I do not know what I am doing AT ALL

I feel like I have no clue what I am doing with them anymore. Jack and Lily are 4.5 months old and they are all over the place.

My concerns are:
1. They each usually only wake up once during the night but it is completely inconsistent. Lily woke at 3am and ate a full bottle last night and Jack slept until 6am and ate his bottle (he was screaming mad, hungry). I usually don't bring them downstairs until 7ish and Lily seemed to still be asleep so I fed him the bottle (we have dropped him from 6oz at night to 5oz and then the last two nights we watered the 5oz. down a bit) and he fell asleep after he finished and I put him back down. I then had to wake him up at 7:15 and I felt sooo bad about that.
The night prior to last night Jack woke at 3am to eat and Lily slept until 6am when I fed her and she fell asleep on the bottle and I put her back down. I then had to wake her up at 7:15 when he woke.

My point is that they are all over the place at night, waking at completely different times depending on the night, and I lay there freaking out wondering what to do when/if Lily wants to wake up and play at 5:30am and Jack is pretty consistent about sleeping until 7:15 or so. I am really really really trying to get them on a consistent 9am ish nap.

The problem with this is: How do I get to a point where they are starting the day at relatively the same time with a relatively empty stomach???? Is it just too early for this? Am I expecting too much? I ams ooo sick of everything being fly by the seat of my pants and I really feel like getting them at least started together for the day is important.

2. I am really really really trying to get them from 4 naps to 3 naps during the day. They fight their naps sooo hard that I cannot handle being screamed at 8 times a day (that is four times a day by each of them). I do what everyone else seems to do - I look for drowsy signs between one and a half hours and two hours of wakefulness. I simply cannot tell if they are tired or not. Jack will look drop dead tired and then smile this huge giant smile at you and DH insists he isn't tired, look how happy he is, and I am thinking he is exhausted. Lily will be fussing and fussing and looking super tired and then I put her down and she rolls on her back and plays for a half an hour and then starts screaming. I cannot read their signs. I have completely started doubting myself and I feel like I am doing something wrong which is why they are screaming before naps. The only time Lily yawns is right when she wakes up and at least her brother rubs his eyes when he is tired but the more tired he gets the more he seems to smile. Lily used to sleep on her belly and would take great naps but now with the rolling and stuff she can only roll one way and flips onto her back and she will sometimes fall asleep that way. If she does;however, she wakes up as soon as one arms jerks and does not get a good nap and won't go back to sleep.

HOW DO YOU DO THIS? I feel like I do not have a clue what I am doing. Are we just in some weird transition stage?

3. Do I just establish a wake up time and nap times and then get them as close to it as I can and assume they will figure it out as we go?

DH and I got into a huge fight about this this morning. He does not seem to understand why I can't just go with the flow and get up with Lily at 5:30 or 6am and bring her down and feed her and then let Jack wake up at 7am and feed him and then put her down for her nap again at 8am and Jack at 9am ...yadayadayada.

Am I losing my mind or is all of this really really difficult?
Please help.

Amy

 

Oh I could've written this post... :hug99: It's tough! My guys are FINALLY 6 months, and I think w/in the past 2 weeks we are just now getting some sort of schedule where everyone's happy (for the most part). B started sleeping thru the night first, but J wanted to get up in the middle of the night to be fed. So in order to keep them on the same schedule during the day- we woke B up. Eventually, J started sleeping longer and longer till they both got up around 6:30. This was about a month and a half ago-- as far as day time goes- I feed them at the same time, otherwise, I'll pay for it. For daytime naps, we are just now getting a routine of going down around 9:15, and then another afternoon nap between 12:45-1:15ish. B will almost always go down easily- he just needs his FP Aquarium and a paci, but J--- he has to be consoled, over and over. However, he WILL go down- just not as voluntarily. I just have to MAKE him go down, and in the end, they both stay on schedule w/ each other. I think the key is watching them- which is sounds like you're doing- don't let DH keep them up if you know they're tired. Figure out about what time each day they're getting sleepy and then just decide- "X time is nap time." and make it happen. A friend of ours said, make naptime concrete and it changes for no one- not even the queen!

Now, like I said- we just now got this working at 6 months... but I've seen plenty of TS moms who have gotten it to work earlier! And we're still not 100%, but it's so much better than it was. Best wishes to you- and lots of hugs. It's HARD being a twin mom!!!!!! :hug99:

 

Hi Amy,
I think that you are right on the edge of something and you are so close. We had the same issue at night where one would wake and the other would sleep through and then the next night it would change. I just went with the flow but I started waking them together in the morning say by like 6ish because I too felt like I needed to start the day with both kids on the same schedule. It may have gone downhill from there but at least they were having a morning bottle together. So if one woke at 3am and had a full bottle and was the one that was still sleeping. I would wake him and offer him a much smaller amount than the one that was sleeping through. If they woke and fell back to sleep after the bottle I would definitely put them back to bed as per HSHHC they are still continuing their sleep.

At 4.5 months we were still pretty incosistent about a lot especially naps. I just did whatever I could to try and keep them close to each other like not letting one sleep more than about 30 mins past the other. It is a constant juggling act. Hang in there you are doing great.

 

The boys are almost a month old and have been pretty much on the same schedule from the beginning. It's usually me taking care of them on my own during the day, so the way it's been working is that Riley wakes up first to eat and then Reese is up and in his swing until I'm done...so, it's usually about 20 minutes before it's his turn. I do make sure they're both at least awake at the same time, especially since DH and I tag-team at night. It seems to be working pretty well because they do wake up at the same time.

You're really close. I don't have any other suggestion other than to say that I'd just wake the other one up at the same time. Within a week or so, it'll become a habit. I think that's the best thing about them being so young, it's easy to tweak their schedules. It's true, it's a constant juggling act. I feel like I watch the clock WAY too much, but having a 1 year old and an (almost) 8 year old sort of forces me to stick to a schedule.

You're doing great! Really!

 

Got the same issue here!
I really have a problem with waking a sleeping baby to keep him on a schedule though, for myself personally that is! I crave sleep most of the time and it's just easier to feed one at a time and PRAAAYY the other one continues to sleep some miraculous 12 hour stint! ha!
Usually though, it resembles the schedule you mentioned with one waking, eating, finishing THEN the other waking immediately after wanting to eat...it just never ends, does it?
I have yet to notice an emerging pattern of napTIMEs, or even a consistent feeding schedule...I just go with the flow...sometimes they sleep 6 or 7 hours, sometimes they eat every 3 hours around the clock!
When I do put them down to nap (after noticing their sleepy cues), I still have to "maintain" that naptime; b/c even now they fight it....it's like they have a certain amount of squirming/fussing they have to do before they can relax and fall asleep...I just help them get it all out, and put the paci back in!
Even now that they're coming up on 4 months...anytime they take a nap at the same time and I can look in on them sleeping peacefully in their own cribs, I just think "Wow, asleep at the same time that's incredible!" hahaha....

 

HI THERE. MY BABIES ARE 7.5 MONTHS OLD AND I FEEL LIKE WE'VE BEEN THROUGH IT ALL! I MIGHT BE ABLE TO ANSWER SOME OF YOUR QUESTIONS.

1. They each usually only wake up once during the night but it is completely inconsistent. Lily woke at 3am and ate a full bottle last night and Jack slept until 6am and ate his bottle (he was screaming mad, hungry). I usually don't bring them downstairs until 7ish and Lily seemed to still be asleep so I fed him the bottle (we have dropped him from 6oz at night to 5oz and then the last two nights we watered the 5oz. down a bit) and he fell asleep after he finished and I put him back down. I then had to wake him up at 7:15 and I felt sooo bad about that.
The night prior to last night Jack woke at 3am to eat and Lily slept until 6am when I fed her and she fell asleep on the bottle and I put her back down. I then had to wake her up at 7:15 when he woke.

My point is that they are all over the place at night, waking at completely different times depending on the night, and I lay there freaking out wondering what to do when/if Lily wants to wake up and play at 5:30am and Jack is pretty consistent about sleeping until 7:15 or so. I am really really really trying to get them on a consistent 9am ish nap.

The problem with this is: How do I get to a point where they are starting the day at relatively the same time with a relatively empty stomach???? Is it just too early for this? Am I expecting too much? I ams ooo sick of everything being fly by the seat of my pants and I really feel like getting them at least started together for the day is important.

I ASSUME THAT YOU'RE SURE THEY'RE HUNGRY WHEN THEY WAKE AND A PACI AND/OR DIAPER CHANGE AND/OR SNUGGLE WON'T DO, RIGHT? (DON'T MIND THE "ALL CAPS" - I'M NOT TRYING TO YELL, I'M JUST TRYING TO SEPARATE MY TEXT FROM YOURS) IN THAT CASE, IF SOMEBODY IS WAKING AT 5 OR 6 AND YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO START YOUR DAY WITHIN A SHORT TIME, JUST GIVE THEM A FEW OUNCES. IF THEY TYPICALLY DRINK 6, GIVE THEM 3. THAT WAY THEY'RE LIKELY TO BE HUNGRY WHEN YOU WANT THEM UP FOR THE DAY AND YOU CAN GET THEM INTO THE SAME GROOVE FOR EATING/SLEEPING. THIS IS CHEATING A LITTLE BUT I USED TO HAVE TO DO IT ALL THE TIME FOR A MONTH OR SO WHILE JAMES CAUGHT UP TO EVAN IN THE SLEEPING-THROUGH-THE-NIGHT DEPARTMENT. IF ONE BABY WAKES FOR THE DAY AT 7 AND THAT'S WHEN YOU WANT TO GET MOVING, UNSWADDLE THE SECOND BABY OR OPEN THE BLIND SO HE GETS THE HINT THAT MORNING HAS ARRIVED.

2. I am really really really trying to get them from 4 naps to 3 naps during the day. They fight their naps sooo hard that I cannot handle being screamed at 8 times a day (that is four times a day by each of them). I do what everyone else seems to do - I look for drowsy signs between one and a half hours and two hours of wakefulness. I simply cannot tell if they are tired or not. Jack will look drop dead tired and then smile this huge giant smile at you and DH insists he isn't tired, look how happy he is, and I am thinking he is exhausted. Lily will be fussing and fussing and looking super tired and then I put her down and she rolls on her back and plays for a half an hour and then starts screaming. I cannot read their signs. I have completely started doubting myself and I feel like I am doing something wrong which is why they are screaming before naps. The only time Lily yawns is right when she wakes up and at least her brother rubs his eyes when he is tired but the more tired he gets the more he seems to smile. Lily used to sleep on her belly and would take great naps but now with the rolling and stuff she can only roll one way and flips onto her back and she will sometimes fall asleep that way. If she does;however, she wakes up as soon as one arms jerks and does not get a good nap and won't go back to sleep.

SOME KIDS ARE EASIER TO READ THAN OTHERS, IN TERMS OF TIRED SIGNS. I THINK YOU SHOULD JOT DOWN NAP TIMES AND DURATIONS FOR A SEVERAL DAYS (IN YOUR SPARE TIME!!) AND SEE IF A PATTERN IS THERE BUT YOU'RE JUST NOT SEEING IT YET. I DID THIS AT 4.5 MONTHS AND FIGURED OUT THAT WE NEEDED NAPS 90 MINUTES AFTER WAKING IN THE A.M., AND THEN EVERY 2 HOURS FOR THE REST OF THE DAY. FOR US THIS MEANT FOUR 45-MINUTE NAPS. IT WAS A DRAG TO BE HELD HOSTAGE BY NAPS, BUT IT'S NOT FOREVER. I KNOW IT'S ROUGH TO HEAR CRYING BABIES FOUR TIMES A DAY BUT I SUSPECT THAT IF THE FALL ASLEEP EVENTUALLY (EVEN AFTER FUSSING) THEN THEY PROBABLY NEED THE NAPS. MY GUYS DIDN'T GO DOWN TO THREE NAPS UNTIL ALMOST 6 MONTHS AND NOW WE'RE AT 2 NAPS BUT I STILL HAVE TO SLIP IN A THIRD "STROLLER NAP" IF THEIR SECOND NAP IS POOR. DO YOUR BABIES SLEEP IN THE STROLLER? IF SO, I DON'T THINK DOING ONE OF THEIR NAPS IN THE STROLLER WILL HURT - IT GETS YOU OUT OF THE HOUSE AND GETS THEM IN THE HABIT OF SLEEPING (EVEN IF IT'S NOT THE ABSOLUTE BEST QUALITITY SLEEP)

HOW DO YOU DO THIS? I feel like I do not have a clue what I am doing. Are we just in some weird transition stage?

