I have help now, but what to do when I'm on my own?

I was just wondering how do or did you do it on your own?

My parents have been helping me with the twins for two weeks now. They will be leaving in a months time to go all the way back to South Africa. My mom helps me with the day shift with feeding & caring for them, and at night it's dh turn to help out.
My twins eat every 2 1/2 hrs to 3 1/2 hrs. That's just feeding & excludes the burping & calming them down if they are fussy. I have found the early morning feedings a nightmare most days. Maybe it's because I'm tired or because the babies just don't like the quiet. More likely a combination of both.

I must be honest that I'm dreading the day my mom goes back home.
I'm hoping that by that time the twins will be sleeping longer during the night. I'm praying for that every day now!

I also have the problem that the twins don't like their crib & prefer their bouncies. And some times not even their bouncies. :huh:
Thankfully that's not a daily problem.

So, how do you manage a household & care for your twins on your own??

 

Well, first off, I'm sure you'll do fine because I've made it this far. Second, I know they are not supposed to sleep in their bouncies, but mine did off and on until they outgrew the bouncies. The crib was just too big for them for a while. Then I learned how to swaddle them really tightly, and that helped with the sleeping in the crib thing for mine. Feeding was always an issue at first since they ate so little and so often. We just bought tons of bottles to help out. Sometime around 3 months, things started to get easier. They got on more of a schedule, and started sleeping and eating in more chunks of time. Hopefully that will happen before your Mom has to leave. But you can do it!

 

I did it by myself after four weeks of help (2 from dh and 2 from mom) and you can too!! I remember having mild panic attacks thinking about being alone with them once my mom left. I was so afraid!! It was hard but somehow I made it. I guess because I had to. For me, I let them sleep where ever they could for the first four months. We had bad reflux and colic issues and I have to say that I was out of the house going somewhere, anywhere, just to get them to take a nap in the car. If anyone offers you help, take it and also ask for it if you ever have the opportunity. I formula fed and would put them on their boppy pillows and use Botte Bundles. I would try to hold one or sometimes hold both of their bottles but more often than not propped them up and would have skin to skin contact while they were drinking (rubbing their cheeks, stroking/holding their hands, singing to them, etc.). IMO, the biggest thing is routine. Get one going and stick with it. Of course they will change it up for you every once in a while.

 

I had help for the first 2 weeks, consistenly. Then I just had help once a week. DH did help at night, we each had a baby different nights and we would care for that baby's needs. It made it so much easier. It was like caring for a singleton.

During the day, when I was by myself, the swings and bouncers were very handy! Mine napped in those for the first 7 months, and it didn't hurt a thing. They transitioned easily to beds... so don't believe all those stories you hear about horrendous transitioning... (although, I know some are true... and others aren't).

One thing I learned, was sometimes it makes you feel better to just sit and cry with them. Sometimes one will have to cry while you tend to the other, and it will not hurt them. A lot of times I had a 'he who screams loudest, gets taken care of first' routine.

 

oh wow, that took me right back to november when i was in the same position- DH going back to work, parents gong back across the country. i was TOTALLY FREAKED OUT about it, but it ended up working out fine. have you worked to get them at least on the same feeding schedule? that helps a lot. the "don't wake a sleeping baby" rule does NOT apply to twins. if one is waking to eat,the other one gets to as well! if nursing, i found tandem nursing saved a ton of time, though i don't think i started it until maybe 2 months just b/c it was so hard to get them latched and keep them awake, etc. i agree with pp to use the boppies to prop if doing bottles (this is what my sitter and DH would do if alone with them). they aren't going to start taking "normal" naps for at least a few months, so you will just have to be fluid with that. i honestly remember DH coming home one day and me telling him all i did was try to get babies to SLEEP all day! there will be frustrating days, but then there will be these great days where they just do everything as you want them to. and they are SO sweet when they sleep. don't worry for now about them sleeping in the bouncy/swing/carseat/you. they need that flexed, tight position to feel warm and secure. we swaddled as well. i think i've read that they don'treally have much memory until around 4 months, so as long as they are sleeping SOMEwhere, that is fine!
as for everything else- NOT a priority! if anyone offers to help, ask them to do a load of laundry, or make a meal, or sweep the floor. take 15 mins. for yourself when DH gets home- take a shower, a walk, sleep. whatever. just get away from babies for 15 mins. don't worry if the house isn't clean- it probably won't be for awhile, and that is ok (trust me, i know!!! )
i know it is daunting, but you WILL make it through. the first few months really are the toughest. and i think that is when i posted most of my questions. i've found lots of great advice here! good luck to you- you're gong to do fine!!!!

 

Thank you for the advice ladies! I'll sure use it when the time comes!
I guess it's one of those sink or swim moments of life, you either make it or you don't. And if you don't you fake it till you make it!

 

I know it has been a while since mine were newborns but I was alone from the time I got them both home. For night feedings I would sit indian style on my bed and prop one on each knee. Then I could hold the bottles. It worked really well for me. I never let mine co-sleep. I would change them and put them back in their cribs drowsy but awake.

During the day I fed them in their bouncy seats or in my arms. Let them sleep wherever they will for the first few months.

 

You can do it!
I was alone after 3 weeks (had DH help at night) and I was terrified but you just do what you have to do.
It takes some time but you get into the swing of things!

 

You will be able to do it.

I had my husband home for the first two weeks, then I had family members taking turns coming over. I was able to do the AMs by myself after a couple of weeks (although not without tears on some days). I often fed the babies in my bed and then would prop them in the boppy pillows and we would rest together. My sisters or sils came over by lunch time and stayed for a couple of hours. Some days it can be overwhelming. I, too, had some troubles with them sleeping in their crib at times and would try anything....bouncy seats, car seats, etc. You basically have to do whatever works for you.

I understand you not wanting your mom to go, heck, I wish she could stay here all the time and she's only 3 miles away from me . You will do fine and we will help you through it!!

 

It can be done. It is great that you have help for a month already. Hopefully by the time your parents leave the babies will be on a consistent schedule.

My mom stayed with me and DH for the 1st week the girls were home. At that time they were eating every 3 hours during the day and we would let them go for 4 hours at night. My mom helped throughout the day and I got to sleep through the night feedings while she was here. When it was time for her to go back home I was alone with the girls. They were still on a 3 to 4 hour feeding schedule. I did the feeds all through the day till DH came home. Dh would then help out with the 7/8pm and the last feeding of they day. I always woke them no matter what for a feeding between 11/12 at night. I always took the 2/3am feedings and then I would wake DH for the 6am feeding. If I had to I would keep one of the girls quiet till he could feed her and then we all went back to sleep while DH got ready and left for work. Also for the first 2months my girls shared the bassenet of the pack and play and were in the livingroom. They got very used to sleeping with the TV on and lots of stuff going on. They transitioned to sharing a crib around 3months or so and then by 4/5 months they were in separate cribs.

The only other time I had help after my mom went home was when she visited once a week for lunch. It was nice that she worked about 10 minutes from me. But other than that I was on my own with the girls very early.

None of us wants to see our family leave and lose the help that we have but it can be done. I am sure you will adjust to it very well.

 

I had help with my twins till they were 4 weeks old, then after that, I "only" had the twins and my mom would take my oldest and they would do things together from 9:30-2:00. I didn't get a break at night 'cause I was nursing. My mom stopped helping with my oldest around the 4 month mark.

From my perspective, the biggest key to not losing your mind is to learn to not be upset by all of the crying. Your babies may be screaming their heads off 'cause they're hungry, but you know you're getting your bf pillow on (if nursing) or getting the bottles out of the fridge (if formula feeding), so there's no need for you to be upset. Babies just don't understand that you're in the process of resolving their problem, so they continue crying. Crying will not harm them in any way, and it's natural that twins will have to learn to wait from an early age (you can only change one poopy diaper at a time!). If you are always engaged in taking care of their needs, you have no reason to feel guilty about their unhappiness (but, of course, if you suspect they have a medical issue, you'll want to take them to their ped.).

 

Pray, pray, pray...that's how I got through it!
You will be fine! I remember feeling that way after my mom and MIL left after living with us for six weeks. They had the night shift, so I got really spoiled. I cried when they did leave, especially my mom. But "something" kicks in, Denise, and you just do it. You will be tired and overwhelmed at times, but it works out in the end. Heck, I made it to almost 14 months! I would say that if the bouncy works, then let them sleep there! Angie napped in her bouncy until five months old...Anthony napped in the swing until 5 months old. Once they get a bit older, they will start falling into a schedule and things will get alot better. For feedings, I did one at a time. It took longer, sure, but I, personally, couldn't do them both at once. One was a guzzler and the other a mover/refluxer...for me it was impossible to do it. I also made sure that housework/dinner was NOT a priority. If I had a minute fine, if not, not. DH was on board with this, so it was okay. Some days were hectic and nothing got done.. but the babes were fed and clean. Just remember that if things get to be to much, step outside (leaving babies in a safe place) and take a breather...even a few minutes works wonders. Sorry for the rambling! :huh:

 

I know exactly what you are talking about!!! My husband is returning to work tomorrow - he has been primarily off for a month!!!! and now reality has to set in. He will be working night shift five days in a row. I am hoping the apprehension is much worse than the reality. My older two girls I always took care of on my own since I breast fed them until 3 months. However,with the twins, I have been bottle feeding so we could work as a team and each get some rest.

I will let you know how it goes.

I know we CAN do this!!!! Vicki

 

You can do it, I promise! Only do what you absolutely have to around the house....you'll get the hang of it. I had help for about 10 days after the boys were born. Towards the end of the help, I tried to start doing more of it on my own and just yell out for some help when I really needed it. For me, it helped me ease into taking over completely. Those first few days/weeks might seem so long, but once you get going and get past that stage you'll be amazed at how effiecient you become!!! Good luck! Remember just do whatever you gotta do to make it work...don't worry about what the books or whatever say...if they sleep in their swings for a few weeks/months, just let them do it and keep your sanity!

 

My mom was here for the first 10 days, but I've been on my own since then except for a few other short-term visitors.

The girls are now on a 4 hour feeding schedule and I do feed them at the same time. I hold my refluxy one because she needs burped more and put the other in the boppy and either hold her bottle with the other hand or prop it. I formula feed and just make the bottles right before its time to eat. I have enough bottles so I only have to wash them once a day. DH helps with the feedings in the evenings after work.

They are more awake during the day now and I just rotate them around their swings, bouncies and play mat. They nap in those during the day, but co-sleep in their crib at night. I do the night feedings during the week so DH can sleep and he does the weekends. I nap during the day as I can. I like putting the girls in their boppys on the bed next to me so I can stick in a binky if necessary and we all nap together.

I've stopped stressing out about the house...I just try to have a goal to complete one or two things a day. Today I dusted the living room and did laundry. Tomorrow I'll scrub the floor and fold and put away the laundry I did today. And I don't clean on the weekends.

Yes, sure there is crying...especially when I'm making their bottles. But there is two of them and one of me so someone is always going to have to wait....and that isn't going to change.

Too many twin moms say that these first few months go by in a blur. I don't want that to happen to me...I LOVE this time with them - sleepness nights and all. So I leave the dishes in the sink and concentrate on having fun with them instead.

You'll do just fine. You don't have to be perfect...you just have to be Mom.

 

You just do it. Whenever someone asks me 'how do you do it?', that's my response. Somehow, you just do it and get through it. My husband works 90+ hours per week, works through the night and had to go back to work the day after the twins were born. It's rough, my mom did come over during the night alot when they were newborn because I had some issues with BP and anemia but she had to work during the day so it was just me. There were times when I didn't know if I could get through the next day but I did and I'm sure you will too. I think most will agree, that if you get into a routine or a 'groove', it will get better. Life started to feel 'normal' again for us at about 3 months ~ busy, but normal. :FIFblush:

 

You sound like me back in June : )

You'll be FINE. I had help for about a month and then my mom left and I was to be all alone for 2 weeks til the nanny started. Anyway, I was freaking out at the thought of being alone for 2 weeks. but then when it happened, I had a strange sense of calm, some adrenaline, and a feeling like - wow, now I can figure this out for myself. When I had no one else to rely on, I had the chance to figure things out for myself . . . how to do things, what i liked, how I liked it done, etc. I ended up in a routine in just a few days time, as I'm sure you will.

One thing though - I was able to do it alone, but really relied on DH to relieve me for an hour or two every night so I could have some "me" time. This was essential to my mental health. I don't know all the details of your situation but if there's anyway you could get a little time to yourself every day, that would help you recharge and help you be more able to tackle the next day.