I need a sanity check, what is reasonable?

My MIL and I are not BFF and I put up with her for my son's benefit. I emailed her to find out who in my husband's family should get birth announcements. It is a big deal in his family and causes issues if the right people aren't sent announcements. She sent me a list of family but then included all of HER friends. I have never met these people and I don't feel comfortable sending people I don't know birth announcements. Am I being unreasonable here by refusing? Does it even make sense to send them to strangers? I am asking because my hormones are in full force and I am tempted to send her a note about how insane she is.

 

I can see both sides. On one hand you did ask her who you should send the announcements to, and on the other hand you shouldn't have to send announcements to people you have never met. What about ordering a few extra ones and giving them to her for her to mail out to people she chooses, then you wouldn't have to worry about it. Then these people would be receiving it from the person that they know, and hopefully avoid confusion. I hope you are able to get it worked out!

 

I know how you feel, but honestly I would still send them.

You can always say you don't really know those people, but would gladly send them to them because they are friends of hers (besides...she might be a proud MIL and wanna brag).

On the up-side...more gifts for you

 

:hug:'s

First off, you should make your husband deal with her from now on. :hug: For me, personally, I wouldn't mind sending my mom's or MIL's friends announcements only because I know they want to brag. BUT if you and your husband think it's unreasonable, then have your hubby talk to her and let her know how you two feel. If you aren't comfortable, then you shouldn't do it. :hug:

 

Yes...an even better idea.

I like that one. Give HER some extra announcements and have HER mail them out.

 

i agree :hug:

 

I agree with the other posters ~ She just wants to brag about her new granbabies :wub: which is actually sweet, BUT I can see how you would not want to send out announcements to strangers. I would just tell her that you feel uncomfortable doing that & that you would be more than willing to give her the extras to send out :good:

Good luck!

 

I would send them. Honestly, it doesn't sound like an unreasonable request to me at all.

 

oh boy can i sympathize with you or what. my MIL and i butt heads ALL the time, but this is what i would do, just to keep the sanity....let her have the invites sent to whoever she likes but (if you are paying for them) make her aware that you really can't afford to send them out to just anyone, that you only have a limited number of annocements and your budget just can't handle any more. that's what i would do.

it's my experience, hormonal or not, dealing with a MIL is the hardest thing in the world to do and no matter how right you are in her eyes you are the one at fault.

 

I would probably send them. Her friends may very well know her son (your husband) and would love to hear about his kids. Ask your DH which, if any, he knows.

 

He knows none of them either. Let me put this into perspective. I am up to 50 announcements between our two families, probably 30 of those are his family (he has a very large family) which is why I am trying to keep it down. She gave me another 12 people who are social acquaintances of theirs-- aka people they meet up with on Friday to get smashed with (sorry to be blunt). I realize it seems petty but it would be one thing if she were truly wanting to brag out of love but since she is just using this as a social status thing, it irks me. Sorry but she did the same thing with my first son. She came to visit to take photos of him and when we asked for help, she got annoyed with us for suggesting things she could help us with. She then went about rearranging the furniture in my house while I tried to nap with my son (because you know, that is what I needed help with in her mind). We didn't even bother asking her for help this time even though we are having twins because she would be way more work to deal with than it is worth. My husband feels the same way about his parents and while that it is sad, it is reality. I guess I am just feeling the hormones and it makes me annoyed and sad she sees this as an opportunity to advance her social status without giving us help we will need.

 

I agree with PPs about offering to give her the announcements to mail. If money is an issue then ask her to pay for the extra ones. I agree that it's wierd to send announcements to people you don't know. And, it puts more work on you. Maybe you could ask her to "help" by mailing all the ones to her side of the family, including her friends.

 

What you're saying makes perfect sense. Trust me, I have one of those but in my life, but in my case its MY mom. My mother in law is a dream. On the other hand, you dont have to deal with her and if giving her 12 birth announcements will save you the trouble and hassle of her drama, then I would still just let her have them. Its not worth the stress and the aggravation to you, even though her motives are less than honorable. I'm sure the fallout from you not letting her have them would be more trouble than it's worth and you have a twin pregnancy, then two newborns to deal with plus your son. To me, this one is a throw away.

 

It sounds like it is a lot of things...and the announcements just put you over the edge. I can understand a lot more where you are coming from after you related the story about your Non-BFF-MIL moving around your furniature, getting pissy when you ask for help, etc. That has got to suck.

Can I change my vote now??? LOL...have her make her own if she wants to send them out...

Man...I guess I got it made. My MIL is a Harley Ridin Chick that I have NO problems with, and my DW MIL (My Mom), doesn't add any input, ask to come visit, butt in to anything, etc. unless WE approach her first. She doesn't even offer her opinion unless asked.(You would think with having her own 12 kid Home Daycare, I would get an earfull of unsolicited advice, but no...she just says..."I raised you right") I guess I don't have it so bad...and I can see it can always be worse.

Sorry for your situation. I can just imagine the frustration...espicially with Hormones and stuff. (those scare me :grr: )

 

I agree with Sparkle...at the end of the day, the cost of 15 more announcements and just handing them to her to mail out herself, is probably worth not dealing with backlash or fallout. Remember, with twins, I'm sure you are going to want to kill her many more times here on out...maybe this isn't a battle worth fighting???

Sorry you are struggling with her. No fun.

 

Birth announcements are expensive, so I would be mad too. But I think you should send them. These are probably people to whom she has sent baby gifts over the years, and if even one person responds with a 25$ gift card, you will have recouped your expense and effort. And you won't look bad - obviously they will know that she asked you to send the cards since you have never met these people.

 

Soooo true!

SO sorry you have to deal with this! :hug: I have one of those too. We aren't going to be asking for help either since she hasn't even watched our 1 year old for 5 minutes of her life. She is also the type that would only want the announcements to brag but will never spend 1 second with them. Ugh! I do agree though that the stress that it causes (unless you can let it not bother you, I usually can't)is not worth the extra money for the announcements. Just do it and count your blessings that she is staying away instead of calling and complaining to DH that you wouldn't do them. I'm sorry I know that answer is probably not what you're looking for but if she's anything like my MIL she will work hard at getting back at you making your life so much more complicated. Mine never ignores things unfortunately. Good luck!

 

I appologize in advance if this was written but I just skimmed a few other posts...I agree with the person who said to send a few extras to the MIL and let her tell her own friends. Ask your husband to manage his mother. Remember, this is your child and what you say goes. You don't want to get into a rut where your MIL is butting in on all decisions.

 

OK, I change my vote - I agree with others: let her send announcements herself.