I felt soooo bad...

I stopped by the grocery store to get a few things for dinner - and there was this poor mother that had probabl 9 month old twins (couldn't tell they were under blankets in the stroller) and a 2ish looking toddler. The exact opposite situation we're in (our twins are older and then the baby)
I made a comment as I passed, saying "you're braver than me, I leave my kids at home/daycare when I come grocery shopping" She just said, "I WISH I had someone I could leave them with" I went and got what I needed, but then I walked back over to her and started talking to her. Turns out she's a SAHM and her husband is deployed (we're military as well, I was at the base grocery store) and she really didn't have anybody to leave her kids with even so she could take a trip to the grocery store.

I told her about our local MOMs club and told her to get in touch with them, etc. I told her they had their playgroups and such and she'd probably be able to work something out with 1 or 2 other mothers as far as watching the kids for her while she did stuff...

I just wish I had gotten her name or given her my name/# at least. I felt like I really wanted to offer to babysit for her, but for some reason that thought did not occur to me until I was out in the car.

I guess one reason why I felt for her so much is becuase my DH will be in the same situation when I have to deploy next year. Except that we will be lucky enough to have my MIL staying with us (flaws and all,but she's at least WILLING to come) to help DH out. And, we will be in the position that we will be able to have a cleaning service come by to help out as well. Plus I will be taking a month off before I leave to do nothing but cook and freeze meals so all DH has to do is pop it in the microwave....

She got none of that. And she's a SAHM so she is eating,sleeping,living, breathing babies 24/7. While in some aspects I'm envious of her (always have held a grudge with DH for not letting me quit)I KNOW how hard it is to take care of 3 young children by yourself, and to do it 24/7 is more than exhausting. And then by yourself on top of it. I can't even begin to imagine...

I feel really bad that I didn't get her name or something so I could keep in touch with her while her DH is gone..

 

if you're on base with her is it a large or small base? would she be easy to find?

 

I thought about that - but it's complicated. I *could* probably find her through my resources, but it is a very large base with multiple branch's serving here. If her hubby is the same branch (Air Force) I could find her, but if he's anything else no, I wouldn't be able to find her without launching my own Army to do so...

I COULD, I know where to go and which resources to use (heck, I tracked down a Marine friend all the way around the world in Egypt several years ago through a series of phone calls) but that would require getting some pretty high-ranking indivduals involved, and well, if the tables were turned, I don't know that I'd want those people dwelling into my personal life (and they would, no doubt) so I think for that reason I might refrain.

Maybe I'll get lucky and run into her again on base, or maybe she'll actually look up the MOM's club and come to one of our meetings (but with 3 kids under 2, honestly, I still don't make half the meetings cuz I'm just beat tired)


But, also, becuase of that, I might try to get our club more involved on base - see about posting some flyers or something if I'm allowed. This poor woman had no idea about the MOM's club... And I wouldn't have either, if I hadn't been on bedrest for 4 months and happened to run across this website.. Point being there are a LOT of multiple mommies I see on base, and some, if not all, could use the support of the MOM's club, even if we started our own club on base (hey there's an idea...)

 

I hope you are able to find her. :hug: Maybe circumstances will happen that you will see her around base again soon.

 

:hug: Hopefully you'll be able to run into her again, and/or she'll take you up on looking into the MOMS club. I know I'm not looking forward to the spring when my DH deploys... Like you, I enjoy doing my bulk shopping alone, it's just soooo much easier. Thankfully I just have the two, but still-- I think you captured it when you said "And she's a SAHM so she is eating,sleeping,living, breathing babies 24/7" it's a hard job to do!!!! Keep an eye out for her--- it's sweet of you to want to help her!!!

 

You are very sweet to want to help her! Hopefully, you will be able to find her again. That has got to be hard that her DH is deployed. I can't even imagine.....

 

I think you are very nice to want to help her. My husband is also in the military. We started a twin moms group just on our base because we have so many twins here (and we are overseas, so there is no MOMS group). You helped her by alerting her to a resource she wasn't aware of. If you meet her again by chance, you can offer to help her yourself. If not, there are always babysitters, CDCs and girlfriends who can help her for an hour or so. I know it's hard and I only have my twins (can't imagine how hard you must be working!!!) but there are options, even for those who don't have a lot of money. I wouldn't feel guilty anymore and I would caution against trying to use higher ups to find her - you never know how people will feel about being tracked down and helped - I used to assume that all twin moms would want to talk about common experiences and share etc., but that isn't always true. I think it's important to be aware that sometimes people are a little more private and guarded. There is a tendency to assume that we are all in this together (so true!) as military families (and as moms of multiples) and I'm sure she would love the help, but technically, you are a stranger. I for one would have taken you up on your offer! But maybe she wouldn't - just a thought.

 

I think that is awesome of you. I was going to suggest what Amy said as well. Maybe you can start "stalking" the grocery store and run into her again by accident.

 

If she had the twins there on the base you could go to the hospital and leave your info with Labor/Delivery and they could pass your info onto her...or the pediatrician on base...just a thought.

 

I just love when people are nice and helpful to others...it always makes me smile! I hope you are able to find her again :hug: