I just can't handle this

I have two colicky babies and this is the second night in a row that I've had to take care of them by myself. DH has to work during the day and plow/salt at night so since Saturday I've been taking care of them by myself. Friday night was so bad I told him, Now, Imagine doing this by yourself - Saturday I thought he had off but he told me he had to work at night, I called my dad to help me which really helped, but now both of my parents are sick, and I've had them all yesterday and today by myself since when my honey is home he needs to sleep.

Every night like clockwork they start up at 6pm and cry until at least 10 - they are crying right now but I just had to get away from them. I have the Happiest Baby book but it's hard to follow that stuff when it is just you and you have two screaming babies ... I can't habdle them anymore, tonight I ran the vacuum, put them on the dryer, sang, bounced, pacifier, and they'll quiet for a minute and then start up screaming again. They need one on one attention, to be held and walked and bounced and shushed and I can't do that when it's just me and their piercing screams is making want to just smother thier mouths, not that I ever would!!! But it is driving me insane and I just end up crying with them. And what's worse is I have to be alone with them all tomorrow too, he works all day and then works all night so it is just me with them again for the 3rd day in a row.

THis is sooooo hard, just had to get away from them and vent.

 

I have two colicky babies and this is the second night in a row that I've had to take care of them by myself. DH has to work during the day and plow/salt at night so since Saturday I've been taking care of them by myself. Friday night was so bad I told him, Now, Imagine doing this by yourself - Saturday I thought he had off but he told me he had to work at night, I called my dad to help me which really helped, but now both of my parents are sick, and I've had them all yesterday and today by myself since when my honey is home he needs to sleep.

Every night like clockwork they start up at 6pm and cry until at least 10 - they are crying right now but I just had to get away from them. I have the Happiest Baby book but it's hard to follow that stuff when it is just you and you have two screaming babies ... I can't habdle them anymore, tonight I ran the vacuum, put them on the dryer, sang, bounced, pacifier, and they'll quiet for a minute and then start up screaming again. They need one on one attention, to be held and walked and bounced and shushed and I can't do that when it's just me and their piercing screams is making want to just smother thier mouths, not that I ever would!!! But it is driving me insane and I just end up crying with them. And what's worse is I have to be alone with them all tomorrow too, he works all day and then works all night so it is just me with them again for the 3rd day in a row.

THis is sooooo hard, just had to get away from them and vent.

 

I'm so sorry to hear how tough it is for you - I can't even imagine. Are there any friends who can come by and help watch them during the day so you can get some sleep?

By the way, I think the Happiest Baby on the Block is a crock of s*!!.

Plus, it's all well and good to get the baby calm, but he never explains (at least not in the DVD i watched) how to then put that baby to sleep.

If you can, I highly recommend investing in a swing, that helps with Jake (Becca doesn't like it as much).

Also, with our kids, just putting them in their infant carriers instantly calms them (and you can psuedo swing them).

This too shall pass....

Miriam

 

My babies slept in their bouncy seats with vibration on, in their swings, in their cribs, wherever they would fall asleep. I figured I would break their bad habits later, I just had to get them to go to sleep so I could get some sleep. Swaddling definately helped. Pacifiers saved my life - instead of 2 fussy babies, I only had 1 most of the time because DS took the paci.

 

Oh my have you brought back some memories. I did it alone more than I care to remember (I was married then, the divorce was only a year or so ago but still spent the majority of the time alone). Sounds like you are describing night time fussy times or what I called baby love time. I struggled and struggled to find out how to soothe them and the thing that worked for me was to sit on the couch with both babies on my chest and watch tv. What started out as the most stressful time I could ever imagine (let me tell you that while I will never condone causing any harm to an infant, how I felt at those moments made me realize how parents can break) turned into such a peaceful, enjoyable time for me. I just had to figure out what worked. It helped when I went into our ped appointment and her first question was "have the night time fussies started yet?". I must have looked at her like she had three heads, there is a name for what they are doing??????? Hang in there, keep trying, the swing sounds like a great idea too. For us it was Kyle with his binky face down on my chest and Kayla just laying on my chest. I hope you find something that works for you all and soon! The words I lived by were when I left my ped appointment that night and she said, " Hang in there, crying is the only form of communication they have right now so crying is expressing every emotion they feel. They will soon start making other sounds which should reduce their crying and improve night times!"

 

OK, one down, one left .... I do have 2 swings and 2 bouncy seats, but the swings only work if they are calm already otherwise they just scream in the swing or in the bouncy. Sitting in front of the TV with them doesn't work either. What works is walking around with them, bouncing them and singing/talking to them, but I can't do that when it's just me. I have a sling but they hate the thing, so it's either sit there with both screaming but I'm with both of them, or walk around with one but have the other just sitting there alone and wailing. Rock and a hard place.

Dianne, I know ... I too would never condone abuse towards a defenseless infant, but wow, having two screaming babies puts things in a new perspective ... if someone was unstable to begin with something like this could push them over the edge.

Just waiting for that 3-month mark when supposedly a lot of things are going to get better ...

 

I remember that... What really helped to us is a stroller. We would just put a coliky baby in the stroller and she would calm down. I also heard that warm blanket can do a miracle. You need to fold a blanket down in 4 or 8 layers and iron it so it becomes warm, than put it on baby's belly. I hope it helps.

 

Tossing the folded receiving blanket in the microwave will work similar as ironing.

 

i think we've all been there and sometimes i'm still right there. my husband was gone for three weeks and i had to do it by myself. i spent 97% of the time crying. just take any help you can get.

if you start getting upset just walk away. go into the bathroom and turn on the shower just so you don't hear them for a minute. That helped me. it only takes a min. to calm down and then when you are calm it seem that they start to become calm.

i hope it gets better -you'll be in my prayers.

 

Oh Kendra, do I feel for you!!! We have one colicky baby and that alone is enough to make me want to run head on into oncoming traffic some evenings when I am alone with the babies. Your feelings are SOOO normal!

Having said that, the thing that worked for us was to get out the miracle blankets, swaddle both babies and then I would do the football hold with both of them, one in each arm, while I had the "Hush Baby" CD on that we bought Hush Baby CD (works like magic for our babies!!) turned up really loud. Our less fussy baby would get sleepy first, so I would put him down, then continue with our little girl, rocking in the football hold that Dr. Karp uses. We also sometimes put our little girl in her swing while wrapped in her miracle blanket, and like the others have said, a warm blankie can help (or a warm washcloth, dry, it was just the right size to place folded up on her tummy), and we just tossed it in the microwave for about 15-20 seconds, but be careful, some fabrics will scorch in the microwave, we use the ones that we brought home from the hospital, we had a ton of them).

This worked more nights than not, but it was time consuming and sure was draining. However, at least while I was doing this they weren't crying really, it was just physically taxing on both of my arms and the loudness of the CD was mind-numbing to me, but calming for the babies. If one got fussy after that, I would pick that one up and do the routine all over again.

So for me it was: Swaddle each in miracle blanket, hold both in football hold in each arm, crank up the CD, repeat if necessary.

I hope you get some relief soon, it is so so hard, harder than anyone can imagine.

We are just at that magical "3 month mark" and our little girl is still colicky, but not as bad most nights, and they are both sleeping much longer stretches. I never thought I would get to be someone who says this - but hang in there it DOES get better!!! ((HUGS))

 

OMG....my shoulders get tense with the flash-backs. My husband works long hours & stayed out of town at least 1 night a week from the time my twins were 2 weeks old.
My oldest boy & my boy from the twins were both colicy. The best remedy I remeber, apart from the ones mentioned above, was a ride in the car. I don't know if it's available to you, but a nice drive did us all some good in those days.
Also, I don't know if this helps or not but there were 2 other things I noticed..... 6 weeks was a magical age for all my kids (I read a book with the twins"Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". It concurred--- also seemed most logical) and my twin boy was on caffine citrate for breathing issues.... he was a new baby when we were done with the meds. I really feel once the agitating caffeine was out of his system he was much better!!

 

kendra - so sorry to hear about this. One thought, and I don't mean to insult if you've already thought of this: if you are breastfeeding, you might want to take a look at your diet - I've read that going on a wheat free, dairy free diet can work wonders on colicky babies.

Good luck: you WILL get through it somehow (and i have the feeling that in a few months I'll be posting a similar message!)

Hang in there - even if we are not there in person to rock a baby, there is a lot of support from here coming at you!

 

I'm so sorry for you!! That sounds stressful!
My two have just started to have colicks last week. And it's like you say, it starts at a certain time, like clockwork!

Here's what helped us a little:

I supplement with formula at night so I started mixing the formula with an herbal tea called Fennel tea (at least that's what the translator told me. In german it's Fencheltee). It's soothes upset stomachs and helps with the gas.
Also I've been putting half a teaspoon of Milchzucker in their bottles. This translates to lactose powder. Over here in Germany it's sold next to infant formula. Its for upset tummies.

I breastfeed during the day, so I've been drinking the tea myself and making sure I stay away from foods that cause gas.

It has really gotton better!

When they start the screaming I massage their bellys clockwise around their bellybutton and push their legs towards their tummy. It really helps get the gas out.

 

I am so sorry! My DD's were colicky and I just cant imagine doing it alone. They started every nite at 7pm and cried until 2am. It was horrible! After a couple of weeks of this, I was just at my wits end. We changed their formula 4 times, nothing helped. We ended up on Nestle Good Start. I went and bought the Dr Brown bottles, 24 hours later, colic was over. I swear by those bottles. My friend's son was colicky, she went and bought the bottles, 24 hours later, her son wasnt colicky. I know some on here dont like the bottles, but it got rid of my daughters colic and a friend's so they do work for some. Just a thought to try and help.

 

My singleton was colicky- cried ALL day (not one nap) for the first 4 months. I thought I was going to die. I couldn't imagine dealing with two. My twins have their fussy time- 4-7, but nothing like my son. A couple things: It's NOT you! Don't think you're doing anything wrong. And- it will get better. Hang in there.

 

I know exactly what you're going through. It is soo hard. My DH is in the military and left for 2 months when the babies were 6 weeks old. We have no family around to help. I had a couple of friends who took my older two for a few hours a couple of times, but not the babies.

What helped (but didn't always "work") was DD taking a paci, going for a walk when it was cool enough in the evenings (Arizona is just too hot to go out during the day in the summer), or going for a ride in the evenings (the extra long way to McDonalds). Sometimes, I would sit on the couch with one laying in my lap and bouncing my leg, and the other would be up on my chest and I'd pat his/her back. This was pretty tiring, especially in the evenings when I was pretty wiped out already.

Hang in there. It will get a bit easier. What helped me get through was to remember "This, too, shall pass," and "God never gives us more than we can handle," and one day I'll miss them being so little.

I remember thinking the same thing you did about how I could almost understand how people hurt their children. I didn't and would never do such a thing. It did scare me, though.

You're lucky you have your parents. Use them whenever you can. Come here to vent when you need too. One day your kids will realize how hard it was for you and admire you for it.

 

I cannot completely relate to what you are saying, but I can imagen that you would almost want to smother their cries. One of mine is sometimes almost double over in pain, and I use Ovol Drops, they seem to work wonders for her,10 minutes later, she is much calmer, and happier. Also the only way I can hold both babies comfortably is if they are both laying side by side on my chest, and they both love it.
I hope that in all the PP you will be able to find something that works. You will be in my thoughts!

 

Any chance you can put them in their carriers and pop them in the stroller and walk them around the house? I had a few days when that was the only thing that worked. My babies were born in the spring, so I was able to walk them outside, but when I got tired I would just bring the stroller in, get myself something to eat or drink and just push the stroller back and forth with my foot. I could usually get 30-60 minutes of quiet if I did that. It's a lot of work getting them in their seats and in the stroller, but it was worth it.

I hope you find something that works soon. I'm battling the same stage with my singleton (my twins are 22 months now) and it's much easier with one... but still no fun to hear him cry and fuss all day long. Take care and try to remind yourself that you will get through this!

 

Thanks everyone ... I've been wanting to get the swaddling blankets since I can't ever seem to swaddle them tight enough, but, haha, it's been either below freezing or snowing here or they've been sick so I haven't gotten out of the house in quite a while. I'll have to try the microwaving a folded blanket thing and see if that helps. I do have a Dr. Brown bottle but I don't notice a difference - I nurse them anyways at night unless someone other than DH is helping me. I have a spare stroller in the garage, I'll bring that in and try walking them around in that ... and car rides knock them out by the time we reach the driveway but like I said, when it's just me and it's below zero here, I don't really want to bundle them up, get them in the car seats, load them up and take them out but maybe if it gets bad enough I will.

And I just found out that I will have them alone again tonight and on Thursday too, and i know he works Saturday night again ... we really need the money but MAN. I think I might see if my parents can take them tonight or I might snap.

At least once they are down they are sleeping longer ... they didn't wake until 4 am for a feeding, yay!

 

I remember being where you are thinking I will never get to the point where people say it will get better. I sometimes dont even like to look back at those times. For me it was the misconception that having twins would be hard but I would be able to handle it. I was not even close to being prepared!

When we took our boys to the Dr. around one month, he said straight forward, "the honeymoon is going to be over soon and they will begin to get fussy..." A couple days later we said, this is what he was talking about! Like yours, our boys were clockwork from 6-10/11 (they were diagnosed with reflux around week 8 so that did explain ALOT).

That time was horrible for us. Sleep deprivation was huge. They cried ALL the time. The hardest part is figuring them out and unfortunatley that takes time. I could not take it when they were both crying. Swings were pretty good but did not help if they were already crying.

We have been playing the same CD since they were born called Johnsons lullaby CD. When they were really young, I would hold them in the rocking chair and put the music really loud. It was calming for them.

Do they like their car seats? Can they sleep in there? If you are strong enough, you can swing them intheir car seats (I did not care if that was a bad habit. I needed the crying to stop and I needed sleep)

Spring will be here soon and you will be able to get fresh air and take naps. I think having a baby this time of year would be so hard since you cant get out much.

I think it is important to know that most twin moms go through this and those that dont are very lucky. It is nothing you are doing. It is the simple fact that there are 2 tiny babies that are just trying to figure everything out themselves. Keep coming here with questions. If they are both crying and you need a break, put them in another room and give yourself a few minutes. Also, if your parents can come over, try to get out of the house and get a coffee or take a walk around a local store. You need to get out!

 

I feel your pain....I had 2 colicky babies as well .....and my husband is a workaholic too. Try this it worked for me.....put them in 2 bouncy seats and put a radio on a static station between them....the static should soothe your colicky babies....at least for an hour or so.....I hope this helps.
Maggie

 

It is SO hard that you have to go through that all by yourself!! You need some support!!

Sounds like the roads are too bad to drive them around to help soothe them, but when the weather clears you can try that!

I would try to get some gripe water, that MIGHT help a little with the colick. I'm sorry!!

 

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It is the hardest part of motherhood. Those first few months are h*ll!! You have already gotten so much good advice. I hope that you are able to find the strength to get through this with your sanity in tact. I really thought I would end up in an asylum those first months (as I too was also mostly by myself). But I made it through and although the last thing you probably want to hear is, "It will get better," the truth is, it will. I know that doesn't help you now but it's something to look forward to. The crying will eventually stop. They will eventually sleep through the night. Life will eventually feel a lot more normal again! I remember feeling like it would all never end and saying to myself, I couldn't imagine having ANY more kids. But the good times will eventually completely out weigh the bad/rough ones and you'll look back on those times when it was really hard and you will realize that if you could get through that, you can get through anything (well, those teen-age years will be pretty tough ) If it didn't get better or if the joy factor never out weighed those truly rough and horrible moments, people wouldn't have anymore children after their first.

One other thought,(although you may have already ruled this out)are you sure it's not reflux? My ped said that a lot of babies who used to be diagnosed as collicky are now being diagnosed as having reflux. There are certain signs to look for. Crying during or after a feeding, arching of the back, not able to console even if holding them, and often there will be a bit of spitting up going on (but not always). They say that it may often act up worse at night so it's something worth just checking out. I had never heard of reflux until my girls were finally diagnosed with it when we couldn't figure out why they were crying so much. GL and I hope you find some relief soon.

 

Kendra - So glad to see that the sleeping was not too bad last night and you made it until 4AM! Yay!

I understand you can't get out of the house to get your swaddle blankets, but I would order them online if you can do that. The Miracle Blanket site was giving a discount for twins. I seem to remember we even got one free when we bought one, but I had to email them directly for that.

Swaddling was truly a godsend for our daughter especially, and the regular blankets didn't work for her very well, only the Miracle Blanket worked.

Anyway, hang in there, I know it's a cliche and all, but try to take it one day at a time - you made it through last night - whew! Also, treat yourself to your favorite goodies, for me it was Dove's dark chocolate and a glass of coke with lots of ice. It didn't help with the babies, but it at least gave me a tiny bit of pleasure, and boy do we multiples moms sure deserve that!!!

 

Everyone has given you great advice and I just want to offer some hugs. I remeber those days all to well with 2 screaming infants. I know this doesn't really help but it does get better eventually. I agree with the Happiest Baby on the Block Book- crock of S#!T. I honestly found that the best thing for Colic and Reflux issues was time. Take any help you can get when you can get it to save your sanity. Step away from it sometimes to save your sanity. A couple minutes of silence(locked in the bathroom) will do wonders. My heart aches whenever I see someone else going through this and I wish I could invent a magic cure.

