I cant stop crying

They agree that Thomas is delayed. He still only says dadadad while Elizabeth is already using words. They are also worried about his issues with texture (expecially related to food)

I feel so bad. I dont know what I did to my poor sweet Thomas!

I carried him to 37 weeks and love him so much. We play and have so much fun. He is my little sweetie, he just doesnt talk, mimic, or like to eat.


I feel like such a failure. If I didnt have a walking girl to show me I am a good Mommy, I would sure be a failure!

 

Hugs to you! You ARE a good mommy! Some babies like to approach the world at their own pace. You've already got EI involved and you are on the right track to help him.

 

[SIZE=10pt]Tammy ~ don't be so hard on yourself :hug99:

Are they basing it on him not 'talking' and not wanting to eat? I ask because neither of my two are really 'talking'...they say dada, baba, ma and babble quite often ~ but aren't talking.

We don't see an EI, but our PEDI is not concerned at all, neither am I.

Please don't think that it is anything that you have done or not done.

April [/SIZE]

 

Thomas needing to catch up to his sister is IN NO WAY YOUR FAULT!!! :hug99: I'm sorry you are feeling so hurt and upset and beating yourself up! That's not necessary!! It's likely that he'll catch up and you'll just have to work a little extra with him!! Don't beat yourself up anymore!! :nea: :hug99:

 

:hug99: Tammy you are a wonderful Mom. I can 'see' it from all of your posts. Its great that EI is involved and they will help Thomas reach his milestones. Hang in there.

 

QUOTE(ladybenz @ Jun 9 2008, 12:59 PM) [snapback]818068[/snapback]
Some babies like to approach the world at their own pace. You've already got EI involved and you are on the right track to help him.


I agree!!!!! Don't be so hard on yourself. There's somethings that are out of our control.

Remember - only worry about what you can control and don't worry about what things you can't. :hug99:

and right now you're already working on getting Thomas some help. So you're definitely on the right path.

 

:hug99:

You are not a bad mommy! And you are not a failure! Some kids just need a little more time and a little help, that's all. Please don't be so hard yourself. You obviously love those babies and would do anything for them.

 

Awww you are making me cry now-you are a good mama-NO DOUBT ABOUT IT! I will keep you and your little sweetie in my prayers! He WILL catch up!

 

Tammy, you are not a bad Mommy! :hug99: My two weren't saying anything at 10 months, I am surprised they are looking at speech now anyway. Boys are slower to do things, I have noticed that with my two. He did not seem delayed at all when I saw him at SP. I am really surprise considering they aren't even 1 yet.

So since EI is saying this, what is their plan?

 

He is only 10 months old!! Does he take the bottle/breast?? That is all he NEEDS for the first year! introducing food before that is "practice". Talking....he will speak in is own sweet time...especially if he has a chatty sister that will communicate for him. That happened with my older sons...(17 & 16) they were 13 month apart. the younger didn't start really talking til age 3. We had EI involved and speech therapy....and now...you can't shut him up! :lol: the irony of it all!

Love that little man of yours. You are a fantastic Momma!

 

He is still so young, 10 months right? Please don't doubt yourself as a mom- you are awesome!

 

You are a great mommy! Dont be so hard on yourself! Plenty of babies dont talk at 10mo! And lots of food is gross and why chew when you can have pureed or milk!?! He's got the right idea!!

 

I just realized they are only 10months!!! Your dd seems advanced more so then your ds delayed. My dd didnt walk and talk until over 1 year and that is with in normal range-plus factor in that 1) they are two totally different people and 2) boys tend to do things a little slower-I dont think you should worry just yet!

 

Every baby does things at their own rate!!

My singleton DD said Mama at 6 months, but didn't say anything else until her first birthday! And she didn't walk until 15 months! She is one of the brightest kids I know (okay, some I'm a little biased, but she's still a sharp kid), so those markers were no indication of her intelligence!

