I just don't know?

So I went to the DR.s again today, all my check-ups are going pretty good so that's great news. I of course see him once a week now and over the next couple of apts we are going to make a birthing decision....

Here's the story. As a lot of you may already now Jim is out to sea right now, he should be back soon ( ) but he is only here until 1-13-09 and then gone for 6 MONTHS! The dr was going over my chart today and he thinks my due date is more like 1-28-09 not 1-21-09 like I thought. I am the type of person that really feels letting nature do it's thing is the best and fisrt option. I want to naturally go into labor and hoepfully naturally give birth ( I know especially with twins there are many factors that get in the way). My worry is that if I wait I may be one of those moms that goes tell due date, if that happens Jim does not see his kids tell they are 6 mo old. That is awful!!!!! He has already put in a request to try and stay for at leat a few weeks but it was denied. The dr is ok with inducing me early, and as soon as the first few days of Jan.. That will be almost a month early for the twins. That scares me. We all know the longer they cook the better. I am so worried I would end up with NICU babies that didn't need to be in the NICU if I had not forced them to come ealy. I will also breastfeed. Not a question it is what I believe for my family and if they do end up in the NICU I know how hard that can be to bf and I hear the stories when women have to give it up because it is just to hard. I am also worried becasue inducing can lead to c-section which I also want to aoid. To add to the c-section debate, if I do have one and then Jim leaves a week or so later I'll be healing from that with the twins and my two other small kids all by my self. I am soooo stressing about this one. I wonder if we are being selfish and putting the babies at risk? Jim also needs time to bond with them though and of cousre as dad he REALLY wants to be here, I REALLY want him to be here.

You all have great ideas and thoughts. I have come to appreciate all the different views and beliefs here. Please be honest with your feed back and hopefully it will help me see things more clearly. What would you do? Would you wait and risk him not seeing his babies for 6 mo, or would you go early and risk a complication with the babies? Do you think there would even by that high a risk (we would be going about 3-4 wks early)?

Thank you

 

Coming from someone who has NICU experience I would say I wouldnt put the babies at risk for an early delivery. Yes, it sucks that DH would see them until they are 6 months, but I think their health is more important.

 

what a tough spot to be in... man, i can't imagine... but i have to tell you that in my opinion, i would not take them early just so daddy can see them... overall, it's gonna be better if you let them stay in as long as possible... i realize that may not be what you wanna hear (for good reason) but even for breastfeeding, too... my milk did not come in strong until they were almost a month old... my doc said largely because we took them early and my body wasn't ready yet... other moms don't have this issue, but it's something to consider... do you have any other family near that may be able to help out when they are born? you will need some help if you have to have a cesarean... even if for a short time... i'm so sorry this is your situation... please keep us posted on what you decide to do :hug:

 

I say you gotta ride it out and see when those babies decide that they are ready to come. I wouldn't schedule early just so DH could see the birth (although I do truly understand why you want that) but at the same time you may deliver a little early. I say let nature take its course (unless of course you have PTL...which we don't want) and hope that they make a safe, healthy arrival.

Why would your doc at this point change your due date? From my understanding, after the early few weeks, changing a due date can be a very inaccurate thing to do...so you may not really have much to worry about. I hope it all turns out well!

 

QUOTE(DATJMom @ Nov 7 2008, 01:32 PM) [snapback]1060936[/snapback]
Coming from someone who has NICU experience I would say I wouldnt put the babies at risk for an early delivery. Yes, it sucks that DH would see them until they are 6 months, but I think their health is more important.

I agree with Rachel here. Molly I know it will be hard if Jim does not get to see them, but it is extremely difficult to have babies in the NICU, I've BTDT and tit was not easy at all. Even with only being 3 or 4 weeks early you just don't know if they are ready at that point. I would not risk it. I'm sorry this is a tough situation for you. :hug:

 

As a fellow military Mommy, I know the decision that you face is difficult. It’s so UNFAIR that we have to work our life around the service. Personally, I would do an induction early when he will be here. They miss so much; it would be wonderful to give him their birth at least.

Full term for twins is 37weeks; you would only really be a week early from that, right? We have all read about babies coming before that and needing little or NO nicu time, also we have read of babies who come at 37 weeks and still need the few extra days in the nicu. I would not base my choice using the weeks pregnant but the over-all health of my twins. I would want my husband/partner here. I can tell you I’m 33weeks along, and the thought of being pregnant for 4 more scares me, each day as you grow more and more uncomfortable... YOU WANT THEM OUT! Is your DR expecting a decision soon? Or is this something you can really think about weigh all the pros and cons?

Personally, I say : Think about it.

If it where me: I would induce in time/during the time Daddy was here.

Good luck, I support you whatever you choose!

 

Thank you for your answers, I was afraid that would be the overwhelming feeling of the group but I needed to hear it. I can't imagine how hard it was to have NICU babies you are all very strong moms.

 

QUOTE(hardinfamtwins @ Nov 7 2008, 10:42 AM) [snapback]1060955[/snapback]
As a fellow military Mommy, I know the decision that you face is difficult. It’s so UNFAIR that we have to work our life around the service. Personally, I would do an induction early when he will be here. They miss so much; it would be wonderful to give him their birth at least.

Full term for twins is 37weeks; you would only really be a week early from that, right? We have all read about babies coming before that and needing little or NO nicu time, also we have read of babies who come at 37 weeks and still need the few extra days in the nicu. I would not base my choice using the weeks pregnant but the over-all health of my twins. I would want my husband/partner here. I can tell you I’m 33weeks along, and the thought of being pregnant for 4 more scares me, each day as you grow more and more uncomfortable... YOU WANT THEM OUT! Is your DR expecting a decision soon? Or is this something you can really think about weigh all the pros and cons?

Personally, I say : Think about it.

If it where me: I would induce in time/during the time Daddy was here.

Good luck, I support you whatever you choose!


Thank you for understanding and you echo the other debate in my mind!! He wants to look at a more solid decision kinda soon so the hospital scheduling can be worked out ok and to not end up with a last minute decision.

I think something else that plays a factor for him was that he missed the birth of Jessie and that killed him and the twins will probably be our last. If he misses this he will have never seen any of his children born.

I also debate waiting to induce somewhere between the 10th and 12th, that puts us RIGHT before he leaves but what an emotional roller coaster I would have to ride!

 

QUOTE(hardinfamtwins @ Nov 7 2008, 06:42 PM) [snapback]1060955[/snapback]
. I can tell you I’m 33weeks along, and the thought of being pregnant for 4 more scares me, each day as you grow more and more uncomfortable... YOU WANT THEM OUT!

If it where me: I would induce in time/during the time Daddy was here.


I would encourage both of you to visit the NICU forum and read about all the babies of all different gestations and the hardships that they and their family endures during a NICU stay. You just might change your mind about wanting your babies to come early. Just my 2 cents.

 

Is 1.28.08 (1.21.08) your 40 week due date? If so, I would induce while he is here. I would be against induction before 36 weeks but after I think you'll be fine. If they are healthy, nice sized, and your dr. agrees then I say don't make your husband miss it.

Good luck!

 

QUOTE(DATJMom @ Nov 7 2008, 10:48 AM) [snapback]1060969[/snapback]
I would encourage both of you to visit the NICU forum and read about all the babies of all different gestations and the hardships that they and their family endures during a NICU stay. You just might change your mind about wanting your babies to come early. Just my 2 cents.



I have and just reading the stories here of moms fighting to hold onto thier babies just one more week.....That is why my heart is pullled in so many different directions on this decision. I know I have cried reading so many struggles that some of you have faced and thank God everyday for how lucky we have been.

Why couldn't he just knock me up one month earlier!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

QUOTE(Candyland @ Nov 7 2008, 10:59 AM) [snapback]1060987[/snapback]
Is 1.28.08 (1.21.08) your 40 week due date? If so, I would induce while he is here. I would be against induction before 36 weeks but after I think you'll be fine. If they are healthy, nice sized, and your dr. agrees then I say don't make your husband miss it.

Good luck!


Yes, and the reason he went back to the 28th was becasue the fist u/s said 28 the second said 21 all the ones since then have leaned more towards 28.

I understand there is a test to check for lung dev.? Is it risky? And how trusty is it?

 

QUOTE(DATJMom @ Nov 7 2008, 10:48 AM) [snapback]1060969[/snapback]
I would encourage both of you to visit the NICU forum and read about all the babies of all different gestations and the hardships that they and their family endures during a NICU stay. You just might change your mind about wanting your babies to come early. Just my 2 cents.



I knew I would take some flack being the only one who says ... Take 'em. Who's to say, she waits, he comes home and leaves and they STILL end up in the NICU( heaven forbid). Im not saying she isnt risking something in having the twins early and I dont know Mollys situation completely, but I know my due date is 12/25 and my Doctor was inducing me by 12/05. I dont think DR's would make that type of decision, or allow her even to *THINK* about an early induction if he didnt think it was ok. My DR is the one I trust and if they are ok with allowing an induction early, and it fits your family needs better...

* Also, I DO undrstand the hardships of a NICU baby, and I ALSO understand the hardships of dealing with that ALONE, since my husband was away. I know his side, not being there, not knowing how bad it really was and not being able to do anything about it.

 

QUOTE(hardinfamtwins @ Nov 7 2008, 11:03 AM) [snapback]1060995[/snapback]
I knew I would take some flack being the only one who says ... Take 'em. Who's to say, she waits, he comes home and leaves and they STILL end up in the NICU( heaven forbid). Im not saying she isnt risking something in having the twins early and I dont know Mollys situation completely, but I know my due date is 12/25 and my Doctor was inducing me by 12/05. I dont think DR's would make that type of decision, or allow her even to *THINK* about an early induction if he didnt think it was ok. My DR is the one I trust and if they are ok with allowing an induction early, and it fits your family needs better...

* Also, I DO undrstand the hardships of a NICU baby, and I ALSO understand the hardships of dealing with that ALONE, since my husband was away. I know his side, not being there, not knowing how bad it really was and not being able to do anything about it.



I asked for honesty
I asked for different opinions from different back grounds
Thank you everyone who feels strongly and has taken the time answer and cares enough about our family

 

3 weeks early isn't really early for a twin pregnancy, IMO.

 

QUOTE(mollyjm+2 @ Nov 7 2008, 01:47 PM) [snapback]1060966[/snapback]
I think something else that plays a factor for him was that he missed the birth of Jessie and that killed him and the twins will probably be our last. If he misses this he will have never seen any of his children born.


wow... that really struck a chord with me when i read that one... good luck in your decision :hug: :hug: :hug:

 

Molly - this must be so very hard for you to think about right now.

I don't think that your doctor would offer to induce you if they felt it would be such a high risk - at what week will you be at if they do it while Jim is home?
It is tough because I know you want the best for those babies and at the same time, you need your DH there for support and to make the family complete. If the doctor feels confident that the choice would be OK and if I were in your shoes, I would probably opt to induce....

I'm giving you big :hug: 's

 

Wow, what a tough decision. I'm so sorry his request to stay longer was denied. I'd probably be OK with inducing by 37 weeks but not much before that (maybe a day or two). Hugs and I hope all goes well for you!

 

Both of my doctors said that they wouldn't let me go past 38 weeks, because often times the placenta starts to deteriorate then. If you did it on the 11th, or 12th, that would only be a couple of days earlier than 38 weeks, and past 38 weeks if your due date were closer to the 21st.

I can't even imaging making having to make a choice like that. I hope mother nature just steps in and sends them out at about 36-37 weeks, then he'd be there, and could have a little bit of time with you all.

I think they can do an amnio to determine how well the lungs are functioning. I don't know how much risk is involved at that point in the pregnancy. I would think if your doc were planning on inducing a month or so early, he'd want to give you some steroids just in case (I don't know the side effects involved with that either though).

Good Luck!!!! :hug:

 

QUOTE(DATJMom @ Nov 7 2008, 10:32 AM) [snapback]1060936[/snapback]
Coming from someone who has NICU experience I would say I wouldnt put the babies at risk for an early delivery. Yes, it sucks that DH would see them until they are 6 months, but I think their health is more important.



QUOTE(DATJMom @ Nov 7 2008, 10:48 AM) [snapback]1060969[/snapback]
I would encourage both of you to visit the NICU forum and read about all the babies of all different gestations and the hardships that they and their family endures during a NICU stay. You just might change your mind about wanting your babies to come early. Just my 2 cents.

I have to agree with Rachel on both of these points. My girls were born 12 weeks premature, and enduring everything I went through in the last year was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It is not easy to watch your child (children) fight for their life, and it doesn't end when they leave the NICU. Many preemies have long term complications from being born so early. First and foremost the health and well being of these babies needs to be considered over anything else. I am not trying to sounds harsh, but I can't even begin to tell you how hard I fought to keep my babies in as long as possible. It wasn't a battle I won. So if you have the option, I would say let nature take its course.

