i have hit rock bottom

okay lasies so i dont know if u remember about my last post about me and dh spliting up. if so than the situation only gets worse.... it has been that i would stay at a friends house until 530 am than come to the house and keep the boys all day while dh went to work. but i cannot take the boys with me.so i had them for 12 hrs threw the day than left at night time. well now....... dh deciede to go behind my back and he got another job in a nother state making alot more money.So 2 today we had a tlk about what was going to happen concerding the facts and he said... he is moving to pa. and i asked what about the kids????? basically what it boils down to is that i have knowhere for us to go i have called shelters but believe it or not they have a waiting list. so whats gonna happen is dh is gonna take the boys with him to another state until i can find a job and a place for them to live....he did this on pourpose b/c he has been saying give him coustdy and i say no but... now he will just have them even without coustdy.....Girls this is a very messed up situation i was already a wreck when i didnt get to stay with them at night time but now......... i wont ever get to see them... ****** these are my children and he is taking them from me. ladies i feel like i have no reason to go on. without my children im nothing... i have been so depressed and stressed lately i dont know how much longer i can hold up.........im sorry to make this so long but im at a loss and i have knowbody elese to talk to about my problems. i really think that when dh comes back 2 day im gonna go check myself into somewhere i need help!!!!! i need my children and im losing them!!!!!!!!

 

I don't know what I would do but I would not let my husband take the children away. They would stay with me. What about the children's aid society (That's what we cal it in Canada anyways) Could they find a foster parent to watch them until you get a place. At least they would be in the same city!! Who says he will give them back when you do find a job? Who will pay for the transportation for them to come back?

 

I am so sorry this is happening to you!! I would NEVER let DH take my children away from me!! Do you have family or friends that you can get help from? You need to contact an attorney and get a temp placement order or something. The courts usually favor the mother...get someone involved and don't let you children leave the state!!


I hope you find someone that can answer your questions and get you some help. :hug99:

 

i am scared to call a place like that b/c alot of times they will say u are unfit if u cant take care of them now than why shoul,d they give them back either????he has no choice but to give them back we are not going infront of a judge so i will still have coustdy!well im in ohio and he is moving to pa, the city he is moving too from where i am will only be about a 2hr drive so i will drive it to get them.its easier said them done. if i dont have ne where to go than i cannot take them.i thoguht about it longgggg and hard and came up with that they will be better off and stable with him until i get on my feet. if i keep them here with me than im gonna have to stress everyday to wonder where they are going to sleep that night and what they will eat!!!!

 

Legally, he cannot leave the state with them without your permission. Call a lawyer or a legal aid for a consult.

 

I am so sorry this is happening. I can't imagine my kids being away from me. I hope you get things sorted out and they are able to stay with you. :hug99: :hug99: :hug99:

 

QUOTE(kajulie @ May 15 2007, 04:45 PM) [snapback]255953[/snapback]
Legally, he cannot leave the state with them without your permission. Call a lawyer or a legal aid for a consult.



I COMPLETELY agree...You NEED to call a lawyer. Do NOT give up.

 

Right. He can't leave the state without your permission.

AND shouldn't he be paying you support?? Enough to possibly get an apartment -- even a very small one?

You need legal help!

What you don't need is to get down on yourself! Try to pick yourself and do what you need to do. Consider calling the Legal Aid Society http://www.lasclev.org/ -- they will NOT tell you you are unfit. If they can't help you they might at least be able to point you in the right direction.

 

Do NOT give up!!! That what he wants. You NEED to contact a lawyer, there are lawyers that will take your case for free (pro bono). You don't have to worry about the courts taking away your boys, they tend to favor the mother in these cases AND they will almost always suggest visitation even if one parent doesn't have their own home.

:hug99:

 

If it were me I would pack the kids up while he is at work and just leave with them - even if it means staying in your car with them or something. You could make it "fun" for the kids - like camping or something. Maybe you could find a church or something to help you out.

Like PP said - he can't leave the state. Go to a lawyer with the kids with you. I am so sorry about your situation. My mom hit that with us - we lived in a campground for a summer until things got figured out.

Angel

 

Totally what Marie said. There is legal aid, call them. I know you said earlier that you were already on assistance. Call your social worker. Here in NC we have emergency housing. I am sure they have something similar in OH. There is NO way I would let my dh take my kids and leave. :hug99: & special hugs to your babies :hug99: :hug99: :hug99:

 

QUOTE(kajulie @ May 15 2007, 12:45 PM) [snapback]255953[/snapback]
Legally, he cannot leave the state with them without your permission. Call a lawyer or a legal aid for a consult.

I totally agree with this. You need to get help now to keep your children. :hug99:

 

Call a Lawyer NOW! Do NOT let him do this! I know that you are a complete wreck right now, but this is the time when you really have to stand up and FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!!! I KNOW you can do this!!!!!!

 

ems, sorry that this is happeneing to you. I wish that i coudl offer you a place to stay but we have no room here. I would suggest calling maybe the red cross? I know they helped out a family around here earlier this week. They provided them with shelter. I remember that you said that he was already paying you child support and i have read in the Repository of a few places in Canton that are one bedroom efficiency apt. for pretty cheap. I know it would be tight but it would be a place for you and the boys to stay. Dont let him take the boys from you - like the pp said, fight him and get a lawyer if that is what you need to do. good Luck with all of this and let me know if you need anything!

Amanda

 

QUOTE
If it were me I would pack the kids up while he is at work and just leave with them
Sorry but how does this help anything? Basically she would be doing what he is trying to do but yet we are saying it is wrong of him?


QUOTE
he has no choice but to give them back we are not going infront of a judge so i will still have coustdy
Do you already have a custody agreement or are you referring to both of you being the parents and therefore both having equal rights?

I know you probably don't want to read this but if he can provide for them with this new job, maybe it would be best for him to do so until you can get your feet on the ground. Honestly, from your posts I think you do need some time to take care of yourself, get some help for yourself so you can be the mom we know you can be. It doesn't seem like you are at that point right now and that may not be the best situation for the children.

Ralphy was actually the one to move a state away, we have joint legal custody while I have physical custody. We have been able to work it out amicably for the sake of the children. I have physical custody because at this moment in time I can provide a better home for them, will that always be the case? Who knows! I may have to face them asking to live with him as they get older and that will just be something I will hurdle when/if the time comes but the decision will always be based on what is best for the children and what environment they will thrive in at the time.

 

I generally don't post but I also have to agree with Dianne - just because he is taking them now because he has a better job and a place to stay doesn't mean that you won't ever have them again! You sound like you need some help for yourself - I understand your children are your life - I think we all feel this way but honey you sound like you need some counseling and get yourself to a place where you can get your kids back and give them the life and mom that they deserve - hugs and good luck!

 

QUOTE(kajulie @ May 15 2007, 12:45 PM) [snapback]255953[/snapback]
Legally, he cannot leave the state with them without your permission. Call a lawyer or a legal aid for a consult.


I completely agree, get a lawyer. Don't let him take your children, he has no right.

:hug99: I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'll pray tht the Lord gives you favor and strengh.

 

If you are unemployed, contact the local bar association. They can give you free to low cost legal help. That being said, do NOT give him permission to leave the state with the kids. That will open up a whole can of worms in trying to get them back to their home state.

 

I agree with Diannes thoughts.

:hug99:

 

QUOTE(seamusnicholas @ May 16 2007, 02:03 AM) [snapback]256694[/snapback]
I agree with Diannes thoughts.

:hug99:


Ditto, I think Dianne made some really good points. I know this has to be very hard for you but I think you and your husband need to decide what would be best for the children.

 

I just want to add, that I do think you need to figure out whats best for the kids, but I still don't think you should let him leave the state. Theres no reason why he can't either commute to the new job, or not go to the other job at all. You can work together, get yourself help, and do whats best for the kids, while not letting him leave the state.

 

I'm sure someone already suggested this, but call a church...they will know of resources to help you...also, a crisis pregnancy center. I know you're not pregnant, but they will know of resources to help you...believe me, they know of places that can assist you. HUGS, and I'm keeping you all in my prayers. :hug99:

 

QUOTE(kajulie @ May 15 2007, 10:45 AM) [snapback]255953[/snapback]
Legally, he cannot leave the state with them without your permission. Call a lawyer or a legal aid for a consult.

I am curious what this assertion is based upon.

If I recall my Family Law class correctly--and I'm pretty sure that I do--he most certainly DOES have the right to leave the state with them. EACH parent has 100% right to parent the children in the manner in which he or she sees fit and in their best interest, including moving to another state, in the absence of a Court Order directing otherwise.

I know that it may be preferable to hear the opposite, but unless an attorney licensed to practice in your jurisdiction tells you that, I would NOT make that assumption.

 

if he leaves the state you then have 2 seperate state laws to consider. if you allow him to take those children out of state and they live there for 6 months with him, they become legal residents of PA & you deal with pa laws. At this point you both have equal rights - you can do whatever you want with them and so can he. you need a lawyer, you need one NOW. no verbal agreement between you & your dh will stand up in court "well he said i could have them back, etc" that WONT hold water.

has there EVER in your marriage been domestic violence? if so, you can use that to get emergency shelter for you and your boys, free legal assistance, etc. i know because my sister went through this.

WHERE is your family? Why wont your friend let your babies stay with you? What is your financial situation? Do you have any income? If the boys live in his residence he does not have to pay cs.

go to www.hud.gov select your state and look at the subsidized apartments. its NOT the same as section 8. but it is based on income, meaning if you have none, you rent is free.

 

QUOTE(~rosie~ @ May 16 2007, 08:43 AM) [snapback]257075[/snapback]
If I recall my Family Law class correctly--and I'm pretty sure that I do--he most certainly DOES have the right to leave the state with them. EACH parent has 100% right to parent the children in the manner in which he or she sees fit and in their best interest, including moving to another state, in the absence of a Court Order directing otherwise.



bingo, this is correct! that is why a lawyer is urgent in this situation. any lawyer will do a free consult, some on the phone. CALL A LAWYER

 

QUOTE(Erykah @ May 15 2007, 07:44 PM) [snapback]256509[/snapback]
If you are unemployed, contact the local bar association. They can give you free to low cost legal help. That being said, do NOT give him permission to leave the state with the kids. That will open up a whole can of worms in trying to get them back to their home state.


I agree with Erykah. Leaving the state with your kids will really make matters worse for you in a custody battle in the future. I really feel your only option is to get a lawyer right away and pursue a way for you and your children to be together (as well as the means for a place to live). I believe it will be a tough road but you will be able to do with WITH THE HELP OF A LAWYER! You cannot be afraid that they will say you are unfit -- I think your DH is counting on you feeling that way so he can pull the rug out from under you. I am thinking back to the way he has been treating you and all his verbal abuse -- it makes me think he is planning on taking the kids permanently if he can. Can you not stay with your mom while a lawyer works out the details for you with the court? I would talk to her and tell that you are going to lose your kids. I can't imagine she would want you to lose them.

I hope it gets better. If you need anything, please feel to pm me. :hug99:

 

QUOTE(~rosie~ @ May 16 2007, 01:43 PM) [snapback]257075[/snapback]
I am curious what this assertion is based upon.

If I recall my Family Law class correctly--and I'm pretty sure that I do--he most certainly DOES have the right to leave the state with them. EACH parent has 100% right to parent the children in the manner in which he or she sees fit and in their best interest, including moving to another state, in the absence of a Court Order directing otherwise.

I know that it may be preferable to hear the opposite, but unless an attorney licensed to practice in your jurisdiction tells you that, I would NOT make that assumption.


I live in the state of NY, and at least here, one parent cannot move to another state with the children, without the other parents permission. It's actually even stricter than that, as in, a mileage limitation. I know that in MANY states, this is the case. Perhaps not all, which is why contacting legal aid or a lawyer is so important.

 

I agree, Family Law is based on state by state decisions. When my mother moved from CA to MA when I was a child, even though she had full custody of my sister and me, she still had to get a court order allowing her to leave the state or my father's permission.

 

first thank all of u for being here for me.... this is the situation..... i contacted whom i needed to speak to and.... he has every right to take the boys where he wants too wethere it be down the street or out of state.also they said it doesnt help concerding he also pays support. i asked hundredes of ?;s and came to the conclusion that this will be best for the boys. dh is more stable finincally for the boys. yes as hard as it is i HAVE to do it. I CANNOT let my boys sleep in a car and wonder how they are going to eat. my mom will be here soon so i can go job hunting. also dh and i spoke about some things this morning and hopefully things go as we talked about. he told me to call lawywr and child support back and ask them if we can go infront of a judge and state that he is taking the boys unitl i am finincally stable and have a place to stay than..... when that is reached than he MUST return the boys.I really dont think he is doing this out of spite after our conv this morning i think he is looking out for the best intrest of the boys, so he said i can drive the 2 hrs or so and seem them WHENEVER i want too during the weekened when im not working.so hopefully there is something we can do legally infront of the judge....

 

QUOTE(Gabe Evie Allison & Elouise @ May 15 2007, 06:27 PM) [snapback]256096[/snapback]
If it were me I would pack the kids up while he is at work and just leave with them - even if it means staying in your car with them or something. You could make it "fun" for the kids - like camping or something. Maybe you could find a church or something to help you out.



Angel


be careful how you approach this, if you up and leave with the kids he could also come back at you saying you kidnapped them... sad but true.
I hope you are able to work this out, have you tried the salvation army or local YWCA?

 

ems,
I am glad to know that you have contacted legal aid and support, etc... and that you are ok w/ the situation. Notice that I didn't say Happy. I think you are on the right track, getting a job and wanting what is best for your boys. Good luck w/ everything and please keep us updated. :hug99:

 

A question that may have already been asked but if he is moving to Pa., who is going to be taking care of the babies while he is at this new job? does he have family there? or will he have to put them in daycare? Whatever happens, I would make sure you get everything in writing thru a lawyer stating that this is a TEMPORARY situation and signed by both of you. I hope it works out for you. It sounds like an awful situation to be going through

 

:hug99:
just try to be strong for your kids
vent here anytime - we are all listening

Heather

 

I am glad to hear that you had a conversation and have worked something out for the best of the children. I hope things go as you have planned. Take care of yourself, get the help you need and your feet will be firmly planted and secure in no time. While you may not see the children each day you can certainly live for them and make yourself the best you can possibly be for when you are together again!

 

a little update!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! okay so my ;last post said that dh was taking the boys until i got on my feet but gues what?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i went today to another city down the road about 15mins which is alot nicer than the city i lived in to a income based apartment complex to chek it out and...... i spoke with some of the mothers that live there and they said it is a great community espically for being income based.... so i am now on the waiting list. the down said is a 3 br will take a year to get into to so i am going to get a 2 br for now and have all 3 boys share a room until a 3 br opens. the waiting list is 3 mths but i gave the lady my whole story of what is going on and she said she will try and work some magic for me to get me in sooner . i have a job interview monday making decent money also so things are turning around for me!!! thank all of you for your support!