:hug99:

 

Tammy, please don't beat yourself up -- first of all, how quickly your little guy meets milestones is in NO WAY an indication of how good a mom you are! Kids all do things in their own time....

Second of all, count me in as being *really* surprised that EI is saying this at his age. Nadia didn't say anything except "uh-oh" until after 18 months, and she now talks up a storm, and is reading very well at age 4.

I've actually just put in a call to EI myself for Kevan, because he also doesn't babble, although he's plenty vocal (he doesn't have any consonant sounds). With him, though, I think it's a bit of a delay in his oral motor function -- he drools a ton, and his mouth tends to hang open a bit. But, I swear it's nothing I did to him, LOL. I know he'll be fine with some therapy, or something.

Hugs to you...you're really being too hard on yourself!

 

As of right now we are having a speech therapist come 1x a month. I have no clue what they think they can do with him 1x a month, but whatever. We also have some nutritional therapist coming that will work with me on finding foods he will eat. (I thought that is what you ladies were for)

Anyways basically we are going to keep monitoring him and watch closely for autism. My husbands brother has 3 kids and 2 are mildly autistic and Thomas has a couple of the standard signs but others he does not have at all. We are all doubtful he is autistic.

Again I am not sure how they think they can help a little boy who is only 11 months old with speech, but it cannot hurt to try. I just wish I knew how to help him more. I guess once I see what they do I can try and duplicate it!

 

QUOTE(Lesley Anne @ Jun 9 2008, 03:26 PM) [snapback]818122[/snapback]
I just realized they are only 10months!!! Your dd seems advanced more so then your ds delayed. My dd didnt walk and talk until over 1 year and that is with in normal range-plus factor in that 1) they are two totally different people and 2) boys tend to do things a little slower-I dont think you should worry just yet!

I totally agree. My boys just started walking and don't really talk now. They babble some and say a few things like mama, dada, moo, uh-ho, and that's about it. My ped wasn't worried in the least particularly with boys...she said most likely between 18-24 months we'll see a surge in language.

Hang in there and you most certainly are not a bad mother!

 

Oh dont be hard on yourself. DS was the same way he would not eat or talk! One day it just clicked and he started to eat really good it was around a year old when we started to offer people food, maybe he just need a little more flovor Riley loves anything with flavor. Riley also didnt talk and EI didnt give us speech until he was over 18months old. He is doing wonderfully today he still has delays, but you just need to take it 1 day at a time and dont blame yourself.

 

Ok, first of all, you are not a bad mom or a failure sweetie! My fraternal boys were carried to 37.5 weeks will be 3 this month. I have one (Ethan) that didn't say many words until 30-31 months, had/has texture issues, didn't mimic, didn't point with his index finger for the longest time, had the hardest time finding things he will eat. Now, he doesn't stop talking, is reading and spelling, doing 48 and 60 piece puzzles, is eating so many new things, mimics me and pretend plays and all kinds of other fun stuff. I was sick (and I mean sick) with worry about autism and sensory processing disorder and finally had him evaluated at 31 months (I made the appt before he started really talking). EI didn't identify any problems (although I bet they would have thought he had issues if I had him evaluated at a year or 2 years). I'm no longer worried.

His twin talked early, eats everything I put in front of him and did lots of other things that Ethan.

Please know that it is nothing that you did and please don't worry and give up hope. He is only 10 months old !!!!!

Mendy

 

PLEASE know that what your children can and can't do is not a reflection of whether or not you're a good mom. My boys are almost a year old and Caleb has yet to crawl on hands and knees and netiher of them are even standing on their own...no words either, just babbling. That said, I KNOW I'm a good mom and you are too. I have a relative who is the world's sh***iest mom: lets the baby watch TV ALL day, never talks, smokes and drinks and stays up til all hours of the night with the baby, falls asleep while "watching" him, etc. This baby was crawling at 6 months, walking at 8 months and saying mama, dada, papas (food), more and a few other words long before his first birthday. Good luck convincing me SHE'S the good mom.

I have to echo the pp's and say I am very surprised that they are concerned at this point. That seems really early! Tammy, I hope you can find a way to get over the mommy guilt because you have NOTHING to feel guilty about. You've done a fantastic job up until this point and I know you will continue to. You did the best thing by calling ECI.

 

Mine did not talk until 25 and 27 months. I never had them tested. At 5.5 you would never know they got off to such a slow start. Babies take things at their own pace. Some like to stop and smell the flowers, is all. I'm sure you're a great mom. :hug99:

 

You are a good mom!!! My girls are 10 months old and all they say is dada, mama, baba. They are getting EI but for gross motor skills, not speech. When EI evaluated them, their speech is age appropriate.

Hugs and take care. You are doing the right things!

April

 

Tammy, I am not sure why you think as mother's we have enough power to control our children's speech to that degree. WE don't. you are doing what you can and the rest is nature. It's really not a big deal to be delayed in speech. It is a big deal to ignore your child's needs and you are not doing that. you are doing everything a good mother does to take care of your children's needs. Be proud of what you are doing for your child, not beat yourself up over something you had nothing to do with.

 

Tammy, you are doing great with your babies! You are doing the best you can for your babies and you are a wonderful Mom!!!!

 

i think 10 months is young for "talking"...some kids don't talk until at least 18 months...and some even later. as for the eating thing...my son didn't start eating until he was 9 months....he would just clamp his mouth shut...wouldn't take anything before that. someone said to me....have you ever seen a 5 yr. old that doesn't eat? don't worry.

also, do not base things the kids do as to what kind of mom you are. kids are going to do things at their own pace...my kids didn't walk until 15 months...and your little girl is walking now??? well, geez, i must be the worst mom!

don't be so hard on yourself! enjoy these times w/ them...whether they are behind or ahead of the game...it doesn't matter. as long as they are happy and healthy and you are providing them w/ a roof over their head, food and LOVE!

Lois

 

Oh, Tammy, don't cry! You have a handsome little man that's doing JUST fine. It's a KNOWN clinical fact that boys develop slower than girls....you just have the 'luck' of getting to see a boy & a girl develop at the EXACT same age. Thomas has been ahead of my boys in numerous things (pulling up, crawling, walking with assistance, etc). I'm not worried about my kiddos, even though I have some paperwork from when we were with EI that had developmental milestones for the older ages (ie 7-8 mos) that my boys didn't hit for a good 2 mos after the paperwork said they 'should'. I didn't walk til I was 17 mos & I'm fine there. Conner can't even PULL up at 10 1/2 mos, but he'll do it in good time.

As for babbing, again, he's too young to really know. Does he ONLY say dada? Conner PREFERS to say "Dada" but can babble other things. Neither of my boys say anything yet & know what it means. Aiden babbles a LOT with LOTS of different sounds, but no matter what I say to Conner, he coyly smiles & replies with a clearly enunciated "DADA". He's just a stinker & thinks it's funny . I've worried about his speech, but will not be overly concerned until he hits 2-3 yrs old.

As for textures, we actually had EI see Aiden for that when he was around 4-5 mos old. He had a weak suck & had a really hard time transitioning to solids. Speech only met with us twice, gave us exercises (which, I won't lie, I wasn't very consistent with), gave us GREAT ideas/tricks/techniques, gave us GREAT encouragement, & then was on her way. I think Aiden just 'grew' into his issues & is fine now. So give him time....even NOW my boys will gag & puke if they eat Stage 3 foods.

Every baby is different. Look at how HANDSOME Thomas is....how happy he is....and how much he loves his Mama. You're doing a phenomenal job with him (and Elizabeth), so try not to beat yourself up. Keep us posted on what EI says, but try to just relax that he'll do everything you 'want' him to in good time.

