I know I shouldn't compare, but . . .

I have developmental parania! I know I am very paranoid! With Gabe being autistic, and the fact that since he is autistic it is more likely we could produce another autistic child, I watch the twins like a hawk.

Well, now I am just going nuts with paranoia. Elouise is fine. Very social. Holds head up fairly well. Smiles. Talks in that baby way. Very engaging. Loves to be held. Ellie has never acted like a preemie baby at all. It was always like she was a small, full term baby.

Allison is my concern. She rarely maintains contact. A lot of times she will look at my face when I am looking away, then when I look down she looks away. There are times she does maintain eye contact very well, but most of the time she just avoids eye contact. She hasn't smiled yet - not once. She is a pretty lazy baby, she likes to just lay there. A lot of times she doesn't want to be held, she just wants to lay on her mat. The only thing she talkes to is the window - never at us or at Ellie. The only time she wants to be held is when she wants to be walked. Allsion has always seemed a little behind - ie. acted like a preemie.

Today is when it really struck me that that there is something wrong with her. I had them both on my lap facing eachother. Ellie looked at her sister and couldn't stop smiling! She was cooing and talking to her sister. Allison was just staring out the window. She wouldn't look at Ellie at all.

I keep reminding myself that they are fraternal twins. They can have different personalities. Ellie is just super social and at the advanced area of her actual age. Allison is just more stoic and less social, and more at the adjusted age. I keep telling myself that it is O.K. as long as Allison doesn't fall behind for adjusted age - and not smiling at six weeks (her adjusted age) isn't necissarily a problem. Ellie was able to come home right away where Allie was in NICU for a while and just had a harder start - it makes sense that she would be behind Ellie!

I just feel like I am going nuts. All I can focus on is the possibility of having another autistic child. When I saw her MD 10 days ago he said they are both in the normal range, one at the more advanced area of normalitly while the other is at the slower area of normality.

Anyone else have there twins at different stages like this? Anyone else have a 10 week old baby not smiling yet? She has looked happy before, and I think yesterday she almost smiled - but I don't know if what I saw was real or just something I really wanted to see so I tell myself she almost smiled. At what age do I really worry about her development?

Thanks
Angel (that paranoid Michigander)

 

I have developmental parania! I know I am very paranoid! With Gabe being autistic, and the fact that since he is autistic it is more likely we could produce another autistic child, I watch the twins like a hawk.

Well, now I am just going nuts with paranoia. Elouise is fine. Very social. Holds head up fairly well. Smiles. Talks in that baby way. Very engaging. Loves to be held. Ellie has never acted like a preemie baby at all. It was always like she was a small, full term baby.

Allison is my concern. She rarely maintains contact. A lot of times she will look at my face when I am looking away, then when I look down she looks away. There are times she does maintain eye contact very well, but most of the time she just avoids eye contact. She hasn't smiled yet - not once. She is a pretty lazy baby, she likes to just lay there. A lot of times she doesn't want to be held, she just wants to lay on her mat. The only thing she talkes to is the window - never at us or at Ellie. The only time she wants to be held is when she wants to be walked. Allsion has always seemed a little behind - ie. acted like a preemie.

Today is when it really struck me that that there is something wrong with her. I had them both on my lap facing eachother. Ellie looked at her sister and couldn't stop smiling! She was cooing and talking to her sister. Allison was just staring out the window. She wouldn't look at Ellie at all.

I keep reminding myself that they are fraternal twins. They can have different personalities. Ellie is just super social and at the advanced area of her actual age. Allison is just more stoic and less social, and more at the adjusted age. I keep telling myself that it is O.K. as long as Allison doesn't fall behind for adjusted age - and not smiling at six weeks (her adjusted age) isn't necissarily a problem. Ellie was able to come home right away where Allie was in NICU for a while and just had a harder start - it makes sense that she would be behind Ellie!

I just feel like I am going nuts. All I can focus on is the possibility of having another autistic child. When I saw her MD 10 days ago he said they are both in the normal range, one at the more advanced area of normalitly while the other is at the slower area of normality.

Anyone else have there twins at different stages like this? Anyone else have a 10 week old baby not smiling yet? She has looked happy before, and I think yesterday she almost smiled - but I don't know if what I saw was real or just something I really wanted to see so I tell myself she almost smiled. At what age do I really worry about her development?

Thanks
Angel (that paranoid Michigander)

 

Try not to worry! My girls are night and day.

Lily smiled very early, Grace took a long while. They only really interacted with each other at first by cuddling together (for warmth). Then they went for a very long stretch where they did not acknowledge that each other existed. About 6-7 months of age they started interacting together again, and now they do play together, steal each other's toys, and at night after we give them bottles we sit them on our laps facing each other and they just can't get enough of each other. When I get them out of bed in the morning I take whoever gets picked up first over to the other one's crib and they just smile, laugh, and talk to each other. But I did worry about them not interacting, I think it is totally normal at the point you are at. According to my pedi it was 100% normal.

