I feel so overwhelmed, tired, at my wits end...

This last week has felt especially trying for me and I feel at my wits end tonight. Up until this past weekend, we had a large superyard/gate in our living room which is where the boys spent a majority of their time on the the days I am home with them during the week and weekends. Well, the gate came down this weekend (as the boys were shoving it all over the room) and now they have free roam of the living room. I wanted to take the gate down a few months ago but my husband resisted as he is extremely safety conscious and feared they would get hurt. Anyway...that's a whole other story. So...now that they are free I feel like I am going to loose my mind. I don't know if it is just because my whole routine now feels off too or what but I just feel so overwhelmed. Here are my biggest struggles right now...I'm hoping some of you can offer me some advice, please!

1) How do you stop them from turning the TV on and off? I have said "no touching the TV" over and over in various stern voices, tried time-out, redirecting them with another toy and even caught myself yelling at them today.

2) Speaking of time-out - how do you really do this at their age? Right now we have a pack-in-play in our living room. I place them in there for about a minute when they don't listen to me about something but I wonder if this is right? I can't imagine that they would sit in a certain spot at this age. What do you do?

3) How do you get anything else done during the day? I feel like I can't leave them for more than 2-3 minutes at a time for fear that they are climbing onto something, messing with the TV, etc.

4) Meal time...ugghh! How do you stop them from dumping their food from their plates or throwing them on the floor? Are they too young for plates?

5) How do you keep them occupied all day? And..how many toys do you have out at a time? Do you rotate them during the day? By the end of the day our living room looks like a toy store exploded and it makes me crazy! I find myself spending the evening sorting all the toys and putting everything back where it belongs because I just can't stand everything so scattered.

6) What do you keep your toys in that doesn't become something that they can climb in and then ultimately fall out of???? I bought some plastic containers to sort the toys in but the boys just try to climb into them and then they end up tipping it over and crashing back onto their heads. Ugghh!


I'm sorry this was so long....thanks for reading and letting me vent. I appreciate any advice that you can share with me. I know I am not the only one struggling but when you are in the thick of it you sure do feel alone. I'm glad to have this place to come for support!!!

 

:hug: Sorry you are having such a rough time!

1) I have their entire area kid proof so I am not constantly fighting that battle. My TV is high enough where they can't get to it. What about putting the gate just in front of the TV to detour them?

2) We haven't gotten to time outs yet, so I am no help with that one...

3) Since I know that their area is safe, I can leave them for a few minutes, but I always still stay within an ear shot of them so I can tell what's going on. If its really quiet, I know they are into something they shouldn't be! :lol:

4) I bought the plates that suction to their high chair trays and they work OK. Typically when they start tipping their plates they are not hungry anymore and we are done with that meal.

5) We go on walks, we read books, we do puzzles, we color, we dance, we sort shapes, work on colors, animals etc.. and the rest of the time they play freely. Whenever they start to get whiney I direct them with a new activity and that works well. Every night before we go upstairs we pick up the toys together. My girls get a kick out of putting everything in the bins, and I praise them constantly for doing this.

6) I have several bins that are only about 12" tall to sort toys. They do climb in them, but they don't typically tip over. We also have one of these which is good for the toys with the little pieces.

Good Luck! HTH!

 

*BIG HUGS* i remember those days. (it HAS gotten better for us, actually MUCH better around 2.5)

That was a hard age for us too. When they start talking more, the frustration level goes down for everyone. Sounds like you need a break. Also you need to get them out of the house occasionally. Tough in the winter.

FYI for timeouts, i used 4 panels of a superyard to make a square. they had to nap in pnp's at daycare, so i didn't want negative association with pnp.

mostly at that age it's re-direction. We had bins that were canvas, so they couldn't get hurt when they climbed on/in them.

as much baby proofing as possible. it really is worth it. anything you can do to minimize the battles.

a random piece of advice, if needed use crib tents for as long as possible, sounds like your twins will be climbing out and getting into everything. i LOVE crib tents. saved my sanity for about 8 months.

 

We've let them have the run of the living room since way before they could walk, and it has really helped to be able to make adjustments gradually as they develop scary new skills...Not that that helps, practically, but know that I totally understand how BIG the adjustment you just made is.

Randomly -

-We broke down and bought a HUGE piece of furniture to put the television and DVD in, with doors the boys can't open. It's not especially pretty, but the peace is worth the aesthetic price. We thought about a flat screen on the wall for about 2 minutes before we remembered that we don't have that kind of $$.

-I can't figure out how to make time outs stick - the boys really don't seem to get them yet.

-Ditto pp on the plates - we don't use them often, but they usually focus on eating as long as they're hungry. If they haven't eaten much yet, I'll take the food off the plate and give it to them one piece at a time - sometimes too much food in one place looks more like an interesting experiment than a meal.

