I need CIO help...

First and foremost, I'll take the full responsibility (with a little blame on DH) for allowing the babies to get a little spoiled in the sleep department. Don't ask me why I waited, but we need to make some changes now to avoid being on Supernanny in 5 years! Here's our situation:

Tiana is PRETTY GOOD at falling asleep when tired (it often happens w/ bedtime bottle), but Donovan wants to be fed or rocked to sleep. I'm also trying to get good at brushing (when they let me) or using a washcloth on the teeth, esp. after that nighttime bottle--that's a whole other post though! DH got laid off right before xmas, and just recently went back to work last week...he's been the "babysitter" on my three days/week that I work since December.

So for EVERY nap and often at night, he'd LAY WITH them in our bed to get them to sleep...he had elaborate wrapping/covering methods--"his way" he calls it....With Tiana he literally ROLLED her up in a sheet (she loves it...thinks it's funny being rolled), then would put her in crib awake, and she'd knock out on her own....I'm bracing myself for the hand slapping because this is basically swaddling.... With Donovan, he had to lay in our bed with him, with our comforter to hold, a pillow at his back and something covering light from his face (I know, I know :blush: ).

Yesterday was their first day w/ a new sitter, and she had a very difficult time putting Donovan to sleep, and for the last week or so, I have had the same problem...he wants to be held and the second you go to put him down (even when his eyes are closed) he starts screaming. Last night at bedtime, I left Tiana with DH (she was still awake) and put Donovan in the crib and left the room ready to count my 10 minutes. He cried and cried and cried the whole time. I went in and picked him up and he was still crying. When he calmed down I tried to put him down (I had previously STARTED the pick up/put down method with him), and the screaming ensued. He was fairly hysterical/sobbing, so I ended up in the glider with him and he just cried and cried. Finally I saw the eyes fluttering and put him down. He cried a bit more but FINALLY knocked out I think out of sheer tiredness. It felt kinda cruel, since it was a big day of NEW things (sitter, CIO), but I just have to get firm and make the changes....

Do you guys have any suggestions for me? Or success stories of your own? I desperately don't want the whiny kid, and I know that it's our fault that it's gotten to this point...I've always gotten such great responses from TS, so I'm just throwing this out...sorry it's long! Thanks in advance!

 

First, I think you can give yourself a break on being 'late' with this. I did CIO with my girls at 11 months (just a month ago) and i was giving myself all kinds of guilt; "i've ruined them, they'll never learn to sleep, i've destined them for a lifetime of insomnia, blah blah blah". I knew that it was time when i had TWO fender-benders in a ten day period. I could no longer keep getting up to feed them EACH 2x/night.

So - I decided that although it KILLED me, I knew they were safe and I was just going to do it. I did have the luxury of separating them, telling myself it was easier that way - although i know LOTS of people do it in the same room so they learn to sleep through each others' cries (turns out they have). I also knew that from experience if i went in it just made it worse. It was going to have to be cold turkey. So i picked a day and just decided. I said that I would give it five days and see how it went - although lots of people say it worked for them in three days, i wanted to be sure.

The first night i listened to them cry for half an hour, then said 'ok, i've decided that i'm NOT going in there, so why am i torturing myself??" I turned off the monitor, put on some headphones and - well, they fell asleep. I'm pretty sure it wasn't more than an hour's crying. I basically did this for a week. And know what - they learned. Most importantly, they woke up smiling, so all of my fears of them feeling abandoned and insecure and ending up in therapy were probably for nought (not that we'll ever REALLY know).

They could not seem to go more than ten hours - I tried forcing it to twelve, but they ended up just crying. So for the last week they've been getting up at 5, having a bottle- then going back to sleep for another two or so hours. Just this morning they slept for eleven hours straight. For someone who hadn't slept in more than a year, it has been life-changing.

I still HATE to hear them cry. But i know that it's a skill they need to learn, and that they really can do so (even at a year!).
Don't get me wrong; it breaks my heart and i still worry sometimes that they are terrified and lonely. But - they seem to have gotten pretty darn good at putting themselves down and back to sleep, and that's making a huge difference in our world.

Good luck - and be gentle with YOURSELF!

 

I did CIO at 6 mnths but then after teething and illness found myself doing it all over again at 11 months (just before Jordari ) and then AGAIN when we weaned at 12 months 5 days, but that was very minimal crying.

Both major times it took three solid nights, cold turkey, no going in at all! 1st the 6mnth one... Ashley cried for 45 min. straight the 1st night, 3 min. the second night and a few seconds the 3rd night... Alyssa was always just a little shorter than Ashley. The 11th month one was tough because it was middle of the night CIO but after 3 days they were sleeping about 11 hours. THEN we changed our schedule (i posted a bunch about our new family schedule) and I started WAKING THEM UP at 7am, it felt sacreligious to be waking up babies i just sleep trained! But now it works like well...clockwork! hehe. We are up at 7am, naps at 9am and 1pm for about 2 hrs each. Then down at 8:30pm for the night.

We are also just trying to get into the swing of teethbrushing but we snuggle them with cups of milk and then the teeth brushing just gets them all riled up again... I need advice on that situation??

 

I think pp gave you great advice. You will just have to bite the bullet and do it. They will fall asleep and they will love you in the morning.

 

Just to let you know, you are not so late. I did CIO with Clarissa at 21 months! It took about 4 nights, and she's been great ever since. I had tried it with her before but she would scream until she'd vomit everything she'd eaten that evening. She was so tiny and gaining weight was so important at that time that I decided it was better to have a spoiled but healthy child. Finally at around 21 months I felt that she might finally be ready and it worked perfectly - the first night she cried for 45 minutes, the second night for 30 minutes, and it kept getting better.

So, I think it's never too late!

Good luck!

Rachel

 

Thank you for all the great responses!

 

Maybe you can use some of Supernanny's methods now Jess! I might get a chair or something and instead of picking him up, try to sit next to him with possibly a hand on him, or something. (Don't know that this is a SN method - just suggestion). Then graduate to hands off and sitting in the room, and then move closer to the door (he'll hear you breathing and know you are there - that could help or hurt). He's had very hands on approach up to this point, so maybe wean him off of it if you aren't going cold turkey! It's SO hard, there is NO perfect answer for everyone. You have to find the method that's going to work for your family.

Some kids can't really do CIO. Some can. I did but it never took too long!! :hug99: Sleep problems are the WORST!! :hug99:

 

I did CIO with my girls at a year. I just knew it was time, that they weren't hungry etc. It was one of the hardest things for me to do, but it worked for me. For me and my girls, i KNEW I couldn't go in the room at all (the 10-15 minute interval thing would not work for us) as they would cry even more. It took about 3 nights of crying for 1/2 hour to 45 min. and they went back to sleep. By the fourth night it was a little whining here and there, and by the fifth - the STTN and have been for the most part ever since. We've been teething here and have had colds etc. so they have woken etc. - but I will give them what they need (tylenol, sippy, diaper change etc.) without saying a word to them, give them hugs and kiss, and put them right back down. this has seemed to work for the most part too. I am going through something now with Natalie, but I'll post it to get advice on this. Good luck and I don't think you're too late for CIO.