 

Boys are often behind girls with language (even into adulthood hehe) and often boys are socially behind girls (often it is the boys crying for mommy on the 1st day of school) and on top of that, twins language are often behind because they talk to each other and a singleton talks to the parents. Just like a second child will talk later than a first child

Heather

 

wow I can't even believe that at 10 months they think there's a speech or texture issue - I had DS evaluated because at 20 months all he said was dada and cookie and his eating habits weren't (and still aren't) stellar...anyway even then they only diagnosed him as 6 months behind and since he'd eat different textures (just only a limited number of foods) he didn't have texture issues...at 10 months mine were still pretty much on pureed baby food...

don't beat yourself up - sounds like he's just fine...

oh and I agree that having b/g at the same age IS more difficult because girls do speak earlier and I swear DD eats soooo much better than her brother!

 

I'm also very, VERY surprised that they would consider a 10 month old "delayed" for not talking and not eating solid food! Both of mine said next to nothing until 18 months, and now they talk in paragraphs. FWIW, Ainsley has been in EI since birth for gross motor. She didn't walk until nearly 19 months, and was late, still is, on all physical milestones. I was told not to even worry about speech until 18 months, and she did have an eval for speech at that point, but she didn't need it. Nothing you did caused him to be delayed, if he even is. Honestly, he sounds right on target. Is your pedi concerned at all? Please don't beat yourself up!

 

My PED is concerned because he drinks between 6 and 12oz. of milk daily, 2 or 3oz. of water and grilled cheese pretty much. He will also eat other carbs. No veggies or fruits though.

As for the speech, he seriously only babbles DADA and makes no other sounds at all.

Oh and he is 11 months tomorrow!

 

QUOTE(Tammy Fine @ Jun 9 2008, 08:35 PM) [snapback]818461[/snapback]
My PED is concerned because he drinks between 6 and 12oz. of milk daily, 2 or 3oz. of water and grilled cheese pretty much. He will also eat other carbs. No veggies or fruits though.

As for the speech, he seriously only babbles DADA and makes no other sounds at all.

Oh and he is 11 months tomorrow!

I'm sure he's fine!! Mine weren't babbling anything other than "this" (seriously, their first word) until they were more than a year old.

 

:hug99: You are not a bad mother.

 

Tammy, do you remember meeting Jonathan? Did you hear him speak? At 21 months, I had him evaluated for EI, because he didn't speak nearly as much as Marcus--was also showing some signs of frustation. He needed to score 14 months or lower to qualify--he scored 15 months.

Fast forward a year and a couple of months. I had an independent speech eval done, because I thought there was a mild articulation issue. It turned out he had a severe expressive language delay, which was causing some behavior issues. In evaluating him for the preschool disabled program, the neurodevelopmentalist told me that reading his paperwork, she would have said he was PDD-NOS (an autism diagnosis), but after spending time with him, she said he wasn't autistic at all, but may be AD/HD. Two years later, he was evaluated in order for them to kick him out of the special needs program--the "diagnosis" was "an extremely gifted child". He still has the expressive language delay--but not enough to get him speech services.

My point is, if you met Jonathan, you would never know he had this history.

Don't beat yourself up! I can see how much you love both of your babies! Take the help that is offered, it will never hurt, and can only help!

Best of luck!

 

Tammy - you are a wonderful mum.... you can just read through your post - and see the love and warmth that your twins have from you.... that is all they need..... to be loved.....and you are doing a marvellous job at that... :good:

 

:hug99:

Tammy, you are an amazing mom!!!

Your little man is 11 months, I am sure that he is fine. My sisters DD hardly babbled and up until just recently (she just turned 2) she started talking more. She knows words, but chooses not to speak...she is a little monkey. My sister has been using sign language with her DD and it has made a difference for her...have you thought about trying that?

He is still young, I dont think that you have anything to worry about.

you are doing a great job!