I need some unbiased opinions

I'm going to try to make this story as short as possible - I have a sitter who keeps my 16 month old twins at her house. She is a mother of 2 school-aged children and came highly recommended. I got off work early the other day so I showed up at her house only to find her not there. She had left to go pick up her daughter from school. Her husband works nights so he was there, sleeping, while my boys were napping. I was very upset at first, but after I calmed down I started to find myself making excuses for her. My husband was furious and wants to fire her. I feel bad b/c I feel like we should at least tell her we're upset and give her a 2nd chance. All of my friends saying I'm being way too easy on her and I shouldn't trust her, which means I need to find someone else. What would you do?

 

Is there anything in a contract that says that her hubby is allowed to watch them? Unless something has been said, I would be livid too!!! Her hubby is sleeping for a reason.. he is tired. Is this an every day event? (babysitting) or is it random?

I'd say start looking for someone else. SHE should have been there. What did she say about the situation? Or doesn't she know?

 

I have to say I would be very upset too. If they had woken up, would her husband have gotten up or would he have slept through it? If he normally sleeps during the day with small kids around, I'd assume he'd sleep through anything. And honestly, that's not fair to him to have to be woken up like that. I used to work nights too so I have a soft spot for anyone working nights!

 

Unless you have a problem with her husband watching the kids then I'm not sure there is anything wrong. Otherwise, yes, fire her if this was not in your contract. I know I nap while my girls nap, but I can see why you are furious.

 

I would be upset. He was asleep and probably not trained to hear your sons' crying. I would not leave them again.

 

I would definitely talk to her about it. She should have informed you of the time that she will be picking up her daughter from school and who will be the alternate care provider-if this happens daily. Not knowing much of her situation, is it possible that there may have been an emergency at school? Or perhaps whoever she relies on to bring her daughter home couldn't that day?
But you have to go with your Mommy instinct, if this just does not feel right for you, then you'll have to make other arrangements.
Good luck with your decision :hug:

 

I would say definitely ask her about it. As the pp said, maybe it was an emergency (she missed the bus, ride was sick,etc). I too work nights and nap when my kids do, but I keep a monitor next to my bed. She may not have even realized it would upset you, so before you get really upset maybe just tell her you don't want your kids left in that situation and see if she can agree to that.

 

We nap when they nap too so this situation shouldn't be a problem unless... 1) Is this a normal occurance (that you obivously didn't agree to) and 2) Do you know/trust her husband to be around your babies? There is soooo much to say here but I don't want to add to your stress. I think there should be a discussion and then you can determine your next steps. GL! :grouphug:

 

If there was no expectation previously stated that her dh would watch them briefly while she picked her kids up from school, I would be upset too. Did he know he was "watching them" and knew if he heard them he had to get p and tend to them?
I'm not sure I would fire her but some specifics would need to be discussed to continue that arrangement further.

 

Just like anybody else, I say you should talk to her first. But she needs to understand this is a job, just like any other. She gets paid for watching the twins. She cannot delegate her responsibility - unless previously agreed upon - to anybody else, especially not to the sleeping husband.
The problem is, even if you can talk this through and agree on new terms, you'll always be uneasy about how your lo's day unfolds. This is always going to be in the back of your mind.
Whatever you decide, good luck to you!

 

I personally don't think it would bother me. I ALWAYS tell the parents it dh will be home w the daycare kids so I can go to the school or if there's an appt. I tend to make them during naptime b/c it's easier on everyone!

How far away is the school? What do your kids sleep in? I'm sure her dh knows she does this, there's an adult in the house if there was an emergency he could get the kids out and if they're in playpens they can't get out. If you're happy w the job she does and this is your only concern then talk to her, tell her if you're not comfortable w it. Like PP said a lot of families nap while the kids nap... heck at night we're all sleeping while our kids sleep. I really don't think it's a big deal... but it may be to you so go w how you feel!

 

I babysit a child during the week. At our first meeting, before I ever started watching him, I made sure it was okay with both parents that my husband watched their child. It makes things so much easier for us and for them, especially with me being pregnant right now. This way if I have a doctor's appointment my husband stays home with the kids and the parents don't have to find someone else to keep their child every time I go to the doctor. But like I said, I made sure this was okay with them before I accepted the job!

Also, I always nap when the kids nap. I can hear them when they wake up.

 

Thank you all SO much for your responses! You just confirmed my gut feeling - I am going to talk to her today. There was never any discussion about her husband "watching" the kids while she's gone. I actually did some investigating (haha) and found out she is taking her daughter to school and picking her up 3 days a week. My LOs sleep in a pack and play but I'm still not comfortable w/her leaving them w/her sleeping husband. Me napping while the kids nap is totally different in my eyes. I'm going to tell her how I feel but, in the meantime, we are interviewing a new nanny tomorrow. I just don't think I'll ever feel the same about this sitter. Maybe if she had been upfront with me and asked me if this was ok things would be different, but she didn't so I do not feel like I can trust her now.

Thanks again!

 

This is what it comes down to for me. She wasn't upfront with you about leaving to pick up her daughter on a regular basis, so what else has she neglected to tell you? I wouldn't think it's an unsafe environment or anything, but yeah... the trust is gone. And having had a nanny for my kids, I'd say that once the trust is gone, it's gone. You just can't get it back. Good luck on the new nanny interview!

 

I think it changes the picture if he had baby monitor while he was sleeping...they may have discussed it. Since he is a dad im sure he could handle it if they woke up. And if he works nights and this was afternoon, maybe he was getting ready to get up/not that tired...as all pp's said, I would talk to her...

 

I think she misled you by not telling you that someone else would be routinely watching your kids. I also would not trust her again. You are paying her to be awake and watch your kids and you had no idea some other sleeping adult would be watching your kids while she did her own personal business. Sorry you have to be in this situation

 

Other than him possibly not hearing your babies, or being willing to respond to them, I'd actually be mostly concerned about my kids being totally freaked out by some man that they don't really know that well coming in to get them and take care of them when the woman that they are expecting and used to isn't there. Totally not okay in all respects unless you agreed to such terms. Fire her