- Supervised, we color, read, sing, dance, get outside as much as possible, and sometimes play in the play tent or make a fort. Unsupervised, they sometimes read on their own, or climb on the couch to look out the window, but mostly they dump their toy bins upside down all over the room. We pick up quickly several times a day - the living room is small and if we don't clear stuff off the floor it's hazardous. About twice a week I spend 20 minutes sorting all the toys and putting all the pieces of different items together - not that they seem to care, but it bugs me when all the stuffed fish are three bins away from the vinyl aquarium.

- And we use ikea bins and frames they slide into, attached to the wall with heavy duty straps.

 

We are in the thick of this too but some thoughts for you

Can you arrange the superyard (open) in a way where it forms a wall in front of the tv? I have some friends that did that and it worked out well. Ours we just hung on the wall and the outlet was moved up also so they can't reach it ...yet!

Not really sure about the time out, one mom said she read something that it is one minute for each year of age and that is one minute of not whining, crying or fussing. To me that sounds like a lot of minutes! We have done a corner and I sat in front of them not looking at them or talking. But we are still trying different things.

The leaving them, I agree with pp, baby proof as much as you can to minimize the battles. It is too exhausting. Everyone kids when they come to our house aka the dungeon because I have all the doors closed and baby gates up and nothing they can climb on excep the couches. But you know what, I am the one that has to say no a million times so I do what I can to minimize that. I know so many people told me that if you just have it out and or around they will eventually get over it. We started to slowly let them in other rooms with us in there with them but after about 20 minutes it becomes too much. It is a process either way.

Meal time, we do plates (regular kid ones) and when they are done they will start throwing them around so I just pick them up. For the food on the floor, this has been a very slow slow process for us but works most days. I put their chairs up to the table and tell them when they are done or don't want something to put it on the table and then I would clap. Of course they still throw food but it is minimized now. Oh and I got a cheap table cloth from the dollar store to put under the chairs (or you can use a sheet) and that way you can just pick up and rinse (or wash) and save your floor

I agree with the toy bin organizer. It is great. I would anchor it to the wall though-tips over easily.

As far as occupied, we color, we play hide and seek, I show them how each toy works, we read A LOT, we go to playdates, library story time, and just walks around the neighborhood

HTH

 

Thanks everyone! I know that this is just a really tough phase and I'll make it through - somehow! I appreciate all the advice given. I'm definately going to try some of the tips offered. Thanks again!

 

QUOTE(happyfor2 @ Feb 27 2009, 02:38 AM) [snapback]1207387[/snapback]



1) We have the same problem with the tv. I find they mostly do it out of boredom so I make sure to not only tell them not to do it, but to also offer them an idea of something else to do. I also count to 3 and if they do not stop by then I physicallly remove them from the area and place them somewhere else. It does not always work but they are getting better about it. I do also ask them to turn it on and off for me instead of doing it myself and that way it is not such a forbidden fruit...KWIM?

2) We call it "time" and I just place them against a wall in the back of the room. They generally run out and I put them back. We do this about 3 times and then I just tell them we do not do ______ and I love them etc... The idea for us is to sort of refocus their energy so they basically forget about what they were doing and just re set themselves and move on. The idea for us is to stop the harmful or hurtful behavior, more than punishing the offender. They actually went through a stage recentily where they would put themselves in time out. Finally, if they hit or do something to eachother I basically just tell them that if they are going to hit or hurt so and so then they will have to play alone and I take the other child and move to another part of the room to play with him/her.

3) We are baby proofed as much as possible but I still believe that I need to watch them - always! I do not get much done; however, if there is something I want to do I just find a way to let them help me. For example, when emptying the dishwasher I let them put the tuperware away. I also have special "toys/games" that buy me a few minutes to accomplish something, for example...I will bring out a drawer of their clothes or shoes and let them practice putting on multiple layers or funny shoes and sock pairs. I will also put a couple towels down on the kitchen floor and get out a few cups and containers and let them play with ice that I put in their cups....just some ideas!

4) Mealtime is a disaster for us. Unfortunately, there just is not a lot you can do to control them in this environment. It is just my opinion but I think that mealtime is one of the few places toddlers can really exercise their power and ability to make decisions and I think they take full advantage of it. We have our own mealtime woes, but I would just say to take it each day and remember that todays bad table manners are not necessarily going to be there tomorrow. I am chosing to wait a little before I really crack down on some of the bad mealtime habits we have developed. That being said, I do not tolerate throwing or spitting out food and each child gets one warning and then I take them down from the table and they are done. If they blow it after thier warning I just say "oh, Jack is throwing his food, he must not be hungry anymore" and get them down. I am a softy though and usually if they really want back up to the table I will let them and they have usually learned their lesson and do not throw anymore.

5) We go out A LOT. We always go somewhere (park, library story time, swimming pool, book store, pet store, target, grocery, run errands, car wash, etc.... around 10:00 or so and we usually do not get home until 12 pr 12:30. Then they eat lunch and take a nap and we also usually go somewhere after they wake from nap and before dinner. We do live in FLA and are able to be outside quite often as well.

6) When the babies were born we purchased two changing tables, one for upstairs and one for downstairs. I put the downstairs one in our main room and use it to store our little toys. It has two open shelves and is always full of toys, no one has thought of climbing it (yet)! Our larger toys just line the walls of our main room.

I hope some of this hepls. Try to remember, this too shall pass!

Amy

 

QUOTE(happyfor2 @ Feb 26 2009, 08:38 PM) [snapback]1207387[/snapback]
1) How do you stop them from turning the TV on and off? I did put my super gate across the front of the tv. It really did keep them away. Also, I remained consistant with the "no touch" thing. They'll get it, just keep at it!

2) Speaking of time-out - how do you really do this at their age? Sounds to me like you are doing a great job. Again, just remain consistant.

3) How do you get anything else done during the day? Yes, they will make messes when you leave them, that's the law of toddlerhood :lol: However, sometimes your peace of mind is worth the bit of mess when you return to them. I always keep within sounds reach when I leave, so I know at what point I need to step in and stop it. Usually at that age I would take them into whatever room I was in. There are things to play with in each room at our house.

4) Meal time...ugghh! How do you stop them from dumping their food from their plates or throwing them on the floor? My kids had plates around 10 months. If they dumped it, I took it away. It happened enough times that they didn't dump it anymore. And don't worry about them starving. They won't waste away from the couple times you will need to take the plate away before they figure it out. And if they cry to eat more after I've taken it away, I give them another chance saying don't throw it. If they do, then it is gone for good for awhile and we may try to eat in another half hour or so.

5) How do you keep them occupied all day? And..how many toys do you have out at a time? Yes, it really is a lot of work to keep kids happy. I stop every so often and make them clean everything up. Then they get it back out again. And then we clean up, etc.

6) What do you keep your toys in that doesn't become something that they can climb in and then ultimately fall out of???? I don't think it matters what you buy for toys, they will experiment crawling in and out of it! That's the joy of being mobile. And curious. And falling out really isn't going to hurt them more than some bumps and bruises. Mine are hurt more by the beating they give each other over who's turn it is inside [/color}]

You've asked some great questions, and I just want to tell you it sounds like you are doing a wonderful job!! It's not easy, becomes very overwhelming at times, but this, too shall pass! You are a wonderful momma!

 

I agree with all the PP's suggestions. We dont have a supergate but we found a plastic L shaped "thing" (yaya Im not a technical person) at Circut City a few years ago. It slides under the front of the tv and covers the buttons so they cant touch them but still allows the remote to be used.

 

QUOTE(happyfor2 @ Feb 26 2009, 09:38 PM) [snapback]1207387[/snapback]
This last week has felt especially trying for me and I feel at my wits end tonight. Up until this past weekend, we had a large superyard/gate in our living room which is where the boys spent a majority of their time on the the days I am home with them during the week and weekends. Well, the gate came down this weekend (as the boys were shoving it all over the room) and now they have free roam of the living room. I wanted to take the gate down a few months ago but my husband resisted as he is extremely safety conscious and feared they would get hurt. Anyway...that's a whole other story. So...now that they are free I feel like I am going to loose my mind. I don't know if it is just because my whole routine now feels off too or what but I just feel so overwhelmed. Here are my biggest struggles right now...I'm hoping some of you can offer me some advice, please!

1) How do you stop them from turning the TV on and off? I have said "no touching the TV" over and over in various stern voices, tried time-out, redirecting them with another toy and even caught myself yelling at them today.
Different things work for different kids. I think after trying to redirect my girls a thousand times and say no no, I finally slapped their hand and that seemed to work (though many people don't agree with that but they are not the mother of MY kids) Also, eventually, the interest wears off. If you just let them do their thing, eventually they stop. I remember also what worked was when they were watching a show and they turned it off, it stayed off. I gave them a warning if they did it again then it would stay off and I stuck to it. They didn't like that at all.

