I get that high risk, is high risk

I want to go one week without having my mind pouring of worry or fear. And yeah I know I'm high risk and all, but there are so many ppl out there that can do what ever they want, there are even ppl that abuse their pregnancies, yet can carry to full term no problem.

I felt pretty good yesterday, after I have no idea of not feeling so good, so since all my poor animals had no more toys to play with I decided to make toys. I was sitting on the couch the whole time. My husband made dinner, we ate, and got ready to watch a movie. All of a sudden, I start to bleed again. I went to the bathroom, and I had passed a huge blood clot I know maybe tmi, but I mean it was huge. I bleed little bit more throughout the night, but nothing heavy anymore from when I first started. Now I am back to spotting, and I had no cramping, or any pain with it, and I know that is a good sign.

But I can't help but to be jealous sometimes, of the people that can go and have a normal pregnancy. I'm only a few days away from 12 weeks, and I know after I hit the 12 week mark, I'm still going to be on bedrest, and still terrified.

There is nothing that I can do to not feel this way is there. I just want to curl into a ball and never come out. I have been so depressed as it is because of being on bedrest, and it was strick bedrest, so I couldn't even have friends come and visit. Going from being so active, to nothing at all, has really play tricks on me, and my husband has even noticed I have been really depressed. I don't want to go back on anti-depressants, I want to stay as normal as possible, but I don't know if I can even do that anymore.

*sigh* thanks for letting me vent guys.

 

I just wanted to say I understand where you are coming from. Each week I seem to have a different health issue. It started with bleeding at 8 weeks that put me on bedrest, then OHSS that landed me in the ER with another week of bedrest. After that it has been yeast infections, urinary tract infection, threw my back out, needed an emergency root canal, two colds, and a sinus infection. It seems like as soon as one thing gets better the next issue begins. I am trying to laugh it off, but it is so hard.

My DH works at a local jail and he sees female inmates who are pregnant and have done drugs or drink. Or when I see stories on the news at night. It can really get to you when you are trying to do everything "right" and after the infertility stuggle we dealt with to get pregnant in the first place.

I just wanted to say you are not alone and as hard as it is try to keep an upbeat attitude.

 

Bedrest was the toughest experience of my life. I totally empathize with what you are going through. Please find as much support as you can. Have you contacted sidelines.org? It's a high risk support site that specializes in bedrest. I had a sidelines buddy throughout my twin pregnancy & now volunteer.
Hang in there.

 

I think we all get what you are saying. My first pregnancy was singleton and there was definitely less worry with it than my twin pregnancy. :hug99:

 

I'm sorry, I know how you feel to a certain extent. I went on bedrest at 27 weeks, and felt like the world was going on around me, without me. But, I knew I was doing the very best thing I could for my babies, and that is what kept me going. :hug99:

 

first of all CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

I also had bleeding at the stage you are at. I had a subchorionic hemmorage (sp?) it was a very scary time and I too had to take it easy for a while. My bleeding did stop around 15 or 16 weeks and I was able to resume a pretty normal life up until 30 weeks when bedrest struck again (baby A had low fluid level and was not growing as well as her sister). The one thing I will tell you is that as hard and slow as it seems right now, time really does fly by. Try to keep your mind occupied with other things, TS was a lifesaver for me, I think I answered every post even if all I could offer was a hug! I am sorry you are going through this right now but just remember what you are doing, you are growing 2 sweet little people that once they get here you will not believe the awesomeness they will bring to your life - A "normal" pregnancy without bleeding, bedrest is nice but to be pregnant with twins is AWESOME and something not all mothers get to experience. At your babies first birthday party, you will look back at these days and hug them a little harder.


:hug99: ,
Heather

 

:hug99:

 

Thank you everyone.

 

I'm so sorry honey! :hug99: I can only imagine how difficult it must be. You'll definitely be in our thoughts and I hope everything calms down so you can find a nice medium for the bedrest.

 

I worry about everything with this pregnancy. We have tried so long and hard to get pregnant that now that I am, I want to make it to the end. I think I would worry about you if you weren't worried about these things. Did you ask your dr about the clot and bleeding, this is one area I have so far not dealt with, hoping it stays that way. It is definitely harder being pregnant with twins than singles. I didn't experience the discomforts and worries with them that I do with the twins. As hard a bedrest must be, you will get past this and you will be so happy you went through it. Try to find fun things to keep yourself occupied, watch funny movies, read a good book, have a picnic with your DH in bed. Try a new hobby. Hang in there and know that we are thinking of you. :hug99:

 

As my mom would say, "keep a stiff upper lip." I'm not quite sure what that truly means, but if you are really bored and want to make faces in the mirror to attempt the upper-lip pose, I guess it could pass a few minutes. Today is my first day of bedrest and already I'm grateful for wireless internet and my laptop from work. I'm actually begging my assistants to call me with questions and to keep me posted so I don't feel so lonely. I understand how hard it is to go from being active to nothing. The two days after my IVF were really difficult--I felt fine, but knew I needed to be on bedrest to help make my little embryos stick. We just need to remember what is most important here...our babies.

 

oy... you sound like me. it just doesn't end and i'm freaking out that i won't make it to the end (i'm only 20 weeks so i've got a long way to go). good luck! hang in there.

 

I am praying for everyone on this site. I am sorry to those of you who are stressed, worried, or both. Hang in there, Lisa

 

I TOTALLY feel ya! I had the same bleeding as you did (and blood clot) and everything was fine. BUT, let me tell you-
I was feeling like you at home too, but now I am in the hospital on bed rest now. And it hurts so much being away
from my family. I miss my my daugher, my hubby, my dog, my bed and the list goes on. Before I got here,
I kept thinking.... "stop being so worried!" Now, I need to stay strong for these babies and keep them cooking.
I'm only 26 1/2 weeks. So basically I'm telling you to hang in there and take bed rest seriously at home. I did,
but I didn't think my cervix was going to get thin the way it has. It's the funneling. Hang in there and be cautious.
Some people have great twin pregnancies and they go full term no problem and that could be you too! I know how
you feel about the high risk- it's true though. We have to be more careful. Good-luck!

Tina

 

I know what you mean :hug99:
I was on hospital bedrest with DD1 for weeks. It was the most depressing and awful experience of my life. In large part, that's why DH and I waited SOOOO long to have another; we wanted to avoid trouble, make sure everything was ok, etc etc. Then bam! Twins! high risk yet again.

It's frustrating to feel so out of control, but whenever I feel that way I just think of a couple of my friends who've had infertility problems adn remember how much of a blessing pregnancy is, really.

Hang in there! :hug99: