I need to vent and get some perspective

Thanks in advance for listening.

I have a close family member that I need some help with. He is very macho – manly, man – into football status and everything that goes with keeping up with the “Jones’s” Us not so much – my DH is not your “typical” manly man – could really care less about football/sports for the most part. So this particular family member also thinks all boys should be tough bullies – his son is a mini version of him for the most part. Then we have my two boys – one of which is very outgoing and active and loves playing around with the other kids and one tends to keep more to himself and is much more sensitive. This particular family member I was told yesterday called my son a wimp because he didn’t want to go down a slide. And now I also found out he was needling at him trying to get him to “lighten up” neither instance was I personally a witness to otherwise I would have said something. But now I find myself SO mad at this person. If he would open up his tiny little brain and see that there is just a different approach you need to take with my more introverted son and he will be your best buddy and that it is perfectly okay if he doesn’t ever play football. Or I don’t know maybe I am sheltering my child. Is it me? Am I being too overprotective or what can I say to this person to help them see that every child is different and should be accepted and loved for just who they are.
Thanks again for listening

 

I'm a woman with a mind set of all kids are different and we have to embrase them for who they are and NOT mould them into whom we want them to be. I can see that you are too!!!

I honestly would let what has happened go....but talk to your son and just tell him that he is the coolest little boy on the planet!! And then the next time you are with this douche bag of a manly man (oops...sorry...rude girl coming out!) I would tell him that he needs to step down if he calls your son names. If you believe him to be a bully...well...you have to stand up to him! He can't bully your kids with words like that....SO UNCOOL!!!

 

My son is not the typical sporty, bully type either. He's soft-hearted and thoughtful and sweet. He doesn't WANT to play football and we practically had to beg him to play baseball this year. He actually cried to me one day last year and said "I know you and Daddy like to watch sports, but I don't understand how to play them, so I don't want to let you down if I can't do it". That broke my heart. I told him then and there that he didn't have to do any sport at all if he didn't want to, we just wanted him to stay active and get exercise and learn how to play on a team. My cousin's boys are all rough and tumble and are literally so mean to him when they come over. They wrestle and fight and kick and I HATE it, but TJ holds his own with them when they start picking on him. I'm just glad I have a sensitive, sweet, caring child and that's fine with me. He will be a great husband someday!! I think it's okay to embrace our children for who they are and not try to force them to be who someone else thinks they should be. I wouldn't hesitate to tell your family member to politely back off and let him know that all kids aren't alike and he needs to worry about his kids, and not yours.

 

I'm not exactly sure what you should say to him, but you aren't alone. My son is 10, he doesn't enjoy sports at all even though he loves playing outside, running around, kicking the soccer ball with us...etc. He's just not that good at most sports so he doesn't enjoy them. He's sweet, sensitive, loving, and an amazing big brother!! He's also incredibly smart and has been in the gifted program for 2 yrs (he starts grade 5 this fall).

We got him into karate about 18 months ago. He LOVES it! It's a good sport to get into, he moves at his own pace, but is picking it up very quick. My husband started last fall too so they are doing it together, and my daughter (who turns 6 in september) is going to start it as well.

The added bonus (and this probably sounds kinda bad), is that he's also learning how to defend himself. He was bullied in kindergarten, held down on the ground with a stick to his temple that scratched him, that's how we found out about it. He's gaining confidence in himself, it's helped his balance (he learned how to ride his bike this spring, yes, at the age of 10!!!)...it's just helped him come out of his shell a bit. This instructor has the kids lead the stretches each class, Sean's done it 2-3 times this year, he would NEVER have stepped up to lead a class last year, way too shy.

Anyways, all this to say, no your boy isn't alone, he's not the only sweet sensitive kiddo, and maybe you can look into other sporting options if you want to keep him active and healthy

 

Ugh! What a frustrating situation. No advice really, just wanted to say that I think it's great that you're encouraging & supporting your son to be who he is & that that doesn't in any way, shape or form mean that you're being overprotective. He'll be a stronger, more confident & more independent adult for having been supported in being himself as a child. :good:

 

My thoughts exactly...what a jerk that man is!

 

I HATE when men say "Oh stop being a baby/wimp/whatever" to their kids. Drives me up a fricking wall. All you can do is raise your son the way you see fit and encourage what he is interested in.