I Dread Bedtime

Let me start this off by saying that I am so Thankful that in the last couple of weeks my girls have started to be much more happier than they are fussy. That is until Bedtime rolls around! It is absolutely awful! I have tried putting them to bed earlier and earlier (tonight we started at 5:30 and its now almost 9 and Kaylyn is still awake! ), I have tried swaddling and unswaddling, I have tried tummy and back, I have tried ssshhing, rocking, walking, bouncing and swinging.I have tried laying flat and laying in the boppies. I am running out of options here ladies! I need to figure something out because I am solo 3-4 nights a week because DH is at work. Please help me! What am I doing wrong?? I am losing my mind!! :blink:

 

Are you willing to consider CIO? That makes a big difference in the kind of advice you'll get. For us, in that same situation, we did CIO, and it was a lifesaver. They just would not let us rock/soothe them to sleep anymore -- if we were there, they were awake. Then when they finally did fall asleep, as soon as we set them down and walked away, they were awake again. Forcing them to learn to fall asleep without us was the only way we could think of to get past it. It was painful but it worked.

 

I am not against CIO, but I would only use it as a last resort. Do you think my girls are too young, they are only 3 months adjusted??

 

My advice is that you need to be consistent, stick with what ever you choose for atleast a week before deciding it doesn't work. If in doubt I say swaddle. Can you tell us exactly how it goes for bedtime? Do they fall asleep at all? Fuss or cry hard?

 

At bedtime I will feed both of them, swaddle them and lay them down on my bed (I move them to their crib after they fall asleep, they won't have anything to do with it if they are awake) My goal is to have them in bed no later than 6pm everynight, but if they are displaying signs of being tired before then I move it up. I lay with them, sssh them, give them their pacifiers. Sometimes one will fall asleep and I will take the awake one to the guest room so she doesn't wake her sister. Then they realize I am trying to get them to go to sleep and they start crying hysterically, so thats when I resort to walking, rocking, swinging, bouncing etc... Sometimes it will work, most of the time it doesn't. When Im by myself, I switch back and forth between babies depending on who is the most upset at the moment. I feel like they cry until they are just so exhausted they don't have the energy to cry anymore. I feel like Im failing as a mom. Thanks for all the help!

 

Im no expert, but its my understanding that it is best to wait until they are around 6 months old before attempt CIO, mine were the same way as yours, we just didnt have a "bedtime" it was just a series of naps 24/7, no actual "sleep"... .. I did CIO at six months, and it worked really good, but up until that point it was swings and lots of breastfeeding, rocking, me playing guitar for them (which they LOVED!!) The thing that worked the best was the swings + guitar :lol:
GOOD LUCK!!

 

QUOTE(Kyrstyn @ Apr 5 2008, 08:19 PM) [snapback]707238[/snapback]
At bedtime I will feed both of them, swaddle them and lay them down on my bed (I move them to their crib after they fall asleep, they won't have anything to do with it if they are awake) My goal is to have them in bed no later than 6pm everynight, but if they are displaying signs of being tired before then I move it up. I lay with them, sssh them, give them their pacifiers. Sometimes one will fall asleep and I will take the awake one to the guest room so she doesn't wake her sister. Then they realize I am trying to get them to go to sleep and they start crying hysterically, so thats when I resort to walking, rocking, swinging, bouncing etc... Sometimes it will work, most of the time it doesn't. When Im by myself, I switch back and forth between babies depending on who is the most upset at the moment. I feel like they cry until they are just so exhausted they don't have the energy to cry anymore. I feel like Im failing as a mom. Thanks for all the help!



Your not failing as a mom, I know what your going through, Im a single mom with only two arms. It was really hard, they were really cranky babies, and I too felt like I was failing alot of the time. But we made it through and you will to. You can do this :hug99:

 

What I did was lay them both down in the pnp and shake/jiggle the pnp and shhhh REALLY loud until they were drowsy and there were times my arms hurt from doing this sooooo long. I REALLY wanted a way to calm them to sleep w/o holding, because once they were asleep I didn't want them to wake from me setting them back down and also because I wanted ANYONE to be able to soothe them.
I also used the swing pretty much for all sleep for ds until he was 7 months.

I say if something seems to work some/most of the time stick with it and they will learn to rely on that method.

HTH

 

I am so sorry this is stressing you out so much. I know how hard the whole bedtime thing can be. When mine would get crazy-fussy I found going outside was one of the only things that calmed them down. I might suggest doing your bath/feeding/jammies thing and then popping them in the stroller for a jaunt around the block. It was enough to get mine drowsy and calm. Then if I lay them down and they still cried, I would give it 15 minutes and though they might fuss, they always went to sleep on their own without the rocking, holding etc. It may be a tad early for a full-blown CIO, but I think they might be getting more worked up by the back-and-forth between babies thing. Give them a chance to self-soothe maybe? Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

Reyna

 

I don't have any suggestions...yet...as I am in the same boat.

BUT


Everyone gave me a good laugh. The things we do to get the babies asleep. Just tonight I had one in the baby bjorn, "dancing and singing". I have to say I looked quite ridiculous, but it worked.

The swings have been our lifesavers. I know they need to be able to sleep "motionless" but at this point I don't really care how they sleep, just as long as they are asleep. I've been SOO close to putting them in their car seats and driving around the block, even sleeping in the car if need be. Can you say desperation?

 

Do you still have their infant seats? When mine were 3 months (adj) I rocked them both in their car seats and let them sleep in them. At 4 months we made the transition to the crib by doing the pnp rocking thing pp mentioned. Just to give you hope, now I just put them in their cribs when they are sleepy (between 6:45 and 7:30) and they talk/whine for about 25 mins and then fall asleep. We're still not sleeping through the night though, b/c I'm scared to do CIO. I've tried for about an hour and just wonder too much if they are hungry. If you do CIO, I would wait until they are 5 months adjusted. HTH!

 

Been where you are.. You are SOOOOOO not even close to alone.

In this case, you have to use adjusted age; there is absolutely no way around it. Neurologically speaking, your babies are 3 months old. So.. based on that, you are in the THICK OF IT as far as PM's and bedtimes go.

It is at "its" absolute worst right now.. I have always had to do 3 bedtimes per week on my own due to dh's work schedule. I used to start freaking out a 3 days before due to the fact that it was sooo horrendous.

I had to call him home from work a few times right around the time you are (and he doesn't work- he doesn't get paid..) because it was soo bad and I was trying to do the "juggle". They were both screaming their guts out and I couldn't FULLY soothe one due to the fact that the other was SCREAMING and I didn't have TIME to do what i needed to do.. It was tough, it was more than tough...

There really is nothing you can DO at this point except survive.

There is going to come a time VERY soon.. probably around 14 or 15 weeks ADJUSTED (you are very close), when the switch is going to go on and bedtimes will not be this bad. For us, it got better at 14 weeks adjusted. There are still nights when they are overtired and it's hard but ABSOLUTELY NOTHING like it was before!!

I'm sure you know this, but the time you are referring to is called "The Witching Hour." For us, it was HOURS.. but it does get better. Just survive it and know that it is out of your hands right now.

This will all start to work itself out in a few weeks.. It really will. Good luck!! I remember those times. Mine are now 6 months old, no more colic, no more reflux. They go to bed at 6 pm SHARP and wake at 6:30 am.. No more witching hours here.. It's a whole new world

 

I think wait a bit on full blown CIO but my ped said at about 3 or 4 mos. we could start letting them go for up to 15 min. at a time.

Also, since it seems to be a mess anyway, perhaps try using the cribs from the beginning. It is not working the way you are doing it and it seems very hard on mommy to keep doing it that way with all of the moving around etc... Why not give the cribs a try from straight off - what is the worse that is going to happen? Maybe one will still be awake at 9pm but that is happening now anyway. Just my opinion, for what it is worth.

Amy

 

We were given the advice (while I was still pregnant) to put them to bed while they were still awake or partially awake and it has been the best advice b/c they learned to self soothe themselves (around 5/6 months) to go to sleep on their own. Of course I have rocked them here or there but not everynight. I am on my own 6 out of the 7 nights b/c DH runs our family business until 9ish and him being here is not an option.

I would keep a set bedtime routine and take lots of deep breathes and know that you are one person and can only do what your two arms can do! Don't beat yourself up if they are crying. As my Pedi said once "there are NO noted articles or research that a Baby has actually died from crying"

Give yourself more credit as it is challenging to care for twins!!

 

We started using HSHHC at 2 months adjusted age. We went from bedtime **** to really easy bedtimes. I say you do your bedtime routine, swaddle, get them settled down and sleepy, then just lay them in their crib and leave the room. Yes they will cry at first. The first night, we'd go in at 15 minute intervals, pick them up, settle them down, then back to bed. After 30 minutes, both were fast asleep and there's hardly any crying at all now - less than 5 minutes. It's not full blown CIO, but a method of teaching them to sleep.

 

:hug99: :hug99: :hug99:

Hang in there!! It must be so hard when your DH is gone.

I hope you and your girls find your sleep rhythm soon.

Our kids do really well with lots of playtime in the evening, and a later bedtime. But you'll find what works for your babies!!!