I should know better than to compare them by now...

Sometimes I worry about DS. He is not as social as his sister, doesn't interact as much, doesn't smile as much, isn't talking or signing yet... It can be so hard to draw him out of his shell. I try to play with him, but sometimes he's off in his own little world and ignores me. Sometimes I even feel like he just doesn't like me. And I worry that somehow he's just not happy - some days I'm surprised at how little he smiles.

DH points out, rightly, that it's not fair to compare him to his sister, because she is SUPER cuddly, interacts a lot, and is a total mama's girl, worships the ground I walk on. EI came for the first 12 mo and always found DS normal. In my head, I know there's a wide range of normal. And I think it's great that he is such an independent, BUSY little boy - he is always on the go, his motor skills have always been stellar, he is so active and curious, and is generally very good at entertaining himself. And I REALLY ought to know better than to compare my very different babies.

But still...

 

I compare mine in my head all the time. It's impossible not too. But try not to be worried now. Mine have changed in the last 7 months in many ways. DD still harldy ever smiles out of the house, but she is much more socialable than she was even a few short months ago. And she loves to hug and sit on my lap, which she JUST started about 1 month ago. Before that, she wanted to play all by herself most of the time. I thought she hated me.
So try not to worry. They probably will change in many ways over the next 17 years.

 

Your description sounds a lot like my nephew. It always drove my sister crazy that total strangers would ask her why he was "unhappy" because he didn't smile very much. He also would just gaze at things and seemed to be in his own world, and he was slow to talk. So they did worry a bit. However, he is now 7, and aside from some mild speech delays (mostly cleared up by the time he was 5), he is perfectly normal -- he's just a serious kid.

That said -- give it a few months, and if you're still worried, it can't hurt to ask the ped.

 

It is hard not to compare. I think you are just reaching the point where you will start seeing more true personalities from them. I know mine are so different than they were at 12 months.
I have one super shy one (who NEVER smiles in public) and one who is the biggest flirt. I feel bad for dd (shy one) because people rarely are drawn to her like ds because she is so shy.

 

:hug99: I do it too. :blush: I have stopped doing it as much now, but I do catch myself every now and then doing it. I'm happy you have your hubby to bring you back down to reality, as that is the only way I could relax and not call the ped. that something is wrong. :hug99: It is really hard when you have both of them, the same age, to not compare the things they are doing. I know what you mean about the "not loving you" feeling. My dd didn't really show her "love" for me until she was about 15 months or so. Up until then, I felt like she didn't care whether I was there or not, but in her own time, she came around and started being more cuddly/huggy/kissy with me. My only advice would be to not let your feelings of him not loving you stop you from showing him as much affection as you do your dd, I had to remind myself that alot because I was more drawn to kissing/hugging my ds since he showed it back. :blush: That sounds so bad, doesn't it.

 

From the sounds of things, he has things to DO and figure out. Slowing down to talk may not be his priority right now. I can't speak for his social skills, but it is still very early yet. He may just be scoping everything out and taking it all in. On a side note, Natalie was ALL about the gross motor stuff. She couldn't sit still and do a puzzle or be bothered to talk until well after she was two. Now, she can't not only not sit still, she also can't be quiet for anything...

 

Holly, I know it's really hard!! :hug99: He may not "need" to be as social - his sister has that covered. Maybe he is just a little slower than her verbally. My doc would have thought that was totally normal. She kept telling me that she may talk for him (that doesn't happen) etc.....so, for what that's worth! It is really hard not to compare!! :hug99:

 

My 2 boys just came out of their "shell" within the past month. They were really never that cuddly and then one day Derek came over and gave me a hug and started climbing all over me and Tyler thought no way is he getting all the attention so he started doing it too and today they actually fought over me in my lap

 

It is so hard not to compare. If we were raising them as singletons, it would be easier to forget who did what when. But because they are together, all we do is compare. It's okay, it's normal, and like pp said, if you're really concerned, definitely talk to the pedi about it. That's all the reassurance I need when I'm worrying about the girls' development. :hug99:

 

It is really impossible not to compare. At around the year mark DD was antisocial - did not smile, laugh or make eye contact with strangers or anyone and even her brother and father. DS on the other hand, danced, laughed and played with anyone who made eye contact. At 18 months, DD is more out going and friendly and DS is now reserved and less friendly. Its all different milestones and personalities! Good Luck!!

 

Thank you so much for all the reassurance! I think if I'm still uneasy with things after a few more months, I may ask EI to come back. (I like and trust my EI rep more than my pedi.)

QUOTE
My only advice would be to not let your feelings of him not loving you stop you from showing him as much affection as you do your dd, I had to remind myself that alot because I was more drawn to kissing/hugging my ds since he showed it back. That sounds so bad, doesn't it.


I've had exactly the same thoughts! It is SO easy to play with and love on DD more, since she's so much more responsive. I'm always making an effort to give DS as much attention and cuddling, and to try to engage him on his terms...

Also need to just take note of the times he IS cuddly and responsive, so that I don't overgeneralize to myself. Like today, a stranger was in the house and I was holding DS, and he was just clinging to me and resting his head on me and wouldn't let go. He's a bold little explorer, but maybe when faced with a big scary stranger he does need mommy after all.

 

QUOTE(fuchsiagroan @ Apr 10 2008, 06:33 PM) [snapback]715840[/snapback]
He's a bold little explorer, but maybe when faced with a big scary stranger he does need mommy after all.


:cray: That statement was SO sweet!! :wub: He does need his mommy, he just might not always show it. :hug99: