need sanity. :hug99: I hope you get some advice that will help. I know you will get lots of support here.

 

Hang in there!! It does get better. I was there just about a month ago and could not see how it would.
I agree with the above posts.
Try feeding on a three hour schedule. Mine began to figure out day from night because I woke them to feed in the day.
Also it could be formula. One of my girls has been on about 7 formulas before we settled with Nutramigin. She was getting belly aches about an hour after eating. This helped tremendously.
And lastly try switching nipples. 12 weeks to the day my girls started falling asleep during feedings and I think it was because they were working so hard to get the formula out of the nipple they got tired. We switched to the 3-6 month nipples and immediately they went from 2-3 ounces at a feeding to now almost 5-6.
Let me know if you have any other questions!!
:hug99:

 

I always fed on a schedule. We fed every three hours. After the Pedi said we didn't have to wake them at night anymore (due to prematurity and very low birth weight), we let them sleep as long as they wanted at night. If one woke up, we fed both. Eventually the amount of time they went at night stretched longer and longer. I still feed every 3 hours through the day though. 3 oz. sounds like a normal amount to me for 11 weeks (especially for their adjusted age). I wouldn't force it. If they seem satisfied with 3 ounce and can make it another 3-4 hours before the next feeding, then go with it. I agree with PP. Feed them together if at all possible. It takes a few tries to figure out the best way for you, but it makes life so much easier. Experiment with different positions and see if you can find a system that works.

Hang in there and good luck. Please keep us posted on your progress.

 

You are a good Mom :hug99:


I could have wrote your post a couple of months ago! So let me tell ya thing do get much much better. At that age I never figured out there cry's......honestly. As for the schedule we feed them every 3h and at 4months they were still only eating 3oz they were the same as your girls eat a bit fall asleep for awhile then cry........anyways what worked for us was sticking to our schedule and swaddling for naps and at bedtime. Our boys had reflux but either way I felt that the Dr.Brown bottels helped. White Noise seemed to help.

Slowly but surely they started eating more and more during the day and at 3 1/2 months corrected we started HSHHC and it worked like a charm for us.

Hang in there and good luck

Erica

 

Heather, you are doing an amazing job! 11 weeks is such a hard time. I have many sleepless nights. I does get better. I fed mine every 3 hours, and sometimes sooner. When they had tummy aches, I would use gripe water and it worked really well!!!

With time you will learn their cries, it took me awhile as we were learning so much to begin with.

PM me if you want to chat!!

 

Heather;

First of all - you are doing a wonderful job. Caring for 1 baby is difficult...and caring for 2 way beyond that! Just the fact that you are so worried about it all and posting on here shows how great of a mom you really are.

I'm not sure if any of the prior posters commented on this...but it looks like your girls were born at just 32 weeks...you are saying they are 11 weeks...well, they really aren't (if my calculations are correct)...they are just 3 weeks adjusted. Therefore, your schedule SHOULD be all over the place and they shouldn't be anywhere near STTN yet.

I do agree with PP's have said...you should probably move to a 3 hour feeding schedule. I found the feeding on cue thing difficult too. So I found that every 3 hours worked best in the day time (unless they were both sleeping, then I'd wait for one to wake). At night, I wouldn't wake them...but would wake the other when one wakes to feed.

My babies only started eating 6 oz's at a feeding when they were 5 or 6 months adjusted. 3 oz's sounds just about right for that age. I think that's about what mine were eating then.

Good luck! And hang in there...it will get better. I PROMISE!

Cary

 

:hug99: You are doing a great job.. and don't be so hard on yourself, you are just getting to know your girls. I don't think I knew their cries at 11 weeks. I also fed on a schedule every 3 hours around the clock until about 3 months and then they went to every 4 hours around the clock. I'm sure it wasn't 6oz though. My girls were taking about 2-3 oz a feed until they were about 4 or 5 months old. Their tummies were too tiny to take anymore than that.

