I have to stop!

I know I should never do this, but how can you help it when there are two babies exactly the same age right in front of you all the time?! For some reason, I have all of a sudden been having anxiety attacks about DS's development. He has always been behind DD in motor skills (she has been combat crawling like crazy for a month, and he just figured this out last week), but now I am concerned about his social skills, too. I know my babies have two different personalities -- DD is constantly vocalizing, craves eye contact and interaction, and has recently begun to whine and cry when I leave her sight (the beginnings of separation anxiety, I assume). She is a little performer! DS is almost always happy and can entertain himself with his toys for quite a while. He does smile and laugh during games and tickling, and at times will sustain eye contact longer, but a lot of times he prefers to look at other things over my shoulder or look my mouth when talking rather than at my eyes. He babbles a lot, too, just not as much as DD. He is not as upset when I leave the room, and doesn't usually turn when I call his name (DD does after 1-2 tries).

UGH --- this is driving me crazy! I work with children with autism every day in my job -- I am never exposed to typically developing kids, so I know my viewpoint is kind of warped. I know it's too early to know anything...... Is DS just a bit delayed or is DD advanced? Are they both completely normal and I am just crazy? I just want to enjoy my beautiful babies without worrying that something is inevitably going to go wrong......

 

I thnk all the hype about autism (for good reason) makes us all worried maybe in part because we all know how unlikely twins are and we all hit that statistic! I always remind myself that there is a big range of when babies do things but I always compare. I have been keeping a journal for both of them and I find myself writing "not like your brother or just like your sister" all too often! Human nature to compare right! I compare ours to other babies of the same age too which is even more crazy, I just can't help myself.

 

It is very hard not to compare when you have twins. Girls in general develop sooner then boys. My ds has been a week or 2 behind dd in most things. Right now they are on the same track though. Except with teeth, ds has 2 bottom , 3 on top. And dd has 2 bottom and 1 on top. Remember each baby is an individual even though they were born at the same time.

 

I rarely compare the two but I think it helps that I have an older ds and I figured out early on that neither N or M are like him. I believe that experience helps me to remember that they are individuals and their personalities reinforce that every day. But don't feel bad about it. As pp have said human nature being what it is, it's so easy to compare 2 similar things.

 

I have no advice but DS sounds just like yours (doesn't make nearly as much eye contact, is WAY more independant etc...) and I too worry about autism and other issues but try to remind myself that they are two TOTALLY different babies who just happen to be born at the same time and not to worry-

HUGS im right there w/you

ps mine are also 8 months so maybe it's just a phase

 

O crawled months before Lu did. But Lu walked first. Lu got her teeth at 5 months, O not until 8 months. O talked at 25 months, Lu not until 27 months (late talkers run in my family). Lu is overall more athletic and a much better runner, but O is a more agile climber and always has been. Lu is naturally orderly, O is a slob. O is an extravert, Lu is an introvert.

My boys, who were singletons, are similarly different from each other, and each boy has things in common with each girl. (A & Lu are introverts; A&O got their teeth late. R&O are extraverts; R&Lu walked early, before 10 months.)

I'm just giving you all these examples because my mom was just sure Lu would be autistic, but she's not. She just did things in her own time in her own way. :hug99: Your babies sound perfect, both of them.

 

The most important thing I learned after we had our first baby is that every child is different. I read it all the time when I was pregnant, but constantly found myself comparing him to my friend's kids. He crawled early, talked early (and coherently), and walked late. Our 20 month old doesn't talk (he knows HOW, just won't), but he was walking at 10 months.

And the twins couldn't be more different from their brothers OR each other! Reese is content to sit and play with toys and has no desire to crawl. Riley is all over the place. Reese is always laughing and squealing and just generally happy. Riley is more serious and very whiny when things don't go as quickly as he'd like.

At this age (eight months), there's SO much happening developmentally. They'll learn at their own pace and catch up to each other eventually. In the meantime, there's nothing wrong with comparing them or wondering, as long as you don't obsess over it. It's completely natural and we all do it.

 

I didn't get to read the other responses, but want to comment. It's so easy to worry, especailly when your field is working with children with delays. You know too much! I do this, too! I remember hearing about a "syndrome" that nursing students often get. They actually start feeling sick all of the time and convince themselves that they have every disease known to man. It's only in their mind.

Try to think of all of the things that your DS DOES do instead of what he's not doing yet. Also, think about waht you DO know (that all children develop at different rates and that the age range for "milestones" varies greatly). The other thinkg ou can do is set aside 10 minutes 1-2 times a day just for him. This special time together might help you to see more of his personality and make it easier for you not to compare.


Lastly, don't worry about comparing them. It's NORMAL!!!!

 

If you're crazy I am too!! (And my girls will be 8mo next week so it might be the age!)
Maia is so stubborn, impatient and energetic and I always think she is going to do something first but my super laid-back Sofie has been first with most stuff.

But Sofie always talked when she was a newborn and never a peep from Maia but now she babbles up a storm, she does mamama, nanana, bababa and dadada sounds but Sofie only says bababa and its less frequent.

Its so hard not to compare and not to worry! I'm sure they are all just learning at their own pace.