I need help and encourgement or something.....

I'm on the verge of a break down. I'm so overwhelmed with the twins, a toddler, a teenager, and a husband that won't help. I feel like leaving and not coming back. I know that sounds horrible, I love my kids dearly, but I just can't take it anymore. I don't know where or who to turn too, I have no family close and no friends. All the twins do is cry, when they aren't sleeping, I can't get any restt because I have so much to do and can only do it when they are sleeping. I know I'm a horrible mother for feeling the way I do, but I just can't help it, I never thought I would have to carry this burdern alone.......

 

QUOTE(two4one07 @ Oct 4 2007, 04:18 PM) [snapback]436162[/snapback]
I'm on the verge of a break down. I'm so overwhelmed with the twins, a toddler, a teenager, and a husband that won't help. I feel like leaving and not coming back. I know that sounds horrible, I love my kids dearly, but I just can't take it anymore. I don't know where or who to turn too, I have no family close and no friends. All the twins do is cry, when they aren't sleeping, I can't get any restt because I have so much to do and can only do it when they are sleeping. I know I'm a horrible mother for feeling the way I do, but I just can't help it, I never thought I would have to carry this burdern alone.......



You are not alone, we are all here with you. I am sure that you are doing all that you can, you have a full plate no doubt! I would try to sit down and have a family meeting with the husband and the teenager....I had to do that the other day. Tell them what needs are not being met.....see where you can get help from out of the two of them! I wish you all the luck and many hugs...


Missy
:love0028:

 

Oh please go see your dr. Looking back, I know I had ppd. I kept thinking it will go away but it never did. I am actually going to see my dr. next week because I still dont feel right. When the boys were infants, I cried all the time. It was so hard to hear the babies crying all the time also. I wish so bad I went to the dr and began meds and some type of counseling (sp?). It is more common than I ever thought. The sooner you talk to your dr., hopefully the sooner you will begin to feel better.

 

:love0028: Jessica :love0028:

You aren't horrible. It does sound like you have PPD. Call your doctor right now and make and appointment, and make sure they know that you think you are suffering from PPD so you don't have a long wait for an appointment.

You aren't alone. I have suffered from PPD and from depression in general for most of my life. I know it seems hopeless right now, but it's not. We are here for you. Call your doc asap. :love0028:

I am going to send you a PM.

 

I just wanted to give you a big (((HUG))) ... and please call your doctor. We're here for you!

 

:hug99: You have so much going on, you have every right to feel overwhelmed! Please call your doctor, PPD doesn't get better without help. I noticed improvement almost immediately after starting meds (and really just talking with a professional who understands and can validate what you are feeling makes a difference too). LIke PP said, it might help to hold a family meeting, you can't be supermom all the time, everyone needs help. This last suggestion might sound silly, but when the girls were newborns and both crying, and I would feel like I couldn't stand it one more second, I would look at their tiny hands and feet. For some reason this reminded that they were tiny babies and wouldn't stay that way long.

I hope you feel better soon! Feel free to PM me. :hug99:

 

You are not a horrible mother. Just the opposite because you are reaching out and asking for help. Taking care of twins is hard enough - never mind a toddler and a teenager!! I agree that you should talk with your doctor right away. Also - maybe you could network through local churches / schools and even talk with your ped. about where to look for some kind of help. low cost etc. Social Services is a good place to look too. I know it's out there. Don't be afraid to ask for help - even if you don't attend church or "know" anyone. I know that if my family was not close by - I'd be a basket case. and I just have the twins!! Also - insist to your dh that you need a break. these are his children too. I know depending on the situation, this can be hard too - I went through it myself - but I think as women and mothers - we tend to always take the full load / burden and right now you need to give him a little. Take care of yourself - you need it. Your babes are small - and for me - the first 3 months were the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Sleep deprivation!!!! you will be in my prayers. :hug99:

 

I am so sorry you are suffering - it is very, very difficult raising twins, let alone a toddler and a teenager - it's no wonder you are a wreck, seriously, I would wonder if you were normal if you said things were peachy keen. You are not a horrible mother for feeling the way you do, I had very similar feelings - like I just wanted to run away. I told my husband I wasn't sure how I could love someone (my twins and husband) so much, but just want to escape. It didn't reconcile in my head and in my heart I felt horrible for having those escapism fantasies.

I really don't have any wise words that will make it all better, just that it WILL get better, even though that doesn't help you when you are living in the thick of it - I know, I've been there, as many of us have. But I agree with the others here, if you can find a way to get some help, that is the first thing you need to try and do. Where is your family? Can anyone come stay for awhile to help out? If not, can anyone pitch in to help you hire a part-time helper? With sleep deprivation everything is exacerbated and it's almost impossible to function.

I would also advise you to call a therapist, perhaps get some counseling and if you are open to it, maybe some medication to help until you feel like you are better able to cope.

I can vividly recall those dark first months - you are not alone and please do not be so hard on yourself.

 

:hug99: You are not a horrible mother. We all have a breaking point. I would definetly take the advice of pp. They know what they are talking about.

 

You are NOT a bad mother for thinking those thoughts. You are normal. Being a good mother is very hard even when everything is going "well". You are tired, drained, and just overworked. The PP gave you great advice.

You are doing a great job. Go easy on yourself. You are doing the most difficult job in the world. We are all here for you.

 

Big big hugs to you. :hug99: You have such a lot on your shoulders right now! It does NOT make you a terrible mother - like a pp said, the fact that you care enough about your family to reach out for help shows what a great mother you are.

It definitely sounds like you could have PPD. It's worth talking to a doctor about it. Treatment (medication and therapy) can help a LOT. It won't make your problems go away, but it will get you to a place where you can deal with them without being completely drowned and overwhelmed.

I hope you can find the help and support you need soon. Please keep us posted on how you're doing! :hug99:

 

Jessica, you should feel that way; just take it easy on urself. You know what! When the twins are asleep, get out of the house, leave everything & tell them just to call u when the twins wake up, drive around, sit by a lake, in a restaurant, don't do any chores, just once at least. Leave your husband with the kids (dont ask him, just do it) & get out for an hour.

Wish this makes u feel any better.

We're all here for u, whenever you feel like talking, please PM me.

Love : )

Menna

 

I hope you're realizing from all these posts that you are NOT alone, and completely normal. The feelings you have are in no way a reflection of the mother you are, or the way you feel about your kids. Your DH needs to step up. Have the talk and let him know things cannot continue like this. we're all here for you....


Reyna

 

you are not alone! PPD is an ugly monster - as others have said call your doctor ASAP

I had 3 kids before the twins and as much as I love them, twins are not easy. In fact this is by far the most challenging thing I have ever done. My husband is no help either and the resentment is almost as challenging as the twins are so its a double whamy - I am sorry that you are down right now. please pm me if you want to talk

:hug99:

 

You are not alone, and you are not a bad mother at all. You have a ton on your plate. As the previous post said, call your doctor...meds help soooo much. I had it too with twins and it was severe. I didn't want to see anyone and I didn't want anything to do with the twins. I could not connect with them at all. I just sobbed all the time. I felt horrible cause it took so long for me to get pg with them, and then I didn't want anything to do with it. My OB was super great about me going on meds (though you should see a psychiatrist). It helped so much. I stopped taking it but probably need to back on it. I am not so much depressed but really stressed.

You also need to sit down and have a talk with DH. You need to tell him that you need him to help you with the twins. Also, you need to get out and about on your own w/out children. Leave them with DH....they will be fine, and he might clue in needing to help you.

April

 

MANY of us have felt that way. I remember when my babies were the same age as yours, I got out with a group of women and one of the ladies asked me if I'd considered switching my babies to formula. I said "never!" Then I said, "I have, however, considered running away". And it is true! I didn't want my babies on formula, but run away? THAT sounded good! I really wanted to, except I couldn't figure out a way to run away and bring my husband with me. lol. I didn't want to leave HIM with all the kids alone.

If I were you, in addition to going to the dr, I would pare everything down to survival mode. Hire a cleaning service every 2 weeks, do CIO for naps and nighttime, feed your other children cereal every morning for breakfast, and cheese slices and apples every day for lunch. Eat frozen pizza for dinner multiple times a week. When your children are resting, you rest too! Maybe you can't sleep because of your older kids, but put a movie on for them and zone out or something. I have a 3 y/o also and after a hard night feeding babies, I took many naps in "Sesame Street" increments, if you know what I mean. Store your clean laundry in laundry baskets on your bedroom floor and don't worry about getting all of your kid's clothes hung up in their closet.

Even now, with babies that are more manageable, my ideal goal for the day is just to get through it without snapping at my children. If I can do that, then it's a GREAT day! (Not possible all days though!). Also, when the babies are about to drive you CRAZY, put them in their cribs and walk away. Take a L-O-O-O-N-G walk to your mailbox or play freecell on your computer for 5 minutes. It really can help you get a mini-break and the babies will be fine.

 

I am completely in awe of you. I am serious, I think that what you do on a daily basis is absolutely amazing. My twins, Jack and Lily, are four months old. They are my only children. I have an incredibly helpful husband and because of him I am pretty much guaranteed at least 4-5 hours of sleep EVERY night. I work from home and have a nanny 4 days a week and can even go for a walk on the beach or out to lunch by myself....AND I often feel like I am not going to make it as a mother. It is too hard, I tell my husband, I am completely overwhelmed ...

I am a huge huge huge wimp and cannot imagine what a strong woman you are to even have the energy to post anything right now. DO NOT be hard on yourself and PLEASE realize that you are in an extremely difficult situation right now and you are handling it the best that you, or anyone could.

I do not have any advice, I merely wish I could give you a hug.

Amy

 

First, let me say you owe it to yourself to get to a Dr.

Second, I give you full credit for reaching out and asking for support.

And third:

I totally agree with the PP who stated that you need to go into "Survival Mode". Do everything you can to simplify your life. Decide what that is for you, and DO IT, and have your eldest and DH help. I have found with both my teenager and my husband that help does not come unless I am very, very, very specific. Very specific. They can be oblivious to things that are SO obvious to me. What I learned to do was ask for help, and then tell them exactly what I want done and when. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. My DH is getting the hang of it and is now in charge of bathing our two year old (ok, I have the dirty kid at playgroup but he'll survive :blush: and so will I!) and doing the bedtime routine with minimal assistance from me. That is a HUGE help. My point though, is to not just tell your DH you need help, or to ask him to help you, but to tell him what he needs to do to help you even if you have to do it on an item by item basis.

BTW - you are not alone in your child situation... I have a teenager, a two year old and twins on the way :blink: .

You absolutely can do this!

Donna

 

You have a lot on your plate and are definitely not a bad mother! Your little ones are at a diffcult age and it is so overwhelming. I cannot imagine how difficult things are for you with all the kids. I have enough on my plate with just two!
I hope you are able to feel better soon...take care! :hug99: