I need to vent

I know this is all emotion due to the stress of the first year and lack of sleep and a million other things that are just a part of life.

DH thinks he is super dad and I think he isn’t even close to keeping up. I am far from perfect! I work while DH is staying home with the boys. He was laid off and hasn’t been able to find work. I work 3 days a week in the office, one day at home and I try to take Friday’s off. My parents take the boys Sunday evening through Monday afternoon. So essentially DH is home alone with the boys 2 days a week. He takes care of all of the night issues. My issue with all of this is that he is constantly frustrated, angry, tired and generally unhappy. He does a lot, yes, but I feel like I am doing more. I probably wouldn’t even care so much but he is always complaining and I am so sick of it!

I know this will all pass but right now I am so frustrated and I think I am going to bite my tongue right off!

Thanks for letting me vent, I already feel better.

 

:hug: I'm sorry you are so frustrated. Maybe you could talk to him about it. He may be feeling the same way. I think it's very easy for parents of twins to feel unappreciated. Maybe if you compliment him on things he is doing (I know...more tongue biting) he will lessen the complaining. I'm thinking something along the lines of this:

Him: I just can't get them to eat/stop crying/etc!
You: You are always so good with them, I'm sure it's just a phase they are going through

or

Him: What do you want for dinner?
You: That meal you made last night was so good, why don't I bring home take out tonight?

I don't know. Those are just things I would like to hear sometimes! I find the more I thank my DH the more the "edge" comes out of his voice and we can communicate better.

 

:hug: sorry your feeling like this! It really is tough being Mummy and wife and for you employee as well. I like Megans idea of praise where it is due, that is always a winner in my house. If that fails i would suggest a heart to heart when the kiddiewinkles are at the granparents. Glad your feeling abit better after venting anyway, that is one of the reasons why i love this site.

 

:hug: I am sorry you are feeling so stressed out. You've gotten some good advice already. I would definitely talk to him about how he is feeling and then share how you feel. These early days are trying on Mom and Dad. Hang in there!

 

PPD for daddies is a possibility. Maybe he is depressed?

:hug:

 

The first year is a killer! Defin. sit down and let each other vent, without interupting and then try to work on issues one at a time. Lack of sleep and feeling underapreciated, by both parents, can make a very tense situation. I hope you guys can work it out ok. You have gotten some good advise so far. :hug:

 

Have you considered the possibility that he doesn't really know HOW to manage a household, on top of the first year with twins being challenging? I never learned how from my mother (she was a hippie) who was rebelling from her own upbringing.... yada, yada, yada. My point here is that I find a lot of good information and help from Flylady.net on how to manage my home, which in turn allows me to be a better, more peaceful mother who actually enjoys what she is doing and has time to spare. My other thought is that being unemployed probably weighs heavily on him, making every day tasks even more difficult.

I'm sorry you are frustrated. There is nothing more difficult (IMO) than being a working mother. My hat is off to you for doing what is best for your family.

 

I agree with PP on the ideas. I know it's frustrating but sometimes it's hard for us as women to understand the pressure that men feel to be the "provider" - he could be feeling really bad to be out of a job and thinking that he never signed up for this childcare stuff. Women have lots of role models, advice, and outlets (such as forums like these) that help us deal with the challenges of childcare; men don't have nearly as much. So maybe just try to make him feel good about what he is doing, how much you appreciate him... stuff like that. I know it seems unfair considering you are doing a lot of the child care AND working, but probably worth it for your marriage and your sanity!