I just cannot take it... I feel like everything is just going wrong..

I am so sad because I feel like I am just not doing a good job. I feel like we made sleep mistakes. I am nursing them and they nurse constantly both because maybe they dont quite get enough and for soothing.

I thought I was doing the right thing by always soothing them to sleep.... Nuring them when they want..... and when we have been really tired and they woke in the night, when I break down and cant get up, I brought them in the bed with me. I did not think this was the worst thing in the world.

But, now, they will not go down for naps without tons of soothing and then wake as I lay them down and cry. For the past 3 nights now, one baby is doing the same thing at night. I worked to get him down one night for 3 hours. Then he continued to wake up all night long. Now this has gone on for 3 nights. I was not going to bring them in the bed, but, finally last night.. I broke down again and just needed to side nurse and rest while I did.

Also, I cannot take the crying. I dont know what to do. I dont know how someone could help me at night.

I also think I should start giving them formula... I am not sure that I can keep up the nursing. (They will not take a bottle though because I did not practice that early on.)

Early on, I thought that attached parenting style was for me. Now, I think that we somehow went wrong. I dont know what to do. Has anyone been through this and come out on the other side....

 

awww, hugs to you, mommy. You're doing FINE.

Between 4 and 6 months was hands down the HARDEST time for me. My babies wouldn't sleep, day or night, they nursed constantly (still do) so whenever I'd go anywhere, I had to be prepared to bare boobs wherever i was or face the wrath of Joel (who would make a noise like a rhinoceros when he wanted boob)

It was just really, really hard. It got better though, around 6 months old.

 

QUOTE(ladybenz @ Dec 14 2008, 07:24 PM) [snapback]1110542[/snapback]
awww, hugs to you, mommy. You're doing FINE.

Between 4 and 6 months was hands down the HARDEST time for me. My babies wouldn't sleep, day or night, they nursed constantly (still do) so whenever I'd go anywhere, I had to be prepared to bare boobs wherever i was or face the wrath of Joel (who would make a noise like a rhinoceros when he wanted boob)

It was just really, really hard. It got better though, around 6 months old.



that made me lol i dont nurse but my mom did nurse me, and did the attachment parenting thing (though they didnt have a word for it then lol) and my 7 younger siblings til we weaned ourselves (between 1 and 2 y/o) and i remember her constantly have the baby attached to the boob. they wouldnt sleep unless nursed down, pretty much everything youre saying word for word. she never had to do it with 2 babies though, so i can imagine youre exhausted. i hope someone can help you out a little more, but it sounds normal to me!

 

Hang in there! :hug: I didn't BF or do attatchment parenting so I don't have any advice I just wanted to say I hope things look up for you soon.

 

:hug: First breathe!! The first year with twins is difficult whether you breastfeed or formula feed! I know that it seems that they are always eating. I felt that way with my twins. It gets better. :hug: I know it is easier said than done. Every baby is different. My twins were/ARE horrible sleepers. I had to fight to get them to sleep every night and their naps were more like cat naps! :shok: I literally would get one down and then by the time I got the 2nd one down, the first one would wake up. Seriously! They were up 3-4 times a night for the longest time. We full swaddled (arms in) until they didn't fit into the blanket anymore. (prob. around 5-6 months) It was horrible.

DO you have any help? Can you get a break? I remember how refreshed I felt after a good night of sleep.
What does your schedule look like? How long are they up between the times that you try to put them down? Mine were on a 1.5-2 hour (between naps) schedule. Evan is still on that time frame. Eyes rubbing, acting tired.. you have to catch *that* moment when they will go down.
:hug: Hang in there... don't give up. Sleep will happen.

 

:hug: Hang in there. I can feel your frustration and I have been there. This is difficult, but you will get through it. They will sleep in their own cribs at some point.

I agree with Jackie, do you have someone that can come and give you some relief, even if you can just get a few hours to yourself since they wont take a bottle. Also after about 1.5 hours of wakefulness is when they really needed to go down or they were overtired and took twice as long.

Also, will they sleep in the swing or even the car for that matter to give you a break from having to battle them in the bed. Maybe you could get them to sleep in the swings during the day instead of your bed and then get them into the cribs from the swings at some point?? KWIM? I used to let mine take a morning nap on occasion in the car so that I could get some coffee from Starbucks and drive around with some peace and quiet.

 

:hug: I'm so sorry things are so tough right now. Months 3-5 or so were the hardest for me. No napping (or if I was lucky, a 30-minute nap), fussy babies b/c they were overtired, I felt like I was either nursing/pumping all of the time, they got bored easily b/c they couldn't sit up yet, etc.

I used (still use) swings for their naps - and they have treated me very well. My older DS napped in his swing until he was 1-year-old and then I transitioned him to his crib with no problems. He also nursed to sleep until he was 2-years-old and he is an awesome sleeper now - so don't beat yourself up about soothing/nursing them to sleep.

At your babies' ages I was rocking them in their glider (both of them on my lap) and once they would fall asleep I'd actually sit in the glider for 1.5 hours sometimes just so they would sleep and I would have some quiet. Sometimes I'd even fall asleep, too!

Things got quite a bit easier at 6 months, then 7 months they started stretching their naps out to 1 or more hours, and each month has gotten easier and easier.

You'll make it through this - it just feels like you won't! :hug: If you have anyone that can come help out for a few hours to give you a break - I'd highly recommend it. I know my parents would drive 3 hours to our house to stay a few days when I would feel like I was losing it or I'd pack up my 3 kids and go stay with them for a week just to have some extra sets of hands and a change of scenery.


'

 

:hug: Big, big hugs to you. It is just exhausting, isn't it? It's totally normal to feel overwhelmed.

First of all, I don't think you've made any mistakes or formed any bad habits. Your babies would probably have been just as needy even if you'd done things differently (strict schedule, early CIO, etc). The difference is that you have bent over backwards to meet their needs and help them feel secure. And that is just awesome. You've given them so much of your time and energy and love.

But it sounds like now you're running on empty, and something's got to change, or you won't have anything left to give. I hope we can help you figure out some ways to make life easier.

First I have to bombard you with questions. What's a typical day like? How often do they nurse, and how long at a session? How long do they spend awake at a time? Do you feed them and put them to sleep at the same times, or does each baby really set their own pace?

Now throwing out some ideas:

Weaning to formula will not solve all your problems. You're still going to have two needy babies. The only difference is that you'll spend hundreds of dollars to feed them, and hundreds of hours preparing and washing bottles. BFing can be draining (literally and figuratively), especially when they want to nurse all the time, and there will be times when you want to shave your head and lock yourself in a remote nunnery in Tibet where NOBODY will ever TOUCH you again. But at least it's always ready. Imagine doing what you're already doing - and having to fix all the bottles too. Yuck.

That said, it would really be worth trying to get them to take a bottle (or maybe a cup) occasionally so that you can get some breaks. You don't have to wean to get a little more time to yourself. I never had problems getting my kids to take a bottle, but I know a lot of the ladies at the BF forum did, so you can pick their brains on how to do it. If you can just skip a feeding or two and get out of the house, or curl up with a novel, or crawl under the covers, you will feel like a new woman. And ditto pps - try to get some help, any help, of any kind. Even if it's just a mom's helper and you're not out of the house, an extra pair of hands can make a huge difference.

Also, what are your thoughts on CIO? If you're totally opposed to it, then forget it, I'm not pushing it by any means. But it can be very effective for teaching babies to fall asleep on their own, once they're old enough. We first gave it a try around 5 mo, and it was too early. Around 5.5 mo, it really clicked. Being able to just put the babies down and have them fall asleep lifted a big weight off my shoulders.

And just one more thing: life is hard enough already without blaming yourself for how hard it is! NONE of this is your fault. You didn't create monsters, your babies are just being babies. And you are a terrific mom. You're going to get through this. :hug:

 

I only survived my singleton's 1st 6 mos by sleeping/nursing them. So I was bordering on delerium from being up with the twins all night bc thay are never done nursing, so we tried and tried and fianlly found a comfortable and safe way for me to nurse both of them and sleep at the same time: in a recliner with pillows supporting my arms while I held them in a double cradle position. It had been the best thing for us!!!

 

I forgot to mention that before you say, they won't take bottles, hence I can't have any help, there are other ways of feeding. My two sons hated bottles (one still does!) My ds2 had croup it made it difficult for him to nurse so I fed him expressed breastmilk from a medicine dropper. It worked well for the circumstance. I had a woman from our church come out two days a week so I had some 'me' time or at the very least time with just one baby. It gave me a nap if I needed it or it gave me time to do something I wanted to do. Just something to think about! :hug: take care of YOURSELF too! Don't forget!

 

Hugs, Mama! You have not done anything wrong, or instilled bad habits. The are still babies, if you decide in a month or tomorrow to ditch AP, and go for one of the many methods of sleep training, you still can!! I never did, and felt like you often, other times I felt great in my decisions. YOu do what you have to do, if you need to take them in to bed, don't feel bad about that. Nursing 2 is hard at times at that age. Hang in there. You need sleep, and help. Take each day at a time, and know that AP is different with 2 than with 1.. complete AP just isn't possible. THere is a great yahoo group called apmultiples if you want some AP ideas..


Stacy

 

I don't have any advice, as you've gotten great advice already. I just wanted to let you know that I agree with what many of the other posters have said--this is probably the hardest time. I can remember lots of crying and frstration and always thinking I was doing things wrong or making bad decisions. Hang in there!! It does get better. They will eventually get it and start giving you some breaks, until then just hang in there. :hug: :hug:

 

Hang in there. Lot's of good advice here so far. I can relate to babies not taking a bottle. My two didn't either and that was a very "trapped" feeling. Eventually, they did and that helped. I could pump and get a break. As far as sleep goes...it does seem to take a turn at 6 months or so. We did use CIO around month 7 and my girls sleep 7-6:30 now with no soothing. They go down for naps like clockwork and are very good sleepers. So, don't loose hope. You haven't done anything that can't be undone and yours are young enough that they can't really form habits right now. Another month or so and you can start practicing some sleep training if you want.

Take care!

 

QUOTE(julesbabies @ Dec 14 2008, 06:05 PM) [snapback]1110529[/snapback]
I am so sad because I feel like I am just not doing a good job.

Oh goodness! Please do not think this AT ALL!!

Parenting a baby at this age is hard, but two is even harder! I nursed all my babies, and they all were exactly the same as your babies!

I admit, by my third one I could let him CIO for naps (never, ever at night), but he would only cry for 10-15 minutes and go to sleep. But my girls both would cry for hours, and I always gave in. Seriously, :hug: it's survival mode for you right now. You can always break habits (hard as it may be) when you are determined and ready, so do what you need to to get by right now. I (in survival mode) brought babies to bed so I could snooze in between feedings. It's OK! They don't stay with you forever.

I agree that you should take any offer for help up on it! I did, and as hard as it was, now I am so very glad I did! Even if you stay there and "do your own thing", it's a break! Maybe you should try introducing sippy cups, or straws and drinks (my kids took to straws immediately...at 4 months).

However, I do have one thing to think about. All of my children also had some severe allergies to what I was eating. It made them so unhappy, want to eat ALL THE TIME (their tummies felt better full than digesting what they ate), not sleep at all, etc. I did the allergy testing thing and found out they were allergic to dairy, wheat, eggs, soy, various other things. Once I cut all that out, they were much easier to please (and I think that's why my ds...child #3) could CIO so easily. It made a huge difference for them...so that's something to think about.

But, you are a wonderful momma, and you need to do whatever works for you. All babies are different, you are at a very tough spot anyway, and you will make it through! Being a mom of twins is absolutely a wonderful thing...but oh so very challenging!

 

The PPs have given some great advice. I just wanted to chime in and say that at that age we started following the ideas in "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" and it worked really well for us!

 

You poor thing - you are doing a great job. remember, its ok to start off one way and change your mind down the road!! babies are constantly changing and so can moms!

I nursed my babies, but I did do one bottle of Formula/day (DH or a lady a hired did it at night so I could get some sleep). DD went through a stage for a month or two when she refused to take a bottle at all. That was very hard, so I can totally relate to you. I tried sippy cups, straws, cups, even a medicine dropper. Finally what worked for us, is when she woke up at night, DH would try and give her a bottle, if she wouldn't take it we assumed she wasn't hungry, and we laid her back down, she did cry for about 15-20min (and we were ok with this), but then she went back to sleep for another hour or two, when she woke again she then took the bottle (to our complete surprise!!). So, for us, what worked is waiting until DD was hungry enough to take the bottle. Although it took me a month or so to figure this out, and I did feel bad letting her cry, but in the end it worked for us.

Follow the "adults are no fun" rule at night. No lights, no interaction, no talking, just feeding, diapering and back to bed. I did CIO for my dd at around 4.5months, just to help her fall asleep initially at night, and she only cried for 10-15min before falling asleep. So I am not telling you to do this, but rather telling you what worked for us. I honestly thought she would cry for hours, but it was less then 15min each time, and then she slept well for hours!

Your babies are very young, its hard to make sleep mistakes at this age! Things can and will change over the next few months. we used swaddling and white noise and that seemed to help quite a bit. We also followed the book HSHHC, and that was a great help to us.

Oh yeah - and when I did leave them to CIO before naps/bedtime, I would go and have a shower or get something to eat, but I tried really hard not to be around for that first 10-15minutes so I didn't have to listen to the crying, and then often by the time I returned all was quiet!

Good luck! Big hugs to you : )

 

*hugs* You are doing a great job!! It is hard. And the age you are dealing with is hard. I thought the first three months were hard till I hit 5 to 7 months. Those months for us were the hardest. Hang in there. You are doing great!

Dianna

 

will they take a pacifier at all? sounds like they're using you for a human pacifier and at this stage I'd think you're nursing would be established enough for them to try a bink...that may eliminate some of that sucking need (although if they're anything like my DS as soon as he figured out there wasn't any food coming out he'd have nothing to do with it!)

I didn't nurse so I can't help out there but it does get better...I agree with napping in the swing or bouncy seat - it helped my kids tremendously!

 

However, I do have one thing to think about. All of my children also had some severe allergies to what I was eating. It made them so unhappy, want to eat ALL THE TIME (their tummies felt better full than digesting what they ate), not sleep at all, etc. I did the allergy testing thing and found out they were allergic to dairy, wheat, eggs, soy, various other things. Once I cut all that out, they were much easier to please (and I think that's why my ds...child #3) could CIO so easily. It made a huge difference for them...so that's something to think about.

Thank you to veryone for all of your relies. I am going to start answering some of your questions so maybe we can sort some of these things out.

How did you do the allergy testing and at what age? I have been thinking about that. Miles has red splotches on his skin that the ped sid is dry skin but looks more like allergy to me.

 

QUOTE(julesbabies @ Dec 15 2008, 12:36 PM) [snapback]1110964[/snapback]
Thank you to veryone for all of your relies. I am going to start answering some of your questions so maybe we can sort some of these things out.

How did you do the allergy testing and at what age? I have been thinking about that. Miles has red splotches on his skin that the ped sid is dry skin but looks more like allergy to me.


The red splotches on his skin might be eczema. Derek has it and interestingly enough he was the one with the milk protein allergy. But sometimes there is no link and it is what it is. He still had breakouts of it even when dairy was eliminated from his diet so it is hard to say if that is what caused it or not. I just would use Eucerin and Vaseline on the spots to keep them moist.

 

I was not able to breastfeed, but I went through the same doubts as you!! It was around 4months or so- they wouldn't nap, I thought they should be napping in cribs, but I couldn't let them CIO and then I felt wrong in getting them and napping with them. But honestly, you need to do what you need to do! If that means they sleep with you- so be it! If you cannot let them CIO, then don't. You are not doing anything wrong at all! I know LOTS of mommies who nurse on demand and cosleep. And they have toddlers now and they are doing great!

Also, you sound like you may have a little bit of PPD. I had it, but I knew I was going to have it since I do suffer from depression. Anyway, when depressed their crying really got to me. I think it would have gotten to me anyway, but w/ depression it was much worse. You don't have to feel this way- talk to your doctor if you do suspect you could have it.

 

I did the AP with my first three girls, and it is draining. At the same time though, so very rewarding. I decided not to BF my twins based on the age of my youngest, my dh's work schedule, and the needs of my family in general. I can't completely relate to what you're going through with two, but I can understand.

My advice to you, is that if you do plan to make changes, it is better to do it sooner rather than later. And no matter what, I am not sure there is a way to make any major changes without tears from all three of you. Just weigh your options and be comfortable with your decisions.

Whether or not you continue to BF, is such a personal decision. My sister BF her twins for four months and stopped b/c she was so exhausted. It seemed to be that she was always either pumping or BF, and didn't have the time to be the kind of mom she wanted to be in other ways. I know that everbody has a different experience, but if you feel you can be a better mom by weaning them, you should have no guilt.

As many have already said, you are at a tough age. It will get better, I promise! Hang in there, Lisa

 

No advice here, but I just wanted to let you know that I feel your pain. My babies did not sleep well months 4-6. I cried a lot & felt like I was a horrible mom because they just wouldn't sleep. Plus, I was so exhausted and sleep deprived. But things started getting better when they turned 6 months. It's almost like something clicked in their little brains & they started sleeping more. We still have bad nights from time to time, but it's nowhere as bad as it was. So hang in there, I am sure things will improve really soon!

 

QUOTE(fuchsiagroan @ Dec 14 2008, 09:48 PM) [snapback]1110705[/snapback]
:hug: Big, big hugs to you. It is just exhausting, isn't it? It's totally normal to feel overwhelmed.

First of all, I don't think you've made any mistakes or formed any bad habits. Your babies would probably have been just as needy even if you'd done things differently (strict schedule, early CIO, etc). The difference is that you have bent over backwards to meet their needs and help them feel secure. And that is just awesome. You've given them so much of your time and energy and love.

But it sounds like now you're running on empty, and something's got to change, or you won't have anything left to give. I hope we can help you figure out some ways to make life easier.

First I have to bombard you with questions. What's a typical day like? How often do they nurse, and how long at a session? How long do they spend awake at a time? Do you feed them and put them to sleep at the same times, or does each baby really set their own pace?
Now throwing out some ideas:

1- We wake when the babies do and try to get going ASAP as opposed to lay with them in our bed. (they have been waking around 5:30am- they will not just lay in their crib without crying) We are trying a new plan of getting up, getting the babies changed, nursed and dressed. Then the babies watch us get ready for the day. We all go downstairs to the kitchen together and start breakfast for husband and I. Babies watch while in their jumper or on the floor. THe next thing you know, it is time for their first nap around 8am. If the nap goes well, things are good. If not, I feel like the day snowballs into one long day of trying to get them to sleep. They get fruit in the morning now but not until after their first nap. THey get rice after their second nap (if the nap even takes place). THen by the third nap, it usually falls apart for some reason and they wont go down. For the longest time the naps have been an average of 30 minutes each wtih the occasional 1-1 1/2 hour nap. I often am exhausted and need a break so we get in the car and go get a decaf latte. Then we come home,nurse and start getting ready for bed because they are so fussy. My husband was trying to get me to push their bedtime and I knew it was wrong... They were ready to do down sometimes even by 5pm. THe last two nights, I have been shooting for 5pm. Last night they were asleep by 5:20pm. It was a better night for baby B. He woke only 3 times.! Baby A was again up off and on most of the night and not soothing down easily.

2- I nurse on demand and it is usually about every two hours (lately around the clock but for a long time they would just wake 3 times in the night with some long stretches of 4-5+) hours. Sometimes only one hour and sometimes 3 in between but never longer. They nurse for about 10 minutes. At night, before bed, they might nurse for 30 minutes until they are alseep. Both feeding and soothing- obviously.

3- I have tried offering them naps about 1.5-2hours after being awake. It was sometimes successful and sometimes not. I watch for their ques. I try to get them down for naps with bouncing them on a yoga ball, holding them, nursing, etc.. Whatever it takes. I do not always nurse them to sleep for naps but sometimes I do. When the naps are not successful they may for for a few more more hours without sleep.

4- I nurse them down to sleep at the same time for the night. They both seem to get fussy at the same time at the end of the day. They barely make it through changing them into PJS. They want to nurse..... If I nurse them before we get ready for bed, they get really fussy on the breast later when I try to nurse them down to sleep because then the letdown does not happen fast enough for them. This is really difficult then this happens. So, I try to hold off nursing until after I change them so that I can soothe them and nurse them to sleep. I guess, perhaps, I need to start the bedtime routine even earlier. This part of the day has also changed recenty and become hard to figure out. It is a bummer because for the longest time they were like clockwork. I would change and get ready for bed, listen to music and sing, etc... Then they would nurse and go to sleep at the exact same time everynight. I could even lay them down in their cribs still slightly awake. This is no longer the case, they need to be totally asleep before we lay them down or they get really fussy.

Weaning to formula will not solve all your problems. You're still going to have two needy babies. The only difference is that you'll spend hundreds of dollars to feed them, and hundreds of hours preparing and washing bottles. BFing can be draining (literally and figuratively), especially when they want to nurse all the time, and there will be times when you want to shave your head and lock yourself in a remote nunnery in Tibet where NOBODY will ever TOUCH you again. But at least it's always ready. Imagine doing what you're already doing - and having to fix all the bottles too. Yuck.

That said, it would really be worth trying to get them to take a bottle (or maybe a cup) occasionally so that you can get some breaks. You don't have to wean to get a little more time to yourself. I never had problems getting my kids to take a bottle, but I know a lot of the ladies at the BF forum did, so you can pick their brains on how to do it. If you can just skip a feeding or two and get out of the house, or curl up with a novel, or crawl under the covers, you will feel like a new woman. And ditto pps - try to get some help, any help, of any kind. Even if it's just a mom's helper and you're not out of the house, an extra pair of hands can make a huge difference.

Also, what are your thoughts on CIO? If you're totally opposed to it, then forget it, I'm not pushing it by any means. But it can be very effective for teaching babies to fall asleep on their own, once they're old enough. We first gave it a try around 5 mo, and it was too early. Around 5.5 mo, it really clicked. Being able to just put the babies down and have them fall asleep lifted a big weight off my shoulders.

And just one more thing: life is hard enough already without blaming yourself for how hard it is! NONE of this is your fault. You didn't create monsters, your babies are just being babies. And you are a terrific mom. You're going to get through this. :hug:


I am so grateful for all of the ideas and responses from everyone. I have just been so slammed that I have not even been able to respond to the comment and questions. : )

I have not been able to soothe them while they are laying in their cribs. I have tried this. Is this something that you have been able to do? It seems like that could be effective if I could start out like that as opposed to getting them cry. If I knew they would only cry for 15 minutes, I may be able to do it. I could not let them cry longer. Sometimes if need to take a moment- I will let them cry for a few minutes (maybe 3-5). Everytime that I have done that, I notice that they just get cranked up more....

We will see how tonight is....

I really appreciate your helping me think about these things.

 

QUOTE
I have not been able to soothe them while they are laying in their cribs. I have tried this. Is this something that you have been able to do? It seems like that could be effective if I could start out like that as opposed to getting them cry. If I knew they would only cry for 15 minutes, I may be able to do it. I could not let them cry longer. Sometimes if need to take a moment- I will let them cry for a few minutes (maybe 3-5). Everytime that I have done that, I notice that they just get cranked up more....


Soothing in the cribs NEVER worked for me! If I tried stroking or patting them while they were in the cribs, they just cried worse, like "Come ON, you crazy woman, you know what I need, just pick me up already!" They always needed to be held to calm down.

When we did CIO to get them to fall asleep on their own, we did a gradual version. We started off giving them unlimited pickups. Then not so many. Then just a couple. Then one. Then they were on their own. This was over a period of at least a couple weeks, I think (though a lot of the first year is a blur!). I wouldn't have left them screaming their heads off for an hour, but it never really got to that point. There was crying, but seldom really bad, and they never cried for that long at a time.

:hug: Hang in there! We're here for support anytime.

 

QUOTE(fuchsiagroan @ Dec 17 2008, 09:34 PM) [snapback]1114687[/snapback]
Soothing in the cribs NEVER worked for me! If I tried stroking or patting them while they were in the cribs, they just cried worse, like "Come ON, you crazy woman, you know what I need, just pick me up already!" They always needed to be held to calm down.

When we did CIO to get them to fall asleep on their own, we did a gradual version. We started off giving them unlimited pickups. Then not so many. Then just a couple. Then one. Then they were on their own. This was over a period of at least a couple weeks, I think (though a lot of the first year is a blur!). I wouldn't have left them screaming their heads off for an hour, but it never really got to that point. There was crying, but seldom really bad, and they never cried for that long at a time.

:hug: Hang in there! We're here for support anytime.


I am not sure that my reply to your last posting came out clearly. I was trying to answer your questions in the quote. It looks like part of your posting. Anyway, here is a cut and paste with my answers to your questions.

"First I have to bombard you with questions. What's a typical day like? How often do they nurse, and how long at a session? How long do they spend awake at a time? Do you feed them and put them to sleep at the same times, or does each baby really set their own pace?"


1- We wake when the babies do and try to get going ASAP as opposed to lay with them in our bed. (they have been waking around 5:30am- they will not just lay in their crib without crying) We are trying a new plan of getting up, getting the babies changed, nursed and dressed. Then the babies watch us get ready for the day. We all go downstairs to the kitchen together and start breakfast for husband and I. Babies watch while in their jumper or on the floor. THe next thing you know, it is time for their first nap around 8am. If the nap goes well, things are good. If not, I feel like the day snowballs into one long day of trying to get them to sleep. They get fruit in the morning now but not until after their first nap. THey get rice after their second nap (if the nap even takes place). THen by the third nap, it usually falls apart for some reason and they wont go down. For the longest time the naps have been an average of 30 minutes each wtih the occasional 1-1 1/2 hour nap. I often am exhausted and need a break so we get in the car and go get a decaf latte. Then we come home,nurse and start getting ready for bed because they are so fussy. My husband was trying to get me to push their bedtime and I knew it was wrong... They were ready to do down sometimes even by 5pm. THe last two nights, I have been shooting for 5pm. Last night they were asleep by 5:20pm. It was a better night for baby B. He woke only 3 times.! Baby A was again up off and on most of the night and not soothing down easily.

2- I nurse on demand and it is usually about every two hours (lately around the clock but for a long time they would just wake 3 times in the night with some long stretches of 4-5+) hours. Sometimes only one hour and sometimes 3 in between but never longer. They nurse for about 10 minutes. At night, before bed, they might nurse for 30 minutes until they are alseep. Both feeding and soothing- obviously.

3- I have tried offering them naps about 1.5-2hours after being awake. It was sometimes successful and sometimes not. I watch for their ques. I try to get them down for naps with bouncing them on a yoga ball, holding them, nursing, etc.. Whatever it takes. I do not always nurse them to sleep for naps but sometimes I do. When the naps are not successful they may for for a few more more hours without sleep.

4- I nurse them down to sleep at the same time for the night. They both seem to get fussy at the same time at the end of the day. They barely make it through changing them into PJS. They want to nurse..... If I nurse them before we get ready for bed, they get really fussy on the breast later when I try to nurse them down to sleep because then the letdown does not happen fast enough for them. This is really difficult then this happens. So, I try to hold off nursing until after I change them so that I can soothe them and nurse them to sleep. I guess, perhaps, I need to start the bedtime routine even earlier. This part of the day has also changed recenty and become hard to figure out. It is a bummer because for the longest time they were like clockwork. I would change and get ready for bed, listen to music and sing, etc... Then they would nurse and go to sleep at the exact same time everynight. I could even lay them down in their cribs still slightly awake. This is no longer the case, they need to be totally asleep before we lay them down or they get really fussy.

 

QUOTE(HRE @ Dec 15 2008, 03:43 AM) [snapback]1110788[/snapback]
However, I do have one thing to think about. All of my children also had some severe allergies to what I was eating. It made them so unhappy, want to eat ALL THE TIME (their tummies felt better full than digesting what they ate), not sleep at all, etc. I did the allergy testing thing and found out they were allergic to dairy, wheat, eggs, soy, various other things. Once I cut all that out, they were much easier to please (and I think that's why my ds...child #3) could CIO so easily. It made a huge difference for them...so that's something to think about.

I apologize for going so off topic here...but what type of allergy testing did you do? My twins definitely have some food allergies (rash all over their bodies, behavior changes, etc...) but came up negative for many of the food groups on the scratch test. I'm thinking about revisting some homeopathic type testing, but not sure about the reliability. I also feel the baby is sensitive to the foods I eat (i.e. nuts, dairy) and am concerned.


RE: OP.... I agree with doing what works for you and your family. DD1 and dd2 both cried a ton and dd2 still continues to cry quite a bit for her age (almost 5 months). If you read my old posts, I described similar situations as the ones you are experiencing. My dd1 would nurse hours at night. She also nursed all day long- was basically attached to my breast. I tried so hard to follow her cues because I figured she knew what she needed. If she felt like nursing, I nursed. I always repeated to myself, "this too shall pass" It helped me a lot during tough moments.

 

I believe Attachment Parenting-type practices ruined my oldest son's sleep habits. He's almost 8 and still has NEVER slept through the night unless he was sick. (He comes in our room every night at some point during the night. It just did not work for us.)

While some AP stuff makes sense to me, some of it does not. I never fully subscribe to any so-called parenting method anymore because you've got to do what works for you. I do breastfeed my guys to soothe them even if it means they are always attached to the breast. But it works for us. If it's not working for you, DO NOT feel badly about trying something different! I did reach a point where I felt like I was a human pacifier, and I started setting time limits on the babies. At first it was 20 minutes at breast, and then baby was latched off. It wasn't cruelty, it was helping my baby develop good habits. But if he seemed like he wanted more in an hour or two, I'd give it to him. . . but once again, it would be 20 minutes limit.

I'd say that our hardest times have been between 2 and 5 months old.

 

Bump up for mom practicing attachment parenting who is having a hard time.