I feel horrible

I just want to say that I love my children with every ounce of me that I have. I would do anything for them!

I hope that this makes sense, but I am sitting here in tears as I am writing this in hopes that I will feel better when I am done

I am just having some issues right now...I am severly sleep deprived and DD is thinking that it is fun to play or have a temper at 330 am. This has been going on for the last few days and last night I lost my mind. At 430am...at this point I am lucky to have had 2 hours of sleep, DD had been up for 45 min, I just got her to sleep and DS woke up for his early morning feeding. This was all well, then DD woke up and started her temper all over again. My hopes of any sleep went right out of the window and I just lost my mind...I started crying and yelled at them to go to sleep...like that was really going to do anything

I was so frustrated, tired and just plain done, I have been doing the best that I can do but I am just so darn tired. There are things that I really want to get done that I have been trying to so since January and I just cant seem to do any of it. (DS and DD have yet to sllep through the night, we were getting closer with them waking 1-2 times a night, but for the last bit they have been getting up much more often. I tried CIO, but that did not work for me at all, it caused more problems.)

So, I alredy and mad at myself for losing my mind and yelling at the kids...really it is not their fault...then DH gets his butt out of bed and gets mad at me for yelling at the kids...and waking him up, then he went out for a smoke (DH does not get up at al with them, last night was the 4th time in 7 1/2 months). By now I am just devastated and really upset, so I get the diaper bag packed and decide that I will go to my moms for the day, in hopes that she will realize that I need some help and hopefully take the day off of work. When DH comes back in, I was almost ready to get the kids in the carseat and he tells me to go back to bed and he will watch the kids (he leaves for work at 530am) I tell him what is the point, you leave in 1 hour and it is harder for me to just fall asleep to just have to get up again, and that I am better off just staying awake. He forces the issue and I went to lay down. Ended up bringing DS with me as he was still hungry, I fed him and he fell asleep. DH managed to get DD asleep. I was lucky to be able to get 2 more hours of sleep, although it was very unrested as I was still so upset.

I feel horrible, I do the best that I can, but right now I just truly feel that it is not enough, my kids deserve so much better than being yelled at. :cray:

if you made it this far thankyou for reading my pity party for me

 

Woah... you are being way too hard on yourself. Everybody yells at their kids, just hopefully not on a regular basis. We all have a breaking point, and if the worst you do is yell once, I think you are doing really well.

It sounds like you need help. I just started letting people help me, and even asking for help on occasion. Sometimes there is nobody who can, but every now and then I can put away the laundry while somebody else takes care of little ones. I think we need to accept that our projects and "things to do" lists just have to take a backseat for now.

Don't spend another minute worrying that you aren't a great mom- you are!

 

:hug99: I am so sorry.

You are just human, don't beat your self up about it. We've all BTDT.

 

:hug99:

don't beat yourself up! you're only human, and you're sleep-deprived! one time the girls were fussing and whining and cranky ALL DAY for like a week, and i just couldn't take it and one day i yelled at the top of my lungs. it scared them (of course),a nd i felt horrible, but i just didnt' know what to do anymore, and felt hopeless.
you're not alone.

 

I am sorry and I hope you get some rest soon and you are a wonderful mother.

 

QUOTE(twoplustwo @ May 20 2008, 12:25 PM) [snapback]783300[/snapback]
:hug99: I am so sorry.

You are just human, don't beat your self up about it. We've all BTDT.

I agree here Christine. I have definitely been there before. We all have our not-so-great moments, but it doesn't make you a bad mommy. :hug99:

 

Don't be so hard on yourself, you are obviously sleep-deprived and yelling at them once is not going to hurt them and they won't remember it. If it makes you feel any better - one time my DH was so frustrated with our girls I heard him "SHHHH" them really loudly. I was thinking "um, yeah, that's going to work." And one of my friends was over here last week, crying, because she said her DH had yelled at their baby. I think it's something everyone goes through, you can only take so much.

Sounds like you need to get some rest, maybe you could ask your DH to take one night on the weekend so you could get one good night of sleep each week.

 

Ive yelled at my babies... In the middle of the nite. On little or no sleep. So i totally understand where you are comming from. But dont be so hard on yourself.. You are doing a wonderful job. Esp with the no help thing. Tell DH he needs to get up and help sometimes. I was so stubborn at the begining that i would not let DH help. Since he gets up at 5 to go to work. But now i Make him get up for the 4am feeding so that i can sleep until 7!

Maybe you can pump and let DH give them a bottle at that early morning feed? (I dont know how against bottles you are)

You need help too!!!

 

Are you kidding me?!?!?! I yelled at the top of my lungs last night too...mine were both completely exhausted, crying their fool heads off and wouldnt drink there bottles before bed (which I knew meant they would be back up in 2 hours starving) and all I wanted to do was spend a half hour with my attention deprived 3yo before she went to bed. It is tough stuff when they wont sleep and you need sleep.
You are not a bad mom you were just yelling, no harm done!
I hope you get some rest soon!

 

I'm sorry you had such a terrible night/morning.
You are so not alone, I think most parents have those moments when you are like 'ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!'
It's only human
Hopefully you can get some help from your mom or have a talk with your hubby & tell him that you need a break & need to get some 'real' rest AT LEAST once a week & that by getting some rest you can be the best mom & wife that you are! (thats what I always tell my DH, that if he wants me to be more patient & nice to him that I need a BREAK every now & again!!!)
hang in there

Edited cause I am a dummy!!

 

I'm sorry you are feeling bad, but try not to be so hard on yourself. I think everyone has done it at one time or another. You are doing a great job!

 

aww hun don't feel bad. i have done that before also and cried afterwards because i felt just as bad. you are just way to tired and it happends. i haven't done CIO either so don't feel bad. dh NEVER GOT UP FOR A NIGHTTIME FEEDING EVER EITHER so i know how you feel. talk to him and tell him u need his help when he comes home from work. you feed them and then go take a nap.
your a wonderful mommy :hug99:

 

I think it sounds like you are doing the best you can under the circumstances....meaning, LACK OF SLEEP MAKES THINGS COMPLETELY UNBEARABLE and you are handling it like a champ. I hate a DH that would get up with the babies during his "shift" (10pm - 2am) and then I got up during the second "shift". Even with all of his help I thought that I was going to lose it so I can only imagine how it feels to have a DH that does not help at night at all. Momma, I think you are doing great and being way to hard on yourself. Get some help from DH, get some sleep, and give yourself a break - all of which are easier said than done, I know! At the very least, please recognize the fact that it will not be like this forever. I remember that I never thought mine were going to sleep through and FINALLY, ats 8 and a half, almost 9 months they started sleeping through and have ever since. It was like magic and everything got better!

 

You are so not alone!! I've been there done that. Thankfully my one girl will sleep through the night but the other, UGH!! And my dh hasn't gotten up in the middle of the night since I went back to work 4 months ago. Yup you read that right. He would get up when I was still home with the girls but after I went back to work, I just kept getting up and he hasn't since. PLUS I get up every morning an hour before him to change and feed the girls before I leave for work so he doesn't have to do anything with them. UGH!! I feel for ya. Hang in there. It does get better. {{{{HUGS}}}}

 

I just want to give you a big hug (((HUGS)))) I was reading something in "What to Expect the first Year". It was saying something about "Why is it that when I'm rocking my child and she won't calm down or go to sleep, I just want to toss her out the window." Not that we would actually do that but I could totally relate to how she felt and that was week 2 of being home. People always say that the time goes by so fast and treasure every moment. While I do, I also can't wait till they do get a little older so that they do sleep thru the night.

Yes, I also think you DH should be helping you in the night. Like I've told my dh, just because you are going to work and I'm staying at home, my job is non-stop here. It's not like I can step away from my desk and take a 15 minute break. When the girls do take a nap, I have to rush around and try to do laundry, any cleaning, bottles, etc and I never know if I'm going to have 10 minutes to do it or 2 hours - just depends on the day and how they are napping. We do formula so my dh does every single feeding that he's home, including the night.

Also, accept any help. Can your mom, mil, relatives or friends come by and relieve you for a couple of hours during the day or evening? Also when your dh gets home, go shut your door and take a nap. I know it's hard because you are always on mommy alert so your instinct is to get up when you hear them. When I feel like I truly need a break, I pack the girls up and take them to my mom's or mil's and then go home and nap or go shopping. Or, they've come to my house and I've left. Sometimes we just need to regroup - we are all like that. Hang in there and we are all here for you!

 

:hug99:

As a fellow sleep-deprived mama, I totally understand. If you were truly a bad mother you would not feel so guilty and you wouldn't have written this post!

I hope things get better for you soon! The only thing that has improved our sleep situation is CIO. Maybe it's time to give it another shot? :hug99:

 

You are not alone! It is difficult when you are sleep deprived. Perhaps you can work it through with your DH that he helps a bit. If he was able to get her back to sleep then that is great.

 

:hug99: You are NOT a bad momma. We've all BTDT when we are sleep deprived and have little help. It sounds like you need a break. Can you see if your mom can come over tonight so you can sleep a couple hours all at once? :hug99:

 

I have a) given my babies the finger and B) called them losers when they wouldn't nap.
My sister's favourite story (which we laugh about now that her twins are 6 years old) is yelling at them in the middle of the night saying "Go to sleep, you f***ing babies!)

My sister and b-in-law also have a rule that nothing that gets said between 11:00 pm and 5:00 am counts!

I'd go with that.

Hugs.

 

Don't beat yourself up. I think during the first month I yelled out the F word maybe 10 times a day

At least you didn't take it to another level and physically harm your baby like some people would

You're doing a great job!

 

Thank you everybody for all of your support and hugs. It means alot, and i am so greatful to know that I am not alone here.

DH called me from work to see how the day was going, I know that he will help when he gets home from work and right now to look at me, anyone can see that I am purely running on the mommy energy and mindset of must get through these next few hours until nap time

I have realized that Wyatt has just cut his 2nd tooth through, and I have been watching Kaylee and she is drooling up a strom and chewing on anything she can get into her mouth. Teething..ugh!

I was able to catch 1/2 hour of sleep abit ago, but Kaylee was curled up with me, it was the only way she would sleep, but at least I was able to get a bit more snoozy time They have now been up for about 2 1/2 hours so I am going to try to get them to lie down for their afternoon nap, and my fingers are crossed that I too will get a nap



QUOTE(Outnumbered @ May 20 2008, 02:53 PM) [snapback]783621[/snapback]
:hug99:

As a fellow sleep-deprived mama, I totally understand. If you were truly a bad mother you would not feel so guilty and you wouldn't have written this post!

I hope things get better for you soon! The only thing that has improved our sleep situation is CIO. Maybe it's time to give it another shot? :hug99:


I did the CIO about 1 month ago, and it was just recently Wyatt would sleep in his crib again...he did not do well with that and I had a really hard time getting him to sleep at all after that. Kaylee I have been letting her cry abit but she is usually good at falling asleep on her own, she has been a moster in this area for the last few days..i am blaming it on teething. So, I just want to wait abiut longer before I really try it again, at least get me feeling a bit more rested...I do let them cry more during the night after they have been fed and while DH is sleeping, but most time they just get really upset and makes things a bit harder for me But thank you for the suggestion and I am so happy that it worked for you

Also, DH can not stand the sound on babies crying...some is ok, but to let them cry in their crib for awhile is not much of an option. I will take his help and not CIO for long over having 2 screaming babies and a VERY unhappy moody hubby who wont help. We both know that in time they will sleep through the night. We were starting to get a great routine down, but for now it has gone out the window!

Again, thank you everyone for all of your support, it has really helped me cope with this day :hug99:

Christine

 

It happens to the best of us! Its tough and we are doing the best that we can. :hug99:
Dont beat yourself up and definitely do not let anyone else make you feel bad about it either! Its that whole 'walk a mile in my shoes' and until they do tell them to screw!

 

I just wanted to say that I have had tough nights like this and it helps to know that others feel this way! Thank you for sharing your experience so we know we're not alone. I hope you can get some rest and have some more help! ~Erin