While I agree in theory "never wake a sleeping baby," there are certain considerations that have to be made for multiples, especially preemie multiples. Talk to your pedi about this and also about what is a good target amount of formula they should take a day. Also, are they gassy? You said you have a hard time burping them? Have you tried mylicon drops? We used them in every bottle for a long time. My girls also had reflux (one with spitting and one without)- that might be something to talk to your doctor about too.

Finally, watch the Happiest Baby on the Block DVD. It has great tips for soothing babies. Swaddling and shushing really worked for my girls. Get your DH or partner on board so you can get some sleep. Come here and lean on us too. :hug99:

 

I'm new here too. Found the site a couple of weeks ago. Wish I knew about it sooner, because thus far I have been able to find some great information.

To be honest with you, I wasn't even sure if I wanted kids and I had barely even held an infant when my two came into this world. My husband and I were scared to death and we read a ton of stuff and still felt dumb. We have no family around so it's just us and it can get really wild sometimes. But let me say this, it will get EASIER. Sometimes you take two steps back, but then you leap forward and then you just take three steps back. When they start to smile and show some signs of actually knowing you exist, your world will change and life is better.

First, get you some kiddopotamus swaddleme blankets from Toys R Us. I swear by these. I don't care what else you have for your babies, but have at least two for each of them. Everytime they go down for naps, wrap them up. If they can move, they will wake up and you want them to SLEEP.

Second, get on a schedule. You need order in your life and a schedule will make your life easier. Start feeding every 3 hours. Try to get them to drink a FULL bottle, don't let them fall to sleep while eating. Rub their feet, take their clothes off, sing to them, whatever it takes - keep them awake. At their age, keep them up for maybe half hour to an hour and then let them go down for an hour to 1 1/2 hour nap. And then just keep repeating the cycle. I swear it worked for me and the babies. Eventually, you will get to a point that at the last late evening feeding @midnight, you just let them wake naturally. The babies will eventually start sleeping in until 5-6:00AM.

I know some people don't like it, but Babywise worked for us. Really it comes down to what you think is best for your babies and that method worked for us (I took the information that felt best for me and used it). Our guys are now 10 months old, they sleep through the nights, I haven't flung myself out the 2nd story window and I feel pretty good and the boys are doing great.

I know some people hate schedules, but it sounds like you need some order and peace in your life. A schedule will give you some time in the day for you. Whether you take a nap while they nap, maybe do some laundry or just sit and stare into space, you need some quiet time for you and the schedule will do that for you. It also gives the babies, I feel, security. They know what to expect and my little guys really like the same routine. They are comforted by it.

Anyway, just my two cents. Hope it helps. Either way, do what is best for you and know that we all understand. Twins mommies our own unique club. Just know that fun will be coming your way before you know it.

 

Wow, you guys are great. Answering so quickly and with so much info!
However, some of your suggestions brings up other issues, (thus, truly, I am hopeless!)
So here are the other issues with some of the things you guys wrote:

~ It seems like the 3 hour schedule works for most of you - but if they are having trouble eating on the 4 hour schedule, wouldn't feeding mo' often mean mo' problems? Sorry, I'm being silly. But seriously, they don't seem interested in eating every 4 hours, what would make them want to eat every 3 hours?

~ I would try that, but it takes them an hour (apprx) to feed each one, so I would only get an hour break in between - so if I tried this, I would seriously have to find a way to feed them both together. Which I have tried several times, but it was more stressful than feeding one right after the other. But maybe it just takes more attempts. Which I am willing! So this could be an option....

~ I think I might try switching formulas again. I went from regualr Enfamil to Enfamil GentleEase, but didn't notice much difference. At the end of their feedings, they pull away and get fidget-y even though they seem like they still want to eat. Don't know if it's reflux or gas. They don't spit up too much, just a little. They do make the "clearing their throats" sound 24/7 though.

~ I tried the gas drops - don't seem to work.

