Any of you ever feel like all it is going to take is one more thing or something and you are just going to snap? I've been feeling like that more and more lately, and today I kind of lost it. My honey is out of town, he left Thursday night and won't be back until Monday morning, and we had a huge fight before he left. It started because he was looking for a tape he was making, I don't know where it was placed, he started getting upset, was in a rush to pack, couldn't find his shorts or glasses, I was starving cuz I hadn't eaten anything but toast all day, just sat down to eat and he asked me to help him pack and find stuff, I got an attitude about it, next thing you know we are royally pissed at each other, I told him to get g-d responsible for his own stuff and quit expecting me to wash all his clothes and do everything around the house, he told me to get a g-d job then, he works all day, he doesn't ask anything of me but to pack him a lunch and have some clean clothes, blah blah, I told him all I asked for was 20 minutes a night to help me clean and he can't even do that. It was a terrible fight and then he left. I don't sleep well when he's gone and the kids were up early Friday, had them all yesterday, last night was rough with them, Chase wouldn't go down until 920 (he was down, but then woke up, fussed, finally nursed him again), then they were up at 1 and then at 4, each time one baby wouldn't go back down, I found myself yelling at them from the bedroom and swearing ... I knew nothing was wrong with them, they just wouldn't go back to sleep and I was getting angry with them ... after an hour of trying to drift off and then Con screaming, I went in there and I actually wanted to shake him. Keep in mind I never ever ever ever ever would do anything to harm my nuggets (if I got through two months of colic nights with nonstop screaming for 5 hours, nothing will make me hurt them) but I had the urge ... I know it was sleep deprivation and emotional upset, but I just cried ... he's just a little baby and doesn't deserve that. then this morning we all got started an hour late (woke at 740 instead of 640 because of their wakings in the night) - I was supposed to go with MIL to the zoo with the boys today, e-mailed her that I would be late getting out there, they didn't nap much this morning, then I'm trying to get them ready and I can't find the other pair of khaki shorts ... there is clean folded laundry in like 3 baskets all over not put away because I didn't put it away, I'm hunting for these stupid shorts and Connor is screaming in the nursery for whatever reason, I keep going to calm him and its not working, and I'm getting mad at the disaster the house always is and the laundry thats sitting there and I lost it. I just threw laundry everywhere, went in the laundry room, couldn't find them again and took a wicker laundry basket and just smashed it over and over across the sink. I totaled the poor laundry basket. Then I just cried. I don't know what's wrong with me, I flipped out for some reason. I didn't even want to go to MILs but I went, it was fine, probably good I got out of the house ... I don't know what to do. I don't want to escalate, Ithink I just needed to blow off some much-needed steam.
:hug99: I'm so sorry. It is ridiculously hard when my dh travels, especially when they won't sleep. And then to add the fight on top of it ... Can you ask your MIL to come and watch them for a few hours so you can run some errands? Tell her you're overwhelmed and need her help. I am sure things will smooth over with your dh when he comes home. Just sit him down and have a good heart to heart.
Kendra, I'm sorry. I have had an "I want to scream and throw stuff week" also, but I haven't, well, thrown anything anyway! It's a lot...twins are a lot to deal with, and getting no sleep just makes problems seem gigantic. I can also say that when my house is a disaster, I feel like a disaster as well. I know it's hard to find the time, just do little bits at a time, and work your way across the house, you will eventually get it done. I think you should call your honey too, and work things out there so you don't have that weighing on your mind until he gets home. But first, I think you should take a nap. :icon_biggrin: Because you deserve it. Hope things are better soon. :hug99:
I also get these days on a regular basis. When it's been building up for about two weeks, and then a bomb goes off. A good cry usually makes me feel better. (or a shopping trip :icon_biggrin: ) I also know the feeling of wanting to shake them, or get angry at them, and I feel so bad, because I really do love them. I guess its all normal or part of having twins.
No advice but just wanted to add that I remember 5 1/2 months very well because it was right around Christmas time. I was a mess around that time because they still were up all night which meant no sleep since they were born. There were times I swore at them too. I remember feeling so bad after I did that. Horrible. But it was my way of releasing my stress at that moment when I could do nothing else. Dont feel bad. It is normal to have melt downs. I agree. I would call dh too so that at least a little stress can be released and then when he comes home, hopefully you can start fresh and not have to worry about talking about the argument that happened days before. :hug99:
I think we've all had days like that, sometimes you just have to give in to the tears, go to another room and curse, curse, curse. I hope you're feeling better!!! :hug99:
Don't feel bad....I had my meltdown just a week ago. I could not take it anymore. So, I just went a little bonkers. But, let me tell you.....I feel better, no one saw it and the clothes that were thrown around the room were not harmed.
Poor Kendra, sending bit hugs. we've all been there...the sleeplessness makes everything MUCH worse. We all know taht you wouldn;t' do anything to hurt your boys; sometimes it just feels overwhelming. As for the fight w/DH - well, i bet we've all been there as well. I find it nearly impossible when my DH is away; if nothing else, knowing that there is someone else in the house - or coming home in a few hours, makes it all seem more bearable; being alone is pretty overwhelming. So - no need to feel badly. As for your getting a job, um, you HAVE a full--time job; with mandatory overtime, and no one is asking you if you're ok to stay another shift. It's called being a mom to twins. And it's easy for them to think 'why can't you just do these few things that i want/need"....uh, because there's no freaking TIME or physical/emotional bandwidth to do it? Because i've walked by the same damn load of folded laundry for three days and STILL haven't been able to put it away - because if there ever IS a break, it's more important that i, say, ingest some quality calories or snatch a few moments of sleep...... So - love pp's advice: can you get someone to take the boys for just a couple of hours - even if it's only to go sit and have a cup of coffee by ourself and read a trashy magazine, or take a walk. stop and B R E A T H E. Beside, think, you're supermom - you;ve been nursing your boys for SIX MONTHS!
