I really need help

We are having major discipline problems in our house. My dh and I have tried everything. Time outs, taking away some toys, putting her in her room, taking away privledges, spankings, making her go to bed early. NOTHING works. I will give you a few examples. Last night she was coming into the bathroom, I asked her not to step on the rug because she had muddy feet. She walked right on it. Today she called me stupid and had to spend the next 45 minutes in her room. My dh and I are at our wits end. It is not for lack of consistency. We are very consistant and both are on the same page with everything. Then she had to go to bed early for not listening, she kept getting out of bed asking for this and that. Tomorrow we decided we are going to take away every single toy and she will have to earn them back. Of course we both feel like the worst parents. It feels like lately all we do is repremand her. It SUCKS! I always try to acentuate the positive when she does a good behavior. My dh is going to come straight home from work now and take her outside to do some one on one , and I am going to let her stay up late one night a week and her and I will do something together. I hope all this helps we don't know what else to do other than take her to a phychologist to see if something else is going on. So tell me this, is this normal behavior for a almost 4 year old. Am I expecting to much out of her at this age. We also came to the conclusion that maybe we need to take more time to explain things to her, as maybe she doesn't understand. Please help! We are out of ideas!

 

I am right there with you. I really don't have any suggestions. Just wanted you to know you are not the only one. I most of the time feel like I am talking to two brick walls. You tell them something and they just go ahead and do it anyway. Kaden literally will argue with you and yell at you when you tell him to do something. I to have done times outs, spanking, taking toys away, sent to bed to take naps, you name it I've done it. I just keep telling myself that this to will pass. It just seems like you get past one obstacle and another pops up. We need a smiley pulling it's hair out. That's how I feel most days.

 

I'm there too, Allan just laughs at me most of the time, until I put the baby down of course!!!!!!
He waits until i'm feeding and goes off the deep end. Climbing over the baby gates and turning the water on outside(he leaves it on) and just doing anything he can that he know he's not allowed to do.

 

Actually, it sounds like a normal 4 year old to me. It also sounds like you haven't found her "currency". That is the one thing that she wants enough to work for. For example, if she loves My Little Ponies, then let her earn them through good behavior. Also, with 2 babies in the house who are now (past few months) getting mobile, she may simply be looking for attention, and at her age, negative attention is the same as positive attention. I would work towards getting her to respond to positive attention, and not give her any feedback for negative actions. Also, talk to her, to find out what she likes, maybe a favorite TV show. Finally, give her a vested interest in the babies--like her job is to pick out their PJ's or something. Good luck!

 

I agree, it's developmentally pretty normal.
Could it be an attention seeking problem?
Berkley was like that around 4 yrs old as well and it really seemed like the cause was the amount of time I was spending w/ the twins.
At 4 they don't understand, they think ANY attention is good attention, even if it' you disciplining them.

 

I wish I had some answers for you. Lately, Ethan has not wanted to go to school, bed, tub, has been talking back, etc. and he is usually is a pretty good listener compared to Brady. I am hoping it is the age and a phase. I am anxious to hear what others have to say. Hang in there.

 

When our oldest was about 3 1/2 years old, he went through a phase where he was VERY whiny and would not listen or do what we asked. It was possibly partially for attention because we were paying a lot of attention to the new babies. But, looking back, I think a lot of it had to do with being overtired. We were trying to get him to go to sleep by himself (versus one of us lying next to him until he fell asleep), in his own room, in our new house. So with the multiple changes and the sleep debt, I think it just made him cranky and whiny. Because once we gave up on trying to have him sleep on his own, the bad behavior stopped for the most part (and after he turned four, he started going to sleep by himself :a_smil09: )... And with the twins now, I notice them getting cranky and angry more often within a couple of days of showing a full-blown cold.

So, I guess, I'm just saying take a look and make sure she's getting enough rest and doesn't have any medical issues. If the above doesn't seem to apply to her, I recommend checking out the book "1-2-3 Magic" by Thomas W. Phelan. We, among others on this forum, have had positive results with it. It's a pretty quick read and easy to implement for "stop behaviors". Good luck!

 

Noah is also getting very testy with us. His prized possesions are his monster trucks so they get taken away until he is a better listener. It's a great idea to spend some more one-on-one time with her. I'll take Noah for a bike ride after the twins are in bed or watch a show with him and dh does tons of stuff with him. This really helps. He also has things that I ask him to do when he starts acting up. Like in the morning I ask him to get dressed and put his pjs in the hamper, he helps me get a diaper for the boys...anything to make him feel like he's helping usually diverts him from the bad behavoir. I think this all just goes with the territory of their age. I feel tested every day...and my dh just left for a month trip to Mexico for work. Yikes!
Oh, and as far as her not understanding, I'm sure she does. Over explaining things to a 3-4 yr old might complicate the situation, IMO. Anyway, just know that you are not alone.

 

im also there with you!!my son is almost 4 also and the past couple of months it has went down hill! but i realized that it started when the babies got more mobile and started playing with his toys, and crawling over to me and wainting theire mommy time! what i did and seemed to help was like u said i gave him his own special mommy time.This seemed to work great! he gets to choose what we do that night ,he will always choose to eat popcorn and watch a movie which is ALWAYS cars lol.but it seemed to help!!!And from what i was told is its not the terrible 2;s its accually 3;s and 4;s lol......