 

I'm so sorry you are in this position - but please know that there are many, many out here who appreciate your partner's (and your whole familys') service - your sacrifice is why we are free!

I am also due on 1-28 (40 weeks) and my doctor won't let me go past 1-14 (38 weeks). If you can push it to maybe the last day or two of your partner's leave, and if your doctor is supportive, I'd say go for it. You would be just a few days shy of 38 weeks and that's past the full term mark. People have twin c-sections scheduled all the time during their 37th week.

I wish you the very best with your decision and your birth!!!

 

I'm hoping mother nature will step in and take care of this decision for you. I know you want happy and healthy babies!

Big thanks to your DH for his service to our country. :bow2:

 

Thank you
I got lots a great input on this. A lot more to think about. I wont be making up my mind tonight of course but you all have been a big help. I feel I have a very strong list of pros and cons. I feel much better about the decision I face and more confident in my ability to make it.

 

I didn't get to read all of the responses, but here is what we did. DH was scheduled for a 2 week assignment when I was 37-39 weeks. We talked to my OBGYN and she agreed to "schedule" the csection for the first day of week 37. We told DH's boss that it was scheduled and they canceled his trip. I know the Navy/Marines are very different than the AF when it comes to that stuff, but it's worth a try. My peri laughed when I told him and said, if you make it to 37 weeks it will be a miracle. He was right. I delivered at 33 wk 1day and not by choice. My boys came home from the NICU the day of that scheduled csection and dh left for a 2 month deployment a month later. I wouldn't induce any earlier than 37 weeks, but I was ready to do it myself.

 

So sorry to hear about your situation, Molly. I don't think I really know well enough to be able to offer my advice, because I'm pretty headstrong and I would be the first one to say "I don't want my children's father to miss the birth". The most important thing, of course, is the health of your babies, and I know that Jim would want that as well. I think the other ladies here have a lot of good advice, and the best thing I can tell you is weigh the pros and cons and talk with the doc, he won't steer you in the wrong direction if he thinks it's risky for those babies. Good luck!!

Jessie

 

good luck with your decision it is going to be a hard one no matter what you deside but you will choose what you think is best for your family. what does your husband think?
i had an ultra sound done at 35weeks, we hit all 8 points (things they measure for within a few mins,) meaning my son was doing perfect. they thought everything was great. we also had steriods, i was induced at 36weeks he spent 20hrs in nicu. i dont know how moms do it. that was the hardest 20hrs of my life. and he only had fluid in his lungs, after he was decharged from nicu we spent a week in the hospital together. he had bad jundise and spent 72hrs in photo therapy. we where home for 3 days and than had to go to the childerns hospital, he was orange head to toe. he had a urine infection, spent 3 weeks in there. it has been a roller coaster since than,
i was on bed rest from 16w to 32w at home 32weeks to 36weeks in hospital. evan after going threw all that i will be induced at 36weeks with my twins (health reasons), knowing that it could go fine going home a couple days later, knowing it could be 5weeks or so before they leave the hopital. are you willing to take that chance?
i know my husband didnt leave my sons side the 20hrs he was in nicu (except for the quiet hours) could your husband leave you and your family to go back with kids in nicu? think hard hun, i would try to wait as long as you can try to be induced acouple days before he goes.
good luck once you make a decision i would stick with it no bouncing back and fourth

 

then can do an amnio to check for lung development to see if they're lungs are ready...I will give you my story...

at 35w6d I went to the doctor to find out I had a RAGING case of Pre-e brewing...the OB wanted to send me an hour away for an amnio (to where the Peri was) and the Peri refused to do it - didn't see the sense of putting me or the kids at that risk because I was 1 day away from 36w - I delivered the next day with no lung issues whatsoever...there was an 11 lb baby born at 41 weeks that they had to Lifeflight out to the main hospital due to breathing difficulties - so you can have a serious situation even at term...

my peri said that he likes to deliver twins between weeks 37 and 38 but doesn't generally allow women to go beyond that date due to placental breakdown...

honestly I really don't think that having them around the 9th or 10th is too "early" - it'll give your husband the chance to see his babies born and that is something that no videocamera can re-create for him...:hug: