I need help...biting...kicking...hitting...pushing

I am at the end of my rope. I need new skills, a new approach, something.

My DS keeps hitting my DD, biting her, kicking her, pulling her down, it seems never ending. Nearly every diaper change is a wrestling match. I give him immediate time outs for biting, kicking, hitting or pushing...but it feels like he will be in time out all day and I don't want him to have that experience either. There are days when he'll do the same thing to me, hitting me in the face or kicking me when I am tryin to change him.

My DD comes to me and says Mommy, brother is _____________ me (fill in the blank -- hitting, pushing, kicking, etc). I don't necessarily see every one of these episodes and I haven't wanted to interject myself into them because I don't really know the facts (although it is highly likely he's done something, unprovoked).

I know it is part of being two but I feel like I am not making any headway with timeouts. It may just be a matter of doing it for longer.

Last night, my DD approached me saying brother hit me again and so I scooped her up into my lap to talk with her and then he approach and tried to smash a rubber ball in her face. I lost my cool with that and put them both to bed.

I don't think there is that much malice in what he does but he seems to have very little impulse control. He sometimes wants the toy or book she had and may instigate something over and item in contention.



I've brought 1-2-3 magic with me on vacation and guess I will start to re-read that, but I really seriously feel like I need professional help.

I'd really appreciate any suggestions you have

 

In the past couple of days, Jackson has started acting the same way as your DS. They both have also skipped naps or had short naps for the past few days. I'm hoping that's the cause but I fear this is another lovely stage/phase emerging.

We use TO in accordance with 1-2-3 Magic, and it HAD been working really well. I hope tomorrow is better for both of us.

:hug: So sorry you are dealing with such tough things right now - wish I had more to add!

 

I don't have all the answers but one idea is called... i forgot. but how it works is to teach them how you want them to act when nothing bad is going on. WHen he is playing nicely. Call him or go to him and say. When you are playing with your sister I want you to... and have one phrase that you will always use and then show him what to do. Do this 8 to 10 times the first few days. Do it when he is not in trouble or doing anything wrong. Then when he does, remind him, you need to play with your sister in... way and do... (hug, share, ect). But choose one phrase of what and one thing to do. I don't know about your kids but when mine don't know what to do or how to act they do what gets my attention. I have tried this at the suggestion of a friend of mine with training and it helps a lot. After 4 days of htis you should see an improvement and much better with a week.

Another thing I have tried that helps is to spend as much one on one time with the one who is always in trouble for 3-4 days so they are always the one to sit on your lap, be held, read a book, watch a movie with you, play what they want to do with you. Often this attention is helpful so that it breaks the cycle of how they interact and then wean them away from all the attention and as they have learned what you want them to do with their siblings, the interaction is better.

Hope some of these ideas help. When they are fighting it is so hard.

 

:hug:
My dd seems to be the same way, always bullying her sister, who is much smaller. I fear that she's just a mean spirited kid and will always be this way. I am hoping that this is typical of a 2 year old.

I don't have much for suggestions except that I do time outs, show attention to her sister when she is the victim and always praise her when she's being nice. We use the phrases "be nice" or "that's not nice" a lot. I haven't seen much improvement though. I'm hoping for some good suggestions in this post.

 

I think LV Twinmama has really good suggestions. But I also thought about another approach that has worked for me. When I read your question, my first impulse was to suggest talking to your DS about what is the right behavior and teaching him how to handle frustrations. And I think that is the right way to go if your DS's behavior is due to anger, frustration, or fighting over toys. But since you say that he doesn't seem to have any malice toward his sister when he bites/kicks/hits her and just does it as an impulse, I thought his behavior might be because of too much pent up "boy energy." I think boys tend to play differently from girls even at an early age. Your DS might think it's fun to be pushing and kicking but your DD may not share his idea of fun. I know when my boys get together with their best friends, they "play fight" and push, kick, tackle, and wrestle each other to the ground. It's horrifying to watch if you haven't seen it before, but boys just have alot of fun that way and it's all a part of their bonding process. In fact, the more they get along, the more they seem to "play fight." If they don't know a boy very well, they just play politely like a bunch of girls do.

One thing that cut down on all the rowdy behavior was releasing that energy by running around in the park, shooting balls at the gym, and just spending hours and hours outdoors everyday. When my boys were 2 years old, we'd go to the park in the morning for a couple of hours, come home for lunch and nap, and go out to the park again for a couple more hours. By the time we got home at the end of the day, they didn't much feel like wrestling each other. I know that some girls this age can be happy playing indoors all day, but boys really need to run around like dogs. Otherwise, they'll take out that pent up energy on mom or sis.

 

My DD, Lily, is always pushing or pinching Jack. It is exhausting and I do not find that timeouts help us much. She also seems to have some sort of a problem controlling her impulses and gets really frustrated very quickly. Sometimes she will bite or pinch the object that she wants or is fighting over him with. She does not bite Jack so much as she licks him, kind of like she wants to bite but knows she is not supposed to. I will definitly use some of the suggestions in the pps but just wanted to add that we are in the same boat.