I have a biter!

Help me! I have 14 month old twin boys. They are so much fun right now, but one of my boys has decided to be a biter! He has bit me about 5 times, bites his brother pretty often, and bit my husband tonight. What do we do? I've been told to bite him back, but for some reason that just seems wrong to me. I've grabbed him and squeezed his cheeks (just enough to get his attention) but he laughs at me. I've told him "no" a thousand times and he laughs at me.

I just don't know what to do. How do you teach your kids discipline at this age?

Thank you!!

Jamie

 

I have a 12 month old biter who actually left major bite marks on his twin brother's arm today. I felt horrible. I was on the phone with my DP and all of a sudden Jackson was crying hysterically. Jacob had bitten him for about the 5th time TODAY (this was the only one that left a mark). I use time outs (for 10 seconds) and he knows it's a form of discipline... but I don't think it works very well at curtailing the problem. It does redirect him and force him to "start fresh" focusing on something other than whose flesh to attempt to chew on next! I just wish he would stop biting. Ugh!!

 

Biting is developmentally normal at that age. They can't really talk, so they use biting to communicate. Also, they are way too young to understand cause/effect, so discipline has no effect. The only thing you can really do at that age is be super vigilant, and try to catch them before they bite, and then praise them. For Jon, we taught him "no bite, kiss", so he would give a kiss instead of biting. It gave him an acceptable alternative. You will see that when teeth come through, and as speech improves, biting will decrease.

 

If it's any consolation, that period of time while traumatic for us didn't last that long for our grandsons. They are now 15 months old and there is still the occasional backslide and one will attempt to bite, but it's very rare and usually a situation that has been provoked (toy taking, hair pulling, etc.). We didn't have one biter - we had two and they cut teeth early and had a mouthful so when they took a chunk out they left some major damage. Now I was raised old school and in my day they would have told you to bite back and it would break it, but even though that's how we were raised where my grandsons came into play I couldn't understand how biting back would put into their mind that they weren't supposed to do it themselves. My girls were never biters so I had no personal experience prior to the boys. When I took the boys for shots one day I asked their pediatrician if there were any tried and true methods and even posted on here for suggestions. I had to change one particular habit I had. When I fed the boys I would ask them if they wanted a bite - bad analogy in their mind - bite was bite however you put it. Now I ask them if they want more. I had to do that because I chose the stern phrase "NO BITE" for my intervention. The pedi told me to keep a close eye on them and when I saw that a bite was going to happen to very sternly and loudly use my phrase and move them away and then even though they were young to explain no bite - biting was a bad thing to do and not that they were bad boys. If you can stop the bite before it happens or even set the child aside and be stern with the direction immediately after - they begin to associate that it's wrong. The pedi said if the bite did occur to speak sternly to the one - move him aside and then lavish attention for a short period on the injured party - showing compassion to the one that was biten. All in all, it pretty much worked with us. Catching before the act was the biggest secret. Even with teething and as many teeth as they have now, I could and can put my finger in their mouth to check for anything they may have picked up and if they begin to clamp down, I can say "No Bite" and they will immediately let up. It seemed to me to be just like anything else you would tell them no about - you had to be firm and consistent and observant. Once they learn it's a no no they'll stop. And speaking of no no I'm going to add an extra note here that the pedi has us trying in regards to learning boundaries. He said to reserve No No for the really important things or things that present a danger. He said not to overuse the word No No because they become desensitized and it's no big deal. He said even as young as they are - when the stand on the sofa - don't say No No - explain to them what you want - it helps with their understanding, i.e. "Do not stand on the sofa", or "sit on the sofa". Explain to them what you want them to do and reserve the stern NO NO for when they are about to stick a finger in the plug, touch a hot object - something that presents an immediate danger - that way NO NO brings about an immediate response or cessation - I know that is off subject - but I thought it was interesting and we have begun to incorporate it and at 15 months old I have been amazed that when I tell the boys to sit w hile on the sofa they immediately go flat on their little "pancakes".

 

QUOTE(aandax246 @ Jun 11 2008, 11:30 AM) [snapback]820907[/snapback]
If it's any consolation, that period of time while traumatic for us didn't last that long for our grandsons. They are now 15 months old and there is still the occasional backslide and one will attempt to bite, but it's very rare and usually a situation that has been provoked (toy taking, hair pulling, etc.). We didn't have one biter - we had two and they cut teeth early and had a mouthful so when they took a chunk out they left some major damage. Now I was raised old school and in my day they would have told you to bite back and it would break it, but even though that's how we were raised where my grandsons came into play I couldn't understand how biting back would put into their mind that they weren't supposed to do it themselves. My girls were never biters so I had no personal experience prior to the boys. When I took the boys for shots one day I asked their pediatrician if there were any tried and true methods and even posted on here for suggestions. I had to change one particular habit I had. When I fed the boys I would ask them if they wanted a bite - bad analogy in their mind - bite was bite however you put it. Now I ask them if they want more. I had to do that because I chose the stern phrase "NO BITE" for my intervention. The pedi told me to keep a close eye on them and when I saw that a bite was going to happen to very sternly and loudly use my phrase and move them away and then even though they were young to explain no bite - biting was a bad thing to do and not that they were bad boys. If you can stop the bite before it happens or even set the child aside and be stern with the direction immediately after - they begin to associate that it's wrong. The pedi said if the bite did occur to speak sternly to the one - move him aside and then lavish attention for a short period on the injured party - showing compassion to the one that was biten. All in all, it pretty much worked with us. Catching before the act was the biggest secret. Even with teething and as many teeth as they have now, I could and can put my finger in their mouth to check for anything they may have picked up and if they begin to clamp down, I can say "No Bite" and they will immediately let up. It seemed to me to be just like anything else you would tell them no about - you had to be firm and consistent and observant. Once they learn it's a no no they'll stop. And speaking of no no I'm going to add an extra note here that the pedi has us trying in regards to learning boundaries. He said to reserve No No for the really important things or things that present a danger. He said not to overuse the word No No because they become desensitized and it's no big deal. He said even as young as they are - when the stand on the sofa - don't say No No - explain to them what you want - it helps with their understanding, i.e. "Do not stand on the sofa", or "sit on the sofa". Explain to them what you want them to do and reserve the stern NO NO for when they are about to stick a finger in the plug, touch a hot object - something that presents an immediate danger - that way NO NO brings about an immediate response or cessation - I know that is off subject - but I thought it was interesting and we have begun to incorporate it and at 15 months old I have been amazed that when I tell the boys to sit w hile on the sofa they immediately go flat on their little "pancakes".


Wow! Thank you very much for all your advice. I like it and am going to start paying closer attention to both catching him before he bites and also, how often I tell them no. It just comes so natural to use "no" alot. Thank you again!