I need some advice please!

Owen started about a month ago.. maybe not quite that long ago.. that when you put him in bed he should get out of bed and scream at the TOP of his lungs till you come in and see what he wants. It is always stupid stuff....his blanket is messed up, we forgot to lock the closet door, the ceiling fan isnt on....stuff like that. He will come to the door doing that 5-6 times before he finally stops and goes to sleep. We have tried everything you could imagine and I just cant figure out what to do with him. Should I just let him scream? Maybe he does it cause he knows we will come running? I dont know. He is 3 1/ 2 he shouldnt be doing this.


Anyone have any ideas??!!! PLEASE :mellow::

 

I learned this strategy at a parenting class a few months ago. We recently put it to work with GREAT success for Hannah.

Tomorrow morning, when you are not in the heat of the moment, have a chat with Owen about the night time routine. Share with him, "The new rule is...bed time is quiet time," or something to that effect. But use the language "the new rule is...." Be explicit. You get 2 books. Lights out. No getting out of bed. No crying for mom. It should be quiet. Go over this with him. Ask him to explain back to you what the rule is. Have him verbalize the expectations. Do this throughout the day. Get him to do the talking.

Then at night time, as you are putting him to bed, acknowledge the absence of negative behavior. Do not say, "Good job," or "I am proud of you." Instead, use descriptive praise to acknowledge what he is NOT doing (i.e., "You are not crying. You are not shouting mommy's name. You are not getting out of bed"). Say it simply without tons of fanfaire. Keep the inflection in your voice minimal. Just acknowledge that he is following the rules by pointing out what he is NOT doing.

Let me give you more concrete examples by sharing what we are doing with Hannah. Hannah's issue was that she was drawing out the goodbyes at night time and then crying and getting out of bed. So one morning I said to Hannah, "The new rule is, 2 books, prayers, and good night." I explained to her that she could not get out of bed. She could not cry for mommy. Babies cry and she is a big girl. I asked her questions back. "Can you get out of bed?" "Can you read three books?" "Can you cry for more books?" And so on. We revisited this throughout the day. "Hannah, what's the new rule?" By the afternoon, she could explain back to me, in her own words, what the expectations were.

At night time, as soon as we finished the books, I looked at her and casually observed, "You are not crying." I kept the inflection in my voice minimal, and just shared with her what I was seeing. Her smirk of pride was evident. "You are not getting out of bed," was my next observation. Again, a smirk. That night, she went RIGHT to bed.

We have had to tweak our rule a bit. She started calling for Daddy instead of mommy, for example. But overall, our nightime routine is easy and has been pretty much tantrum free now for a week. I revisit the rule a few times throughout the day now. And everynight I point out the absence of the negative behavior. "Hannah, you are not crying," as soon as I start to put the books away.

Anyways, sorry for the novel...just wanted to share a great strategy that has produced wonderful results in our household.

 

Kate, that is fantastic advice. I will have to keep that in mind for future use!

 

Our boys were doing this and we went thru a 10 day spell where they just had to cry themselves to sleep b/c we stopped going in and giving them the attention they were seeking. We made sure everything was perfect before we turned out the lights and told them we were not coming back in until the mornning. I was surprised it took them 10 days to figure this out but I guess they are stubborn....

 

That is great advice for us too..lately my two have been getting out of bed and banging on the door and yelling....needing me back for various reasons, or just to tweak my nerves I think-haha. I will have to try this.....

 

QUOTE(Renea @ Oct 16 2007, 03:23 AM) [snapback]452332[/snapback]
Owen started about a month ago.. maybe not quite that long ago.. that when you put him in bed he should get out of bed and scream at the TOP of his lungs till you come in and see what he wants. It is always stupid stuff....his blanket is messed up, we forgot to lock the closet door, the ceiling fan isnt on....stuff like that. He will come to the door doing that 5-6 times before he finally stops and goes to sleep. We have tried everything you could imagine and I just cant figure out what to do with him. Should I just let him scream? Maybe he does it cause he knows we will come running? I dont know. He is 3 1/ 2 he shouldnt be doing this.
Anyone have any ideas??!!! PLEASE :mellow::


Yes, most likely he is doing now because he knows you will come in...my suggestion is that the first time he does it...go in and just tell him its time for bed (calmly) and put him back in bed. The second time he does it...just walk him back to bed and don't say anything and then continue to do it that way. Make sure when he is initially tucked in...all the "usual" things are in order. But I wouldn't come in and take care of all of those things again...just talk to him the one time and after that just lead him back to bed. The less interaction he gets the better. It may take a few nights, but he'll figure out quickly that he's not getting what he wants and he'll give up and quit doing it.

Good luck,
Laura

 

Hi Renea,

You've gotten some good advice here. Another thing to try if this doesn't work is a book called the Sleep Fairy. I used it with my oldest, and it worked like a charm. It's all about the positive reinforcement type thing. I haven't had to use it with either of the other 2 yet, and who knows what'll happen with the babies. But we do still talk about it on occassion, so that goes to show that she really took stock in what it said.

Good luck!

 

QUOTE(twoin2005 @ Oct 16 2007, 12:22 AM) [snapback]452414[/snapback]
I learned this strategy at a parenting class a few months ago. We recently put it to work with GREAT success for Hannah.

Tomorrow morning, when you are not in the heat of the moment, have a chat with Owen about the night time routine. Share with him, "The new rule is...bed time is quiet time," or something to that effect. But use the language "the new rule is...." Be explicit. You get 2 books. Lights out. No getting out of bed. No crying for mom. It should be quiet. Go over this with him. Ask him to explain back to you what the rule is. Have him verbalize the expectations. Do this throughout the day. Get him to do the talking.

Then at night time, as you are putting him to bed, acknowledge the absence of negative behavior. Do not say, "Good job," or "I am proud of you." Instead, use descriptive praise to acknowledge what he is NOT doing (i.e., "You are not crying. You are not shouting mommy's name. You are not getting out of bed"). Say it simply without tons of fanfaire. Keep the inflection in your voice minimal. Just acknowledge that he is following the rules by pointing out what he is NOT doing.

Let me give you more concrete examples by sharing what we are doing with Hannah. Hannah's issue was that she was drawing out the goodbyes at night time and then crying and getting out of bed. So one morning I said to Hannah, "The new rule is, 2 books, prayers, and good night." I explained to her that she could not get out of bed. She could not cry for mommy. Babies cry and she is a big girl. I asked her questions back. "Can you get out of bed?" "Can you read three books?" "Can you cry for more books?" And so on. We revisited this throughout the day. "Hannah, what's the new rule?" By the afternoon, she could explain back to me, in her own words, what the expectations were.

At night time, as soon as we finished the books, I looked at her and casually observed, "You are not crying." I kept the inflection in my voice minimal, and just shared with her what I was seeing. Her smirk of pride was evident. "You are not getting out of bed," was my next observation. Again, a smirk. That night, she went RIGHT to bed.

We have had to tweak our rule a bit. She started calling for Daddy instead of mommy, for example. But overall, our nightime routine is easy and has been pretty much tantrum free now for a week. I revisit the rule a few times throughout the day now. And everynight I point out the absence of the negative behavior. "Hannah, you are not crying," as soon as I start to put the books away.

Anyways, sorry for the novel...just wanted to share a great strategy that has produced wonderful results in our household.


Thank you that sounds great. We;re going thru that too

one more hug
I need a drink
my covers aren't straight

Its been taking over an hour to get them to sleep, I will try this,

thanks again