 

I did not read all the pp, but have you tried gripe water, or the homeopathic colic tablets (they are similar to the teething tablets)?? You can find them at a health food store, some Walmarts and Babies R Us. They have worked for a lot of my friends whos babies were colicky.

I hope this passes quickly!!

 

The swinging in the car seat helped my girls too but oh, does that get tiring fast. We would also put them in the car and go for rides. It worked in the beginning but then it didnt anymore, and then we have had a 6 month battle with them hating their car seats. I believe it is b/c we put them in it when they werent too happy and they related it to crying and be unhappy. They are finally getting use to them, but if I had to do over, I would never have put them in the car.

 

Oh, honey, I remember those days. I would just sit and cry with them. I prayed a lot to try to keep my mind off of it.

Have you tried an exercise ball? My husband and I swear by them! At that age we would just put a baby in the crook of each arm and bounce away while we watched TV or whatever. It worked miracles for months. When we had helpers, they used it too and it worked--Many were skeptical, but became believers .

We have friends who had triplets and they used one. Its funny because I never talked to them about it until we were done using it. It was a funny coincidence that they used it and it worked too. I speculate that it works because its like (or similar to) how it feels when they are in the womb?!?

We swaddled and it worked best for sleeping. All the of the PPs have some good suggestions too.

HTH! Crying is good for the soul. Come vent anytime!

 

quote:
Originally posted by rosie19:
Any chance you can put them in their carriers and pop them in the stroller and walk them around the house?


I was going to say that too.

The other thing I used to do was strip them naked, put them on a waterproof pad (although now I wouldn't even care about that, my carpets are so far gone) and let them wriggle around. For some reason, mine liked the freedom.

HUGS, I hope you get a break soon!

 

Oh how the memories of this time come back so vividly. I remember everyone telling me that it will pass and time will go by quickly but during those 3 months it seems like the days drag on. I feel your pain. You have gotten a lot of great advice from pp. Are your babies gassy too? My one daugther would cry for what seemed like all day and night and seemed to be in pain. I gave her gas drops and that seemed to help a little. My pedi also suggested I give her mylanta (I can't remember how much, I think .8 ml?) and that seemed to calm her down for awhile. At least it would help her sleep. I used to also bicycle their legs when they were on their backs to help get the gas bubbles out. HTH! Hang in there! It will get better!

 

Gripe water has worked for many babies, but I would sure question if it's reflux. I didn't believe that swaddling would make a difference, but it sure did! You can also hold both pretty easily if they are swaddled. You learn to get crafty about holding both babies at the same time. It's getting tougher now, but if I have to, I can still hold both of them.



We're all here for you!

 

Vent away! We have all been there, my oldest was extremely colicky and I can't imagine having two of him at once!

You will get through this and someday (I don't know who long it will take though) you will actually laugh about it when you talk about it.

 

I don't know if this was mentioned yet, but for my oldest ds running water worked like magic.

One thing that works for my little girl right now is to swaddle her, put her in her bouncy chair and put her on top of the washing machine, she loves it! The vibrations seem to help calm her down. HTH!

 

I just came out of that phase, so I feel your pain. (((HUGS))) I honestly thought I was going crazy. DH and I swore we would never forget how bad things had been in the beginning. But...only 1 month out we're already forgetting. My guys were colicky and had reflux. We tried everything...changing formulas, gripe water, mylicon drops, swaddling, swings, bouncy seats, white noise. The best thing for us was swaddling and white noise. And, I'm a firm believer that if a baby is going to cry whether you're holding them or not, then it's perfectly okay to put that baby in his/her crib and walk away for a little while. Obviously, you wouldn't leave a baby who was crying due to hunger or pain, but if nothing you're doing is helping and you feel like you're about to lose it...go take a shower and block out their screaming. A shower always made me feel like a new person and just that 5-10 minutes gave me just enough of a mental break to handle it again.

I actually started taking Wellbutrin to give me a little bit of help to make it thru. do not be afraid of meds! They can be a lifesaver. I know there are meds safe for BFing as well. And last but not least...take every offer of help. If your parents will take them for a few hours, DO IT! I didn't do that in the beginning, but after about 1.5 months, if anyone said "can I...", I said heck yes!

Every day you get thru is one day closer to less crying. Hang in there!!! Shannon