Lily is far more social and smiley than Grace. It takes a lot more work to get Grace to smile and laugh, but it is in there. You just have to figure out what to do. And Lily is the mover while Grace is content just to observe what is going on.

Talk with your pedi about your concerns so they can watch closely. I can understand how you would worry since you have experience with an autistic child. But hopefully you just have 2 babies with 2 completely different personalities. That is the case at our house.

 

Hi there....my DS smiled for the first time at about 10 weeks whereas DD was smiling at 5 weeks!!! DD is the very social happy one where DS is more reserved. He is smiling more and more (we are 14 weeks) but we still have to coax it out of him. He also did the look away thing until recently. Although mine were born at 37 weeks he was only 4lbs 14oz at birth so although not a preemie had low birth weight. It took him most of the first 2 months to catch up and he is much bigger than his sister now but still a couple weeks behind her socially.

I honestly wouldn't worry about autism just yet. If she's just at the lower end of her adjusted age then she has quite a bit of catching up to do. I would just continue to observe her and see how she does over the next month or so. I noticed with my DS he tended to look at me more when I was feeding him so I made a special effort to maintain eye contact with him for as long as he wanted it.

 

Thanks ladies. That makes me feel a lot better. I know a big part of it is in my head, but the lack of eye contact really scares me (Gabe did that!) I do keep reminding myself of all the things she does that Gabe didn't do - like SLEEP!

Angel

 

Hi, my babies are very different developmentally as well. I think at about 2 months adjusted age my DD started smiling a lot. Then a month later my DS started smiling. I was so worried about his not smiling and just always looking so stoic. I called him the stoic one.

Well he sure has surprised me, he is super energetic and super outgoing. He smiles at everyone, when we go out he flirts with all the women who stop to coo at them. My DD on the other hand has become an introvert and is happy just observing, sometimes she smiles at people, sometimes not. She pretty much follows his lead on a lot of things.

My DS is pulling to stand, crawling, sitting etc.. while my daughter is sitting. So again very different. He's performing gross motor skills more at his actual age and she's doing gross motor more at her adjusted age. As far as interpersonal skills, even though he's more outgoing, I would still say they are both almost at the same level, somewhere between their adjusted and actual age.

But I do know where you are coming from, I worry about my daughter a lot these days since sometimes I feel like she's "falling behind".. I participate in Early Intervention and can't wait for the next visit. When I check the EI dev. charts I can see she's still on target and not falling behind, but it does freak me out. I just rely on my husband to keep me calm cause he keeps saying they are fine, just different.

I hope this helps!
Mona

 

My twins are the same way. They were both in the NICU for 15 days. Allison was the smaller one, but she smiled first (around 3 months). Abby didn't smile until 3 1/2 months. They are now 8 months. Allie smiles amd laughs all the time. We have to work to get a laugh out of Abby, she has just recently started to smile a lot. I think it depends on the child. Abby has slept through the night since she was 2 months, Allie is still getting up once a night most of the time. They just do things at their own pace.

 

its impossible not to think about- i know. my smaller baby who had the NICU stay longer seemed to take forever to smile or "engage" with me. he did the same thing- kinda stared off and was a little more distant,. hard to put my finger on it. well now,.. he is my little flirt. so is his brother,. but he REALLY puts it on now. i feel relief, and silly that i was worried about it even though that is what mommies do. now i tell myself to wait until this first year is up before i start analyzing adjusted ages and "norms" what are those anyway right? these things will work themselves out.

 

They are soooooo young and it is normal for one to not be smiling and interacting yet. I know what you mean though ... my girls were the same way at that stage. Lindsay was the first to smile, look at faces and engage. Kate was so serious, not smiling, not making eye contact, and looking off to the side. All our pictures of them at that age - Lindsay is smiling with a big open mouth and Kate is looking off to the side. I was worried just like you! Then in a couple weeks, Kate started smiling too and she's now a wild and crazy baby. They just develop at different rates and it is totally normal for your baby not to be smiling yet. She is a girl and that it a factor on her side as well. HUGS

 

my oldest son has a very high functioning form of autism -
and I am also guilty of comparing my kids - I understand
what you mean. Allison is so young right now on top of being a preemie
she is probably just fine. you wouldn't be a good mommy if you didn't worry!!

 

I think worrying is in the Mommy job description! My girls were born at 37w0d. Neither had any NICU time but Natalie, the smaller one (5.0 v.6.1)has always seemed "younger". She is just now starting to smile. Hannah has been smiling for about 3 weeks(bad Mommy - I didn't write it down . Hannah also cos & seems like she is really trying to talk to us - Natalie isn't doing any of that yet.