~ The swing putst them to sleep, one seems to like it better than the other. When I put Kadence in it last night to calm her down, she screamed her head off.

~ We swaddle only at night when we "put them to bed" so they associate swaddling with night time. They aren't getting it. I used quotes on "put them to bed" because they aren't really getting put to bed like normal babies, meaning it's at like 2 am.

~ Family and friends helping? Noooo. My parents would, but can't - my younger brother was in an accident 4 years ago and has perm. brain damage and needs 24/7 care. SIL said she'd "be here every day helping" - hasn't happened.

~ Me and DH do shifts at night, which helps alot, but it seems the one who has the night shift when the babies are all riled up and off the wall, is the one who looks like they need to be committed the next day.

~ Nipple switch - good idea - I'm trying that!

~ When we "put them to bed" - we let them go as long as they can without eating. Sometimes it works out well, most of the time it doesn't. If we feed them at 10 pm, at least one of them is awake until the next feeding, which would be at 2 am, so we have to feed her and then wake the other up. Then if they happen to go to sleep after that, sometimes they can go 6 hours on a good night, but like I said, that doesn't happen. Usually the other one who wasn't as awake as before, is now. And they end up eating every 4 hours during the night anyway.

~ They seem to eat 5-6 oz at night, just not during the day.

~ I agree, I need a schedule, I need order, I need breaks. I do get some breaks (DH is very good) but I had a very bad night last night with Kadence, and I just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel at this point. I keep reminding myself that it will get better.

I hope I don't sound like I am not appreciative of your help! It's just that I've tried stuff and stuff doesn't work for me! I know things will fall into place and it will be better. I am just trying to find ways to make this part easier! Maybe there is not much you can do to make it easier, just deal with it until it's over. I guess I am just getting concerned because I feel like if I don't start routines now, that they will never learn anything. Like, if I'm not doing anything to help them STTN, then they never will.
I don't know. Thank you for your support and help. I truly appreciate it, and I feel better!

 

We only gave the girls 30 minutes to eat and that was it. We didn't let them have the option of an hour, we took the bottle away at 30 minutes. Gas drops didn't work for mine either but changing formulas did. When they are this age I would swaddle every time you want them to sleep, for babies that young sleep begets sleep. When I started swaddling my babies during the day they started sleeping better at night! I know it doesn't make sense but it works! I also would recommend trying to read Babywise if you are looking for ideas. I'm not saying to stick to it word for word, you have to use common sense with anything and follow your instincts, but it could give you some tips for how to get them on a schedule.

 

Another vote for swaddling. It does wonders. Also, you are feeding them seperately at this point, or that's what it sounds like. There are ways you can feed both of them bottles at the same time so that you don't have as long of a time for feeding, and then have more time to play and try to get them to sleep, and then some sleep for yourself.

hang in there - and I stick by my earlier comment - you are not hopeless at all! :hug99:

ETA - I would sit with my back up against the wall or the couch, with my legs mainly apart, and a baby's head resting on either thigh (so they were looking back up at me). That was my favorite way to feed both of them a bottle at the same time. It was a little crazy at first, but we soon got the hang of it, and it really helped. Good luck!

 

I'm so sorry you are in this place of total overload--twin infants are very overwhelming for most people, myself included!!! I was a wreck primarily from sleep deprivation until about 3 1/2 months of age (mine were full term). The worst was the first 10 weeks. It's true that since your babies were 8 weeks early you really are dealing with 3 to 5 week olds (by full-term twin standards). I will never forget the weeks when my daughter would scream for several hours, once between 9 and 1 am, once from 2 to 4, various painful times of night. We could never put our babies in their beds awake without a scream-fest until they were almost 4 months. I look back with disbelief that we survived that stage!!! At almost 5 months mine started to STTN. Things do get better, but it is a long haul when you are in the thick of it as you are.

From what I have read, babies at this age do not know the difference between day and night, and there really isn't much "training" you can do to promote sleep. A few things I did try which books recommended at that age were leaving the blinds open and rooms bright during the daytime. I think it's fine and good to swaddle them during the day if it helps them. I swaddled mine until almost 4 months even for naps. Your babies are developmentally close to newborns, so they still may want that security of being swaddled. We also used white noise for each nap/sleep period so they would hopefully learn that that sound means it's time to sleep. All that being said, I really don't know if they are mature enough to process all of this for a couple of months. Mine started to sleep a slightly longer stretch (3-4 hours versus 1-2) at night around 2 months. But then they regressed at 3 months to eating every 3 hours round the clock...Swings worked well for my son, but only bouncing around the house worked for my daughter, and that was when we were lucky.

I fed 'on demand' in the beginning, when they seemed hungry, and after a few weeks things fell into place wtih a 3 hour schedule. But if they seemed hungry earlier I would feed them. They may eat if you don't give them a pacifier?? Just a thought. At 3 weeks (and for a while after) they never ate more than 3 ounces. Still I've never seen them take more than 4 at one time. The bottom line is that your babies need to be gaining weight. If your pediatrician says they're growing at a good rate, don't stress too much about the feeding/intake.

Even if none of these suggestions are helpful, know that we feel for you and truly understand how trying those times are. Hang in there, and post often with questions or just to vent!!

 

Honestly, I could have written this! So, you are not alone. We didn't get on a semi-normal schedule until my babies were about 4 months old. For the first 4 months I pretty much fed them every 3 hours. During the night, I waited for them to wake up to eat..ususally no more than 4 - 5 hours.

My babies are 6 months old and just now started sleeping and napping on a schedule.

The first 4 months for me were hard. Things are starting to get better but I still have days where I feel like a terrible mother. I think it goes with the territory. Hang in there. You are not alone. This place has helped me a bunch. Everyone has great ideas and is helpful.

Hugs!

 

I do feel that four hours is a long time to go. I would try to get them to eat more often.

 

I wanted to let you know you are not alone and I feel your pain! Mine our 4 months tomorrow and we had many of the same issues. We tried about 6 different formulas(Enfamail Lipil, Enfacare, Nutramagin, Gentalease, AR, and Nestle Good Start) Now one is on AR and one on Goodstart which is the only one that has been good with my gassy little guy. Also, just got rid of Platex dropins and went to Dr. Brown bottles & Level 2 nipple which made a huge difference. Both boys have reflux and didn't spit up a lot but woul cry during and after feedings--maybe talk to your dr about all the fussing after eating. We had many nights where they both cried for two hours at the same time along with my crying and I'm sure we had a little orchestra going. I do a 3 hr schedule because that is what the hospital started us on but many hospital do 4 hrs as well. I agree with you if they are not eating enough at 4hrs they probably wouldn't eat more at 3. I could never feed them on cue because one of my little guys would rather do everything else but eat. He mainly eats about 3 oz/feeding(only 24 oz with the night feedings) but is close to 14lbs at 4mths. Neither sleep through the night at this point in time.(Not sure how the one little guy will if he only eats 24 w/night feedings) They usally want to go to bed around 8 or 9 now and will then wake up around 2, 5, 8. I go back to work in Sept and I don't know how I will function. It sounds like you are doing an awesome job and you can't compare what someone else is doing to what its like for you. I think this is the hardest job I have ever had to do and I have good days and bad days.

 

I have to say, as annoying and difficult as it may be, a formula change was our miracle cure. The dr. told us we could "try" it but they were coliky. Well, 2 hours after we switched from Gentlease, voila!!! Happy babies. We also turned to Dr. Brown's bottles and we had brand new infants!! Of course, they still cried like normal babies, but nothing like before...It was a nightmare, so I empathize with you seriously.

You're doing all you know to do. You're the mom and you will figure it out! It does get better with time and when you get to where I am...it'll be almost a blur!! Keep working on it!!

 

have you tried soy formula - that is the one formula that I don't see anyone recommending - my DD was a different baby after the first bottle and DS took a few days...they could also be getting colicky at this point - and unfortunately the only thing that cures colic is time...

I agree 4 hours is too long - I'd try 3 - and I used to strip mine to the diaper to keep them awake to eat...

mine cried for the first 3 months of their little lives - I couldn't WAIT to go back to work! Once we hit 4 months it was like a switch flipped on - DS started rolling and would sleep on his belly (he could roll both ways so pedi said it was ok) and DD hit her groove when she actually started to like her binky and we gave her a small soft blanket at night for comfort...

it does get better...

 

Thanks for all your input girls. I really did feel better after I read all of your responses earlier. So good, that I took the girls out by myself to Babies r Us and we had a good time.
Short lived though. Right now I am up at 11 pm with 2 babies that are wide awake and completely off the wall. They both just ate, but are crying and fidgeting like crazy. They won't even take paci's - nothing is calming them down. This happens often with one or both of them at this time of night. Crazy party girls!!!

 

YOu are not alone! I remember reading that stuff too, and not being able to tell what cry meant what - they all sounded the same to me. And, they did for months! It probably wasn't until around 3mnths that I could tell the difference, and even then it was hit or miss.
Yes, do try to feed every 3hrs, sometimes its just hard for them to get use to it. Keep trying, the feedings will get easier.
We had a screamer and those first 3mnths were rough - we ended up putting her in her carseat, and turning on the vacuum right next to her - it was loud, but it actually calmed her down.
For naps and bedtime we always swaddled, shushed, sucking on soothers or fingers, swinging etc. Also we used whitenoise machines which we got at walmart for $20 - we always put those on at naps and bedtime.
Our schedule was nonexistent at that age, but we did have a routine, sleep, eat, play, sleep, eat, play. And, I always fed them at the same time, it was tough (as I was bfing, and they would talke 1-1.5hrs to eat), but it was worth it to have the time when I wasn't feeding. There is a bfing forum here, feel free to visit it for advice, tips and just support.
At night we also instituted a nighttime routine from about the time they were 6wks old - either a bath (which can also help calm a fussy baby), or wipe down, lotion, pjs and bed. At 1mnth bedtime was about 11-12, at 2mnths it was more like 10pm, at 3mnths it was 8 pm, and at 4mnths it was like 6pm. Another trick at night is to follow the "adults are no fun rule", low lights, no distractions around, no talking, kissing, singing etc, just change diapers, feed and back to bed. They wont get it right away but eventually they will. If all else fails we would lay them down in their crib and sometimes they would just fall back asleep.

What you are going through right now is the hardest thing you will probably ever have done in your life or ever have to do. I remeber talking with dh when we were where you are at, saying that I hated our lives and didn't even really like our children (I loved them, but didn't like them very much). It DOES get better, but it is so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now, but it is there.

 

I used bouncy seats, boppies or two bed pillows to feed mine at the same time. We also did not let a feeding stretch past 30 min. If they didn't finish the bottle we'd offer it again if the seemed hungry (fussy) in an hour or so. But then we'd still stay close to 3 hour feedings by sticking to the original full bottle time.

I really thought I was losing my mind until they were 5-6 months old. It really is so much better now and gets better all the time. I have also learned a lot of patience and tolerance for crying over the past 8 months.

I hope some of the suggestions help you. :hug99:

 

If they are crying after eating, I would try a different formula and different bottles. My guys only could use Dr. Brown bottles and when we switched to Enfamil Soy formula, we had a huge change in their behavior. It took about 2 days to really see the change, but they just couldn't handle a milk based formula. When we did both the Dr. Brown bottles and the soy formula, they really started being happy babies.

Can you go on a morning or late evening walk/stroller ride when it is cooler outside? Both you and the babies will appreciate the change of scenery and the fresh air.

 

Hey there! Let me start by saying that what you are describing IS what it is like to have twins.

You have just described to a letter what EVERY SINGLE DAY AND NITE was like over at my house for the first 19 weeks of my babies' lives. (It all got better at 14 weeks adjusted or 19 actual; they were 5 weeks early.)

Do not feel odd or inadequate because of the things you are running into. You are running into everything that we have all ran into.

I had/have no idea when my boys are hungry! NONE. Never have and never will. I was such a 'bad mom' that I just fed my kids all day and nite long cuz I had NO CLUE what I was doing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously. I'm not exaggerating either. I had NO feeding schedule at all. Zip.

The way you describe the rooting all the time just kills me cuz mine did that too and it was absolutely idiotic cuz I had no idea when they were TRULY hungry (which in hindsight, was probably NEVER since I fed them every 10 minutes around the clock.)

Anyway, you're fine. You're normal. You're in a tough spot right now but it is going to get better very soon. I'd start looking for the light at the tunnel at 14 weeks adjusted age.. NO MATTER WHEN they were born.. Okay? Just hang in there. I cried every day when mine were your kids' age cuz I felt like I was stuck in quicksand. I never made any progress and things seemed to be moving in reverse instead of forward. It was H*LL on a stick for me. I used to ask my mom "Mom.. WHY WHY WHY do people have kids if THIS is what it's like?? Why didn't you tell me!!!??"

It was bad. Anyway, you're sooooo not alone and take it from someone who had a REALLY difficult time---- I mean REALLY bad time of it.. It is going to be okay and you are going to come out of this alive. You should be proud of yourself for doing what you're doing because it is NOT easy.

Hang in there.. It's always going to be challenging but anything worth anything always is.

If you ever need to talk please pm me.

 

I have a few suggestions....

One would be that if you think the formula is making them fussy, like a pp said, maybe try soy formula.....I did with my DS and it helped him ALOT!!!

The second (and this is just what I did....if you aren't comfortable with it PLEASE don't try it).....but I put the babies to sleep on their bellies starting at 3 months. They wouldn't stay swaddled and kept waking up at all hours of the night....I tried it one night and they slept so much better. Again it is what I did....and it's only a suggestion if you can't seem to find anything else that works to get them to sleep, and if you aren't comfortabel ignore me! !

Mine ate every 3 hours at that time, and sometimes I would feed them at the same time and sometimes at different times. It took me a long time to feed them too.....and I always woke them to eat. I also tried really early on to get them onto a schedule, I didn't let them stay up longer then 2-2 1/2 hours during the day, which resulted in 3 daytime naps, and then I started a bedtime routine and put them to bed at the same time each night.

Don't feel bad if nothing seems to be working....your still in the rough stages and sometimes you just have to hang on and get through day by day. I never believed the whole "it does get easier" ....I felt like I was losing my mind every day, but really it does get easier!

 

You may have to try a lot of things to finally get something to work. Twins are hard - no way to get around it - but in time, things will get better and better. Hang in there.

Things that worked for us:
Feed together - propped on boppy's in front of you, in a car seat, in a bouncy seat - whatever is comfy
Feed every 3 hours during the day - limit feeding time to 30 minutes
Feed every 2.0 to 2.5 hours from 5pm to 11pm - limit feeding time to 30 minutes
Ask your Ped about silent reflux
Change formula until you find one or two that work
Try different bottles/nipples - they may like another kind better
Swaddle every time they sleep, day or night
Nap in a lighter room during the day
"sleep" in a very dark, quiet room at night
Sleep anytime in whatever makes them sleepy - swing, on you, in a car seat, in the bassinet/crib
Carry them on you and DH during the fussy time at night
Get out for walks - outings if possible

Eat/play/sleep, eat/play/sleep, eat/play/sleep...

Try to get some sleep yourself. Hire someone if you have to. Things look so much better with just a little more rest.

Hugs. Hugs. Hugs.