I need to vent

I have about HAD it today, and this whole week, too!!! I am beyond frustrated, and I'm starting to flip out on objects and I even yelled at Hannah.

This is all been around a while, things I've been dealing with...but I was already having a frustrating week, and today I was bawling by 12pm, already. All freaking afternoon Hannah has signed to me MORE, which she uses to say food or eat, and say that she wants to eat. But anytime I give her food she throws in on the floor! I yelled at her to stop..I JUST freakin finished sweeping the stupid floor! I of course then apologized to her and hugged her, she had started crying. I really try not to take things out on them, but i've been doing a lot of yelling and hitting to other objects today and yesterday, and it's just getting worse. I will have absolutely NO help, most likely, from my husband, as he got put onto 12 hour shifts today, which puts him getting off work at 6pm, and then still has to come home...babies are in bed by 6:30, sometimes a little later, 7 at the latest. And he's gone before we ever even wake up.

I had a friend offer to take them tomorrow for a few hours, but I feel like I'm pawning them off and don't want to deal with them, and it makes me feel guilty..even though I know i should feel that way. I'm getting over being sick, the babies are getting over being sick, DH is getting sick...it's never ending. He had so much he had to do this weekend, I didn't even hardly get any help this weekend, felt like I didn't even have a weekend, and it freakin stresses me out to not get any help with a single thing at all around this house. I'm freakin sick of the cats that go ballistic all the time and won't stay out of things, and the babies are continually hitting and taking things from each other, making the other one scream (and Hannah can scream, all right). I can't get caught up on sleep, being sick I'm running down easily, and i'm exhausted. my house is a freakin disaster area, and i"m not even exaggerating, and it drives me crazy. I don't have problems cleaning it up, but it won't stay that way, thanks to the husband leaving crap everywhere...I tell him and tell him and tell him and he never freaking listens to me. He always leaves the laundry door open which drives me crazy...I don't want the cats in there, and all these things combined is getting to me, to the point that I flip out over a cracker breaking and I ripped the bag apart, flinging crackers and crumbs all over me and the living room and started bawling...I slam doors and I throw and hit things...

and I'm not sure I can take it anymore!

*sigh*

I'm going to be starting to see a therapist on friday, for other things...but those things may be connected to the this sort of, so maybe we can work on it all together. I used to be on antidepressants for PPD, but not anymore...sometimes I wonder if I'm litterly going insane.

I just needed to vent.

 

I don't know what to say to make you feel beeter as I haven't been where you're at now. All I can say is I hope seeing the therapist helps you with what's bothering you. And you're right, the cause may be deeper than you know. Stick with it, and try to think positive - even if life seems at its worst.

Being sick definitely makes things more complicated. Hang in there, mama. Everything will work out.

 

I'm so sorry, for your day/week etc! Its hard to be alone all day every day! I know!! my dh isn't able to be much help during the week either, and I truly think in my case it all comes to a head when I'm PMSing! not sure if you track your cycles or not... but for me that last week before I get my period is the worst!

If you have ANY offers of help, take them! don't feel bad, you need some time alone or to just get things done etc, and YOU will be a BETTER momma when you come back to them.

I have gotten crazy like you said especially when it comes to be twins throwing food on the floor... ugh!

btw - though mine are a little older - but I did find some relief when I served several different foods on a divided tray... it was like a miracle the first time I did it. it was so cute my girl moved her pasta from one square to another and played with it, but ended up finishing the pasta, veggies, bread etc, just she wanted to choose what piece she ate next...

anyway, for food, I found that its in the presentation (sometimes!)... another thing I do is let her pick her food off of the dish i'm giving to them on... instead of me choosing what to put on her tray.


And I hope that you get help w/your therapist, that's great that maybe they can help you get your sanity back. Big hugs to you.

 

:grouphug: I am so sorry that you are having a crappy week. It's tough to be the only one on call when the hubby is working long hours. Add to that everyone feeling ill, including you and it's no wonder why you are stressed.
I think it would beneficial for you to have your friend take the kids for you tomorrow. You deserve the break and the time to yourself. Don't feel bad for allowing your friend to take them for you :hug:
Mine went through a phase of throwing food on the floor and it was so frustrating, especially since I felt like I was cleaning all the time! I gave them three shots and once that was up, meal time was over.
I'm glad that you will be seeing a therapist. I don't think you are going insane, I think you are just stressed out.
Hoping that things will improve for you :hug:

 

Huge :hug: :hug: Please, vent away. I think we have all been there at some point!

It's hard doing it all yourself while your husband is working, but being ill and tired all make it that much worse. I say take your friend up on the help...no guilt allowed! Everyone should be so lucky to have such wonderful friends. And I'm so glad you are seeing a therapist...just mention all this and see what happens. Again... :hug: :hug:

 

Oh my goodness girl, I have been there. It may be good to let your friend take your kids so you can have some time to refocus and regroup. Sometimes I just had to have a day to think about what had gone on and think about some new tactics on how to tackle things...like kids fighting and housecleaning and such. If you had some time to yourself, maybe you could figure out some ways to make it a little more sane around the house for you. Also, have you talked to your husband about ways he could pitch in. My husband worked long hours leaving me at home and there were times when it all just hit the fan and I would have to say, "you have got to help me, I can't do this alone." Sometimes he just got so wrapped up in his own things he just forgot and needed to be gently reminded. Maybe he just doesn't realize how stressed you are. hang in there!!

 

I am so sorry you are going through a tough time. I agree with pp, if anyone offers to help, take the help. You can't take care of your kids if you aren't taking care of yourself. Don't feel bad about that or the house being a mess or feeling frustrated. You have a lot to deal with. Talk to your husband at a time you are relaxed and tell him point blank that he needs to do more when he is there. I just had that conversation with my hubby last night.

Take care and I am glad to hear you are reaching out for help for other things going on with you. Remember that this too shall pass and things will get better.

Hugs to you and remember that you are not alone.

Sandi