BEEN THERE DONE THAT!! Oh man, I have had those days and you feel horrible for being so angry at these helpless little beings. Sometimes I think the guys don't get that we work our tails off at home and never get "time off" like they do. After spending even a little bit of time with my girls my dh always says to me in a very exasperated voice "I don't know how you do it!!". And this is usually when they are on their best behavior. Anyway, great big :hug99: go out to you because you have the stresses of the twins by yourself at times. I agree with pp, ask for help, don't be shy. Take it to help your sanity.
I think it's happened to everyone. My snap moment was when they were 9-10 months old, my DH was away, and I flipped about something, it was during breakfast, but I can't remember what happened. I ended up sitting on the kitchen floor, calling him, and sobbing and screaming into the phone. I gave the kids graham crackers for breakfast that morning just to keep them quiet for a while. Just hang in there! It's tough, but everyone's here for you!
I had a breakdown like that when the boys were about 6 months old. I just freaked. I didn't break anything but it wasn't from lack of trying. Nope, I remember now, I tore down the mini blinds. :blush: But I'd much rather people took their frustration out on clothes, mini blinds and laundry baskets than kids or pets. :hug99: We've all been frustrated, overwhelmed and angry like that at times even though most people won't admit it . I literally have decided to cry on at least a weekly basis just to release the emotion. So... I cry a lot. People think I'm nuts, but I'm really just trying to stay sane!
:hug99: I am so sorry this is happening to you. I have been where you are - even with the shaking them thing (I too would never actually do it but I understand the urge). Just keep in mind they will only be little once - this 24/7 work stage will get better! I think being a stay a home mom is the hardest thing in the world - that is why I work two days a week!
Kendra, I don't know how you manage those boys all day(and other SAHM), all the time. I was thinking I'm so tired this weekend moreso then when I work. Nothing is more exhuasting than caring for twinfants) except triplets, quads...etc. Agree with others who say you should ask for help. And I know what it's like to feel so frustrated with the kids, Jake drives me insane at times. Just remember, as hard as it is now, it's still better than it was Miriam
I too have been there / done that! I think everyone has. Twins are FABULOUS but HARD too. I am alone everyday, all day with mine from sun up to 6:30pm. It's hard. And you NEED a break. My friend wathced mine for 3 hours last week so I could go do some errands, I haven't had that kind of a break since they were born. It was phenominal, and I cam back So refreshed. They screamed a ton that night anf I didn't even flinch. I held them and it was so nice. You MUSt get a break - everyone. It makes a world of difference! Please know that we are all with you! Kathleen
:cray: Oh Kendra!! You bring tears to my eyes because I have sooooooooo been there. Please know that what you are feeling is totally normal. I can't tell you how many times during the first 7 months or so I completely lost it on my girls. It's almost an uncontrollable feeling and you have to have some serious strength in you not to shake them or throw them or squeeze them as hard as you can. I totally have sympathy and a different outlook now for women who shake their babies because you know that it was just way too overwhelming for them and they couldn't handle it. I'm not saying it's ok, I'm just saying I understand how it could lead to that. I'm glad you took your anger out on your laudry basket. I have thrown and banged many a things in my house during those months and as aweful as it may sound there were many times where I just screamed at the top of my lungs for them to shut the f--k up!!!! Even though I knew it would only make them cry harder and not make the situation any better in the least, I guess at the moment I just lost it (or snapped as you say) and part of me wanted to scare them I guess just to feel the upsetness (don't think that's a word but oh well) that I was feeling but of course it didn't work. The only thing it did was make me feel TERRIBLE afterwards and questioned whether or not I was meant to be a mother but sleep deprivation does some messed up things to you. It makes you do and say things you wouldn't imagine yourself EVER EVER EVER doing or saying. Throw into the mix that your babies are still not sleeping through the night and you just want to shoot yourself! You are craving sooooooo desperately that full nights rest that you once remember having and pray to GOD each and every night that this will be the night that they FINALLY sleep through. And when you get that first middle of the night wake up from a crying baby...OH MY STARS!!!! You could't feel angrier as if they are doing it to you on purpose which of course they're not. After being pissed off while you sit there feeding them, you feel so sad that you got angry at them for being hungry or afraid, or just wanting to be cuddled and then you feel like a horses buttocks. Hang in there and I'm sorry about your fight with dh, that totally sucks especially since it was right before he left. Hopefully he will call you and you guys can have a nice conversation that will help you to feel better while he is gone. In the meantime, we are all here for you and most of us are either right there with you or have BTDT!
Aw, Kendra, I have so felt that way some days. Especially about the laundry! I tripped in the middle of the night over ANOTHER unfolded basket of clean laundry and about lost it over sleep-deprivation, fussy babies, and freakin' laundry. I'm sure most of us have "been there", and kudos for keeping it to a stupid laundry basket. :hug99:
just snapped last week..took it out on a spatula. (note to self..must get a new spatula)...I look at it this way.we all have these days and must release the tension..I'm glad I took it out on the spatula..
