I NEED YOUE HELP LADIES

well ladies i finally got up the courage and left dh. friday night we got into a hugeeeeeeee argument and he called me every name in the book, and told me i was a worthless mother to top it off. girls i do EVERYTHING for these kids while he does NOTHING, i hate when people tlk about my parenting skills it really hurts, i know that my boys have everything they need and than some.He said that just b/c he knows how bad it hurts me.So he told me to leave and go live with my mother. fyi ladies this is MY house. granted the fact that he pays the rent EVERYTHING is in my name. but.... if i wasnt the 1 to leave he would and than i would not be able to pay the rent here on the 1st espically with the twins b-day being on the second.So i packed up and went to my moms house. but.... my mom has made it pretty clear she cannot handle my oldest and the twins .So i left the twins with dh from fri until this morning. we came to the conclusion that i will keep them from 6am-6pm while he works .than i will leave and come back the next moring. but ladies its already killing me not to have the babies with me all night.I cannot find anywhere elese to go so i can take all 3 with me. mind u from fri until 2 day dh hasnt even bathed the boys so i can only imagine what elese he hasnt done for them.so im lost as to what to do. when i find a job i am demanding that im comming back to MY house and that he leaves. I just cant pay the rent now bye myslef b/c im not working. so if u were in this situation what would u do??

TIA

 

Oh goodness, I wish I had some advice, but I don't! Best of luck in working through this, I hope you find a solution. :hug99:

 

Is there any way you can talk to you mom about just letting you all stay there for a little bit until you get a divorce? Once you are divorced, he will have pay the child support and you can get some government assistance until you can get a job and get back on your feet, allowing you to pay your rent and live on your own. You can also start to look for a 2nd shift job, and maybe get some help for your mom at dinner, bath, bed time and then they would be sleeping, and you will be home at night and during the day to be there for them.

 

I'm so sorry you are in this situation. :hug99: I don't have any advice but I think that Sarah's advice was good. I hope you find a solution for you and your family. :hug99:

 

I am so sorry this is happening to you! Have you looked into any of the women's shelters. I know that stinks - but if he is verbally abusive towards you they may be able to help you get in with all three kids. Plus, go in and apply for assistance now. They can help to set you up with some emergency assistance and housing. You want to get the babies out of that situation ASAP. Hopefully, with him doing all the work right now maybe he will see how hard you actually do work.

Keep us posted. :hug99: :hug99: I will keep you in my thoughts!

Angel

 

well i accually already recieve child support from him, i get almso 700 a month from him and i also am on assistance but even with the 2 i cannot pay the bills. my mother will not help with the boys at all plus she works 40-50 hrs a week. im so stuck right now. this sucks well her in about another 3 hrs i gotta go back to my moms and leave my babies again. i feel so empty without them with me!

 

Well, not sure if your DH is always so unreasonable or if this is because of things not going well between you 2 but hopefully, if he has any decency, maybe you could convince him that it would be easier for him to find somewhere else to stay and still take care of the rent, until you can take it over. If you can get some gov't assistance, maybe you can contribute some. This seems like the best way to handle it, and still be able to give your kids some sense of stability while you 2 go through this separation/divorce. If need be, play on the kids and tell them that you leaving every night is going to confuse them. . It sucks that he cannot see clear enough that uprooting 4 people, 3 of them young kids instead of just having the decency to leave himself. I'm sorry you are going through this and hope you have some good friends around to support you. :rotflmbo: :unknw:
wish I could help more, I hope things work out for you.

 

This is a sucky situation. But my first thought is that you need to talk to a lawyer. I think there is something about the person that leaves not having rights to getting the house or something like that, plus you might want to get a retainer for custody. I know this is all scary, but to me it sounds that DH can be unreasonable in an argument and if you can't work things out without someone leaving that it might come to this. I just would hate that your custody would get jeopardized over finances/mortgage.

A lot of lawyers will do a free consultation and can really advise you on your rights and the best course of action. Retainers can be extremely expensive, but would possibly give you the upper hand.

I really hope you and DH can work this out without a seperation. Stress of little ones can really make us forget about the flame that was between us and can really come between a couple, but you have to find what really matters and figure out what you are truly fighting about. I think counseling is always a good option and you might really find out what's going on between you two and solve it. So many couples go through stuff when they have young children. Maybe see if you parents can watch the kids and you and DH have a date night to talk without raising voices/insulting/name calling and make sure he understands the rules before you two go.

 

If I were you I would move back in to the house with dh and the kids and sleep in separate rooms. There are laws that allow you to be separated while still living under the same roof.

 

I don't have any advise but wanted to tell you how very sorry I am that you are going through this. :hug99:

 

Ems, i am so sorry to hear this. I know how rough it can be b/c DH and I dont get along the best sometimes. We have never gotten to that point though. Anyways, please let me know if there is anything we can do to help out. I know that i couldnt offer a place to stay b/c we are having issues with room here ourself but even if you just need soemone to talk to, let me know. Hope that you guys can work something out that is best for the both of you.

amanda :hug99:

 

What a difficult situation, I am soo sorry to hear you are going through this. My first reaction was to suggest living under the same roof in a cohabitation thing, not necessarily spouses but then wondered if that would cause additional tension (can you live together and not argue, criticize each other?) which you definitely don't want your children around.

I am glad to hear he is providing for you during this time, sounds like a generous amount with a joint custody type thing. I get $300 a month and I have physical custody. Also glad you can get some assistance, I don't get that either. Not trying to do a poor pitiful me thing just trying to share that when things look grim they aren't always all bad.

Please be sure to take this time to concentrate on the big issues, I can tell you that I have gone from Friday to Monday without giving K&K a bath and I don't think that makes me a bad parent. Sometimes things just get crazy and we run out of time................

QUOTE
If need be, play on the kids and tell them that you leaving every night is going to confuse them.
The same could be said for taking them out of their own beds at night, I wouldn't use anything in an argument that could get thrown back in your face like that. ETA: Sorry, I guess this was an argument for you to be in the house? I misunderstood. No matter what someone is going to be leaving that they are used to having around and they are going to be confused. Again, just a caution to think about arguments because you don't want to say anything that can be turned around on you!

I am sorry I don't have any great words of advice, I have been struggling all day to find the right words, I am sure I still haven't found them but couldn't go any longer without posting something. You and your family are in my thoughts!

 

I have not been through this and it sounds like you're getting good advise already. But hugs to you.
Do you have a girlfriend whom you could live with? Someone in a similar situation? MAybe you could rent a house together?

I agree with PP, if the man has any decency, he won't kick you out of the house away from your babies!

hugs again!

 

:hug99:

Heather

 

WOW!! I am so very sorry that you are going through this!! :hug99: I wish I had some magical words of wisdom, but unfortunately I don't. Sounds like you got some great advice. I just wanted you to know that I was thinking of you!! :hug99:

 

QUOTE(Jennib9 @ Apr 23 2007, 07:04 PM) [snapback]231209[/snapback]
. If need be, play on the kids and tell them that you leaving every night is going to confuse them. . It

Hm, I don't suppose that came out as I meant it. I was thinking more that he should try to see that no matter what the issues are between you 2, that trying to make things as stress free as possible for the kids should be most important. hope that one way or the other, you work things out.
good luck.
Jennib9

 

thank aLL of u for giving me some great advice. to answer the ? about us living togehter and not arguing the answer would be NO. when i come in the moring at 6 so he can go to work the first thing out of his mouth is something smart or hes trying to argue. i told him this morning that i did not come here to argue with him and my oldest was trying to go back to sleep since i gotta wake him at 5:30 every morning to bring him back to the house. so please can u just go to work. he said i will when im done saying what i gotta say. alls i could do was walk away. i have tried to tlk to him but he alwats finds the right words to say to push me over the edge. so i just walk away and yes ladies he will follow me and keep critisizing.So us staying together in the same house is probally a bad idea.My oldest son is not his and b4 i met dh i was with my oldest sons father and he was extremelly physically abusive toward me and myds seen what went on b4 i put him in jail and i just dont want me ds to think that every man mommy is with treats her like that so mabye thats how i should treat girls.I an so scared that if i continue to stay with him that my son may go down this path sometime in the future b/c children learn bye example. being verbally abusive is just as bad to me as being physically. ohhhh god im rambling and still dont know what to do.
\thank all of u for being there!

 

QUOTE(cajuntwinmom @ Apr 23 2007, 07:30 PM) [snapback]231254[/snapback]
This is a sucky situation. But my first thought is that you need to talk to a lawyer. I think there is something about the person that leaves not having rights to getting the house or something like that, plus you might want to get a retainer for custody. I know this is all scary, but to me it sounds that DH can be unreasonable in an argument and if you can't work things out without someone leaving that it might come to this. I just would hate that your custody would get jeopardized over finances/mortgage.

A lot of lawyers will do a free consultation and can really advise you on your rights and the best course of action. Retainers can be extremely expensive, but would possibly give you the upper hand.

I really hope you and DH can work this out without a seperation. Stress of little ones can really make us forget about the flame that was between us and can really come between a couple, but you have to find what really matters and figure out what you are truly fighting about. I think counseling is always a good option and you might really find out what's going on between you two and solve it. So many couples go through stuff when they have young children. Maybe see if you parents can watch the kids and you and DH have a date night to talk without raising voices/insulting/name calling and make sure he understands the rules before you two go.



LAWYER LAWYER LAWYER...you have rights to home and comfort for the children Seek legal aid!

 

:hug99: ems - this is a hard situation for sure! Please take care of yourself and those babies!

 

EMS,
I just wanted to let you know, that last night when I was folding laundry, I was thinking of you and your situation. :hug99: I think a pp had mentioned legal aid. Since you are already on assistance, can you contact your case worker & let them know the situation? Maybe they can put you in contact with a contact person who can hear your side of the story. I am sure that if you express your concerns over the abusive language that they would probably try to get you in some type of temporary housing. Anything you have to do would be worth being w/ your babes @ night.