i never leave my kids...

i have seriously never really left my kids. i love them...i love spending time with them...i feel guilty when im away from them and *could* be home with them. so...i made sure i was. i never leave them during the day and when we go out, we do so after they are asleep.
i return to work in a few days and i am SO WORRIED about what my kids are going to go through. they have visited their new babysitters house but the anxiety is ridiculous. im very worried they are going to have serious separation anxiety.

is there a chance everything could just be fine? am i doomed bc i never left them?

 

No, not doomed. What you might have to do when you drop them off the first day, is do a quick goodbye and then just leave (as hard as it is!). They might cry but they will get past it. Or the babysitter might be able to distract them enough, that you will be able to leave without incident. You might be pleasantly surprised with how your two will handle it. Good luck!

 

There will probably be some crying on their part and yours. Be positive and confident, kiss them goodbye (don't sneak out) and check in with your babysitter a bit later to settle your nerves. Most likely they will settle in well - kids are so resilient and hopefully there will be a nice distraction with new toys to play with and another person to interact with. It may take a few days but they may settle right in. You have done a great job and given them the foundation of security. Now they get to stretch their wings a bit. Hang in there momma. Let us know how it turns out. :grouphug:

 

Thank you....'what to expect, the toddler years' says to basically practice and i have not done that. it also says that i can basically scar them if i dont spend time with them in the morning (before we go) or leave the right way. i got really stressed out.

 

okay, i know this wasn't your question but i can't stand the What to Expect series. i hear so often of people feeling anxiety because of things the book has said. so stop reading it!

your children will not be scarred. they will be fine. i agree with everyone to make the goodbye short & sweet (i always say "mommy's going to work, love you, see you soon!" give a kiss & am out the door) - as hard as it is to leave crying babies behind, the sooner you're gone & they can get on with thier day, the sooner they'll stop crying. :hug:

 

I'm giving you permission to throw that book away. That's ridiculous! All kids are different; some have separation anxiety, and some will run off to play with new toys and never look back! You may find that leaving them on the first day of work is actually harder on *you* than on them!

Kids understand a lot more than we think. Talk to them about what's going to happen beforehand, and then on the day you drop them off, give them hugs and kisses, tell them that they will have a fun day, and that you will be back to get them later. They might have a transition period where they're getting used to the idea of a sitter, but I bet they will end up *loving* this new experience! Please don't let this stress you out. :hug:

 

:-D thats why i love these boards.
thank you. :grouphug:

 

Ugh - throw that book out! That's ridiculous advice. You're not going to scar them if you don't see them in the AM, or if you don't spend 20 minutes easing them into the babysitter's routine each day. Seriously, the What to Expect series is one of the worst written that I've ever seen.

The only advice I have is this: Kids pick up on parental stress way more than we realize. You're stressed about this transition, and they're reflecting your anxiety back to you. So as hard as it is - make this fun for them. Talk frequently about how lucky they are to get to go to the babysitters. How much fun they're going to have. All the wonderful things they'll do. And talk, of course, about how much you love them and how much fun they'll have with you when you're home from work. Buy them a special new outfit, new lunch boxes, etc. and talk about what big kids they are to be at this new stage in their lives.

Then when it's time to go to the babysitter's, walk them in, make sure they're settled (as in- not about to run out the door), give them a hug and kiss and leave. Just leave. Even if they're crying. They'll calm down better without you there. Ask your babysitter to give you a call if they don't calm down in 10 minutes or 30 minutes, or whatever limit you want to set. But I bet they do. Transitions like these are harder on parents than kids, we just have to work really hard not to let our kids realize how stressed we are.

Hang in there... and let us know how it goes!

 

Everything will be OK. There might be a while of separation anxiety, but eventually everything will be fine.

Now, here is a suggestion to help YOU deal with the transition I know it will be hard, this is what helped me:

IF you can, have them start daycare early. A couple of days, at LEAST 1 day before you start work.

Drop them off, keep busy, have a friend of family member with you to just keep from running over there and picking them up. Tell them to NOT let you pick them up. It will be hard, but you can do it.

This helped me (though we started much earlier) because I *knew* I could go run over and pick them up, but I didn't. Makes the transition earlier to when you go back to work and you can't.

when you see your kids at the end of the day whole and fine in one piece, you will feel relieved. There may be fussiness, but you will feel relieved that they are OK.

I really think this is a very important step for any parent (which is most) who is worried about leaving their kids with some one else.

Also, ask the babysitter if you can call to see how they are doing. Our daycare is very patient with me.... I call them at least once a day to see how our twins' day is going

 

This is BS, probably written because of parents who are curt and snappish when dropping of their kids. Lol I promise your kids will not be scarred! Not unless you do something awful like yell at them right before you leave, and I know you wouldn't do that (it's obvious you love your kids)!

I can tell you what CAN happen though... if they have separation anxiety and cry (and I can almost guarantee they will if they're starting daycare as toddlers) they will learn that if you don't set a routine for dropping them off- whatever you want and feel comfortable with, but a routine (like dropping off giving hugs saying you'll see them later, to spending 5 minutes before leaving, whatever you feel comfortable with) they will learn how to manipulate you into staying longer. The important thing is to stick to whatever routine you decide and don't show anxiety or distress when you drop them off. I promise if you stick to it the drop off process will be much less of a big deal as times go on.

 

Can I just say I absolutely hate the "What to Expect.." Series. I have two that I got for gifts but I got ticked off once with the ridiculousness of something I was reading and that was the end of that! LOL!

 

when i was pregnant, i went to Chapters to buy some books about pregnancy - the sales person suggested What to Expect. i knew i didn't want it, so just looked around & picked up a couple of books that i thought might be good. since then, i've read A LOT about pregnancy, birth, labor & delivery as i've worked towards my birth doula certification. i actually went back to that Chapters & gave them a list of books that i thought would be much better for their staff to recommend. :laughing: presumptuous? totally! but i couldn't help myself. i just felt like it was a recommendation made because it's been the most popular book on the block for a while, not because it's actually a good/useful/reassuring book. who knows if it helped at all, but i hope so.

 

My girls did cry their 1st day but not when I dropped them, they cried when I picked them up and they didn't want to leave

 

I agree with everyone else about the first day. Try to relax, talk with them about it the days and morning before you go, when you get there get them settled in with coats off/toy to play with, give them a kiss and hug and then leave. Even if they cry.
I can tell you from the other side that while it's almost impossible to calm down a crying toddler who wants their mom if mom's in the room it's normally easy as pie to calm them down once mom's left. If they can't see you they will get drawn in to play with all the new toys and forget that they'd rather be with you.
I also think it's good to have a set routine/phrase that you use every time, e.g. give a kiss and hug and say "I love you. I'll see you later. Bye bye." If they know that you will say and do the same thing each day after a while they will be less likely to make a fuss. If they think they can manipulate you (get you to stay longer, get an extra kiss and hug) they will cry more to get those things.
The other thing I wanted to point out is that often the kids (especially ones of the age yours are) will go off happily the first few times you take them to daycare and then suddenly start crying when you drop them off. If they do this it doesn't mean that something bad happened at daycare and they're now scared, but that they've realised that when you bring them to this place you will be leaving them for a large chunk of time.

Oh and I also agree about getting rid of that book! What a ridiculous thing to be saying, no wonder it stressed you out. So they're saying that if you left them younger for "practice" that would not scar them but leaving them now will? How does that make any sense at all? Did they have any research to back up that absurd statement? Without some very convincing studies I think it's safe to ignore that 'advice'.

Good luck with your first day, I'm sure it'll be fine. :hug: for you because I think you'll need it more than your twins do!

 

I am currently in the process of sending my kids to daycare for the first time ever and I know how you feel, I feel your pain and worry. The kids have been with Grandma while I'm at work all this time and I swear grandma is better than mom in their eyes and this transition is going to be hard on all of us.
But like PP mentioned kids are resilient and I understand they will be fine. I know there will be alot of adjustments to be made and it will all work out in the end but I still worry and I still feel sad that I am not able to stay home with them. Hang in there and know that others have been where you are at and things have worked out in the end. Now I have to learn to believe that so I can be fine too. :unsure:
Good luck to you and hopefully the transition goes smooth for you.