3. Do I just establish a wake up time and nap times and then get them as close to it as I can and assume they will figure it out as we go?

I THINK YOUR WAKE-UP TIME SHOULD BE WHENEVER THE FIRST BABY WAKES UP CLOSEST TO YOUR IDEAL WAKE-UP TIME, SAY SEVEN O'CLOCK. SO IF ONE BABY WAKES UP AT 6:45 OR 7:15 THEN YOU GENTLY WAKE THE OTHER AND THAT'S THE BEGINNING OF YOUR DAY.

DH and I got into a huge fight about this this morning. He does not seem to understand why I can't just go with the flow and get up with Lily at 5:30 or 6am and bring her down and feed her and then let Jack wake up at 7am and feed him and then put her down for her nap again at 8am and Jack at 9am ...yadayadayada.

FOR ME, GETTING INTO A ROUTINE HAS BEEN MY SANITY. I CAN'T "GO WITH THE FLOW" - WELL, I'M FLEXIBLE, BUT IF THE BABIES ARE EATING, SLEEPING, PLAYING, ETC. ALL AT DIFFERENT TIMES I CAN'T MEET ANYONE'S NEEDS PROPERLY. IS YOUR HUSBAND HOME WITH YOU ALL THE TIME? IF NOT, THEN HE SHOULD SUPPORT YOU IN YOUR DECISION TO DO WHAT WORKS BEST FOR YOU AND YOUR BABIES.

FEEL FREE TO P.M. ME ANY TIME. I KNOW HOW CRAZY THINGS CAN GET!

 

BTW: Sounds like you're doing a great job, you just need to find your groove.

 

First, you're doing a great job. As pp said, if your dh isn't the one who is doing this all day everyday, then, well, he may have perspective that you dont have, but he doesn't get to be the one who chooses how it goes.

We didnt' have anything close to a schedule at that age (sadly, at nearly seven months we're still working on one). I did just recently start waking the second baby so at least we're starting the day at th esame time, and they recently go tmore consistent about a morning waking time.

As for the feeding, i cant' really offer much help in that department, i'm struggling w/it myself

I would offer that you are obviously a terrific mom and should stop flagellating yourself. and yes, this is INCREDIBLY difficult!

people say to me all the time 'i dont' know how you do it'. My standard reaction is 'well, you just do what you have to. with one baby or more" but there are times when i think "how am i DOING this?!!! I'm freaking SUPERwoman!

 

Thanks Ladies...

CHJH - thanks for all of your help - on this and every other issue you have walked me through!!! I have actually been keeping sleep and eating and poooooping logs since the day we got home from the hospital - just a habit that I started then that has stuck...it makes life sooo much easier.
Unfortunately, my babies go to sleep only when I put them down for naps. It has never been a wait until they fall asleep in the bouncy, on the blanket, in our arms kind of thing with these guys. They just get really really really cranky and up to bed we go. I have been following the 1 and 1/2 to 2hr. thing and I get a bit stressed looking for signs of sleepiness all day. I have pretty much been letting DD go until she starts fussing and then I take her up (usually b/t the one and a half to two hr. thing) because she sleeps better when she is exhausted and she screams in her crib regardless for about 5-10min. I think DS is pretty standard at about an hour and a half or so. Anyway, it is still a tough read and really easy to doubt myself. I am really trying to move closer to 9am ISH 12:30 ISH and 3:30-4ISH naps just to make things a bit less stressful for myself - of course, it all depends on how the first nap goes.

Along with the whole not falling asleep anywhere but the cribs thing goes the not sleeping in the stroller - too much to see and DD has the very interesting ability to stay awake looking around until dead tired and then launching into a tirade of hysterical "talking" which soon escalates to screaming and does not stop until she is in the crib and has decided she is ready to fall out. She actually goes through the entire routine even if we put her in her crib before it starts - she just chooses to scream there instead of elsewear. We are a slave to our naps but I think it is worth it.

Definitly going to start bringing different size bottles upstairs so we can offer a certain amount if it is close to wake- up time - thank you!

Jordari - we are all FREAKING superwoman - thank you for reminding me of this!