2) Speaking of time-out - how do you really do this at their age? Right now we have a pack-in-play in our living room. I place them in there for about a minute when they don't listen to me about something but I wonder if this is right? I can't imagine that they would sit in a certain spot at this age. What do you do?
I was told that timeouts don't really work until they are 18 months so I waited until the day they turned 18 months. It took a while of consistency for them to get the consequence that goes with the behavior but they got it. I only focused on two behaviors at a time (hitting and climbing on the table). IMO, your kids are probably ready. Just pick one to two behaviors at a time to focus on (the ones you feel are the biggest problem and it may be different problems for each of them). They will not get it right away but stay CONSISTENT. Everytime for example that one hits the other, say "no no. we don't hit." and put them in the pack n play. when yo go to get him, tell him again, no no, we don't hit. hitting is not nice and it hurts people." try to keep the vocab consistent each time. don't give warnings when they do the timeout worthy behavior. you can even put a timer for them. I would put them for 2 minutes. there should be nothing in the packnplay and it should be away from the action. somewhere where they can't see the tv or wherver they usually spend time playing. and don't give in earlier than the two minutes. even if they are saying sorry mommy sorry mommy. they will try to manipulate you! but they have to learn that the consequence will stick and you are not joking about it. timeouts have been VERY effective for us. also, make them apologize for the behavior when they are done with the timeout (saying sorry to brother for hitting, or saying sorry to mommy for not listening or following the rules). give a kiss and a hug and let it go. move on...until next time

3) How do you get anything else done during the day? I feel like I can't leave them for more than 2-3 minutes at a time for fear that they are climbing onto something, messing with the TV, etc.
Seriously, it's all about childproofing EVERYTHING. You may have to re-arrange your furniture (and your life) temporarily. We removed our coffee table and several other tables and lamps to make things as safe as possible. If your house is completely childproofed (they make locks for all kinds of cabinets and drawers) then you will not be worried.


4) Meal time...ugghh! How do you stop them from dumping their food from their plates or throwing them on the floor? Are they too young for plates?
I gave warnings that if they did it again, I will take the food away from them. If they did it again, I took the food away though they still often sat there with us and had to watch us eat. After a minute or two, I would give them their food back and warn them that if they do it again they are done eating. If they did it again, I would remove them from the table. If they didn't eat, so be it. They will be so hungry at the next meal that they will be shoveling it in their mouths rather than to the floor. Remember, kids won't starve from missing one meal. Sometimes kids will do it because they really aren't hungry and sometimes just to get a reaction from you. They are learing about their world and about action and reaction and cause and effect. Just remain calm and stick to your guns (so to speak). Also, you may want to consider using paper plates until they stop throwing them. My girls broke a few of the plastic plates so I went to paper plates.

5) How do you keep them occupied all day? And..how many toys do you have out at a time? Do you rotate them during the day? By the end of the day our living room looks like a toy store exploded and it makes me crazy! I find myself spending the evening sorting all the toys and putting everything back where it belongs because I just can't stand everything so scattered.
This is one you might just have to get over. Sorry to be so harsh but I was the same way originally. I would clean up like 4 times a day and then I was like "what's the point?" now I clean up once a day and sometimes I don't even bother if it's not too messy. They are kids. They are exploring everything. Doesn't mean you have to have everything out at once but kids make messes. It's just what they do. It's developmentally normal so don't have crazy expectations. Just take a deep breath and smile and laugh as you watch them play in their chaos. Also, letting them play in other rooms can be a major change for them. Bring the toys in the dining room and let them play there. Bring out the tupperware and plastic and wooden spoons and let them play with those. buy a cheap box of tissues and let them pull every last one out and shred them to death. It will probably be a good hour of entertainment for them. Yeah it will be a mess but who cares. These are the messy years. Just try to keep it all in persepective. Let them have fun and you will be surprised at how much more fun and relaxing it will be for you.

6) What do you keep your toys in that doesn't become something that they can climb in and then ultimately fall out of???? I bought some plastic containers to sort the toys in but the boys just try to climb into them and then they end up tipping it over and crashing back onto their heads. Ugghh!
We did just a bunch of plastic bins originally too and it worked out just fine. Kids will fall, kids will scrape themselves and bump their heads and bang themselves up. Another part of being a kid. If you have hard floors, try buying those foam mats that interlock so that if they fall, the bump will be cushioned or buy an area rug to soften the blow. I know it's scary. We had terrible terrible fears of our girls getting hurt. We went from running over in panic everytime they fell to hearing the "boom" and then just waiting to see if we hear a cry :lol: . It's amazing how much you eventually get over some of your fears (and how you never ever get over others ). My girls used to constantly dump the bins and then climb in and fall over and whatever else you can think of but just remember that EVERYTHING they are doing right now is experimentation with their world and using their imagination. They may climb in and out a thousand times of the bins. They may dump their toys out and then put them all back in. I was also told that kids NEED to fall. They need to get hurt so that they learn to adjust the way they do things or learn the natural consequences of certain behaviors. That helped me a lot. There is something behind everything they are doing right now so just sit back, make the environment as safe as possible and enjoy these years. They go so quickly.

I'm sorry this was so long....thanks for reading and letting me vent. I appreciate any advice that you can share with me. I know I am not the only one struggling but when you are in the thick of it you sure do feel alone. I'm glad to have this place to come for support!!!